Fallen for someone i cant have.

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23-09-13, 05:40 AM
vrossi46

Fallen for someone i cant have.

Be gentle people as i`m finding this tough. I`m a guy in my early 40`s never really had any sort of relationship to speak of with a women but for the last few month`s i`ve found myself attracted to a women in work. She`s 10 years younger than me from another country & someone i`d thought i`d would never be attracted to. She`s in my mind day & night i get all flustered when she messages me on facebook or texts me. I`ve even cried over this & that`s something i never do!
The thing is she know`s i have feelings for her as i`ve made them pretty obvious.I asked her out to the cinema a few week back but she said she has someone she likes to spend her free time with! She live`s with a guy but close friends of her`s have told me they are not together & are just good friends. I have`nt directly asked her as i thought it would be awkward. We flirt with each other pretty much all day in work & other people have noticed this & it`s becoming increasingly harder for me to cover up & people are now winding me up about it! The other day we chatted for a while & i just got lost in her eye`s & wanted desperately to kiss her.
I know i`m probably wasting my time but i simply adore this women. Should i tell her i more than just like her? I`m afraid that if i do i`ll lose a person that has become very close to my heart!
Any advice would be great!
23-09-13, 05:52 AM
okwhat2013

Man, I'm going to be a gentle as I can, but you are in your 40s and never had a relationship with a women? That is the real question, not anything about this women. You really need to just start getting out there and casually dating some women, and I mean quickly!! Forget about this women at work right now, go out and start dating other women. Indirectly it might actually help you with this women if she sees dating other women, but honestly at this point, you need to be more concerned w yourself. I am telling you straight up, you have NO chance with this women as is, I can tell from this one response. Just start going out on dates with a lot women and now!! Not saying being a player but hell you need to meet some women and casually date. Good luck
23-09-13, 05:57 AM
vrossi46

Thanks! I have had girlfriends but nothing to shout about! I struggle with social activities & low self confidence has plagued me all my life so i find it hard just going out looking for women.
23-09-13, 06:19 AM
Agnus

Quote:

Originally Posted by vrossi46 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks! I have had girlfriends but nothing to shout about! I struggle with social activities & low self confidence has plagued me all my life so i find it hard just going out looking for women.

That's what it is. Until you are able to induce lust in her, she won't want you physically. You'd better start learning how.
23-09-13, 06:22 AM
vrossi46

Easier said than done though!
23-09-13, 06:29 AM
okwhat2013

Quote:

Originally Posted by vrossi46 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Easier said than done though!

Yes very true. However, this is the point. Go practice when it doesn't count, get better before you play the real game.
23-09-13, 06:49 AM
J.Sphynx

You're infatuated, however she's not receptive or invested into having an intimate relationship with you, don't confuse friendly gestures as flirtatious signals. In a subtle non offence way she has stated she's interested in someone else, accept it, value your friendship for now, as time passes her feelings may change, keep distance and don't cross that boundary.
23-09-13, 06:53 AM
vrossi46

Thanks J.Sphynx. Good to have a women`s perspective on it!
23-09-13, 08:08 AM
smackie9

You asked her out....she knows you like her. She said she has someone else she spends her free time with...that means "not interested". Expressing you have strong feelings for her....spells disaster.

Get out to social places with some male co-workers. Use them for support and encouragement (wing man), and chat with women that don't intimidate you. You need to practice, that is all. There are plenty of how to videos on you tube to help you be more sociable in everyday life. That will help you get a leg up with dating.
24-09-13, 12:15 AM
vrossi46

I guess i`ll just have to wait & see if anything happens. I`m not pushing it i`ll just carry on as always & if it happens it happens if not no loss! We are going out tonight with a few mates from work. I asked her & she said ok.
24-09-13, 01:29 AM
smackie9

Just make sure you keep your options open....you never know, you might meet someone nice on these outings.
24-09-13, 07:15 AM
vrossi46

Well that pretty much confirmed my fears! She definately is with this guy! :( I`m happy for her as he seems a good guy but also pretty devastated at the same time. I suppose i have to move on. Won`t be easy but at least now i know for sure.
24-09-13, 07:18 AM
Agnus

Quote:

Originally Posted by vrossi46 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well that pretty much confirmed my fears! She definately is with this guy! :( I`m happy for her as he seems a good guy but also pretty devastated at the same time. I suppose i have to move on. Won`t be easy but at least now i know for sure.

Are you crazy? If you want the girl, f**k the guy, get the girl. She will say "thank you".
24-09-13, 07:52 AM
vrossi46

Just not in my nature i`m afraid! She`s out of my reach. I don`t want to cause friction as i have to work with this women for 12hrs at a time. If were just friends i suppose that`ll have to do. I won`t totally give up either but i`ll have to keep my distance before i say something stupid that i`ll regret!
24-09-13, 07:57 AM
Agnus

I see. Can I sue a dog for sexual harassment?
24-09-13, 10:29 AM
smackie9

Dude she never did say she had a BF did she? She covered up the fact that she was with someone which means, she does have you in mind.
24-09-13, 10:53 AM
Wakeup

It also means she's bad news.
24-09-13, 10:59 AM
VincenzoG91

Don't date co-workers unless you want trouble at work. Just don't do it. Join an online dating site, and not one of the free ones that is overrun by shady people. Date a variety of women, to get practice at dating and to eventually meet somebody that is compatible.
24-09-13, 07:21 PM
vrossi46

Thanks Smackie9. I hope so as this women has stole my heart that`s for sure.
24-09-13, 09:40 PM
Wakeup

SHE.HAS.A.BOYFRIEND. ffs Find someone who is free to accept your feeeeeeelings and forget her. It's possible she didn't mention him as "her boyfriend" because at the time, they hadn't defined their relationship yet. You're grasping at straws if you believe she kept the word "boyfriend" out of the conversation when she told you she liked someone else.
25-09-13, 07:18 AM
VincenzoG91

Quote:

Originally Posted by vrossi46 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks Smackie9. I hope so as this women has stole my heart that`s for sure.

That's very passive wording. She stole your heart and you did nothing at all. Try re-framing that statement with more honesty. You developed a crush on her before finding out if she was available or interested. Next time you find yourself attracted to a woman, approach her directly and just ask her out. If she says no, move on.