why can't he be honest with me?

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15-08-12, 01:57 PM
alexsanchez

why can't he be honest with me?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for months now and we both have deep commitment on our relationship. but still he's not being truthful on some things. what's the deal? we've been having these problems during our first month. he's not constantly lying but he's not being completely honest with me, like the way i'm doing for him. i don't know how to deal with this i love him but i'm not sure if i can stand this kind of relationship if he keeps on doing this. All i wanted is to have an honest relationship no lies, no funny business. i need some advice.
15-08-12, 03:17 PM
rappelz

There are two kinds of lies, white lies and malicious lies, you just need to know he belongs to which kind of, which kind can you bear?
15-08-12, 03:27 PM
Boisdevie

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexsanchez [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

but i'm not sure if i can stand this kind of relationship if he keeps on doing this.

Then tell him to stop being dishonest otherwise it's over.
15-08-12, 03:47 PM
surfhb

You dont explain what your are talking about so how can we properly help? What lies?
15-08-12, 04:06 PM
HeartIsAching

Lies about what? I get the feeling you're deliberately avoiding telling us.
15-08-12, 06:47 PM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by surfhb [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You dont explain what your are talking about so how can we properly help? What lies?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Then tell him to stop being dishonest otherwise it's over.

Can you really change a person for being dishonest? I did told him that if he keeps on lying we both have to end our relationship. I don't want to grow in a relationship that is filled with lies and dishonesty. I don't want to lose him as much as he does. I do feel that he loves me so much but i don't understand why he keeps on lying to me.
15-08-12, 06:48 PM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by rappelz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There are two kinds of lies, white lies and malicious lies, you just need to know he belongs to which kind of, which kind can you bear?

I have no problem with him telling me white lies or anything because i know he didn't want me to get offended and feel bad about myself. The thing is he's giving me deceitful lies about his past relationships he didn't know that I knew about the other girls he's been with. I've told him all about my past relationships and everything but what I don't understand is why can't he be honest with me about those things? I don't know if he's trying to keep up the illusion of him being "Mr. Goody-two-shoes" it doesn't matter if he have dated a lot of girls in the past what matters to me is, why can't he tell me the truth?
15-08-12, 07:17 PM
Boisdevie

It's irrelevant whether people can change and it's irrelevant why he lies. What's relevant is that you don't like it. So let him know that you don't like it. Then you decide if you're prepared to put up with the situation if it doesn't change.
15-08-12, 11:56 PM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexsanchez [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have no problem with him telling me white lies or anything because i know he didn't want me to get offended and feel bad about myself. The thing is he's giving me deceitful lies about his past relationships he didn't know that I knew about the other girls he's been with. I've told him all about my past relationships and everything but what I don't understand is why can't he be honest with me about those things? I don't know if he's trying to keep up the illusion of him being "Mr. Goody-two-shoes" it doesn't matter if he have dated a lot of girls in the past what matters to me is, why can't he tell me the truth?

Obviously you are so insecure and jealous for you are spending your time digging around in his past.....you don't trust him at all or any guy possibly. I bet you want to have all his PWs and access to his emails and cel phone am I right? You checking those too?

He doesn't have to give you full details about his past, because this happened before you and it's really no one's business to know, including you. Anyways what does it really matter who he has dated, he is with you, and loves you what the hell more do you need? You are best to just let this go and no more talk about it or you are going to ruin this relationship. Stop pressing him for details. If this is all he lies about then it's obvious he doesn't want to deal with your jealousy.
16-08-12, 12:34 AM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexsanchez [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

it doesn't matter if he have dated a lot of girls in the past what matters to me is, why can't he tell me the truth?

Seriously? It's none of your business, that's why! People's romantic relationships are PRIVATE. Rather than harrass him about his previous contacts, maybe you should be happy to know he won't be discussing YOU with his future partners.
16-08-12, 01:01 AM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Obviously you are so insecure and jealous for you are spending your time digging around in his past.....you don't trust him at all or any guy possibly. I bet you want to have all his PWs and access to his emails and cel phone am I right? You checking those too?

He doesn't have to give you full details about his past, because this happened before you and it's really no one's business to know, including you. Anyways what does it really matter who he has dated, he is with you, and loves you what the hell more do you need? You are best to just let this go and no more talk about it or you are going to ruin this relationship. Stop pressing him for details. If this is all he lies about then it's obvious he doesn't want to deal with your jealousy.

I trusted him before this thing happened. Well you're wrong about that I didn't asked his password or anything. He gave me his because he wanted to know all my passwords on every account. He did gave me his email and facebook account.

Like I said it doesn't matter how many girls he dated what bothers me is he lied when I asked him. I know it's not a huge deal with other readers here but I feel like if he can lie about this, then what else could he be lying about? and what we're dealing with is not about jealousy.
16-08-12, 01:12 AM
smackie9

I still say get over it. He doesn't want to share that part of his past with you and that is his decision. If it is such a deal breaker for you then dump him so he can find someone that can trust him.
16-08-12, 01:18 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexsanchez [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

? and what we're dealing with is not about jealousy.

