I got attached, then got discarded, and now I feel hurt. How do I feel OK about it?

Hi everyone,

Please give me advice on the following if you know how to regulate emotions, let go of regret or self-blame, deal with abandonment, etc. (Because I don't and its causing me pain, advice much appreciated as I wanna stop annoying my friends with this):

I met this cool guy online two weeks ago--we met up twice since then. We were texting a lot almost every day and had great talk chemistry, etc. even sexted -.- (because I felt like it and it was helping me get distracted from a recent ex/breakup). During the second meetup there was sexual touching lol for the same reasons, but I did not want to date him at that point (not enough genetic attraction, plus it wouldn't work in long-term and I don't wanna date casually). This was last Tuesday.

But things were still fine at that point -- we were gonna meet soonish again and were still texting a lot. I loved having him to brighten my day and share stuff with. Wanted to turn it into a close friendship as I felt close to him already, somewhat. Though the day before he somewhat complained I don't appreciate how much attention he gives me =/

Then Friday he says he can no longer hang on Saturday even though he is the one that wanted to see me then--so I was flaked on. I got bitchy at him for that on Saturday but the bitchiness didn't bother him and he wanted to talk on phone (to which I said no because I was butthurt at the time lol). But he assured me he will be my friend as long as I let him. Then I hear nothing from him for two days..

So I'm feeling low on Monday, decide to call him (figure he was just busy the last two days). He says he's busy and will text me in a bit. Eventually I get a text saying that he thinks we shouldn't talk anymore (without a reason but with note that I'm not into a certain topic which is very important to him, so it wouldn't work in long run -- which is bullshit, I never dissed the topic just not obsessed plus it doesn't matter for friendship).

So I eventually get ahold of him on phone-- very hurt and very confused. Abandoned for no reason. Turns out he started talking to his ex on Friday so he was torn or something between getting back with her or talking to me. And he no longer wants to fill my void and talk to me all the time like he initially wanted to. I found it all weird because I wasn't even looking to date him...

K so all that is confusing bullshit. The last thing that happened is me sending a goodbye text because I no longer feel wanted/comfortable talking to him. But I regret not mentioning that I'll miss talking to him etc. because I'm not sure he ever knew that I really appreciate him as a person and that he mattered to me in the short time I knew him. Too late to add anything as I've deleted his number completely and he hasn't and will never reply.

So... I am now hurt that I was discarded for no fault of my own (he even said it has nothing to do with me), that all of a sudden I was shut out and unwanted, and that I lost someone I'll miss, and I regret not making it clear that I liked it all because maybe it would've changed things. Feeling a lot of anxiety and resistance to the situation.

These feelings of abandonment, anxiety, and regret happen to me a lot and I'm sick of it. I even only knew this guy less than two weeks and yet I still got attached and still feel all these feelings when it ends =(

Please help! How do I let go of regret and stop blaming myself for messing up (even tho it was not my fault) and stop being anxious over abandonment and losing someone important? I'm tired of my fear of abandonment getting evidence for itself, and of living with fear.

I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you if you read it all.

tl:dr - talked incessantly and openly with a guy for almost two weeks, got attached (not necessarily romantically), he decided he no longer wants to talk because of stuff that came up, and now I feel hurt and anxious and don't know how to deal/let go effectively.

First mistake you used him as a crutch to escape the pain from your previous breakup. That's unhealthy to seek out to rebound off others emotionally when all they want is a relationship.

People have an expectation when trying to meet others on a dating site. Clearly you couldn't give him what he wanted, but his ex proposed they try again....if you were in his shoes which would you choose? He had feelings for you but didn't want to waste his time on someone that didn't want a relationship. He needed to walk away.....and that's no bullshit. You only chatted for 2 weeks....he owes you nothing.

A breakup can leave us feeling unwanted, no self worth, etc yes you are emotionally raw, but a dating site is not your answer.


You are going about it all wrong. To get through the adjustment period after a breakup is to keep busy with friends, go out dancing, go to the gym, go on a trip, take a cooking class, etc. Being productive with your time will help you become more positive.
Focus on you and getting back to finding your individuality......a man can't give you a life only you can do this for yourself.

