We just broke up yesterday :( I still have his gifts here. Should I give them anyhow, he broke us up, not me, if that matters.
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We just broke up yesterday :( I still have his gifts here. Should I give them anyhow, he broke us up, not me, if that matters.
How long had you been dating? The answer to that depends on how I answer your question.
Hope you get over him soon :(
Hello, Wakeup and milk&honey.
We were dating almost two years this end of January. Some of the gifts are specifically made for him, a jersey from his fav sports team with his name on it and a mouse pad with a picture of us :( other is an xbox newly released sports game he wanted. ( that could be given to another, I guess because it isn't personalized )
Thanks, milk&honey. Why didn't he wait until the new year to do this? Who breaks up right before Christmas. That's cold.
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P.S.
I am not going to text him Merry Christmas and wait to see if he will, I feel he won't because of the timing of the break up, must have been planned out :( so don't feel like being left hanging on a kind text too. He was supposed to go to my parents for our Christmas meal, obviously has other better plans now.
What a grinch.
I would not give them to him. You guys broke up and it would not be suiting. If he decides to come around, then go ahead since it was his decision. I assume you want to make it work.
He most likely broke up with you before Christmas because it would not make the breakup better. Actually, it would make it worse. Most of the time, people break up with someone after they've been thinking about it for a while. It is a little selfish on the dumper's part to continue to reap the emotional rewards from celebrating holidays with a person who thinks everything is okay in the relationship, when it really isn't and they want to break up.
This will give you a chance to celebrate with people you love and return your love. Would you really have wanted to spend your time on the holiday with someone, who shortly after dumps you? I wouldn't. Just more memories that would hurt you in the end, when you falsely believed your relationship was going good.
I'm sorry. I wish you a merry Christmas with your friends and family.
I agree, don't give him any of it. In time and with zero contact you can burn anything personal and as you say, you can give the game to charity or to a relative/friend who will be glad to get it.
I'm sorry you're going through this at Christmas... time will help you get past this.
Why did he break up with you?
Tayhei and Wakeup, what do I do with the jersey with his name on it, and the mouse pad, I got one for me too ( the mouse pad, like that is useful now, who would want those) :( Couldn't I drop the jersey off at his mom's Christmas day? or don't do that either?
Tayhei, why didn't he do it last month then? Days before a big holiday, that's cold and makes it hurt more and he knew I bought him gifts too, why let me spend so much on Christmas gifts. Guess he didn't spend a dime on me if he knew he'd be doing this. I told my parents I didn't want to celebrate tomorrow, feel sad and thrown away, wanted to sleep and maybe go over after the dinner for two hours when it's less cheery. I didn't know anything was wrong so was excited to spend it together and him with my family. Last year we did the meal with his family, this year was my families turn.
Merry Christmas to you and yours too.
Wakeup, he texted me he wanted to talk and for me to call him and put IMPORTANT!! after it. To make sure I would call quicker than usual and I called as soon as I got his text, and he told me on the phone, not even in person, on the phone. When I started getting upset, he tried to rush himself off, and said we will discuss on the 26th again. I think he must have met someone recently and wanted to have sex with them, and to not cheat on me he broke us up. What else could it be?
Hope to learn more the 26 th :( I bet on the 26 th I won't hear from him I know it. BTW we didn't even have a recent fight, I thought as of last week he was looking forward to Christmas with me.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
I'm almost in the same situation. We both decided it was better to call it off and we did it 5 days ago. It was a really sucky Christmas.
But we ended things in a civilized way. Because ours was a long distance relationship, on the day we met to end things I took his CHristmas gift I had already bought. He brought mine as well. However, his birthday is in a few days and I had already ordered a scarf of one of his favorite sports teams. On the day we ended our relationship, I asked for his address and told him he'd receive a gift because I had already bought it, the scarf didn't mean anything to me and I didn't want to keep it and remember what it represented, so I may as well give it to him.
But it really is up to you. We ended on good terms even though I'm pissed now. You do what you think it will make you feel better. If you think you're better off burning all of those things or keeping the game to give it to somebody else, you do that. If you want to give them to him so you don't have to keep them, do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dollhouse [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
What a mean thing to do to someone you love/d & he never let on at all. For that I wouldn't give gifts you bought out of love to him, you could sell the jersey on some site online for price you spent, because would still have tags & is unused, same for the game.
Then with the money you get back buy yourself something nice.
Thanks, atir12 and breathe123. Very hurt and sad over this and being done during a festive happy holiday, not gonna type much right now.
I cut up and garbage both mouse-pads and will sell other two items like you said, breathe123 to recoup some money spent on a person who deceived me. I was right :( Wasted 2 years on this coward.
I'm sorry that he did this to you & this time of the year too. Hope your friends & family are comfort for you ~ Wish you a better 2015.
dollhouse any updates?
Smackie9 look above my post she updated yesterday, I take it what she suspected was correct from her earlier posts & what she said yesterdays posts.
Dollhouse where or what was he doing the night before he broke up with you?
Thank you and I hope so too, breathe123. Had to change my new year plans too because of this.
