My GF watches porn, should I be concerned?

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10-03-10, 05:13 PM
OneQuestion

My GF watches porn, should I be concerned?

Ok. So me and my girl have been together over 5 years, lived together over 4 years, and all is good. We are engaged and the relationship itself is great.

My question is, however, should I worry that my GF is watching porn... and usually porn that includes double penetration. That seems to be the main 'category', but other things are watched as well, often anal videos.

Now we have a great sex life, we have tried many things, I won't go into tons of details now, but we are not boring in bed at all! We have many toys, and experiment a lot. And we have done anal, so it isn't like she is watching and fantasizing about things we don't do. Of course the DP is what worries me. And we are a white couple, some of the videos include black males as well - not the majority or anything, but some.

My GF doesn't know that I know she watches porn. Please don't post about how I am invading her privacy! But every once in a while, I will click on her internet history tab(she should delete it if she doesn't want anyone seeing it!). Anyways, about 3 days a week there will be porn in there.

I can't bring it up with her, because she doesn't know that I know she watches it...

Don't know what to do, but it is kind of depressing me, like she would rather masterbate than have sex with me(not like we don't have sex, we do at least 3 times a week, usually more, but... why does she need to watch porn then, I am always here to please her...)

Anyways, just wondering a womens view on this.

Thanks!
10-03-10, 05:23 PM
Petit Papillon

Everybody watcjes porn, if not everyday then at least once in a while. Double penetration porn?So what? It could be a part of her sexual fantasy (doesn't mean she wants to try it!), that she can watch just on porn websites.

Cool down, it's normal.Especially if you still have good sex life. I masturbate from time to time ,for example when my bf is at work. It's just another way of having orgasm, but it doesn't mean I prefer that than my bf. Maybe she has high sex drive, or just likes to masturbate. But again, if you're still having normal sex life, don't worry, it's all good, IMO.
10-03-10, 05:26 PM
SirWagginston

Maybe you should look at it like an opportunity. If she's looking at porn, that could mean her sex drive is even higher than you thought. Smother her with even more loving!
10-03-10, 05:32 PM
OneQuestion

Thanks for your comments. I guess I shouldn't be worried. She doesn't seem to have a higher sex drive than me however. We do have sex often enough, but if it was my choice, it would be every day. She does deny me sometimes ;p

I guess it just concerns me to because this is a new thing. I just got her a laptop not too long ago, so I think since she has her own computer now, she looks at it. The problem I see with it is it seems like she is taking longer to orgasm during sex. That is fine, I last a good while, but a couple times even after 45minutes she hadn't had an orgasm so I finished then finished her with oral. That is fine, I will finish her if I finish first, but I am thinking her watching porn and masterbating is taking away from our sex life. I feel she would have stronger orgasm and more sexual feelings if she didn't waste them on the porn.
10-03-10, 05:38 PM
Petit Papillon

But that is normal as well. Orgasms through masturbation are generally MUCH quicker than those while having sex with a partner (am talking about women). It's not fault of porns :) Well you lucky guy, you're lucky that you make her have orgasms at all :p But it's really normal, you shouldn't be concerned :)
10-03-10, 05:43 PM
Lipp

It'd be possible to rewrite your entire opening post, but make her the guy and you the girl, and you'd have the case of why a lot of women are worried about their guys watching porn.

1. Watching porn is often a matter of convenience, not preference - it doesn't mean that she doesn't want to have sex (and as you say, your sex life is still active), but rather a sex drive that she'd might prefer to please in a more accessible, quick and easy manner sometimes.

2. Watching different-looking guys and settings can often be a case of simply wanting wanting to watch a different variety from what she's already getting, and does not necessarily mean that she prefers one over another. We've already had a case of a guy freaking out because of stereotypes when finding out that his girlfriend's ex was black and automatically assuming that he's inadequate in bed without any previous indication of it.

Essentially, as long as your sex life is still alive and kicking (and isn't being adversely affected by it) you shouldn't be worried. If she starts to develop a preference for it, it oughta be innocent enough to just say that you were using the browsing history to find a webpage you were on (unless you using her computer would be suspicious) and saw those links.
10-03-10, 05:44 PM
OneQuestion

I'm not saying her orgasms from porn are quicker than with sex - I know that is usual. I am saying I think her orgasms are taking longer now than before(when she didn't watch porn). And it doesn't seem like she is as excited in bed as when she didn't watch porn. You know how sexual 'pressure' I'll call it, will build up. And the longer you don't have sex, the better it feels. I guess I feel like she is cheating me out of being able to please her as much as I can. I don't know, I guess I am just an amazing boyfriend and I like to be the one to please her always, just wish she would let me and not watch porn...