Let's be fair, you also kind of treated this guy like a second thought. You didn't want him for anything more than to fill in a hole in your life, and you've openly acknowledged that in your post. You even mentioned that he complained about you not appreciating his attention.

So it baffles me to know end that you're so bent out of shape about being 'discarded'. You mentally discarded this guy right from the get-go. Or is it just that you want to be wanted, but aren't willing to put back the same effort?

This just boils down to a bit of insecurity. You need to just learn to be happy alone and in your own skin. That's going to mean taking some time to really understand yourself and immersing yourself in the things that give you joy in life. People will always disappoint you at some point. You can only disappoint yourself if you choose to.

You only wanted him as a friend and only knew him for 2 weeks.. Think about it, that's not healthy for you to be so upset about this. This happened to me all the time with guys when I was dating. It's hard meeting the right person sometimes, but it doesn't sound like your ready at all cuz your not over your ex. Focus on your girlfriends and family and don't get your feelings invested in a guy right now.
Give yourself time to heal and be happy again.

I agree about not getting invested in a guy right now. Sounds like you need to focus on yourself right now, finding out who you are and what you want out of life. I'd stay away from online dating right now. I know you thought you were starting to have a real relationship but it's easy to imagine a relationship is something that it's not when most of it occurs via texting. I know you are using it to ease the pain of your break up but it doesn't seem to be working. Focus on yourself. Get busy with your life doing something positive and productive. Then most likely you will be ready to pursue a real relationship.

Im with smackie. Your just out of a relationship, lonely, your confidence is low etc. The worst way to deal with that is clinging to some random guy. Plus you let things happen too fast between you b4 you new whether your on the same page or not. Your ego has taken a little knock, get over it, it happens to everyone. Be alone for awhile and take some time to figure out what you want and stay away from men at the moment coz your vulnerable

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Let's be fair, you also kind of treated this guy like a second thought. You didn't want him for anything more than to fill in a hole in your life, and you've openly acknowledged that in your post. You even mentioned that he complained about you not appreciating his attention.

So it baffles me to know end that you're so bent out of shape about being 'discarded'. You mentally discarded this guy right from the get-go. Or is it just that you want to be wanted, but aren't willing to put back the same effort?

This just boils down to a bit of insecurity. You need to just learn to be happy alone and in your own skin. That's going to mean taking some time to really understand yourself and immersing yourself in the things that give you joy in life. People will always disappoint you at some point. You can only disappoint yourself if you choose to.

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=( but I regret not showing my appreciation. It's not that he was a second-thought (I really enjoyed talking to him), it's that I was worried about getting attached. And I did.

I like this: "People will always disappoint you at some point. You can only disappoint yourself if you choose to."

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Originally Posted by Go4it [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree about not getting invested in a guy right now. Sounds like you need to focus on yourself right now, finding out who you are and what you want out of life. I'd stay away from online dating right now. I know you thought you were starting to have a real relationship but it's easy to imagine a relationship is something that it's not when most of it occurs via texting. I know you are using it to ease the pain of your break up but it doesn't seem to be working. Focus on yourself. Get busy with your life doing something positive and productive. Then most likely you will be ready to pursue a real relationship.

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Well, we didn't just text. We also met up twice, and talked on the phone.

However, I didn't think we were gonna go into a relationship--just a friendship.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

First mistake you used him as a crutch to escape the pain from your previous breakup. That's unhealthy to seek out to rebound off others emotionally when all they want is a relationship.

People have an expectation when trying to meet others on a dating site. Clearly you couldn't give him what he wanted, but his ex proposed they try again....if you were in his shoes which would you choose? He had feelings for you but didn't want to waste his time on someone that didn't want a relationship. He needed to walk away.....and that's no bullshit. You only chatted for 2 weeks....he owes you nothing.

A breakup can leave us feeling unwanted, no self worth, etc yes you are emotionally raw, but a dating site is not your answer.


