Posting About Our Lives Is No Longer Private but Public

Me, like many on here and other message boards or forums go on here and post our issues, problems, concerns, about our relationships, marriages, engagements, family and friend situations etc. But my friends pointed out that posting about any issues or problems on a message board makes that private issue no longer private and public, and why should everyone else know the problem at hand? Shouldn't that issue be discussed between the two people only? Not even discuss it with close friends, family, etc. Just get it discussed between the two people, get it solved, and thats it, no one else needs to know, thats it and move on, if the issue gets solved? What do you think of people posting about their issues, problems, on public message boards whether this one or other ones online. What about people talking about their issues to close family or friends, do you think thats wrong too?

Who cares, your phone can be tapped too, so nothing is private regardless. Don't live in fear is what I say. Do what helps you.

Well, there is a big difference, though. In MOST cases, message boards like this are completely anonymous. Heck, sometimes you become friendly with the people you meet on them, but even then it usually remains as online friends and rarely crosses into real life. So, in other words, it is still relatively private.

Yes, if I share some of my private experiences on this message board it puts it out there for the public to see..... but nobody knows who I really am. They know that TheEvilJester has had a poor experience with relationships. They know that TheEvilJester has started to lose hope that there is a special gal out there for him. They don't know that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has lost hope that.... oh crap! (NOTE: I'm kidding. I am not Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. LOL!)

Now, where I personally agree that people need to stop airing their dirty laundry is on social media like the Facebooks and the Twitters and stuff like that. Those sites are most definitely NOT anonymous because it is your own personal profile.

So, in that case I definitely do agree with you. People shouldn't air their grievances with each other on a public forum such as that, but should instead be adults and talk to each other. But, these days there are too few actual adults in the world anymore. The gigantic self-entitled babies who run around calling themselves adults as they throw temper tantrums at the drop of a hat are way too prevalent in this day and age. They are exactly the type of scumbag to go onto Facebook and post a long rant about how somebody wronged them sooooooo badly.... being careful to share only the details that make them look like the innocent angel, or even blatantly lying to make themselves look better when, in fact, they are often to blame for the supposed wrong-doing.

So do you think posting upon forums isn't really private as much as we think?

Yes, forums are private. Do you know my name? I met my boyfriend on this forum, BUT he is the only one who knows who I am on here...catch 22 right? If I'm having issues with him...probably don't wanna post about him on here, BUT he's the smartest guy I know...I just take the problems to him.

I've had people say that posting about your issues and problems on a forum doesn't make those issues and problems no longer private they are public and everyone shouldn't know about them, just keep it between you and the person or people in question.

If it helps you cope, then by all means, post on here.

Once you are on the internet, there is no such thing as private. Ashley Madison is a perfect example.

For me, I subscribe to forums such as this to connect with different people all over the world. I rarely post about my own problems, and never post specific details about people in my real life out of respect for their privacy, but I do enjoy discussing topics and offering my advice/opinion on threads started by others. The only time I've ever asked for advice on a relationship forum, is when I want help sorting out a problem that I am not comfortable discussing with people in my real life. Throughout my years of being in and out of relationships, I've learned it's so much better not to talk about problems within your relationship to outside sources. Even if you are just venting, it can promote negativity from the people you complain to. I prefer to deal with relationship problems head on, with the person I am in a relationship with. Whether that is a boyfriend, friend, or family member, it's always better to address problems with that person, rather than run to outside parties.

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Originally Posted by treehugger101 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So do you think posting upon forums isn't really private as much as we think?

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Yes and no. Things on the world wide interwebs aren't as private as people think..... but at the same time, message boards are relatively private. As long as you register under a screen name that in no way identifies who you actually are, you are pretty safe to post with anonymity. In reality, nothing is 100% safe. If somebody in your life were psycho enough and tech savy enough, they could certainly find a way to hack into all your most private accounts and identify you on various message boards you use. I'm not going to say it is unheard of.... but how many of us really have to worry about something like that?

As melancholia said, more often than not I choose not to share my own personal stories/issues here. From time to time, though, I do. Even then, though, I never give any details specific enough that anybody could ever know who I actually am. Hell, even if somebody who knows me in real life happened to stumble onto this board, they'd have no way to know it was actually me. As much as we are all our own unique person, there are also countless other people very similar to us. There are probably countless other people out there who love evil clowns and can type a novel sized response in a message board like it is nothing. Those items may make me pretty unique here on the board, but not unique enough that somebody could say "OH HEY! I know this person! It's Bruce Campbell! Groovy!" (Kidding. I'm also not Bruce Campbell. LOL!)

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Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Those items may make me pretty unique here on the board, but not unique enough that somebody could say "OH HEY! I know this person! It's Bruce Campbell! Groovy!" (Kidding. I'm also not Bruce Campbell. LOL!)

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"Shoot first, think later. Or don't think at all. Yeah! Shoot first, think never."

I <3 Brucey boy hahaha.

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Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

message boards are relatively private. As long as you register under a screen name that in no way identifies who you actually are, you are pretty safe to post with anonymity.LOL!)

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Yeah, until someone from China hacks this forum and gets to your email account which can link to your name, location, etc then search you on facebook. NOTHING is private on the internet.

Right... because people from China are the only internet hackers out there. Besides, who the f*ck would waste their time hacking into a relationship forum when they can spend that time hacking into bank accounts?

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Originally Posted by melancholia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Right... because people from China are the only internet hackers out there. Besides, who the f*ck would waste their time hacking into a relationship forum when they can spend that time hacking into bank accounts?

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Fukcers who hacked Ashley Madison so they can harass the members and make their lives miserable!

