How to tell my boyfriend i want a baby

Ok. So i have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and we're both divorsed and have kids. From the begining i felt this is what i wanted. He was teling me and showing the same. He started very early with trying to get me pregnant since he has only two sons and wanted to have a daughter with me. I told him i didn't wanted that it was early. After that he agreed with me, saying that i'm right cause he wants everything to make like it should be. He is now enlarging his business and has many obligations , but since the project he started will take years to develop like planed i'm afraid it will take too much time, and i'm not sure that ever will be ready in that way. So, a few times these last monts he was thinking i got pregnant eventhough he stoped trying it. Was asking me always am i alright, do i have something to tell him. A couple of time asked me if i'm pregnant but in a way like he is holping to hear -yes. After seeing his beautiful smile and look in his eyes while thinking we'll have baby it became my big desire. The problem is i don't know how to tell him i want that now. I can see he's very excited when i tell him i'm late every month, he knows my periods and everything about girls better than me, but when he sees that i'm not he's not trying anymore. I don't know is it because i told him i don't want that now, few monts ago, or is it that he desided so bad to put the business in first place these years.
But i don't want this baby to have big age diference with my kids.
After i told him to stop trying to get me pregnant, we closed that subject. I How can i put these subject without scaring him??

I know that he wants us to have baby also cause few times he said some examples, like how much he would help me out with the baby, or asked me what would i do if the baby .... But i think he desided to left it for better times and i think now is the time cause his business will ask for more time in future as he develops, so it's all to managing the time. How to make him realize this?

Sounds like he wants a baby, so just tell him what you want.

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Originally Posted by Showmesomelove [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds like he wants a baby, so just tell him what you want.

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Thank you for answering me. It sounds like that to me also.He was not here more than a month and when he came week ago the first day i didn't found good moment to open that subject but when the moment for doing it was there i told him but with other words. He asked me do i want to get pregnant, i said -yes, so he started doing it. Next day when we were having lunch he started telling me how he's having many problems with his business , that is true, and that's why he doesn't want a baby. I was mad at him and after long conversation i told him that if he doesn't want i will stop wanting it also. That night i told him not to be worried that i was probably not in one of my fertile days when he did it. Then he answered that he likes to do it inside. So continued. But because ones before when i mentioned abortus he told me that he doesn't like it, i had to ask him again what does he want. When i did he said that he wants a baby, and eventhough he it's not a perfect moment for that, he wishes us to have as soon as possible, that i should be relaxed and let things like they are meant to be. So now he continued doing it but we're not talking about it.
I'm trying not to think about it and pretend that i stopped wanting it..

Why don't you have him marry you first before you have a baby with a man you hardly even know? What is wrong with you that you don't think logically and instead want to have a baby at the 8month mark of your relationship?

Goodness gracious what THE FVCK is wrong with this world?

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.He was not here more than a month

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Shake my effing head.

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Originally Posted by Lovely3 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He is now enlarging his business and has many obligations , but since the project he started will take years to develop like planed i'm afraid it will take too much time, and i'm not sure that ever will be ready in that way.

...I don't know is it because i told him i don't want that now, few monts ago, or is it that he desided so bad to put the business in first place these years.
But i don't want this baby to have big age diference with my kids.

...But i think he desided to left it for better times and i think now is the time cause his business will ask for more time in future as he develops, so it's all to managing the time. How to make him realize this?

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Think carefully of ^^^ these words.

Making the baby is easy. Now, being a "good" father to the child is a different story. He's got two kids from a previous marriage already. Why is do you want to rush having a child with a man you barely know (8 months of dating is not a long time)? Next thing you know, you are stuck having a baby with a deadbeat father.

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Um, I didn't even notice you said you have kids already. You want to be the next Brady bunch family?

You decided it is the perfect time to have the baby I do not think you need anyone to talk you out of it you are old enough to make your own decisions and secondly Some other people still think we all want to be married before we have children. Getting married have now became a choice again let leave that to her she is old enough to decide herself, being judgmental doesn't help because people are different and they do things differently.

Now honey I think your man will love to hear you tell him you are ready to have a baby, sound to me he wants it more like you do so just spit the beans dont try find a right time just tell your man.