I don't know, I guess I could talk with her about sex. Maybe have a conversation that goes along the lines of saying I want to be there whenever she is horny and she can always ask me to please her, and of course visa versa. I think she knows I am always there to please her, but maybe talking to her about that will make her ask me instead of going to the PC.
10-03-10, 09:51 PM
dewilliams2

Personally I think you should bring it in the bedroom...you know what kind she likes, surprise her with it....you already said you don't have a boring sex life.

I'm seeing a woman who watches porn and I think it is great but she also likes to watch it with me and it isn't a secret....I also know she masturbates and I don't care because we can't be together all the time and well...so do I....don't worry about it...it isn't like she is starring in one of those vids...then you'd have reason to worry.
10-03-10, 09:54 PM
sheenietee

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneQuestion [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok. So me and my girl have been together over 5 years, lived together over 4 years, and all is good. We are engaged and the relationship itself is great.

My question is, however, should I worry that my GF is watching porn... and usually porn that includes double penetration. That seems to be the main 'category', but other things are watched as well, often anal videos.

Now we have a great sex life, we have tried many things, I won't go into tons of details now, but we are not boring in bed at all! We have many toys, and experiment a lot. And we have done anal, so it isn't like she is watching and fantasizing about things we don't do. Of course the DP is what worries me. And we are a white couple, some of the videos include black males as well - not the majority or anything, but some.

My GF doesn't know that I know she watches porn. Please don't post about how I am invading her privacy! But every once in a while, I will click on her internet history tab(she should delete it if she doesn't want anyone seeing it!). Anyways, about 3 days a week there will be porn in there.

I can't bring it up with her, because she doesn't know that I know she watches it...

Don't know what to do, but it is kind of depressing me, like she would rather masterbate than have sex with me(not like we don't have sex, we do at least 3 times a week, usually more, but... why does she need to watch porn then, I am always here to please her...)

Anyways, just wondering a womens view on this.

Thanks!

It's not a big deal. As long as it's not obsessive, taking over her life and thoughts, or affecting your relationship or sex life, there is nothing to worry about. It's healthy and just a way of expressing her very active sex drive. Don't over think it! :)
10-03-10, 09:55 PM
Petit Papillon

Quote:

Originally Posted by dewilliams2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Personally I think you should bring it in the bedroom...you know what kind she likes, surprise her with it....you already said you don't have a boring sex life.

I'm seeing a woman who watches porn and I think it is great but she also likes to watch it with me and it isn't a secret....I also know she masturbates and I don't care because we can't be together all the time and well...so do I....don't worry about it...it isn't like she is starring in one of those vids...then you'd have reason to worry.

Bring it in the bedroom? I watch double penetration pornos as well but I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TRY IT!! There are some things that we girls prefer just to fantasize about ...
10-03-10, 10:46 PM
to-cinderella

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneQuestion [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm not saying her orgasms from porn are quicker than with sex - I know that is usual. I am saying I think her orgasms are taking longer now than before(when she didn't watch porn). And it doesn't seem like she is as excited in bed as when she didn't watch porn. You know how sexual 'pressure' I'll call it, will build up. And the longer you don't have sex, the better it feels. I guess I feel like she is cheating me out of being able to please her as much as I can. I don't know, I guess I am just an amazing boyfriend and I like to be the one to please her always, just wish she would let me and not watch porn...

I don't know, I guess I could talk with her about sex. Maybe have a conversation that goes along the lines of saying I want to be there whenever she is horny and she can always ask me to please her, and of course visa versa. I think she knows I am always there to please her, but maybe talking to her about that will make her ask me instead of going to the PC.

Do you exactly know, that she needs longer to orgasm now because she is masturbating and watching porn, or maybe she is watching porn because its taking longer to orgasm now...? its like that question, what was first chicken or an egg?

i am also watching porns and those with double penetration, there is something about beeing these much horny, when people go these far and feeling so much free... but i would not want to try it myself... and i think soemtimes about those women: man are they healthy and in a good sport shape, that they can take it! :)

try to talk to your girl and figure out, that when you have sex, is this always at the same time, when she is fealling horny enough or is just going with you, because you go on her?

who is initiator when you are having sex? Is this you or her? Try to wait until she will be initiator and make sure you dont say no to her....
10-03-10, 10:51 PM
Gigabitch

I think you should watch porn with her. Porn isn't a threat to your relationship, fantasy does not equal reality. I fantasize about all kinds of things that I would never want to do in real life, but they still turn me on.
11-03-10, 12:05 AM
OneQuestion

