I was in an abusive relatioship and i am starting to get over i and i can finally talk about it. I wanna know if you were my bf would you want to know?
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I was in an abusive relatioship and i am starting to get over i and i can finally talk about it. I wanna know if you were my bf would you want to know?
I dont think my bf would want to no. It would make him angry. You could mention it and see if he asks qs
He has asked questions about why im in therapy. What do i say? I should mention i am kinda traumitized by it and am really flichy, and scared i start crying if he yells. Why would it make him angry at me?Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
i would tell him, well i would like to know.. he has no right to ask you what you talk about.. but even if it got him angry there's not much he can do.. but you 2 need to communicate and be honest
Perhaps if you're still at the stage where you shake and cry then it's too soon for you to be in any sort of relationship and it would be better for your emotional well being to get more sessions in. Particularily if you're not yet well enough to pick a good mate ~ someone who won't yell at you for instance.
Why would it make him angry at me?Quote:
Originally Posted by rob1984 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
He wouldnt get angry it me. It would upset him and hed wana knock 7 bells outa my ex and prob get arrested..
I think you should tell him so he understands but make sure he wants to hear the full story before you say it all.
You shouldn't hide it from him, be honest with him. If he truly cares about you then he will be there for you and help you. If he gets angry or upset... well, then he's not the person you thought he was, and maybe vice versa as well.
Michelle, why would your bf get angry?
My therapist says im ready for a relationship just if you raise a hand like to high five me or like that i flinch and i dont mean yell i just mea like if he is mad at me and like were are argueing and he raises his voice. Anyways i need to be in a relationship so even if you think im not ready i cant not be in oneQuote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
not at you.. just angry that it happened to you.. sorry should of been more clear..Quote:
Originally Posted by onesexyblonde [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
it would upset him and hed wana kill the ex. Hed be very supportive though and be there for meQuote:
Originally Posted by bearz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
wenever talked about it but like i said i need a man in my life so i have to be in a realtionshipQuote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
my abusive ex is his best friend he just doesnt know the abusive side so maybe i just shouldnt tell himQuote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You need a man in your life?
Okay.... Wavezzz
Oh, and Vashti wants you to email her when you're on a streak. lmao
Are u sure ur ready for a relationship? And does he still talk to ur ex?
ive been with him for three years, i told him i dont wanna talk about it and we only argued like once or twice hes not a bad guy
ya they talk like every dayQuote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
why are you guys criticizing me like this what did i do to youQuote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Sorry *hangs head* I'll bow out to the others.
no im sorry i just felt flustered and it does sound dumb but ive never really been without a man so i dont know how to be singleQuote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
3years? Yes u should tell him
The problem is that he thinks you are hiding something from him, and in this case you actually are.
Do you want your boyfriend thinking you are hiding something from him, or do you want him to be mad at his best friend, possibly do something really stupid? Either way is going to suck for you - and him. But what would be the better solution in the long term?
what do i say "hey babe i was in an abusive relationship no biggy just wanted you to know"Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
i came here so someone would tell me what to doQuote:
Originally Posted by bearz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
oh come on.. just say.. im seeing my therapist because i was in an abusive relationship....... and so on.
No one here can really tell you what to do. You have to make these decisions for yourself. All we can do is provide you with options, ideas, suggestions, etc. I was simply trying to get you to think about those two options hoping you could come up with an answer for yourself after weighing these scenarios against each other.Quote:
Originally Posted by onesexyblonde [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If I were you, I would talk to him about it because he deserves to know. And as your boyfriend, I'd want to know what is bothering you and what you had to go through.
i know you cant tell me what to do ive just had decisons made for me my whole life and i am not very good at making them myself and i think i want to tell him im just afraid hes going to do something stupid hes real protective of me like one time this guy at a movie theater grabbed my butt and my bf punched him hard enoguh to knock him outQuote:
Originally Posted by bearz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
ok so if he wants to know more than i want to tell what do i say
you say what happened.. none of us here know.
Just be open and honest with him, tell him why you are going to therapy, what happened to you, how you felt back then, how you are feeling now.
yes but if there are parts i dont want to talk about or go into detail to like i can admit i was raped but not to detailed about it what do i sayQuote:
Originally Posted by rob1984 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Absolutely. If for nothing else, to know what sort of baggage I'd be dealing (and helping you deal) with.Quote:
Originally Posted by onesexyblonde [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
but even if i dont show my emotions or try not to at least would you i mean if it didnt affect you like i can hide it pretty wellQuote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Wait... you've just gotten out of an abusive relationship, and you've jumped into another one?!Quote:
Originally Posted by onesexyblonde [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yelling IS abuse. It's intimidation, a form of mental abuse... some argue that mental and emotional abuse is more damaging long term than physical abuse is.
It's not necessarily emotional response I mean.Quote:
Originally Posted by onesexyblonde [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My wife's ex was abusive (so was I once, I'm better now) and every now and then she has a bizarre reaction to perfectly ordinary things because of it. Like crying when I get up to make her breakfast and pack a lunch before she goes to school.
he is not abusive we got into an arguement because he thinks i am hiding things from him which i kinda am and he yelled not even he raised his voice at me adn i am getting better i do have freak outs every once in a while but i can compse myself quicklyQuote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Keep tellin' yourself that.
he would NEVER hurt me he lovesme more than anything i m his world what makesyou think that in the first place? plus i sufferd mental physical and emotional abuse and i understand them all and he would never hurt me in anyway i will never get over it completly but i can hide it pretty damn wellQuote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Then why do you cower and shake when he yells? Because it's such a pleasant, non-intimidating experience?
because im used to being hit whenever i m yelled at but he wouldnt do that i just get nervous still buase my last guy beat the shit out of me everytime i got into a fightQuote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]