Seriously woman ^^^ are you for real?

She doesn't have to marry him no, but she should at least get to know him and be committed in more ways then what she's currently revealed.

She's only known him 8 months and why would you suggest that she is capable of even being a good mother to a child or him a good father before you tell her to go ahead and make such a decision with a practical stranger?

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people are different and they do things differently.

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That does not make what they do right or healthy. FFS
Pffft... Irresponsible at best but you're from an African Nation so perhaps you two think alike and think nothing of having babies with men that (by all accounts) are strangers. She's known him 8 months. I wonder how much of that was long distance?

Marriage means little to me, so I won't be pushing that idea. However you've only known him for 8 months!
If you're still together in a couple of years and are absolutely committed, then it's time to think about another child.

Yes... out of the 8 months she's been "dating" him, he hadn't even seen her for a month. (at least that's what I think she's meaning when she says

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he was not here more then a month

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I think you should forget the idea of having babies with men you hardly know, and think about getting some more education or learning a trade so you can support the ones you've already made. Odds are very high that this relationship won't last, and it does not appear you are very highly educated.

First of all, i have a good job to support my kids.
As for the part with the 8 months, i know couples that have known each other less then a month and got married, have children and live together, take care of each other. I know couples that were dating 10 years, and desided that they are not one for another.
Time is not a measure of love. So i would take that risk. I always listen to my heart, cause that is the only way not to regret for the choises i make in my life. I know i'm different then most of the people so i'm not supriced about being judged.

Since English is not my native language and in my country i don't use it often, i apologize if i'm making mistakes.
Thank you everyone for sharing your way of thinking with me.

Wowzer: Having babies before you know if you are even with a good man who cares for you past the honeymoon stage. Having unprotected sex with a man you barely know? (did you have him get an STD test before you did that? Did you have one?

You already have children from one man... how long did you wait to have them with him and how successful was you listening to your heart that time?

Surely you don't want men coming in and out of your previous children's lives like a revolving door. What is the harm in waiting until you know this guy isn't going leave you all high and dry?

What is with you that you need to get pregnant so soon?
Frankly I think he just doesn't want to wear a condom and so he acts how he should in order to facilitate that.

It's not about judging you. It's about prompting you to made better choices.

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I would also say that a precursor to decide on having a baby is to be able to discuss the issues easily and comfortably. As you're still at the stage where you're not comfortable raising the issue, I'd say that the relationship isn't ready for a baby.

Soooooo why do you want a baby so badly?

Before i met this guy i didn't wanted to have more kids. I have a daughter and a son, and maby sometimes i was just wishing for my daughter to have a sister, cause i grow up with a sister, she passed away, and my opinion is that for every girl having a sister is the biggest treasure. So since i started dating my love , and he told me about his desire to have daughter he woke up those thoughts in me again. He was trying at the beggining, then when i told him i don't feel ready, i started taking pills, and they complicated my life , so i cut them off. All that time he was talking how great father he would be to our baby if we have, i was not continuing those conversations. We live together when he's in my country, he treats me like his wife, he takes care of me, and shows love for my kids too. But, in his country he has another wife, that is with him more then 20 years, they only live in same house .
I was never hoping in my live that i would be in a situation like this.
Before i was with him, i was dumping guys that i liked and were very much in love with me, if they had a girlfriend even in short relationships. I never wanted to be reason for some woman's sadness.
I'm sure she knows about me, but she's not asking anything cause she's hoping that i'll disappear.


So now i just find out he got me pregnant , and then he decided he is not ready.He said he needs my support, cause he's having many fights now. All his friends are mad at him because he's with me, and because he's showing me as his wife everywhere.
He told me that if he wants to have a baby with someone, he wants that only with me but not now.
He's not ready to tell to his wife, cause he wants to tell her first, and then go to my parents, marry me, and after that to have our child. And i would give this baby a chance even in silent, i love him.
I think that if i abort one day he will regret deeply, even he admits that maybe will cry for it for the rest of his life. But asked me not to make the decision by myself.
So now i should abort my baby because of the happiness of the wife he said he doesn't love as much as he loves me.
I never thought this is possible. I told him i will do it when i will feel ready.
I still don't know where to go. I feel ****ed up, and still love him like crazy.

