Met new boyfriend's two daughters,one is shy

I met my new boyfriend Robert's two daughters yesterday from a previous relationship,one is shy.He has a 15 year old daughter Katie and 12 year old daughter Alexi from a previous relationship.Everything with Katie went great when I met her and she liked me on the spot.Alexi,she was shy at first and he was concerned about her.Robert and I have been dating about 4 weeks now.Robert did have a talk with her about this and talked to Alexi on the phone.Good thing is she did talk to me and realizing I am nice finally.I even told Alexi that I want to get to know her more.I am going to take his daughters in my life and love them although I am not their bio mom.Katie has been great about it the most and I am going to get to know her also.Any ideas on Alexi?The shyness needs to go and starting to.

No, the shyness does not need to go. You speak on your other threads about accepting your son for who he is - and the same goes for this girl. Her shyness is part of who she is. Any attempt to rectify her shyness should be done by her on her own terms - and certainly not by her father's girlfriend. The only thing you should be doing is being friendly and respectful to her. If she doesn't want to engage a lot with you, then this is her choice.

That being said, have you and your boyfriend considered the timing of all this? You've only been together for 4 weeks and you're talking about making these girls part of your life. The speed in which this is being done would exacerbate the shyness of his daughter. It's too much, too fast. It's good that the girls know you, but it's too early to get close to them.

Enjoy this time with your boyfriend. But regarding the girls - slow down.

Robert said the shyness does not have to go which I left out.Katie said she was ready to meet me a couple weeks ago.Plans are taking are taking them out for lunch next weekend getting to know them.Katie also kindly asked me why I get around in a wheelchair now.Told her why,abusive ex husband shot me in the back which the bullet hit my spinal cord making me paralyzed from the waist down.Understood and hit her hard,knows domestic violence is a serious issue

I don't think he should have introduced you to his girls until you are sure to be a keeper. Actually, I think it was rather irresponsible, after only four weeks... you two aren't even through the honeymoon stage yet!

Too late now; I suggest you avoid a lot of contact until this relationship is more solid. And forget about the shyness, it is not a criminal offense.

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Originally Posted by audreyh [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Robert said the shyness does not have to go which I left out.Katie said she was ready to meet me a couple weeks ago.Plans are taking are taking them out for lunch next weekend getting to know them.Katie also kindly asked me why I get around in a wheelchair now.Told her why,abusive ex husband shot me in the back which the bullet hit my spinal cord making me paralyzed from the waist down.Understood and hit her hard,knows domestic violence is a serious issue

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I'm glad her father says the shyness does not need to go. Which makes me wonder why you did this post about wanting to change her. Why did you not respect him saying that she's fine as she is? And why do you want to change someone else's child anyway?

A child being ready to meet you does not mean that it's the right time to meet. Ok, perhaps to meet casually if you really must - but it's far too early for you to be considering getting close to them. You and your boyfriend are hardly love struck teens with no life experience. You're both old enough to know that a relationship can look fabulous initially when you're wearing your rose coloured glasses but can rapidly go downhill when you get to know them better.

His daughter's knowledge of domestic violence and your history has no relevance in this story.

Robert told me the shyness does not have to go away.He had a talk with them before we met,Alexi said she was not ready yet,Robert told to try her best on this and is willing to try now

You already said that her father is OK with the shyness. I asked why YOU disregarded Robert's comments and came here for advice on how to fix the shyness.

Robert wanting Alexi to meet you even though she's not ready - combined with having them meet you so early in this relationship - makes me think he has the emotional intelligence of a love struck teenager. If he's not going to act in the best interest of the girls, then you must.

Your situation was unfortunate but it really doesn't have anything to do with his daughter getting to know you.

His daughter being shy is a part of her character, as Basil said. She will come around when she is ready. Maybe she is observing you, as she should be. If you want to be accepted then you need to respect that and for lack of better terms, back off. The only thing you can do is make her feel comfortable, meaning back off and she will come around when she is ready.

Said she is ready now and was not comfortable at first.Robert was a little mad at me disregarding the shyness and told him that was my fault which has been resolved.

I think if you haven't met her yet, you shouldn't. She is obviously just trying to make her father happy, and didn't become "ready" overnight.

Jeez, I feel for this kid.

Let her go at her own pace, she will like you more for it in the long run that she wasn't pushed or force into participating with you.
She will ease into it all with you soon.

