and dont get married
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and dont get married
Mind elaborating a bit?
:lol:
How long have you been married?
Lol i won't =) You know why? Because i'm too annoying =) And i'm ok with that.
Done and done.
Mail-order spouse didn't work out?
Best advice on LF, seriously. Think about it people.
wtf for? it is self explanatory .Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
ok
_______
Not really.Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It's easy to say for someone who doesn't want to have a family. But for those who do, there's no way out of it. You will pretty much have to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
nah thats not true
I don't get it... Why the hell do married couples always advise other couples not to get married? Why the heck did they get married!
No you don't. You don't have to have a bunch of papers saying that you are married to be a good father/ mother.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Out of all the couples that I know, I only know two who had children outside of marriage, they are all separated.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I seriously don't know a single person who would have children outside of marriage. And I do mean no one. From complete non-traditionalists to hardcore feminists. This is not something anyone I know looks forward to.
Would you have children outside of marriage eco?
I absolutely detest marriage. I guess if I wanted children I'd go ahead with it if only for tax benefits.
Wouldn't that be a lovely proposal? Hey babe, let's get hitched so I don't have to cough up so much to Uncle Sam every year.
yes i would, tbh that sounds better to me than marriage, i don't like the idea of marriageQuote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm going to get married just to spite the lot of you.
That makes you the first person out of hundreds of people I know.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't understand the reasons why you would think having kids outside of marriage is better than having kids inside of marriage though. What are your reasons?
my reasons are probably selfish and are open to change tbh, but main reason is to not to have any kind of control over me, in a lot of ways i think marriage can be good financially and to tie the man down to his responsibilities but at the same time i'm torn due to the control that can be involved too. also i don't think any man is good enough for me to marry...yikes i do think i'm better...oops just revealed a card
That is how they know not to get married, they learned from their mistake of getting married. Not everyone can be as smart as me and detect a bad idea before they do it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollywood [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm going to marry my fiancee and I hope to have a marriage that lasts just like my mother and father. They are my role models!
In that case you should not have children all together eco. Children WILL have control over you and you will have to give it up willingly for them. If you are not ready for that, you are not ready to be a parent.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
it's more to do with a man having any kind of control, i don't mind kids having influence and control over me, i adore kids, they can control me all they like
That will come down to agreeing to a shared responsibility, You are not comfortable with that? Shared responsibility involves control in certain areas for both partners (meaning he will have certain control and you will have certain control) that's what being partners (equals) is all about. If you are not happy with sharing then it sounds like having kids for you would be a road straight to single mumdome (regardless if you are married or not).Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
if i ever have children then yes probablyQuote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
so far the arguments for getting married include, but are not limited to...
1) you can call somebody your "husband/wife" as opposed to "girlfriend/boyfriend."
2) because that's just what you do when you're pregnant or have kids.
3) in order to spite others.
wow, i'm totally convinced now.
That's very sad eco. I've seen what single mums go through. It's not very pretty. It's especially bad for the children.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
A question. If you have such a poor opinion of men, why do you date them? Why do you go out with them? If it's already obvious where it's all going to lead, why bother?
ooooooooooooo i'm seeing a little bit of the old mish coming back!
There's an old Mish?
why so sad.. i have a good situation where i am able to feel this way, life for me is not all about rules, if a man ever comes along and i feel he's good enough (i do have doubts) i may consider other options but tbh i love being in my life the way it is with maybe a regular guy to see every now and then and childmind when i feel like it, that would be ideal...but who knows what the future holds..i may change my mind, is superman out there? i don't think so. if i ever have a child i know that life for him/her will be better than having to accomodate a selfish man...maybe i'm wrong...somehow i doubt itQuote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Steps in... looks around... nope, not partaking in this argument... way too volatile... steps right back out...
4) Legal guardians and legal protection for the childrenQuote:
Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
5) Harder separation (meaning more incentive for both parties to work things out, meaning greater opportunity that children will have both biological parents as guardians)
6) Psychological significance, various studies showed that children form longer lasting relationships later on in life if both biological parents remain together. Since marriage makes separation harder, chances of both biological parents staying together are increased.
7) You can also add to the above that single parents are the most at risk class of living in poverty. In this case marriage protects children from poverty.
8) Cultural significance, in many places relationship is accepted only if the two people are married. Ever hear the expression available until there is a ring on the finger? This may not be a significant factor in the immediate vicinity, but does become important during family interactions, friends interactions and when traveling. For example, kissing in public in some countries is illegal if you are not married.
But even more important, there are simply no significant availability of people who would want to have kids outside of marriage. The ones who exist are a tiny fraction of the population. This is understandable I think given the amount of traditional, Religious and common sense reasons above.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
lol, well i've been in the world long enough to know that all those things you said are either made up facts, or non compelling reasons for marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But you said it yourself, you feel that you are better than men and you don't think any man is good enough for you. So what is the point of going out with men? It will only lead to conflict and separation because you see men as below you from the very beginning. What is the reason for reliving this self fulfilling prophecy?Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
why not?! it's fun and something to do, who knows i might be proved wrong...mmm but i doubt itQuote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think they are if you want to have children and if you care for them.Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If you don't want to have children, it's understandable.
so your argument is
a. people who are married have a more difficult time splitting up.
b. children are better off with people who aren't split up.
c. therefore people who care for their children are married.
???????????????????????????
Because it seems pointless. You already know where any relationship you initiate will lead to. Ultimately it can be said that any relationship leads to an end due to death. But at least for couples who stay together until that end it will be a road traveled only once, not over and over and over again.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I doubt it as well. Because your point of view is already ingrained, there will always be conflict and it will always remain unresolved. If you already see men as lesser, they will always remain lesser to you. You won't give them an opportunity to change your perception.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
pointless?!...nah i get what i want hopefully, like i said i'm not completely closed to the possibility that a man exists that could be good enough...i'd be pretty amazed tho
a. Children have legal recognition and legal rights when two people are marriedQuote:
Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
b. Children (not always, but in general) are looked after better when two biological parents are together. This is both from material and psychological point of you.
c. Children are at a lesser risk of living in poverty when both biological parents are together.
d. Less cultural miscommunication about the status of the children in family and other countries.
This is just off the top of my head. But you can also consider the following:
# Less criminal behavior. Neighborhoods with a majority of single parents (usually mothers), have higher crime rates than neighborhoods with two-parent families, probably because fathers are more able to manage and control boys’ behavior. Children of married parents are less likely to turn to gangs and crime for social support than children of single parents.
# Less premarital sex. One study found that girls from two-parent homes are less likely to experiment with premarital sex than girls from single-parent homes.
# Better physical and emotional health. Even a child’s physical and emotional health benefit from living with both parents. Married homes can provide more supervision, which prevents accidents. Children in two-parent homes avoid the sadness, tension, anxiety, depression, and disruptive behavior that many children of divorced parents experience.
# Less abuse. Children living with both biological parents are at lower risk for being abused. Stepfathers and boyfriends abuse children at far higher rates than biological fathers. Research has shown that without the biological tie between father and child, men are more likely to take out their aggression on children.
# Less poverty. Children of two-parent familiesare largely protected from poverty and the many disadvantages that it brings, such as high levels of stress, poor health, low academic achievement, and a weak social support system.
[url]http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/benefitsofmarriage.aspx[/url]