Ex boyfriend issues...he hates me?

I think my ex boyfriend hates me... he doesn't talk or respond to my text messages anymore.
He treats me like shit when i see him in person, and tells me to eff off or go away. I feel like such a bother and annoying and kind of worthless because i was his first girlfriend, kiss, first person he ever had sex with, first person to see him cry (since he was a kid i mean,) and first person he ever actually let in and opened up to about stuff...

we were talking in september and everyone knew we had a think, then we offically started dating in october and we were on and off until april... we did fight alot around winter..
like january?

i dont know what to do anymore...i tried talking to him and mending things and being friends but he doesnt want any of it...and it hurts me soo much cause how can this be possible?
i thought your first always meant something to you...was always special to you?

do you think he even regrets any of this or thinks about me or...what? whats going through his head? whats he feeling?
i need a guys point of view on this..please help?

i really want him back, but i dont think itd be good for either of us...so right now all i want is him to be my friend again....

help ?

It sounds like your ex has been vulnerable with you and now, because you broke up (and you don't say what happened) he wants to distance himself. I don't think there is anything you can do. And, by the way, he is being disrespectful to you.....and you still want him back? Ann

Who and what ended the relationship?

he has been disrespectful. hes been calling me a selfish spoiled bitch and saying he regretted being with me, but thats after i said i regretted dating him - which i partially do and i told him why i said that because now we're broken and hes changed completely into a monster...he isnt the guy i fell for.. yeah sadly.. i do what him back. for some reason i keep looking past all the stuff he did that hurt me and i somewhat have forgotten them, i mainly just remember the good things.

i kept breaking up with him in the beginning because he didnt know how to act like a person in a relationship...i gave him a few months to adjust to it cause like i said i was his first gf but he wouldnt improve so iasked him to change a bit but he got upset.... after we had sex i felt like a bad girlfriend and broke up with him so he could find someone better and someone that could make him happier...so he got hurt and i knew i made a mistake that i wantd him back even if i was going to be selfish and not let him find another [mind you, he didnt want to find another - stupid me]
so he pushed me away and i guess i broke his trust...? so i tried for a month to get him back and i did, only so he could be with me for a week and dump me. :/ and tell me to get out of his life that he doesnt care about me or want anything to do with me anymore...to ask me to be his girlfriend again and then do it all over again....


NOW this is the final thing that happened. in april he kept pushing me away and the last time we had sex was right before spring break and the next day he told me to **** myself and to get out of his life and never talk to him again...so i did that...and a few days later i see him online, but i didnt know it was him waiting for me to message him -.- but i did anyway cause i had a weird dream about him and it got me worried...so whatever. we met up...we talked and hanged out a bit, and he kissed me and told me he loved me...:/

then we go back to school and we were in his car, and we kissed but the next day i kind of got scared and pushed him away cause everytime he did stuff like this the next day hed tell me to eff off again :/
so i was online talking to my bestfriend about personal stuff and my ex got the messages and he was mad andsaid 'seems like you dont need me anymore in your life you have others to help you. dont bother messaging me when youre upset or need help. im not gonna be there for you anymore.'

and thats basically whereit all ended..:/

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Originally Posted by Ann Schiebert [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It sounds like your ex has been vulnerable with you and now, because you broke up (and you don't say what happened) he wants to distance himself. I don't think there is anything you can do. And, by the way, he is being disrespectful to you.....and you still want him back? Ann

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i really love him... no matter what hes done it doesnt matter because at the end of the day hes special to me and we all make mistakes and i shouldnt hold it again him..

From what I gather he still has strong feelings for you. It seems you've hurt him a lot, that's why his response is so spiteful. If he had no feelings for you and to him you were like any other girl, in most cases he would not have these strong negative feelings toward you. It looks like this is a reaction to him getting hurt. The fact that he cares who you talk to about your problems perhaps shows some jealously and emotional attachment. And the only way he knows how to not feel the pain is to push you away so as to get away from the pain. There is definitely more to this story, you've not told. You've really hurt this guy, and he is not over it.

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

From what I gather he still has strong feelings for you. It seems you've hurt him a lot, that's why his response is so spiteful. If he had not feelings for you and to him you were like any other girl in most cases he would not have these strong negative feelings toward you. It looks like this is a reaction to him getting hurt. The fact that he cares who you talk to about your problems perhaps shows some jealously and emotional attachment.

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but that was in april... now we're almost at the conclusion of may and he wants nothing to do with me...if he cared wouldnt he reply to my texts? he told my friend he didnt love me anymore, and he doesnt care about me...but last time my friend asked how he felt about me in like...march? he said he didnt love me, but he was lying to her and told me the exact opposite..which i understand why he told her that - he doesnt share his feelings with other people..

but now he doesnt even look at me or catch a glance...like id feel him looking at me before, now? nothing.. as if im not even in the room..

how can i get him to talk to me or how can i redeem myself to him?
he told me he doesnt trust me anymore or believe in anything i say and that im nothing what he thought i was.. which hurts. but ive told him hes changed and he isnt the guy i fell inlove with a couple of times before..his response was 'thats cause you murdered him.' -.-
i even became desperate enough to ask his brother to talk some sense into my ex and get him to talk to me, but my ex wouldnt have any of it..