Good news is Alexi is doing a lot better now and sees I am a good person.One thing she likes is Mini Coopers and seen my 2015 Mini Cooper saying it's a cool car.Katie and Alexi met my son last night and that went great.Katie saw some girl's clothes in my son's room and he explained to her that he is a part time crossdresser going by Taylor.Katie thought that was cool and respects his lifestyle.I see him borrowing her clothes.Plus my son likes my new boyfriend Robert,they met last night too.

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Originally Posted by audreyh [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I met my new boyfriend Robert's two daughters yesterday from a previous relationship,one is shy.He has a 15 year old daughter Katie and 12 year old daughter Alexi from a previous relationship.Everything with Katie went great when I met her and she liked me on the spot.Alexi,she was shy at first and he was concerned about her.Robert and I have been dating about 4 weeks now.Robert did have a talk with her about this and talked to Alexi on the phone.Good thing is she did talk to me and realizing I am nice finally.I even told Alexi that I want to get to know her more.I am going to take his daughters in my life and love them although I am not their bio mom.Katie has been great about it the most and I am going to get to know her also.Any ideas on Alexi?The shyness needs to go and starting to.

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Robert is an asshole for introducing you to his girls this early on in the relationship For all he knows of you, you could be a child abuser or a psycho beotch. Not to mention you may split up and then they have another break up to go through with their father. Gah!

WTF is wrong with people?

Shame on you for introducing your son to a man YOU don't even know.

Sorry... but you're not looking out for your kids best interests in the least. pffft.

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Originally Posted by audreyh [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Robert said the shyness does not have to go which I left out.Katie said she was ready to meet me a couple weeks ago.Plans are taking are taking them out for lunch next weekend getting to know them.Katie also kindly asked me why I get around in a wheelchair now.Told her why,abusive ex husband shot me in the back which the bullet hit my spinal cord making me paralyzed from the waist down.Understood and hit her hard,knows domestic violence is a serious issue

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Having been in a mess of a relationship already, you would think that you would be more protective of your child and not introduced him to someone you BARELY KNOW. You've yet to find out if this guy is an abusive ass as well. Please learn from your mistakes. (if you're even real and not a troll. I find it hard to believe that you would jump into this like you have when without any caution when you have the relationship history that you have.)

My new boyfriend was raised in a good home as a child.Dad raised him to be a gentleman treating women right.I met his family already,nice family that treats people right.

You do realize that sociopaths are born to "good people" as well as dysfunctional assholes right?

You don't know this man. In four weeks you can't possibly ascertain that he is going to be a good partner for you, nor can you judge whether or not he would be a good and positive role model to your son. Just as he can't do those things with regards to you and his children.

Have you had personal therapy to help you with coming to terms with your last horrible relationship? To figure out why you would stay more then 5 mins with a man that disrespected and abused you? Why you would allow your son to be subjected to what your ex is?

I have been through through therapy after what happened after what happened to me 2 years ago.One of Robert's pet peeves is a man treating a woman wrong and he hates that

That is only one aspect of things. You don't know him well enough to have met his daughters or for you to have introduced your son to him. He could have any type of issue that you have not known him long enough to have sussed out. Same for him not knowing you long enough to suss out anything other then the honeymoon stage with you.

I hope that you are still in therapy and that you discuss better dating strategies with your therapist.

Why did this man's first marriage end?
Why did you stay with your ex until he nearly killed you?
Why did you have a child with a man that beat the living lights out of you?
Why are you jumping into this relationship so quickly without taking the time to get to know the man before you force yourselves on your children?

So many other issues that you would do well to be discussing with your therapist.

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You've already met them and your son has met him. I suggest you don't try to force one big happy family at this point. Date Robert and leave the children out of it until your relationship isn't in the first trimester.... Like in a year from now when/if you've both discovered that the honeymoon stage is over and you're both still able to function respectfully and with love towards one another after the pink glasses come off.

Wow. I HAD to read the other posts first because I was curious to see if as many alarms went off in others' heads as well.

When I first started reading your post, I assumed that you had been with him for a LOT longer than a month. WHY in the world are you meeting each other's children at this point???? 1 month in, you barely know each other, let alone start bringing kids into the picture!!!! I don't understand why so many people feel the need to rush into such seriousness and pretend like they know each other so much better than they actually do. You haven't scratched the surface of who he is yet.