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you should watch porn with her. Porn isn't a threat to your relationship, fantasy does not equal reality. I fantasize about all kinds of things that I would never want to do in real life, but they still turn me on.

we have watched porn together in the past. And when we watched together she would make comments like, "that girl doesn't look like me" - and we would find a porn that had a brunette so it was more like we could imagine it was us. She also never used to want to watch any porn with black people in it, not that we are racist at all, just she never used to. So with me, her porn choices were much different.
11-03-10, 12:14 AM
OneQuestion

Quote:

Originally Posted by to-cinderella [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do you exactly know, that she needs longer to orgasm now because she is masturbating and watching porn, or maybe she is watching porn because its taking longer to orgasm now...? its like that question, what was first chicken or an egg?

i am also watching porns and those with double penetration, there is something about beeing these much horny, when people go these far and feeling so much free... but i would not want to try it myself... and i think soemtimes about those women: man are they healthy and in a good sport shape, that they can take it! :)

try to talk to your girl and figure out, that when you have sex, is this always at the same time, when she is fealling horny enough or is just going with you, because you go on her?

who is initiator when you are having sex? Is this you or her? Try to wait until she will be initiator and make sure you dont say no to her....

Her orgasms take longer than they used to when she didn't masterbate. I can just tell sometimes she isn't as into sex as she usually is. She won't be as loud, or moan as much, won't cum as fast. Sometimes the sex is still amazing, and it is never bad, but it seems to be not as good as before. I guess I feel like her fantasizing about this all the time is causing problems. For her and me:

For me: well it is just a little concerning. Kind of makes me feel like I am not pleasing her enough because she has to look get her sex elsewhere, and by looking at porn scenes I can't reproduce.

For her: Masterbating / sex lowers sex drive(for the few hours or day that you did it). So she is kind of 'cheating' us out of better sex. She would enjoy it more, and so would I because I would know I was pleasing her more, if she wasn't watching porn/masterbating.

I know from experience as a man, that if I masterbate a lot, say Monday I am really horny, and I end up masterbating 3 times! If I do so, sex monday would SUCK, and last like 5minutes because I wouldn't be able to stay hard because I had already came 3 times today. Tuesday sex would be ok, I would stay hard and sex would be good, but not feel as good as it could. I realize females don't have to get 'hard' during sex, but they must still have the sexual build up, and she is wasting it on porn - I guess that is what bothers me.
11-03-10, 12:17 AM
to-cinderella

i was also watching porn with one ex-bf and my choices in watching it together or by myself were different!

there is a difference between men and women, that women leave porn in fantasy and men just want to practice it.. (well at least was in my case), so i was careful in choosing, not bringing him to think about things i will not do with him...
11-03-10, 12:19 AM
Gigabitch

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneQuestion [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

we have watched porn together in the past. And when we watched together she would make comments like, "that girl doesn't look like me" - and we would find a porn that had a brunette so it was more like we could imagine it was us. She also never used to want to watch any porn with black people in it, not that we are racist at all, just she never used to. So with me, her porn choices were much different.

So, this time YOU choose the porn, pick a brunette and get some hardcore DP action.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneQuestion [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

For her: Masterbating / sex lowers sex drive(for the few hours or day that you did it). So she is kind of 'cheating' us out of better sex. She would enjoy it more, and so would I because I would know I was pleasing her more, if she wasn't watching porn/masterbating.

I know from experience as a man, that if I masterbate a lot, say Monday I am really horny, and I end up masterbating 3 times! If I do so, sex monday would SUCK, and last like 5minutes because I wouldn't be able to stay hard because I had already came 3 times today. Tuesday sex would be ok, I would stay hard and sex would be good, but not feel as good as it could. I realize females don't have to get 'hard' during sex, but they must still have the sexual build up, and she is wasting it on porn - I guess that is what bothers me.

So, you don't masturbate any more? Is that what I'm understanding?
11-03-10, 03:02 AM
OneQuestion

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, this time YOU choose the porn, pick a brunette and get some hardcore DP action.

I can't do that. I don't want to watch 2 guys having sex with a girl with my girlfriend. That thought makes me sick. Maybe it is because I was a virgin before I knew her, but I only fantasize about HER. When I watch porn, I watch porn of stuff we have done before, and if anything I imagine doing it with HER. DP is something we can't even do together(well, ok, we kind of have, penis and dildo...) But... Still makes me kind of sick to think about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, you don't masturbate any more? Is that what I'm understanding?