You are going about it all wrong. To get through the adjustment period after a breakup is to keep busy with friends, go out dancing, go to the gym, go on a trip, take a cooking class, etc. Being productive with your time will help you become more positive.
Focus on you and getting back to finding your individuality......a man can't give you a life only you can do this for yourself.

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Hey,

Thanks. That was very observant and thorough. However, it wasn't really a dating site. And we weren't dating =S and he even told me that he doesn't want a relationship....so I thought we were on the same page...But maybe he did expect something and then when confronted with the gf he was quick to discard me as an option since he can't keep two girls at the same time happy (regardless of the nature of the relationship).

I tried going through an adjustment period -- it's already been almost two months since the breakup--but I haven't been getting better psychologically (emotionally, there's less pain and I think about my ex less--but when I do, I start to really miss him).

I think you're right about this "Being productive with your time will help you become more positive." I've been having trouble being productive and really need to stop procrastinating.

2months isnt enough time. As long as it hurts (even only a little bit) then your not ready to move on. You just need to focus on making yourself happy for now. Take your time. It will get easier. Theres no point having little flings with random people-now you just feel like crap all over again so just learn from it and dont make the same mistake again. Be alone until you know 100% that your ready for a serious relationship. Anything else you do other than that is destructive and it wont erase your pain x

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

2months isnt enough time. As long as it hurts (even only a little bit) then your not ready to move on. You just need to focus on making yourself happy for now. Take your time. It will get easier. Theres no point having little flings with random people-now you just feel like crap all over again so just learn from it and dont make the same mistake again. Be alone until you know 100% that your ready for a serious relationship. Anything else you do other than that is destructive and it wont erase your pain x

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Thanks,

Especially for understanding -- since my friends are telling me how I should move on already and how its' "ALREADY been 2 months". I don't care that it's been 2 months, it still sucks. He was very important to me.

I'm actually on a dating detox as of Nov 17th lol. Am avoiding dating sites, dating blogs, worrying about my dating future, etc.

The thing I worry about is that without meeting a new guy that I'm crazy about, I'll never get out of the regret and loss and hopelessness about the future. Because I've already been in a situation where I pined for an ex for 2 YEARS and it was only because I finally met a guy liked very much (this recent ex) that I finally got over the other one...

I just don't think "being happy with oneself" can replace love with a guy, no matter how much people say it. =S

Romantic love, I would argue, is a human need. And if you feel hopeless about ever meeting someone as wonderful, then life seems pointless/hopeless/scary.

But you will find love again. Of course you will but you just need to go through the healing process first. Its okay to mourn or grieve the loss of a relationship for anything up to 2years depending on how big of a loss it actually was. You just have to be strong and help yourself to get there a little faster. Take the time to be sad, 6 months if you like for regrets-thats normal but then you really do need to stop thinking what if and stop focusing on the good times, think of the bad times- it will help you move on. If you and he were perfect for each other then you would still be together and your not. Theres a reason for that so try to remember why and also dont allow yourself to take all the blame.

Tell your friends to mind their own business. Its your life and you must do whats best for you. But the wrong thing would be to settle for second best coz your lonely or feeling insecure. That wont make you happy

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But you will find love again. Of course you will but you just need to go through the healing process first. Its okay to mourn or grieve the loss of a relationship for anything up to 2years depending on how big of a loss it actually was. You just have to be strong and help yourself to get there a little faster. Take the time to be sad, 6 months if you like for regrets-thats normal but then you really do need to stop thinking what if and stop focusing on the good times, think of the bad times- it will help you move on. If you and he were perfect for each other then you would still be together and your not. Theres a reason for that so try to remember why and also dont allow yourself to take all the blame.

Tell your friends to mind their own business. Its your life and you must do whats best for you. But the wrong thing would be to settle for second best coz your lonely or feeling insecure. That wont make you happy

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That's what I worry about the most -- settling. I don't want to =S Just wish I can become strong enough to choose being alone over settling

Hi,

I'm going through something similar at the moment so may be able to help. I know it sucks, but I think more people do it than people realise. I agree, it isn't a healthy way to work through your feeling about a break up, but I also see your point of view here since I did something similar a few weeks ago.

