why does no contact/ limited contact work?

What i mean is.. after a breakup it seems like the best course of action to reconcile a relationship is no contact or limited contact. Why does this work? Doesnt it paint the picture that the person (the one who has been dumped) doesnt care about you or has moved on? I just dont see the logic behind it. Why would someone want to get back with a person who has seemingly moved on. Furthermore, if the person (the one doing the breakup) does contact you, why does being somewhat elusive seem to work wonders?

probably not he best person to offer an opinion on this given my current circumstances - but I appreciate the logic of it: it gives you time and space to heal. You don't do it to get back your ex - you do it as a favour to yourself, to detox and draw a line.

right.. but if you do get back with your ex it is usually attributed to no contact or limited contact. I just never understood why being a elusive, kinda jerky, and playing games works.

because it doesn't allow her to use you as a cushion perhaps to ease withdrawal symptoms?

Because getting dumped = getting disrespected. If you don't show the same disrespect back then they start thinking you're a weak pushover and nobody finds a weak pushover sexy. Basic human nature really.

It doesn't always work, but if the greener pastures she thinks are out there don't materialize then she will still find you a viable dating option.

It is all complete bullshite. If a relationship is not working then the whole contact.no contact counts for nothing because THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT WORKING. Get it? I broke up with my ex GF about 9 months ago. She keeps trying to contact me but I don't give a toss because IT IS OVER.
The only rule in relationships is that every single situation is unique and that there are no rules. THERE ARE NO RULES. GET IT?

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It is all complete bullshite. If a relationship is not working then the whole contact.no contact counts for nothing because THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT WORKING. Get it? I broke up with my ex GF about 9 months ago. She keeps trying to contact me but I don't give a toss because IT IS OVER.
The only rule in relationships is that every single situation is unique and that there are no rules. THERE ARE NO RULES. GET IT?

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Not every relationship ends badly..in my situation my ex just has issues that she needs to deal with.

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Originally Posted by leoben [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Because getting dumped = getting disrespected. If you don't show the same disrespect back then they start thinking you're a weak pushover and nobody finds a weak pushover sexy. Basic human nature really.

It doesn't always work, but if the greener pastures she thinks are out there don't materialize then she will still find you a viable dating option.

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that makes sense.. i guess.. lol... She didnt dump me for someone else.. she just didnt get closure on her last relationship and I think just needs space... Lets hope im not being stupid and gullible.

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Originally Posted by DarkHelmet82 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

that makes sense.. i guess.. lol... She didnt dump me for someone else.. she just didnt get closure on her last relationship and I think just needs space... Lets hope im not being stupid and gullible.

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I think you're excusing her behavior. If she does end up trying to come back you better make her work for it.

No contact will be Over. Limited contact mean take time to heal and decide it later. Obviously no contact is forever good bye and that person had moved on.

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Originally Posted by leoben [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you're excusing her behavior. If she does end up trying to come back you better make her work for it.

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Make her work? I don't think you should coz If she returns and you push her away, she will be gone, don't play Games.

I agree with Cinna.. If she wants to get back with me I would definetly tell her that she needs to be in this 100% or it wont work. But yeah im not the type to make people beg... i wouldnt want it done to me.

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Originally Posted by Cinnabella [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No contact will be Over. Limited contact mean take time to heal and decide it later. Obviously no contact is forever good bye and that person had moved on.

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yeah i agree...

No contact can work because it makes you seem like you're moving on and living your own life, which makes you more attractive to the other person.

Insisting on keeping in contact with someone who's dumped you makes you look weak and clingy, which is why it's instant death to your chances of getting the person back.

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Originally Posted by DarkHelmet82 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with Cinna.. If she wants to get back with me I would definetly tell her that she needs to be in this 100% or it wont work. But yeah im not the type to make people beg... i wouldnt want it done to me.

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It's not about making her beg or pushing her away. You just have to make her show that you are the guy for her with actions before you recommit. Go out with her for a while, make sure everything feels right and a month or two down the line then you can declare yourself boyfriend and girlfriend again. Do not take her back immediately.

right but with no contact dont you risk the chance of.. out of sight out of mind? Personally if i know someone has moved on from me Im not going to pursue... Wouldnt Limited contact be the best solution at least when she seems to just need some time/space... just let her know she CAN contact me.. (she already has.)

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Originally Posted by leoben [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's not about making her beg or pushing her away. You just have to make her show that you are the guy for her with actions before you recommit. Go out with her for a while, make sure everything feels right and a month or two down the line then you can declare yourself boyfriend and girlfriend again. Do not take her back immediately.

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well this just happened two days ago.. so im not gonna meet up with her in person just yet... but yeah i think i need to take it slow (that was my first mistake.. i didnt)

I was just more curious as to WHY it works... maybe i am an anomoly and like it when people show me love and support.. I find the alternative kinda a turnoff.. although.. i kinda want her more now then i did before... so maybe it does work.. lmao

if she does contact me.. how do i respond? like should i be short and simple, act normal ect?

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Originally Posted by DarkHelmet82 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Not every relationship ends badly..in my situation my ex just has issues that she needs to deal with.

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Oh for gods sake get a grip on REALITY. She has issues to deal with? = she's not the one for me/she's unbalanced/she's loony/she's too controlling - take your pick.
My Gf does NOT have issues to deal with - that's why we're still together. GET IT? You are someone drowing and vainly trying to find the lifebelt. And most relationships end.