My update was stating the reason for the breakup was the exact one I suspected and said in this thread and with someone I know too and had no clue. I don't know where he was that night, talk every day, by text, phone and every other day we see each other in person, we didn't live together. I would think he was with his roommate and his brother, I don't know, why do you ask, smackie9.
I guess it meant more to spend this Christmas with them over not hurting me at Christmas.
:( :( :(
Why? because when I was dumped out of the blue by a BF it was because he got drunk and cheated on me.
That makes sense. He was doing it long before the night before he texted me to call him and labelled it as IMPORTANT! How much longer before, I dunno. :(
Never should have let me believe he'd spend Christmas with me and my family, or let me spend what I did on him for gifts. It's like he wanted to hurt me more than a usual break up would hurt, so do it right before Christmas or like some other guys right before a girls bday. It's ****ed up. Didn't enjoy Christmas, cried alot and now new years is coming and we had tickets to a big party, that is ****ed over too.
Thanks all who posted xxx
Hopefully you will get some kind of closure soon. Whatever happened will eventually come out. I had to wait weeks....he was such a frickin coward.
None yet, not one word, call, or text since the 26 th talk. Coward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he was all loving, sweet, I love you's right up until the moment he decided NOW I want out before Christmas.
Last night was brutal for me because I know he was out celebrating with them, couldn't even check to see if I was okay and we spent almost two years together.
Great start to 2015 for me. I'd like to know how long he was cheating and why he chose right before Christmas to make his move :( :(
You have no proof of anything, or the reason why. Like I said it took weeks for me to find out. Don't let this eat at you. Call up some girlie friends and go out.
Hey, sorry for the delayed reply. To your previous question, I believe he broke up with you right before the holidays because of the pressure they cause. Imagine knowing you don't want to be with someone before the holidays and then you are obligated to spend time with them, while pretending everything is fine.
It could be he broke up right before because he didn't want to go through the holidays with you. I say this because I broke up with my boyfriend the week before Thanksgiving. I had been trying to work out our problems beforehand, but then I saw that he didn't want to try and decided to end it before I turned into a bitter person, trying my best to pretend nothing's wrong while sticking it out through the holidays. It didn't matter what plans he tried to make with me, or the presents he contemplated on getting me, or the exams that would be killer getting through during a breakup. I couldn't pretend to be someone I'm not after knowing it wasn't working out.
Or he cheated. But I wouldn't draw any conclusions about that without any evidence.
His timing wasn't right, you don't get over a broken heart at Christmas so don't try it will ease up after throughout January -- I'd ebay or craigslist or something his gifts, definitely don't give them to the dude.
Thank you.
Smackie9, tayhei and Jffs24.
Smackie9 and Tayhei, I do know he cheated he said so basically and said that was why and when I asked do I know who he said I know of them. Vague in all his replies to my questions. I don't know when, exact person with, why he chose to and why he picked before Christmas to break up. Awaiting those answers :(
Jffs24, I will do that and put for sale when feelin more up to it, maybe in 2 weeks.
I'm so sorry he's done this to you. It is one of the most hurtful things a SO can do to you :( my brother also found out his gf cheated behind his back recently and he was devastated. He didn't know firsthand from her, but from friends who knew about it and they told him after he was getting over their initial breakup. He was moving on just fine, but then they told him and he was so upset.
Sometimes I think it's better not to know the details. It will only hurt you more. If I was you, honestly, I wouldn't want to ask anything else. He cheated and that's that. I wouldn't want to give him the chance to worm his way out of the situation with excuses.
Thank you, tayhei. I sent a text today asking to have a face to face again and get all the answers I need and big shocker no reply. If I need to I'll go over and have a sit down with his mom that should solve things quickly.
I'm sorry your brother is going through all the same pain too, hope both him and I heal quicker than I expect we will. That's horrible that she didn't admit her guilt his friends had to out her, hope he gets his closure from her too.
After he said I know of them I need to know because it might tell me how long this was going on, where he can try to lie I can timeline it through others :( But don't you think he deserves to be made uncomfortable by telling me the real truth? I am already hurt, I don't feel it could be worse right now.
Female roommate by any chance??
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He f'd up, and it wasn't planned, ....I know not everyone plans to cheat. I'm sure he withheld the info because he knew what it would do to you, this whole thing is devastating to him too. There's no way he could go through Christmas and pretend like nothing happened. I bet his friends told him to not bother putting on an act and to man up.Quote:
Originally Posted by dollhouse [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
People do make horrible mistakes from making bad decisions fueled by alcohol. Did it myself once. I know your ex feels terrible about what it has done to you, and is regretful. He is living with the pain as well because he lost you and the relationship because he was stupid. It doesn't justify what he did, no never, but shit happens because life happens. He's feeling ashamed and guilty. He will rise above it, muster up the courage to come clean with you. So sorry it happened to you. I remember how devastated I was when it happened to me. At least he told you instead of like what happened to me, hanging by a thread for weeks.
Thats stupid to break up before Christmas - he didnt even received his gifts. Then again some guys broke up before Christmas so they dont have to give a gift to a GF lol.