I feel the most important thing after a break up is to take time out for yourself. Do what you enjoy doing which has little or no interaction with possible encounters with the opposite sex (and I don't mean guy friends)

If you want to continue dating other people that's fine, but there are some mechanisms which you can use to stop yourself from getting attached. When in contact with somebody, don't just sit and stare at your e-mail/facebook/phone, busy yourself with other things you enjoy so you don't end up giving you full attention, because if that attention goes, you will end up feeling abandoned.

Another thing is - Enjoy it! A lot of the time people put too much stress on themselves and its really not worth it in the end. A lot of the time, after a break up, people seek the comfort they had with someone else, but the truth is, they don't know you like your ex did. They're also probably still figuring out their feelings for you and if you are looking for someone to make you feel good about yourself, this ends up putting too much pressure on a new person in your life.

The way to avoid abandonment issues in the future is to make your life the best it can be. Start building! Eventually, you will have every moment filled with things to do! And something like feeling ignored would go completely unnoticed. A lot of people don't realise this but you need to put yourself first, especially after a break up. Find out who you are without your ex, and have that fantastic life you deserve

Good luck

I think being alone for awhile is better for your self esteem in the long run. When your lonely, hurt, insecure etc you will only attract other damaged people and therefore do more damage to each other. A good man is worth waiting for if it means you dont get used, messed around, backstabbed and hurt in the meantime. When your vulnerable some men sense that and they will take advantage which is why you should take some time out. Theres lots of other things you can do in the meantime. Focus on work, school, family, friends, join some new hobbies, learn something new such as sign language or learn how to bake, do some charity work. Write all your feelings down and then burn the page. Aparantly thats good for healing too :)

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Originally Posted by Ugly_Swan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just don't think "being happy with oneself" can replace love with a guy, no matter how much people say it. =S

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It goes a lot further than you think, trust me. The point is that you'll never be truly happy with another person until you are happy with yourself FIRST. That is a fact. No one can be another person's happiness. In fact, depending on another for happiness will usually lead to them resenting you at some point.

After years of failed relationships I took time off to find myself and learn to be happy single...and I was. When I found personal happiness, I met the right guy. He certainly adds a lot to my life, but he isn't my whole life.

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It goes a lot further than you think, trust me. The point is that you'll never be truly happy with another person until you are happy with yourself FIRST. That is a fact. No one can be another person's happiness. In fact, depending on another for happiness will usually lead to them resenting you at some point.

After years of failed relationships I took time off to find myself and learn to be happy single...and I was. When I found personal happiness, I met the right guy. He certainly adds a lot to my life, but he isn't my whole life.

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See, that's the thing. I hear that a lot. But I just can't conceive of it yet. Because I only feel happy when I'm loved. So even if I become happy alone--and it's not like I don't enjoy life when I don't have a bf (I'm feeling pretty good right now and I'm single)--I just can't comprehend how I would be able to NOT get attached to the next BF. As soon as I like them they become the centre of my world because nothing feels as good as that...stuff.

Theres your problem right there. Making someone your whole world puts too much pressure on them. No single person can be your everything or match all your needs. You need a life outside the relationship too so you dont smother each other and so your not left with nothing if the relationship ends.

Your fear of being alone and your need for a man is your biggest problem and its not attractive. You shouldnt need a man, just want one and always be a little hard to get and easy to lose. Thats the secret to keeping him by your side. When he knows that you know what you are worth and you know you can and will replace him if he messes you around-then hell never wana let you go. Be confident, independent and always leave him wanting more. After 5 years its still working for me :)

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Theres your problem right there. Making someone your whole world puts too much pressure on them. No single person can be your everything or match all your needs. You need a life outside the relationship too so you dont smother each other and so your not left with nothing if the relationship ends.