I do masterbate at times. I try not to. In fact, I wish I didn't watch porn ever or masterbate ever. To do so, my fiance would have to be willing to please me anytime I was horny(well not anytime, but like at least 5 times a week would work for me. The only times I watch porn or masterbate is when she doesn't seem interested in sex for a few days. Also during her period, in which she is allways like, "I can't do anything this week, so you don't get anythign either"... which is complete bullshit. If she would just give me a couple blowjobs during that week, I would be more happy to please her to my full capability. But yea. Again, I wish I didn't, because I know it makes me not perform as well either, and it makes sex not as good for me. She just isn't willing to please me always. She is a great girl, and does do many things for me, but sometimes I am left horny with nothing.

For her, I am always there, usually too much. One night I licked her for almost 2 hours. The next morning, same thing... And by the way, after I pleased her those 2 times, she hadn't done ANYTHING FOR ME. Finally later that night I started sex, luckily she wanted it, and then I was pleased.. I guess her almost never initiating sex also bugs me. She only initiats after like 5 days of no sex... I am ready after 1 day... Also, anything new in bed we have done, has been MY IDEA... which is weird cus I WAS the virgin before we got together. Anal, toys, everything we have done, I have suggested it. Even to get a blowjob, I have to ask, it is almost never just done. She isn't against pleasing me, but it seems like she never thinks, 'hey, I'm gona rock his world and give him a great blowjob tonight'... nothing like that seems to ever cross her mind. I think I got a little offtopic...
11-03-10, 03:31 AM
Gigabitch

I don't think that's off topic at all. You're dissatisfied with your sex ife and you're worried your girlfriend's porn habit is making things worse. That makes sense to me.

Was the DP with the dildo thing your idea as well?
11-03-10, 03:46 AM
OneQuestion

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think that's off topic at all. You're dissatisfied with your sex ife and you're worried your girlfriend's porn habit is making things worse. That makes sense to me.

Was the DP with the dildo thing your idea as well?

Actually no, that was her idea. We were having sex, doggystyle, and she asked me to get a dildo and use it for that purpose. Of course I did, as I do anything sexual she wants. So I guess that one thing she did bring into bed. But the toys I picked out, purchased, and used on her prior, in the same holes they are in now. Just she wanted it while I was in her. But yea.
11-03-10, 03:54 AM
dewilliams2

Quote:

Originally Posted by Petit Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Bring it in the bedroom? I watch double penetration pornos as well but I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TRY IT!! There are some things that we girls prefer just to fantasize about ...

I meant bring the porn in the bedroom...not the dp...although thats totally their call...I mean to each their own...but I was definitely referring to the porn.
11-03-10, 04:45 AM
OneQuestion

Quote:

Originally Posted by to-cinderella [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i was also watching porn with one ex-bf and my choices in watching it together or by myself were different!

there is a difference between men and women, that women leave porn in fantasy and men just want to practice it.. (well at least was in my case), so i was careful in choosing, not bringing him to think about things i will not do with him...

Just don't get why she would fantasize about something she will never have(without one being a dildo). Especially when I am willing to do anything, that I can do, for her sexually.

Maybe she's just different... When I watched porn before we had done much together, I watched porn of stuff I wanted to do... like anal, toys, facial, etc.. Things that I dreamed of doing with her, and now have done with her. I guess it bugs me because she is fantasizing about something she can never have with me...
11-03-10, 04:49 AM
Gigabitch

Maybe you should try being more directive with her. DP is kind of submissive- I mean, two guys are having their way with you at the same time. I think she might like it if you bossed her around a bit. God knows you've earned it. Two hours is a long time to lick somebody.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneQuestion [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Just don't get why she would fantasize about something she will never have(without one being a dildo). Especially when I am willing to do anything, that I can do, for her sexually.

The way I see it, that's what fantasies are for. If you can actually have it, just do it. If you can't, that's where fantasies come in.
11-03-10, 04:56 AM
OneQuestion

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe you should try being more directive with her. DP is kind of submissive- I mean, two guys are having their way with you at the same time. I think she might like it if you bossed her around a bit. God knows you've earned it. Two hours is a long time to lick somebody.

Yeah... she does like it rough sometimes... But sometimes she doesn't like being told what to do in bed. Not so much recently, but in the past, like a couple years ago, if I would say something like, "lick my balls a little" while she was giving me a blowjob. She would get defensive and be like, "let me do what I'm gona do"... I think she just got like offended thinking she wasn't doing good enough and I had to ask her to change her 'style'. So I haven't really told her to do much, but she doesn't do jack shit on her own...