Did you cheat on him besides dumping him? Were you with someone else after you broke up with him?

Dear tecakam: I hope you change your position about, "no matter what he does, it doesn't matter." IT DOES MATTER! How can you respect someone who treats you so terribly? People can be angry and upset with each other, but that doesn't provide an excuse to be demeaning and disrespectful......unless YOU allow it. I hope you believe what he is showing you now, because that is REALLY WHO HE IS! If you excuse all this awful behavior, you are allowing it, and this treatment will be your future should you get him back. Ann

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did you cheat on him besides dumping him? Were you with someone else after you broke up with him?

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No i was completely loyal. i ended up excommunicating with all my male friends unless they were gay while we were dating, nor did i get with anyone either. I did have sex with someone for the first time after our break up yesterday though, but i highly doubt that even matters, nor will he find out.

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Originally Posted by Ann Schiebert [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dear tecakam: I hope you change your position about, "no matter what he does, it doesn't matter." IT DOES MATTER! How can you respect someone who treats you so terribly? People can be angry and upset with each other, but that doesn't provide an excuse to be demeaning and disrespectful......unless YOU allow it. I hope you believe what he is showing you now, because that is REALLY WHO HE IS! If you excuse all this awful behavior, you are allowing it, and this treatment will be your future should you get him back. Ann

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:/ you have a point but i feel like i created all of this...like the way he treats me now is all my fault..:/

You made a huge mistake by sleeping with that guy. He still has feelings for you. If you really wanted him all you needed to do is show him love and be persistent.

Don't see the point of sleeping with someone if you don't love them.

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You made a huge mistake by sleeping with that guy. He still has feelings for you. If you really wanted him all you needed to do is show him love and be persistent.

Don't see the point of sleeping with someone if you don't love them.

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its been a month and my ex hasnt talked to me..aside from 'what do you want, **** off and leave me alone.'
hes told me to move on and hes a total jerk to me, and it hurts and when i tell him that he says he doesnt care or how funny he thinks it is that im crying.
he doesnt know i slept with the other guy, it happened yesterday and only reason i did it was to forget about my ex but during the whole thing i kept picturing my exes face and how our sex was a million times better and way more meaningful than some random guy from school would be.. :/

its a huge mistake and a regret. i wish i never did it.. :/ cause now iwant my ex even more... as for showing him love? how..when he pushes me away...as for persistence? ive tried..ive tried talking to him soo many times that he now thats shit about me and has actually told his brithers that im crazy.. ;/ im starting to give up... if hes saying stuff like that about me.. then what point is there anymore?

He might despise you for the way you hurt him - it's not right, but that's how he might feel and if he finds out you slept with a random guy, your chances are slim to none of ever getting him back.

You say you still love him, but you can't love him if you slept with another guy, doesn't matter if you're split up. If you really loved him, it would disgust you to touch another guy, let alone have sex with him.

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He might despise you for the way you hurt him - it's not right, but that's how he might feel and if he finds out you slept with a random guy, your chances are slim to none of ever getting him back.

You say you still love him, but you can't love him if you slept with another guy, doesn't matter if you're split up. If you really loved him, it would disgust you to touch another guy, let alone have sex with him.

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it was more of me trying to let him go by creating new memories that would overshadow my memories of him..instead i iendedup picturing my ex the whole time and i even called it off and me and the guy i was with just laid in bed talking about my ex :/ definately not what he expected.

idt my ex would care...we talked once when we were together if we ever broke up and we slept wth other people, howd we react, and he said he wouldnt care cause we were together and if we got back together it woudnt matter as long as i was his and only his, but hed wonder what i did with the other guy and if it were better...i flat out told him id be jealous and a little upset.


oh i texted him earlier but he repllied with a short repsonse... which shocked me that he even replied at all.

If he is not ok with you talking to other people about your problems and not him, I doubt he really meant what he said about him being ok if you slept with another guy. Just wouldn't make sense. People say these things, even when they don't mean them - sometimes to test the other person and others to show they would not be vulnerable in certain situation even if that's not true.

You are young and have a lot to learn girl. First of all-you cannot mold someone into the perfect partner, you cannot expect someone to change or to act the way you want them to act. If he cannot just be himself with you and feels pressured to be something he is not-then he will run a mile from you and I don't blame him.

Secondly-you do not break up 100 times and keep getting back together. That is ridiculous and stupid. IF you break up with someone, you should mean it the first time and there should be no going back. These on/off relationships are destructive and never work so bear that in mind the next time you have a new bf.

