I'm talking about physical cheating (having sex with another person).
I understand feeling betrayed, hurt, angry, humiliated, disrespected, depressed... but why disgusted?
And is this something that women feel, too, when their male partner cheats?
It has never happened to me: I never physically cheated and no one has ever physically cheated on me (that I know of, at least), I'm just asking out of curiosity.
I'd be pretty disgusted if I thought about my other half having sex with someone else whilst in a relationship with me. It's a low act. And that to me is the disgusting aspect.
Exactly, this is the type of disgust I would expect. But men seem to be disgusted on a more physical level... they are physically repulsed by their cheating partner, they can't get themselves to even just kiss them because they feel like they have been somehow "ruined", on a physical level. This I don't quite understand.Quote:
Originally Posted by pisces25 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think you are generalising a lot. Not all guys feel physically repulsed. From my point of view I wouldn't go near my partner again if he cheated, physically or otherwise. But other people may be able to accept it. Anyway might pay to hear from some guys about this!
The disgusting part is that they couldn't be honest and come forward to say they are unhappy with the relationship or want out.
Smackie, those are all feelings I can understand...
Piesces, obviously it's a generalization and not *all* guys feel disgusted, but many guys do, more than I imagine I would, and on a more physical level.
It would be interesting to hear what guys have to say on the subject.
I'm not questioning anything here........but I will link you guys to a fellow that did use the term "disgusted". http://www.loveforum.net/threads/68779-What-should-i-do-Why-did-she-do-what-she-did.?p=827814#post827814
I'm curious, what did he mean exactly with "violated"? It's not like she had been raped...Quote:
Originally Posted by chumpdaddy1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She was touched by another cock, or has "been somewhere else"......I think he should have used the word "tainted", "dirtied" or "ruined" The dude is a wiener anyways.
That's what I thought... I wonder why guys think this way? I mean, if a guy cheats on a girl, she won't think stuff like "he was touched by another vagina so now he is tainted and ruined for ever" - at least, I don't think I would... so why do guys?Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
lol!! :d :dQuote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Women are from Venus and men are from mars......
Men can't look past the sex because their manhood is everything to them, and for their women to enjoy someone else's is like having it chopped off.
Hmm... this makes sense.Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I wish guys would give their opinion too..!! If there was a tagging option on this forum, I'd be using it now...
Why would any guy just step up and expose themselves by talking about their feelings?......they won't. Biggest complaint from women I see.
Haha, you're right XD. I just hoped in the anonymity of this forum we could get a few honest opinions.
Maybe if you sent a pm to some of our male members they might feel more comfortable answering your question.
I'd feel "intruding" doing that...
I'm sure chumpdaddy1 would love to answer that for you.
Men are more visually oriented, and also look at a lot more porn than women. So when a guy lnows that his woman had sex with another guy, the mental image is more graphic. Cum oozing out of various orifices, including the mouth, for example.Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
LOL! such details awesome!
I asked my boyfriend this question, and he gave this explanation: when a man has sex with a woman, he feels like she is "his", and when she has sex with someone else, it's like the other man "dirtied" her, in a very physical sense... the idea of his sperm touching her body is extremely disgusting, he said it's a bit like with dogs marking their territory... I think us women will ever truly understand the feeling! And I think that a lot of men (either consciously or subconsciously) regard being "dirtied" with sperm as an extremely degrading thing... which I think is absurd (and sexist, but hey it's not like they can help *feeling* that way).
Also, he said that this is the reason for which there is a big difference between a partner who cheats with a kiss/kisses, and a partner who cheats having sex... for me, as a woman, the only difference would be that if he got to the point to have sex, it means he pretty much decided it was a good idea, and that he valued a purely physical and temporary pleasure more than our relationship - whereas a kiss could be just "a mistake" in the spur of the moment.