As for licking for 2 hours... that happens all the time... I find that even when I masterbate, I feel bad for masterbating - I got pleasure but didn't include her. Those are the days that when I am not horny for sex I will still want to please her and give her oral. Usually will be like while watching a movie, and last almost the whole movie till I make her cum at the end. I kind of feel obligated to please her because I masterbated. She never does anyhing like this for me, and usually her blowjobs end after 5minutes and sex starts. She needs to become a lot more giving sexually...Not that she doesn't do stuff, I mean from other girls I've read about, my girl is very experimental, just not quite frequent enough or enthused enough to start it and do it on her own without me asking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The way I see it, that's what fantasies are for. If you can actually have it, just do it. If you can't, that's where fantasies come in.

I guess that makes sense... I guess I am the un-normal... I only fantasize about things I have done or could do with her. I never fantasize about anything or anyone else... Guess I'm just weird then...
11-03-10, 11:56 AM
LailaK

You sound like you're looking for an excuse to go up to your gf and say "Stop masturbating! Stop watching porn! Only pay attention to me!!!" That's whiny baby stuff.

Leave her alone and stop being so dramatic. Sex/pleasure is about your partner but it is also about yourself. Don't deny her the pleasure of enjoying and experimenting with herself. She'll resent you and you will be stifling her sexuality. Let it go. It's not that serious. -_-
11-03-10, 01:28 PM
lilly1185

Maybe she's telling you something. After all, she'd delete it if she didn't want anyone to know right?

Stop by the porn shop, select a nice, long dildo, and go to town! :D
12-03-10, 12:48 PM
urkiddingme

yo, you should be happy she watches porn, hell watch it with her, whats wrong with you.

just be open about it, it will be much better. im sure there is some kind of porn you like to watch that she might question you about correct?
13-03-10, 10:24 AM
misombra

wow. that deleted post was graphic.

women are not pure. we are dirty little whores.
13-03-10, 08:22 PM
RightSaidNed

Quote:

Originally Posted by to-cinderella [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i was also watching porn with one ex-bf and my choices in watching it together or by myself were different!

there is a difference between men and women, that women leave porn in fantasy and men just want to practice it.. (well at least was in my case), so i was careful in choosing, not bringing him to think about things i will not do with him...

I disagree with the 'practice' bit. I have a particular kink that I like to watch porn on but would be out right scared of in reality - fortunately, I don't think its actually possible in reality, so its a non-issue....well, more of a non-issue, given I lack a girlfriend.
14-03-10, 04:34 AM
lastwish

It's just entertainment. You can start a great conversation with her about it. You can figure out what she likes by asking her what kind of porn she likes and try it in the bedroom. Of course, if you don't like the idea of a threesome, then don't introduce it to the bedroom.
14-03-10, 05:07 AM
OneQuestion

Quote:

Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's just entertainment. You can start a great conversation with her about it. You can figure out what she likes by asking her what kind of porn she likes and try it in the bedroom. Of course, if you don't like the idea of a threesome, then don't introduce it to the bedroom.

Of course I don't like the idea of a 3some... that is absolutely disgusting!

But I do already know what she likes in bed... she loves anal(perhaps why she watches these), I mean really there isn't much of anything we haven't tried... so not like I am trying to find new things to do with her through the porn she watches. Just concerned me that she was watching DP porn. But I think I am over it, for now.(probably cus her computer has been clean the past 5 days ;p )
14-03-10, 08:31 AM
doppelgaenger

She wants a big, black cock for every hole. ;)
14-03-10, 01:34 PM
OneQuestion

Quote:

Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She wants a big, black cock for every hole. ;)

Doubtful, as has been said many times, people watch things they don't necessarly want to do in real life... I'd assume you have also watched some porn that you may be embarrassed if someone else knew of?

So, no reason to post like a jerk ;p
14-03-10, 07:29 PM
misombra

no, i think she would really prefer that. she sounds like a complete freak.
14-03-10, 09:02 PM
nowomannocry

my LDR watched porn. it was amazing because she's bisexual. but NOT ANYMORE!

I find porn has a devastating effect on everyone. Of course, besides the people in the porn.
15-03-10, 02:48 AM
doppelgaenger

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneQuestion [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Doubtful, as has been said many times, people watch things they don't necessarly want to do in real life... I'd assume you have also watched some porn that you may be embarrassed if someone else knew of?

So, no reason to post like a jerk ;p

I don't watch porn.
20-04-10, 08:50 PM
Ming102

She will watch it no matter what you do. So the only questions are 1. Are you threatened? Only you can answer this and if so you must confront her, discuss it and except the consquences. 2. Are you feeling
excluded? If so, do you want it to stop (Hard luck) or do you want in. If you want in, then you must discuss everything, porn, DP, interracial, anal etc understanding that her fantasies may not be anything more
than a great way to masturbate, which is healthy and normal.
Let me know how you get on.
M

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