No it's about your insecurity. None of this would have happened if you didn't insist on asking him about his past relationships.

If you are that paranoid then tell him he is a lair, you can't trust him and that is a deal breaker for you...then break up with him.
16-08-12, 01:30 AM
Maple1714

You say he asked for all her passwords too? Sounds like you both have some trust issues and insecurities. You probably shouldn't be in a relationship with each other until you can BOTH get over that stuff. How old are you guys? I have asked my BF about his past relationships before, but only b/c I was curious to know. We just openly share our past experiences b/c we learn from them. If you both are insecure/sensitive about stuff from either of your pasts then you guys are going to hide things from one another etc...

And yes, if he is lying to you about past relationships b/c he doesn't want to deal with your jealousy or make you upset, then he will probably lie about other things to avoid conflict as well. You both just need to get on the same page and trust each other in general.
16-08-12, 02:57 AM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maple1714 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You say he asked for all her passwords too? Sounds like you both have some trust issues and insecurities. You probably shouldn't be in a relationship with each other until you can BOTH get over that stuff. How old are you guys? I have asked my BF about his past relationships before, but only b/c I was curious to know. We just openly share our past experiences b/c we learn from them. If you both are insecure/sensitive about stuff from either of your pasts then you guys are going to hide things from one another etc...

And yes, if he is lying to you about past relationships b/c he doesn't want to deal with your jealousy or make you upset, then he will probably lie about other things to avoid conflict as well. You both just need to get on the same page and trust each other in general.

Yes he did, and it's a new thing for me because he gave me his password, and then asked for mine. Which I havent experienced on my past relationships. At first, I did'nt have a problem with it but as months go by, He started questioning me about my friends and the people I talk with. I don't know what his deal is but we came to a point were he wanted to isolate me with my friends. He said that he feels upset whenever he sees how happy I am talking with my friends. He even banned me on skyping I'm only allowed when talking to him. It would be reasonable if my friends are a bad influence but they're not. I talked with him about it, and that I don't need to choose between them. (he keeps on telling me to choose between him and my friends) I don't know what his problem is, but the funny thing is he's the one who have lied to me and yet he's got more issues than I have. By the way we're both 20 i'm older for a couple of months.

Yes maybe he did'nt want me to get upset. But i told him before that it doesn't matter what mistakes you committed on the past what's important to me is him telling the truth. I once shared him about my ex that never did he lied to me even the most worse possible things that he have done during our relationship he admitted and told me everything. Rather than getting upset and angry, I was proud of him of having the guts to tell me all those things.
16-08-12, 03:28 AM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No it's about your insecurity. None of this would have happened if you didn't insist on asking him about his past relationships.

If you are that paranoid then tell him he is a lair, you can't trust him and that is a deal breaker for you...then break up with him.

If he has the right to ask me everything about my past, I think I do too. Besides I'm not that interested in his past. Like he does. It's not that hard to be honest with your past relationships. I don't get it. It's just that one simple question. We could've laughed about it and shared our experiences.
16-08-12, 03:46 AM
smackie9

Why are you even dating him? he is jealous of you being happy with others? See this is the info that changes the landscape here. This guy is a controlling dip shit, him lying is the least of your worries sister.
16-08-12, 04:01 AM
Maple1714

He sounds abusive...choose btw your friends and his? Look, you can find someone who doesn't want to isolate you. He sounds like a psycho. GET OUT NOW!
16-08-12, 04:22 AM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexsanchez [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I trusted him before this thing happened. Well you're wrong about that I didn't asked his password or anything. He gave me his because he wanted to know all my passwords on every account. He did gave me his email and facebook account.

Like I said it doesn't matter how many girls he dated what bothers me is he lied when I asked him. I know it's not a huge deal with other readers here but I feel like if he can lie about this, then what else could he be lying about? and what we're dealing with is not about jealousy.

Um... he wanted to know all of YOUR passwords for all of your accounts?! This is a serious red flag.
16-08-12, 04:48 AM
cheekxs

you wain to much ! break up or shut up!
16-08-12, 05:45 AM
p1981

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexsanchez [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't know if he's trying to keep up the illusion of him being "Mr. Goody-two-shoes" it doesn't matter if he have dated a lot of girls in the past what matters to me is, why can't he tell me the truth?

Google "narcissism"
16-08-12, 10:31 AM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maple1714 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He sounds abusive...choose btw your friends and his? Look, you can find someone who doesn't want to isolate you. He sounds like a psycho. GET OUT NOW!

I don't know why he does that but it makes the least of arguements when I go by his rules.
16-08-12, 10:40 AM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why are you even dating him? he is jealous of you being happy with others? See this is the info that changes the landscape here. This guy is a controlling dip shit, him lying is the least of your worries sister.