Your fear of being alone and your need for a man is your biggest problem and its not attractive. You shouldnt need a man, just want one and always be a little hard to get and easy to lose. Thats the secret to keeping him by your side. When he knows that you know what you are worth and you know you can and will replace him if he messes you around-then hell never wana let you go. Be confident, independent and always leave him wanting more. After 5 years its still working for me :)

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Sigh, no I know all this is true etc. It's just much much easier said than done. Nothing in life is interesting to me EXCEPT men/romance--like even the will/motivation to get out of bed and study, worry about career, be concerned about aging, etc...is all for the sake of being a decent enough human so as to keep myself datable.

I love friendship. And dancing. And philosophical thought. But as much as I love those things--they just don't compare to the awesomeness of being with a guy you love that loves you =/

And the thing about being hard to get always causes emotional turmoil when I hear it -- it sucks that I have to unwillingly pretend to not be myself (i.e. strong). And if any weaknesses come out, it's over. It sucks that love doesn't even exist, really. Just an illusion until problems come out.

See im not saying you should pretend to be hard to get. You should actually be hard to get and set your standards high.

Maybe you should consider seeing a counsellor? I know love is a basic human need that we all crave but placing your whole self worth on it is not healthy.

I was single for a year before i met my bf and really happy and it gave me time to really think about what i want. I went on dates, met lots of different guys but was really fussy and didnt settle. Now ive a great man who i love with all my heart and he was worth waiting for

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I think liking someone just because they are hard to get is ridiculous, and shows they are not liking you for the right things.

If I like someone it doesn't matter to me, if anyone else likes them. Also, the more someone likes me, that doesn't make me like the person less, quite the opposite.
It's seems usually the less someone is liked, the more they like you, which is ridiculous.

I mean, playing games can be fun, but it shouldn't be what keeps you together.

I have to agree with swan on this, without love, one is only existing.

See this is what people don't understand: If you love someone, you will have so much fun being with that person that you will naturally want to spend time with them and it won't get boring or less exciting, but quite the opposite.
You tend to want to spend the most time with the person you love most.

Another misconception is that someone is certain or easy to keep - there is no such thing, you can lose even the most sure person in the blink of an eye, that's why you should appreciate your loved one no matter how available they seem, because they are not and never will be a sure thing. Every second of this incredible life is precious.

You misinterpreted what i was saying. Nowhere did i say to play games or play hard to get. I said to be hard to get coz youve got high standards and expectations and your not gonna settle for second best. Big difference

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The thing I worry about is that without meeting a new guy that I'm crazy about, I'll never get out of the regret and loss and hopelessness about the future. Because I've already been in a situation where I pined for an ex for 2 YEARS and it was only because I finally met a guy liked very much (this recent ex) that I finally got over the other one...

I just don't think "being happy with oneself" can replace love with a guy, no matter how much people say it. =S

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How's that working for ya so far?

You do yourself a huge dis-service by thinking the way you do. You NEED to be happy while being single in order to maintain a good relationship with someone else who is also happy alone. That is when you'll find your LIFEmate. You sound like you're the type that can't easily get to the stage of indifference to the filler men you meet before you finally meet the one you're good enough with to remain together for a lifetime. If that's the case, why keep getting with "filler?" Why not be more discerning, more strong so that you can ditch the one's that are'nt showing you they value you and learn to toss the frogs so that you can more quickly get to your prince?

Stop doing stupid shit like "sexting" some stuge you've not even ascertained if he values you or not because it looks as if your vag is directly connected to not only your heart but unfortunately your ego as well. You can't do casual sex of any kind without feeling "abaondoned" when they don't fall in love with you. Thats what YOU need to change up. Sex (nor anything that ends in an orgasm) will not garner you a relationship. In fact, if you're finding your men online, then you'll just be another notch on his bedpost more likely then not if you do stuff like that.

To add: Start doing things that will make you proud of yourself, an exciting person so that you will have a life aside from a romantic one. You can't make anyone happy if you're not happy. That's a fact. To place the burden of being someone's everything on your partner will be too much to bear for anyone and they'll get bored with you if you have no other interests then them.

Take a course, join a co-ed sports team, get to the gym, get the special interest catalogue from your local highschool and take a course in something you've always wanted to do but haven't done yet (ballroom dancing, wood-working, wine tasting, small motor repair, sewing even.) Just what have you accomplished in your life that makes you think you'd make a good partner to a good man?