I feel for ALL of the kids involved. Yours for having to have gone through the horrific violence you suffered from your ex, and his for having to be introduced to you so early on when you haven't established a firm foundation. With what you have gone through, why don't you recognize how important it is to be careful with your relationships, and who you bring into your life?

I will say this as carefully as I can- Don't you think it is a good idea to hold off on introducing your child to a man, knowing the background of what has happened? Actually get to know him, trust that he is truly a good man that means you both no harm, and THEN bring him into your child's life? What if in a month from now you find out something bad about him and need to leave? Wouldn't it have been better for your child to not have been involved at all?

It is Extremely unhealthy for you both to have brought your kids into this situation so early on. You are barely even into your honeymoon period, and you both will be on your best behaviours. You only Assume he is a good man that is good for your family. But you don't know him well enough to determine that. Only the benefit of time can tell you that, but you jumped the whistle.

It's shocking to me that you have decided that you are going to love his girls like your own, and are pushing yourself onto them, when they don't even know you. Teenage girls have enough on their plate without having to deal with Dad's NEW girlfriend forcing herself on them. If one is shy, then she's shy. Maybe she's intelligent enough to recognize that it's not a good idea to become close to a woman who's only been with Dad for a month? I agree with what another poster said above- they probably weren't ready, they were just trying to make Dad happy.

Too much, too soon. If I was their mother, I would be very very concerned that this is happening 4 weeks in.

You need to seriously leave all your kids out of this for now. Build your own relationship with him FIRST, then think about building a FAMILY.

I find it very suspicious that the original poster has not really addressed anyone's concern about this relationship. My guess is trolling.

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Originally Posted by smarta$$ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I find it very suspicious that the original poster has not really addressed anyone's concern about this relationship. My guess is trolling.

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I've been having the same thought

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That is only one aspect of things. You don't know him well enough to have met his daughters or for you to have introduced your son to him. He could have any type of issue that you have not known him long enough to have sussed out. Same for him not knowing you long enough to suss out anything other then the honeymoon stage with you.

I hope that you are still in therapy and that you discuss better dating strategies with your therapist.

Why did this man's first marriage end?
Why did you stay with your ex until he nearly killed you?
Why did you have a child with a man that beat the living lights out of you?
Why are you jumping into this relationship so quickly without taking the time to get to know the man before you force yourselves on your children?

So many other issues that you would do well to be discussing with your therapist.

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You've already met them and your son has met him. I suggest you don't try to force one big happy family at this point. Date Robert and leave the children out of it until your relationship isn't in the first trimester.... Like in a year from now when/if you've both discovered that the honeymoon stage is over and you're both still able to function respectfully and with love towards one another after the pink glasses come off.

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His ex messed with drugs is the reason why he is divorced and could not stand her drug use.My ex started changing 2 years and I was not aware of it at first and my son is from a previous relationship with his bio dad in his life whom does pay child support.

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Originally Posted by audreyh [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

His ex messed with drugs is the reason why he is divorced and could not stand her drug use.My ex started changing 2 years and I was not aware of it at first and my son is from a previous relationship with his bio dad in his life whom does pay child support.

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I rest my case.

Audrey: Do you see now why it's a good idea NOT TO INTRODUCE your children to brand new suiters? You should find out if this new guy is "going to change" and he should be making sure that you are not "going to change" before the kids get involved.

Please learn from your past so that you don't keep repeating it.

It's always best not to rush things in case something doesn't work out, but hopefully even if you and your bf break the kids might remain friends, you never know if they get a long.

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Originally Posted by megvoh [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's always best not to rush things in case something doesn't work out, but hopefully even if you and your bf break the kids might remain friends, you never know if they get a long.

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Well, that's not a consolation prize worth the emotional trauma.

New women coming in and out of their lives (and new men coming in and out of Op's son's life) is NOT teaching them good relationship habits. Not only that, it can be very traumatic to one's emotional well being to have someone they've learned to love no longer be involved in their lives. Just sayin.

Kids can separate all that BS and just get on with each other like I did, I am sure this lot of kids can too. Parents aside.
They are freaking sharing clothes already.
We don't know if either has introduced lots of new men and women into their kids lives, you are only assuming they have, so we can't know, we don't have the facts only on this guy she's posted about and maybe he is special to her, who knows so she brought him in early. Again only assuming.

That's all I can post for now, got a date to ready for. Cheers all.