He also told me an interesting thing: if his partner had sex with a man that he thinks is "inferior" to himself (in looks, personality, intellect, etc), he will lose even more respect for her, because it's like she "downgraded". I, on the other hand, would feel even more humiliated if he had sex (although what would hurt me the most would be an emotional affair) with a woman that I think is "inferior" to myself, because I would read it as a sign that I am worse than that woman. I found this pretty fascinating :-).
Oh and for the record - he also would feel a lot more hurt if I had an emotional affair, compared to a purely sexual affair.
Vincenzo: I'm not sure that's a valid explanation, because women are highly imaginative creatures when it comes to sex...
The reason we are emotional is that we are genetically nurturers (purpose for rearing children), and we are more forgiving when a man chooses to wonder because we ( at one time) depend on them for survival, and protection. Men are physical because it's in their genetic code to pass on their genes, having a mate cheat ruins their chances doing so and fearing they may end up raising children that are not his own, hence the sperm of another man "dirtying" or "tainting".
Yep I was thinking the same thing :-). They feel disgusted at the thought of having sex with a woman who had sex with another man, because then who knows whose child it would be? It makes sense in a very natural way.Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
This^. I'd thank it if I could! 'Digust' = strong feelings of something unpleasant.Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I agree, and I'm pretty sure that both men and women feel disgusted in that general sense - my question was more about the purely physical disgust that (for the most part) only males seem to feel.
It might be like learning someone just spat in the coffee you drank. Probably not a big deal but there's always the chance they could make you sick.
Good metaphor :-). Yes I think it does come down to "primitive instincts", nature makes them feel physically disgusted, to the point of not being able to have sex with a woman who had sex with someone else, otherwise if a child were to be born, it would be confusing because nobody would know who the father is (we have DNA testing now, but yeah). I think it's fascinating that the thing that disgusts them the most is precisely the thought of the other man's *sperm* touching the woman... it's so clear :-).
I wish some dude would rattle my woman. It would give me a good excuse to throw her lazy ass on the street. Thirty minutes ive been waiting for my lunch. Lazy bitch.
My sperm is more of a milky colour. According to my GF it doesn't taste like milk though.Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Very clever Boisdevie... anyway, do you think the explanation that was brought up is correct?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I didn't read all the responses, but I am thinking that if men are primarily disgusted, it probably has to do with him thinking of sex as really dirty/nasty/filthy, probably unconsciously.
yeah it is if you are doing it right.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Berk, sounds like aids.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes, but I don't mean he thinks of it in a *good* way... more in the kind of way that he might feel guilty for wanting to engage in it, like a hypocritical priest, and condemnatory about anyone else (especially females) who does it. The feelings of "disgust" might be that he is put off that a woman might enjoy being so "nasty", especially with someone besides him.Quote:
Originally Posted by iamaninnocentma [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I had a friend who's wife cheated on him and he said he couldn't ever sleep with her again b/c he just kept picturing the other dude ****ing her...all sweaty and gross he said. He was of course emotionally hurt, but it was the vision of the physical act that he found so discusting. Another man marking his territory on his woman. I have never been cheated on (not that I know of anyway) but for me I would be more upset about emotional cheating than anything else...so I guess that's the obvious answer anyway..men are just more physical/territorial and women emotional. Interesting to think about it.
^^^I agree with this. My boyfriend basically used the same terms to describe the feeling.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maple1714 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Actually, my boyfriend said that while physical cheating would make him very angry and disgusted and upset, he would be a lot more upset if I *emotionally* cheated on him. He said that he *could* forgive me if I slept with another man, depending on the situation, but he couldn't forgive me if I had an emotional affair behind his back.Quote:
I have never been cheated on (not that I know of anyway) but for me I would be more upset about emotional cheating than anything else...so I guess that's the obvious answer anyway..men are just more physical/territorial and women emotional. Interesting to think about it.
I think the difference between man and woman in this case lies in the way we react to the same thing, physical cheating. As a woman, I imagine I would feel betrayed, hurt, humiliated, angry... he would *also* feel physically disgusted, a lot more than I would.