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How's that working for ya so far?

You do yourself a huge dis-service by thinking the way you do. You NEED to be happy while being single in order to maintain a good relationship with someone else who is also happy alone. That is when you'll find your LIFEmate. You sound like you're the type that can't easily get to the stage of indifference to the filler men you meet before you finally meet the one you're good enough with to remain together for a lifetime. If that's the case, why keep getting with "filler?" Why not be more discerning, more strong so that you can ditch the one's that are'nt showing you they value you and learn to toss the frogs so that you can more quickly get to your prince?

Stop doing stupid shit like "sexting" some stuge you've not even ascertained if he values you or not because it looks as if your vag is directly connected to not only your heart but unfortunately your ego as well. You can't do casual sex of any kind without feeling "abaondoned" when they don't fall in love with you. Thats what YOU need to change up. Sex (nor anything that ends in an orgasm) will not garner you a relationship. In fact, if you're finding your men online, then you'll just be another notch on his bedpost more likely then not if you do stuff like that.

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I was nodding in agreement with you--but just until that very last part-- I wasn't attached to him because of the sexting but because of the daily normal texting and his niceness. I did not expect him to fall in love with me lollol I didn't even want HIM as a bf. And I DO know that sex does not lead to a relationship. If I actually wanted something with this guy, I would NOT have done anything sexual, as I know that that would disqualify me as gf-material down the road. Just wanted to clear up that I'm not THAT stupid XD

Thank you for the advice, though. I do already try new things, do what I want, etc. It's just that it all pales in comparison to romance >.< How do I avoid making them the centre of my world when they're the most interesting part of it??? (not the only part)

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think liking someone just because they are hard to get is ridiculous, and shows they are not liking you for the right things.

If I like someone it doesn't matter to me, if anyone else likes them. Also, the more someone likes me, that doesn't make me like the person less, quite the opposite.
It's seems usually the less someone is liked, the more they like you, which is ridiculous.

I mean, playing games can be fun, but it shouldn't be what keeps you together.

I have to agree with swan on this, without love, one is only existing.

See this is what people don't understand: If you love someone, you will have so much fun being with that person that you will naturally want to spend time with them and it won't get boring or less exciting, but quite the opposite.
You tend to want to spend the most time with the person you love most.

Another misconception is that someone is certain or easy to keep - there is no such thing, you can lose even the most sure person in the blink of an eye, that's why you should appreciate your loved one no matter how available they seem, because they are not and never will be a sure thing. Every second of this incredible life is precious.

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Yeah, I don't think Michelle meant that you should "play games", but otherwise I'm glad you understand my point-of-view.

I learned the hard way over and over again about the fact that nobody is a sure thing--totally agree with you there. And now I'm not even sure how to keep living now that I know this reality. It's painful. There's no security ANYWHERE and everything is an illusion/lie. I have to basically accept that real love doesn't exist and to just be ok being completely alone (even if I have a bf/husband--they're not really there for me--they're there selfishly) for the rest of my life in order to be ok with abandonment =.=

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How do I avoid making them the centre of my world when they're the most interesting part of it??? (not the only part)

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You don't have enough outside interests to keep you happy in your own skin.

You also put too much weight on being friends with men you barely know but are oh so upset because they don't want to be your friend. Arguable, (but I'm convinced that) Good men don't want female friends. They want lovers only if they are'nt ready to settle down or they want a good relationship with someone who is interesting and put together. Work on YOU and the rest will follow. It will follow so nicely that you won't be addicted to "romance" the way you appear to be. Get your self-worth through accomplishes made and goals reached.

You should want it all... a full life first then a good romance with a good man wherein the two of you will last the test of time. If you keep up your fantasy about "romance" then you're going to get bored with a good mate when the New Relationship Energy wears off and you stupidly think that you "love him but you're not in love with him."