Third-he may be your first everything but that doesn't mean he is the right one for you or that you will always love him or that he will always be special. You need to accept its over and start moving on. My first is not "special" to me. That ship sailed a long time ago. Actually he never was special lol

You and he are not compatible and you do not sound ready for a real relationship. You need to find a healthier way of dealing with conflict or issues and avoid all this drama

If you want to be in a real grown up relationship, then believe it or not, you have to act like a grown up. Sorry I dont want to sound patronizing but learn from these mistakes and dont make them again.

A healthy relationship is not where you dump him every time you have a silly argument or throw your toys out of the pram if you dont always get your own way and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You are young and have a lot to learn girl. First of all-you cannot mold someone into the perfect partner, you cannot expect someone to change or to act the way you want them to act. If he cannot just be himself with you and feels pressured to be something he is not-then he will run a mile from you and I don't blame him.

Secondly-you do not break up 100 times and keep getting back together. That is ridiculous and stupid. IF you break up with someone, you should mean it the first time and there should be no going back. These on/off relationships are destructive and never work so bear that in mind the next time you have a new bf.

Third-he may be your first everything but that doesn't mean he is the right one for you or that you will always love him or that he will always be special. You need to accept its over and start moving on. My first is not "special" to me. That ship sailed a long time ago. Actually he never was special lol

You and he are not compatible and you do not sound ready for a real relationship. You need to find a healthier way of dealing with conflict or issues and avoid all this drama

If you want to be in a real grown up relationship, then believe it or not, you have to act like a grown up. Sorry I dont want to sound patronizing but learn from these mistakes and dont make them again.

A healthy relationship is not where you dump him every time you have a silly argument or throw your toys out of the pram if you dont always get your own way and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be

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No i understand, because ive looked back on it and im really disappointed in myself that i was being so immature.
When id need to talk to him about stuff, hed ignore me and not want to talk, which hurt so id try to atleast get him mad so we could fight about it- anything to get something out of him, but then hed either be really mean or completely ignore me and make me feel like i wasnt worth anything so wed break up.

^ very childish, on both parts but mainly mine. ;/ but i knew if i didnt do anything then the problem would never be consulted with because he just wasnt the type to deal with problems...and i always thought cause i was his first girlfriend thats the reason he didnt want to fight it out or talk it out cause he didnt know how to?

anyway. ive learned from my mistakes with him, and all i want to do is make it right and atleast be friends... maybe not close friends right now, but atleast have that open line... idk what to do..

You cant be friends with an ex. Its better to cut all ties with him and move on. That way, you will get over him faster.

He wasnt right for you. Dont be with a man who doesnt know how to deal with conflict. You need someone who is willing to talk and fix things. Its important.

It sounds like you brought out the worst in each other and you should be with someone who brings out the best.

Its great that you have learned from this and now its time to move on with your life.

Your relationship with this guy doesn't sound like a happy one. Maybe you both had strong feelings for each other but also many doubts and you both failed to approach them in a constructive way. It rather sounds like an unhappy unsettling relationship with a lot of verbal violence when he got back to you and dumped in a question of days again and again. This kind of things hurt a lot and you feel that you need to make up or get some kind of closure but this guy sounds very immature and incapable of helping you in any way.

I honestly think that you you will be better without this guy. The way you allowed him to talk to you and treat you is not how a relationship should be and it really doesn't matter if it's your 1st or your 10th one. It's a bit sad that you had such a rough start actually but you can decide to change things and leave him for good.

Whenever you contact him you expose yourself to being rejected by his silent treatment or a rude remark and feeding his ego, so don't do it anymore. You tried but you have to know when to stop trying. You will feel better in time. Everybody does.

Its actually a good thing that this happened. We learn from bad experiences and they lead us to something greater (most people anyway) so see this as a good thing. Its helping you learn more about you and what you want and dont want so its all positive

You guys are absolutely right, I guess im still stuck in that high school relationship phase where im thinking everything lasts forever, even though in reality i know it doesn't, but after being on here for a few days with you guys helping me, ive realized its time to let go, and that he isnt right for me...i also realized i have to build up my self-esteem and self dignity because they're so low right now and thats the reason ive put up with him treating me like i didnt really matter.

i guess right now im scared that ill never find someone thats right for me.. but thank you all, each and every one of you, for hearing me out and giving me advice.
I took it all into consideration and im really trying to change and move on and trying to figure out what guy i do want to be with. (:
Wish me luck!

Good for you. We all have to kiss a few frogs. It doesnt matter as long as you ditch the frog as soon as you realize he is bad for you. You will meet someone who is right for you. Its all learning and exploring and figuring out more about you. You will be fine. Definately work on your confidence and set your standards high

Best of luck :)