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh for gods sake get a grip on REALITY. She has issues to deal with? = she's not the one for me/she's unbalanced/she's loony/she's too controlling - take your pick.
My Gf does NOT have issues to deal with - that's why we're still together. GET IT? You are someone drowing and vainly trying to find the lifebelt. And most relationships end.

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everyone has issues of some kind.. thats the REALITY.. i would just rather accept them and try to work on fixing them then pretneding they dont exist. Her issue is that she was going to get married, and then broke it off because the guy was a loser.. but she needs time/space to be able to give another relationship her all.

I just dont understand why someone would go out of the way to contact someone who is no longer talking to them... seems like you are putting yourself out on a limb. and the limb is about to break...

Sometimes it works because the relationship wasn't working due to the one being dumped was too clingy in the realtionship. yes Its all about human nature. We want what we think we can't have. We are not very interested in something that is too easy to have

i understand that but what i dont get it why would anyone go out of the way to contact someone they "cant have" or havent spoken too... seems illogical. I am not going to walk up to a supermodel, because I know I cant have them.

Imagine someone you have dated in the past...that you decided for whatever reason that they were too clingy or just were, for whatever reason, not right for you...so you break down and tell them...and then they get MORE clingy.."No, wait. Don't go. Why are you leaving me?" Whatever behavior you didn't like before is suddenly amplified and you just feel more in the right for breaking the relationship. But imagine you tell them "I don't think we should see each other anymore" and instead they say "I understand...in fact, I have been thinking the same thing myself...you are a good person and I've really enjoyed my time with you..." This can set your mind into a tailspin because...they didn't react in the way you expected. They weren't clingy, needy or dependent upon you...

I never ever ever chase. Coincidentally I have been re-approached by nearly ever ex I've ever had...it's sad that it works because perhaps it shouldn't...but it does work...

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Originally Posted by leoben [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Because getting dumped = getting disrespected. If you don't show the same disrespect back then they start thinking you're a weak pushover and nobody finds a weak pushover sexy. Basic human nature really.

It doesn't always work, but if the greener pastures she thinks are out there don't materialize then she will still find you a viable dating option.

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Getting back together...a mistake. You're right, they realize that you can't make a decision which is a problem. I went back once because I felt bad for the woman, but what a huge mistake that turned out to be. A great book: The Art of Manliness (its like $12 on Amazon.com). One point is when you break it off, just end it completely. It shows more respect for her (and self respect if you are a guy) than letting things linger in any way. The book says take her to a neutral location (park or coffeehouse) and tell her you want to end it and offer some reasons on why things are working for you. Prepare for the rebuttal, but take it like a man and then (the important thing here) end contact, period.

should read "aren't working for you" typo

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Originally Posted by im_a_fool [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Imagine someone you have dated in the past...that you decided for whatever reason that they were too clingy or just were, for whatever reason, not right for you...so you break down and tell them...and then they get MORE clingy.."No, wait. Don't go. Why are you leaving me?" Whatever behavior you didn't like before is suddenly amplified and you just feel more in the right for breaking the relationship. But imagine you tell them "I don't think we should see each other anymore" and instead they say "I understand...in fact, I have been thinking the same thing myself...you are a good person and I've really enjoyed my time with you..." This can set your mind into a tailspin because...they didn't react in the way you expected. They weren't clingy, needy or dependent upon you...

I never ever ever chase. Coincidentally I have been re-approached by nearly ever ex I've ever had...it's sad that it works because perhaps it shouldn't...but it does work...

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well maybe thats where i messed up.. i told her it sucked, and have feelings for her, BUT i have not been contacting her so, maybe I can repave the "im ok with this." I told her those things because 1. I dont play games 2. she wasnt breaking up with me due to lack of feelings for me, but rather for baggage that she needs to deal with while being single.

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Originally Posted by CAM [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Getting back together...a mistake. You're right, they realize that you can't make a decision which is a problem. I went back once because I felt bad for the woman, but what a huge mistake that turned out to be. A great book: The Art of Manliness (its like $12 on Amazon.com). One point is when you break it off, just end it completely. It shows more respect for her (and self respect if you are a guy) than letting things linger in any way. The book says take her to a neutral location (park or coffeehouse) and tell her you want to end it and offer some reasons on why things are working for you. Prepare for the rebuttal, but take it like a man and then (the important thing here) end contact, period.

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I just htink i have a unique situation, the breakup wasnt due to anything I did, or a lack of feelings on hers. I honestly think she just needs time to get her thoughts/feelings in check.

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Originally Posted by DarkHelmet82 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just htink i have a unique situation, the breakup wasnt due to anything I did, or a lack of feelings on hers. I honestly think she just needs time to get her thoughts/feelings in check.

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That's the same reason that I went back with the woman I mentioned...and it was a mistake on my part. The thing is that (and I assume you are an adult) if you are dealing with an adult woman who needs this time to "get her thoughts/feelings in check" then you are likely to be dealing with this same issue throughout your relationship, should it continue forward. We obligations to one another to deal with our shit and get it squared away and not constantly ask for understanding about basic things. Believe me, there are plenty of times where understanding is called for and appropriate, but not over the most basic stuff...that's why we're adults and we're expected to behave as such. I think I write this to remind myself...after all, repetition is the best way to learn.

Yes I am an adult. well she just couldnt give me 100% and I respect that, I feel that once she does I think it could work out.. although I think I am still in the denial stage....

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Originally Posted by DarkHelmet82 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes I am an adult. well she just couldnt give me 100% and I respect that, I feel that once she does I think it could work out.. although I think I am still in the denial stage....

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Yes, possibly in denial.