It's unbelievable how now he was reminding me how after coming in me the next day he told me now is not the time, when few hours later he said he wants that in a open conversation we had , after doing it again.
He was my closest , my lover, friend , everything.

I bet this guy is cursing the day he met you

From what he shows me and says to me, he's thanking God every day for having me in his life.
I have no questions about it.

Day before i told him the news , because of all different opinions he gave me about it, i asked him will he be happy if i get my period. With sad voice he answered he doesn't know. I told him he doesn't know what he wants, and finished that conversation.
Now he says that i should not do something that he doesn't like, but why he did it to me, and why all this time he was puting that kind of thoughts in my mind i don't understand. He was even talking when we were out with friends to me what i should eat for the baby, and they thought i was pregnant. That was before all these happen. Now he says it's his desire but wrong time.
Says that if i don't break this pregnancy he'll contact me only for the baby, as will be very mad at me, cause it will ruin his private and public life, and will have problems in his business. Some employees were commenting that he's not coming here because of work, but because of me, and the public is watching him, so i think that is the biggest reason our unborn baby will not get chance to see the light of the day.
If i knew that he'll change like this, i would never let him do that to me, and put myself in this position.

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Originally Posted by Lovely3 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If i knew that he'll change like this, i would never let him do that to me, and put myself in this position.

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^^^ This is the reason why you need to get to know the guy first before deciding to have a child with him. His words were just words, they were all empty promises to you and before you gave yourself the opportunity to know the real him, it was too late, you already fell into his trap.

The fact that he is also still married, living with his wife while strutting a relationship with you is clearly wrong, and you know that, that is why you are here. IMO, your lack of experience with a cunning man such as your boyfriend caused you to be in this difficult situation.

At this point, you have to decide what is best for you and your children. Forget about him, he is a user. He is using you while using his wife for his own good and pleasure. He is a dickwad for all I care.

Can't you see this guy has been lying to you? He says all those things you so want to hear to manipulate you. Now that it becomes a reality that a baby is on the way, he backs out and now his true colors are showing.....He's a wolf in sheep's clothing. You got played. WAKE UP!!!

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You got played, WAKE UP.

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Seems everyone else that answered got played by this troll as well. ;)

No I don't think so....there are people that are THAT stupid.


If it is a troll......cool story bro!

I'm not a troll.
Thank you everyone for sharing your opinions with me.
I feel easier for writing here, i don't feel safe to write on forums in my country, and i don't open myself to people around me.
I'm trying to look the situation from his view, and to understand him. He really puts himself in big risk because of me, because of us.
I love him too much, and i know he loves me, but now i understand the difference between wanting for something and being ready.
We survived many obstacles , i hope will get through this, even though from time to time i have bad feeling towards him.

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As for the baby, i talked with my mother yesterday, she told me to go to abort. Loving my boyfriend is not the only reason i will do what i never thought i'll do in my life. If i decide to keep this baby, i'll be left on street , cause now i live in two houses, sometimes in my boyfriend's sometimes at my parent's. If i go out i'll lose my kids, and my ex husband who is still threatens me for going on with my life, can possible hurt me. I can't put my kids in that kind a stress. I never knew i could feel so lonely.
I wish i knew better. I was thinking , where two kids are growing up, three can also, and they ask me every day to give them another brother or sister. I'm young, pregnancies didn't destroy my look, and my heart is full of love for kids.
When other girls were dreaming about big career and independence, i was dreaming about having a happy family. Maybe that is a wound i have from my childhood when i was looking at other families that seemed so happy together.
That was my only desire for this life. My plan , how i was seeing myself.
If i stop thinking about it, maybe i can be happy.
My friends were always saying to me, i should just enjoy now. That i don't need what i was wishing for me.
I can be with whoever i want cause i'm very attractive, every man wants to be with me, i could enjoy and not think about creating new responsibilities. I just need to put that deep in my mind and not dream about the happy family anymore.
I guess that is not meant for everyone, and i should accept what God wants for me.

I feel such a relief for writing here. May God be with me, and with all of us.