Bottom line, don't post anything in here that you would not like your parents to find out.

I think Ashley Madison was hacked in order to expose the rich, public figures who used it; not so much the regular folks. However, I agree: don't post anything you don't want your family and friends to find out.

Well I post about my problems on forums, talk to friends and my family for advice to get their take on the matter.

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Originally Posted by melancholia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

"Shoot first, think later. Or don't think at all. Yeah! Shoot first, think never."

I <3 Brucey boy hahaha.

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Thank you. .....Wait.... I mean... I'm not Bruce Campbell. I swear! :-P

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Originally Posted by dontaskme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah, until someone from China hacks this forum and gets to your email account which can link to your name, location, etc then search you on facebook. NOTHING is private on the internet.

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Yeah, hence why I said a message board is GENERALLY fairly private. YES, somebody COULD hack into it if they want. Seriously, though.... Let's use this message board as an example. Really, what are the odds that some random hacker would decide they want to hack into THIS message board? What would they gain from that?

But let's pretend for a second they did, and were able to figure out my actual e-mail address. The odds are astronomically slim that they'd wind up being anybody I know to where I'd care if they saw the things I shared here anyway. Honestly, if you were worried enough about that, you could create an alternate e-mail that you don't really use for anything and use that one to sign up for random message boards. Then even if somebody DID hack the message board, they couldn't connect you to anything. Yes, it is true that nothing on the internet is 100% safe and secure..... but I'm not going to live my life in a vacuum afraid to live my life at all for fear of everything that could happen to me in the outside world. As long as you are careful on the internet you will generally be okay.

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Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thank you. .....Wait.... I mean... I'm not Bruce Campbell. I swear! :-P



Yeah, hence why I said a message board is GENERALLY fairly private. YES, somebody COULD hack into it if they want. Seriously, though.... Let's use this message board as an example. Really, what are the odds that some random hacker would decide they want to hack into THIS message board? What would they gain from that?

But let's pretend for a second they did, and were able to figure out my actual e-mail address. The odds are astronomically slim that they'd wind up being anybody I know to where I'd care if they saw the things I shared here anyway. Honestly, if you were worried enough about that, you could create an alternate e-mail that you don't really use for anything and use that one to sign up for random message boards. Then even if somebody DID hack the message board, they couldn't connect you to anything. Yes, it is true that nothing on the internet is 100% safe and secure..... but I'm not going to live my life in a vacuum afraid to live my life at all for fear of everything that could happen to me in the outside world. As long as you are careful on the internet you will generally be okay.

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That is not the point... the question was if you post something on the internet about your life, then it is no longer private but public, to which yes, anything on the internet becomes public property!

Yeah, good point. By the very fact that you are posting it on the Internet, it is no longer private. I guess my point being (and as others seem to be saying as well) that is kind of different. It is still "private" in that you have anonymity. Again, speaking generally, the likelihood of anybody you know in real life finding out about/linking any of the private stuff you share online to you directly is very slim. ....Again, that is when referring to an anonymous place like a message board. Of course, if you post stuff directly on your personal profiles such as on Facebook, that is NOT private because you are posting it directly as you.

I kind of think of it like this...

Imagine you keep a personal journal. You have not written your name or ANY kind of identifying information on the journal, but you write very personal things in it as anybody would in their journal.

If a friend/family member in your house sneaks a peak at your journal, they know it is your journal and know it is your words/thoughts. If you accidentally leave the journal on your seat on the train and a stranger finds it and reads it, they have no idea who the heck wrote it. They could even run into you the very next day and they'd never know it was your journal unless you told them.

I would SO much rather spread all of my personal business all over this anonymous website for the world to see than have my husband read my journal. Oh, God. Just the thought...

By the time I had been posting on this site for two years I had met four or five of the people on here in person and I'm still feeling secure about it. That's the great thing about this site- you come to understand that your little secrets and concerns are just like everyone else's (mostly) and you can become so much more accepting of everyone, including yourself.

I met a good friend of mine on the relationship fora that the Cosmo website used to have. Now we've been friends for six years and I just went to visit her in NY in October for her wedding! I live 4,000 miles away on the West Coast in Canada. We had the chance to meet for the first time, and for me to be able to participate at her wedding to her fiance was an incredible experience. I wouldn't trade that for the world, and I think it's really cool that we can connect with so many different people from so many different places!

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(I'm a stand up comedian) and I made the mistake once of posting a joke on FB related to relationship fora. The status read: "Nothing makes you feel better about being single, quite like reading other people's posts in a relationship forum".... and the guy I am dating saw it, didn't realize it was a joke, and didn't like it very much haha. I mean, I get why he felt that way; because if I had seen him post it, and didn't know it was a joke, I would have been like "wtf, what do you mean you're single?"

The moral of the story is: don't mesh your relationship forum life with your real life, unless you are okay with your real friends/family knowing about it.

I've actually made some really good friends online, and some of those were met in a forum. I've made friends in a pen pal sort of way with a few folks on this very forum, in fact. With them, I might privately share details I wouldn't share here on the boards. Then there are things I only trust with VERY few, and things I trust with nobody except the voices in my head...... and even them I don't always trust. :-P It's all about what you personally feel comfortable sharing where.

It's a free alternative of psychologist's expensive courses

LOL! Well... just let me make it abundantly clear that none of us here are professionals. You should certainly NOT consider this a viable alternative to therapy/advice from and actual trained professional in a situation where that may be warranted. This is much more akin to asking your friends for advice.... but with the relative anonymity of us not actually knowing who you are.