It's more complicated than you think there are some things that is holding me back from leaving him it's his condition and the thing with his parents.
16-08-12, 10:42 AM
alexsanchez

Here's a thing i haven't mentioned on my main post. He has this heart disease/ disorder i'm not sure what it is but he explained me that it only happened to him during his past serious relationship with his ex brought by depression and fear of losing her and now it's happening to me. I'm not used to dealing with this situations. Everytime we had a big fight about some things (we often fight about my friends and when he's dishonest) he breaks down, when we first had our fight I did'nt know that moment he've broken down. His mom texted me and I was startled. She asked what happened? and told me that I can't talk to him because he was rushed into the hospital. She explained that he have a weak heart and he is very sensitive that i should've understand him more and just give way she also told me that I should avoid breakups. After that inccident, I tried to understand him and his situation. I tried to avoid things that could bring him on that situation. But still, there are times that it could'nt be avoided. I thought when I go by his rules everything will be okay for us. But still we're not. (I know that he feels i'm not that happy like I used to be when I'm around him) Now that this thing happened about the fact that he can't be honest with me I told him that we should end our relationship because it's not working out for us. He's the only one who seems to be happy. There's a huge part of me that still loves him but I feel like we're not happy anymore as a couple. He threatens me that if I leave him he'll die. (I felt scared, a lot has been going through my mind that night) that same night he was rushed into the hospital and his mom texted me and told me that she was very dissapointed with me and that I broke her trust and everything. She asked me to tell her what happened? because she did'nt know what to tell the doctor. She told me that he was on coma and he's at state of shock. He was asleep for half a day that time. I started to blame myself on why did I have to do that. His mom was so mad and telling me things that is hurtful. I told her that I understand her being his mom, I too would've reacted that way if someone hurts my kid. I can take it but I don't know if I deserve all the blame. I'm not the one who brought up his heart disease on the first place. Though I know that he's my responsibility now and I should've understand him better. I don't want to loose him and die. I know that our relationship seems to be so messed up I don't know what really is the right thing to do.
16-08-12, 10:43 AM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheekxs [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

you wain to much ! break up or shut up!

I don't want to be rude or anything but this is an open forum and discussion. I post details of what i'm going through and I just want to seek for advices and see a different perspective. So if you're not intrested why bother reading my posts?
16-08-12, 10:55 AM
vashti

I don't know if you are just trolling, or if his whole family is psychotic, but heart disease doesn't cause comas or shock. WHat exactly does he claim to be the nature of his supposed heart disease?

How old are you, anyway?
16-08-12, 11:13 AM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't know if you are just trolling, or if his whole family is psychotic, but heart disease doesn't cause comas or shock. WHat exactly does he claim to be the nature of his supposed heart disease?

How old are you, anyway?

There's no point for trolling. Iv'e been dealing with this since we've been together. The first time that he was rushed into the hospital I did'nt actually believe him. I thought he was just making it up for pity. But when his mom got involved I know it's serious. I have no idea on how heart diseases/ disorders can affect a person but that's what his mom said he's in a state of shock and he's in a coma. It's not really clear to me but he told me that he was born having a weak heart but he have'nt experienced breakdowns and stuff til he had his first girlfriend and when she tried to leave him that's when it all started.

I'm 20.
16-08-12, 11:30 AM
IndiReloaded

Heart disease can lead to shock if there was some acute episode, but I agree with Vash the whole thing sounds off. He's too young. Psychosomatic?

Perhaps by 'weak heart' she means 'nuts'?

Anyway, sound like he is way to sensitive for you. Your freedom is going to be seriously curtailed in a relationship like this. Oh, and did I mention 'mother in law from hell'?

I think you should consider using this period to break things off. Say you are sorry that you contributed to [whatever the hell is his problem] and that perhaps it would be better if you simply weren't around to contribute to his distress. Blah, blah, etc.

Good luck. Any relationship where you feel worse in it than out is not a good one.
16-08-12, 12:07 PM
vashti

Your boyfriend is in shock AND in a coma in the hospital, because at the age of 20, he has some sort of chronic heart disorder which makes him sensitive to break ups, and yet you find it to be the right time to come and ask a forum full of strangers why he isn't honest about his previous sexual history?

This is why I didn't want to be a psych nurse.
16-08-12, 04:38 PM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Heart disease can lead to shock if there was some acute episode, but I agree with Vash the whole thing sounds off. He's too young. Psychosomatic?

Perhaps by 'weak heart' she means 'nuts'?

Anyway, sound like he is way to sensitive for you. Your freedom is going to be seriously curtailed in a relationship like this. Oh, and did I mention 'mother in law from hell'?

I think you should consider using this period to break things off. Say you are sorry that you contributed to [whatever the hell is his problem] and that perhaps it would be better if you simply weren't around to contribute to his distress. Blah, blah, etc.

Good luck. Any relationship where you feel worse in it than out is not a good one.

What do you mean he's too young, by what age does it occur? appreciated your post though.
16-08-12, 04:39 PM
alexsanchez

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Your boyfriend is in shock AND in a coma in the hospital, because at the age of 20, he has some sort of chronic heart disorder which makes him sensitive to break ups, and yet you find it to be the right time to come and ask a forum full of strangers why he isn't honest about his previous sexual history?

This is why I didn't want to be a psych nurse.

Yes he've been in coma for about half a day that night, just because I did tried to break up with him. But that's not the problem I'm dealing with right now. The reason why I did this post is to seek neutral views of opinions on our situation.