"If you actually wanted a relationship with him you would not have done anything sexual with him." Well, doing something sexual with him didn't lead you to a simple friendship either. Make female friends and leave males for your romantic adventures using the advice you've gotten in your thread. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results isn't going to help you advance you from this pattern that (apparently) is developing for you.

Good luck, work on you and forget guys for awhile. Let us know what goals you've set for yourself that do not include men.

Love is the only real thing in this world, the rest is the illusion.

Swan, you misunderstood what I said: By saying you can lose anyone, that doesn't mean they would leave you - I meant the circumstances might take them away from you. True love is the most sure thing you can have in this world. Meaning if you have true love with them, it will last, it doesn't fade away, it doesn't let you down. True love never fails.

If your ex-bf wanted to see you again- what would you do?

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Swan, you misunderstood what I said: By saying you can lose anyone, that doesn't mean they would leave you - I meant the circumstances might take them away from you. True love is the most sure thing you can have in this world. Meaning if you have true love with them, it will last, it doesn't fade away, it doesn't let you down. True love never fails.

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But like.....that can't exist? "Nothing lasts forever"? Like everything is constantly changing =S

See what you describe is what I want badly to exist (and believe in with my heart still)--but if your definition of true love involves the love between two people then, philosophically speaking, I doubt it exists =(

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Originally Posted by flashrock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If your ex-bf wanted to see you again- what would you do?

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Ooooooh tough question.

I would be scared of seeing him--but I think I would be too tempted NOT to see him -- not because I want to get back with him badly/easily--but because if I say "no"....I'll be left with nagging regret over not saying "yes" wondering what if. It's very hard for me to avoid exploring "every door"

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Im with smackie. Your just out of a relationship, lonely, your confidence is low etc. The worst way to deal with that is clinging to some random guy. Plus you let things happen too fast between you b4 you new whether your on the same page or not. Your ego has taken a little knock, get over it, it happens to everyone. Be alone for awhile and take some time to figure out what you want and stay away from men at the moment coz your vulnerable

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

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My Lord! SHE'S BACK! :D

We missed you, Michelle!

As for the OP, I agree with Smackie as well. It's best to delve within yourself and sort out your own issues. As my therapist has told me (I include this because I think it may apply here), assurance and wholeness has to come from within. It's your job because it's your life. People may come and go, but you will be there. And when you put that job on others, that's when you push them away.

Look deep within yourself, and establish a focus on how you can improve this mentality for your own well-being...not for anyone else. Sort you out...because when you do, you'll have the person that compliments your personality- the one you'll always love.

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Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My Lord! SHE'S BACK! :D

We missed you, Michelle!

As for the OP, I agree with Smackie as well. It's best to delve within yourself and sort out your own issues. As my therapist has told me (I include this because I think it may apply here), assurance and wholeness has to come from within. It's your job because it's your life. People may come and go, but you will be there. And when you put that job on others, that's when you push them away.

Look deep within yourself, and establish a focus on how you can improve this mentality for your own well-being...not for anyone else. Sort you out...because when you do, you'll have the person that compliments your personality- the one you'll always love.

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Well, see, that's the problem. Already know that that is the solution. I'm even on a "Dating detox" right now. And that's why I'm exploring deep confusing topics right now. But the "how" I'm not clear of because whenever I hear that I have to rely only on myself (which I already know intellectually and from things I've witnessed), it hurts. I don't want a world where I have to be completely alone and self-reliant. Esp. because I don't think I'm capable. So it's scary and hard to accept.

I think, bottom line is.....men are going to gravitate towards you more when it seems like you've got it together and are comfortable in your own skin. Every guy I've talked to told me there's nothing worse than dating a girl that has so little going on in her own life that she latches onto them like a leech and expects them to fill all the gaps in their life (social or emotional, whatever). Yeah, they want to feel loved and needed. From what you've said though it sounds like you move on to the next guy and throw your whole self 100% into the relationship. It's just not healthy, and frankly it's a little intimidating to anyone that would date you.

I think you understand this, but now you need to get to the part where you can actually make yourself believe that men and love are not the be all end all. Maybe you need to go through a few more crap relationships before you'll fully get it, but let's hope not.