:( Oh that is awful, dollhouse found your thread off your post mention in off topics.
That's cruel to do a break before a big event, or holiday. I agree with a lot of what tayhei and smackie9 has told you.
Sell gifts and get your closure and if that means hitting up his mom, I would assume a 2 year relationship with him you know his mom very well and if she liked you she will help give some closure or insist her son does.
Do you think it started as an emotional workplace affair? Or a friend he had in the background?
Sorry for any pain he caused you and hope things feel better for you sooner not later.
Thank you again, smackie9 and pcmaster and anya_may21. No new news to tell any of you yet, when there is I will post it.
[MENTION=47273]smackie9[/MENTION] - do you feel his avoidance is guilt and feeling ashamed to talk again with me, or happy to have told and is done with me? I can't tell which he feels, maybe a bit of both. Why couldn't he have broken up with me in Nov. then or at least not let me think right up until he was spending Christmas with me and my family and he loved me? That's cruel to actively deceive me in that way. :( Angers me more every day now.
[MENTION=42177]pcmaster[/MENTION] - we knew each other for over two years and dated for almost two of those and spent Christmas together last year and exchanged gifts, I don't think buying me gifts was his issues sadly.
[MENTION=76419]anya_may21[/MENTION] - I am deciding to give him another week to meet up and discuss and if not I will meet up and discuss during the day that week with his mother, let him get an earful from her possibly, if not I am sure his mom will say who showed for their Christmas meal with him :( I am sure he didn't go alone.
I was thinking a co worker too, but I just do not know for sure, possibly an ex GF of one of his friends too.
Do you know for sure he is seeing someone? It could have been a drunken one night thing just before Christmas when he went out with his friends.
I don't know for positive, smackie9 I only know he said there was someone else and I "knew of them" when I asked is it someone I know and everything he replied was very vague.That is why I need more discussion to have the truth and then move on. Why would he all of a sudden cheat right before Christmas and break up, why not wait until after the holidays and then confess? he clearly didn't want to be with me doing what he did, so it makes me think it wasn't by accident it had to be ongoing not a one time thing.
Only people I know he was around before that text and his reveal was his roommate and his brother and neither are big drinkers or partyers, I just don't know and I need to know and soon. I can't take much more, my patience is wearing thin with him, I wanted to keep love in my heart and I can't.
Have you spoken with his mom, did she help you or protect him? I would suspect the latter, which I hate because he was wrong, not you & she should not add to your hurt or pain.
Thanks to each who posted. Yes, I talked in person with his mom and I don't recall which poster asked if it could have been a emotional work place affair but as it turns out yes, that is what it was, started in late September, which during the time from late September to right before Christmas break up, this girl met me three different occasions at work drinks with my BF. So she knew he had a long term GF and could also put a face to who she was hurting too. According to his mother he feels guilty, like I feel anything about that, he led me on for months, still having sex with me and probably her too, I don't buy he wasn't ****ing her at least October on. Should have broke up with me months ago when it first occurred, not right before Christmas but instead he let me buy gifts and believe almost right before that he was in love with me still ( he said so in actions and words) and was spending the holidays with me and my family. I hope Karma never lets him or her ever have a successful relationship again, that neither are given the chance to hurt another person via betrayal/relationship and lies. Feel numb, processing everything and been having sharp chest pains probably due to stress. He won't talk to me because he is a coward, liar and cheater and doesn't want to see his actions reflected in the pain on my face. Typical, typical, typical.
Fvck him and the horse he rode in on. You're too good for him and don't you ever forget that. She's a skank and he's a skank-doer-coward. pffft.
Time to stop OCD thinking on this turd and go total zero contact (which means no looking on any of his social media sites as well) and do the mental work you need to do to consciously change the subject when he pops into your head. Start the process to get you to the stage of indifference to him.
Sorry, dollhouse :[ But now you can have your closure & start to heal ~ good at least you got some truths. One day it will happen to him too, everything balances out. (((( hugs ))))
Thank you, Wakeup and breathe123 for your thoughtful and kind words regarding the final outcome of my situation with my ex boyfriend.
I feel I am possibly slipping into a depression over the failure of this and some good girlfriends who are single as well have decided we all must go away for a trip next month the week before and of Valentines day, so I am in the process of planning this now. It gives me something to look forward to and take my mind of what he has done to me and Valentines day would have been hard for me like Christmas was if left here to sit and think alone.
xx
You are welcome & hope the holiday away does you so much good & can bring you light & happiness again too.
Hi,
have fun and chil out with friends and go out look n to some interesting topics you like ,, keep your mind engage in something different things.
Thanks, daisy, and breathe123 we are leaving tomorrow late afternoon and gone to enjoy a warm sunny beach enviro and leave lifes worries and pains back here for a awhile. I got wind of news off my recent ex and the one he was f_cking around with behind my back from his workplace, did to him what he did to me for the most part. Karma is sweet. I don't know all the uglies of it, but guess once he was free and no longer cheating he wasn't any fun.Burn in hell both of them!