What the HELL!!!

hey guys,just face a new problem and i dont know how to deal with it...me and my bf are living 2gether 4 almost 1.5 year and since then, he got seprated from his parents ...and i have to mention his parents are living in the same town, but he prefers to live with me...and also its been almost 2 years we're dating, ...(brief info)...
anyways,on this coming thursday its his birthday and i thought we're gonna spend his BD together,but this afternoon his mum called him and asked him to go to thier house and spend the whole evening with them...and she didnt invite me , cause my bf didnt mention anything to me:sad2: and i have to say i dont have a good relationship with his parents...so he told me hes gonna go there and be with them, and i asked him if hes staying for night and he said no,ill come back to go out with u and 2 of my other frnds...i was some how shocked that he didnt tell his mum that we're gonna spend his BD together...but after that i thought maybe its his right to be with his family on his BD rather than me,but i cant help to get over it and i still think he should
stay with me...what do u think guys...help me plzzzzzzzzzz

Maybe this is just something he has to do. He'll come back to you.

Dump his ass.

Are you sure his mother likes you?

His parents are obviously putting some kind of pressure on him.

People generally fall into 2 categories:-

1. Will do what they want despite what their parents/family think.
2. Will do what their parents say despite what their bf/gf think.

If you cant live with the fact he puts his parents first then leave him. But if you can then dont.

It does not mean he does not love you and it does not mean he thinks less of you than his parents.

its just the way some people are.

yeah, i know his parents dont like me(they always pretend to like me),neither am i...and they always try to make him under their control...and my bf doesnt say anythin at all...i just want to kill him when hes like this...gosh he sometimes forget hes almost 25...his parents act in a way like hes 12...haha stupid parents

Stupid parents? I think not. "Stupid boyfriend" is more like it. They treat him like he is 12 because he acts like he is 12. Why would you want a boyfriend who acts like he is 12?

come on guys...i cant just dump him because i dont have a good relationship with his parents...besides,i like him and all i wanted was spending his BD 2gether, thats it!!!!...Aegis maybe youre right i didnt give birth to him or i didnt grew him up,but what is the point of relationship? is it all about sharing a same bed and having sex???what about the good time that people can spend 2gether? i just thought now that hes 25, he can act more like it, and be with gf than spending a boring evening with his mama and papa...i dont know maybe im wrong...

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Originally Posted by Julia.Julia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

come on guys...i cant just dump him because i dont have a good relationship with his parents...

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I really think it is your responsibility to try to build a better relationship with his parents. They are important to him, and as such, should be important to you, as well. People shouldn't have to choose between their family and a girl, and honestly, at your age, I think the family is usually the source of a more stable relationship.

If you are unhappy with the relationship this guy has with his relatives, you SHOULD move on. Right now you are struggling with his parents over who gets to control him. This type of dynamic doesn't go away.




(Aegis: I only said he was acting 12 because Julia said it first.)

i think its gonna be off the topic if i say this but let me try it...i had a very good relationship with his parents...in a way that his mom told me,she likes me like her daugther and she had tears in her eyes, or another example, i spent 15 days staying at their place because i had a problem with my roomie that time...they just kindly invited me to stay with them till i found my new place...but i dont know what the hell happened that they started to talk to one my frnds behind my back...and told her some stupid stuff about me, and my frnd told me all that things...but they dont know i found about those things...since then the relationship got this way...

guys im not trying to keep him under my cntrl i just want him to know the differences between parents and gf, he mixed all things up,i dont know, forget about the f***in BD, youre right, i think im makin a big deal out of it...i prefer to be alone and just give him his gift...

and about building the better relationship with his parents,what would you do if you were in my shoes?imagine some people say some lies and frustrating things about u...

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Originally Posted by Julia.Julia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

plzzzzzzzzzz

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Do you even comprehend the phonetics of that "word"?

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Originally Posted by Julia.Julia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

and about building the better relationship with his parents,what would you do if you were in my shoes?imagine some people say some lies and frustrating things about u...

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If I was trying to build a life with him, I would do whatever it took, beginning with open dialogue. What kind of "lies" did your friends tell them, and how much of it was actually true?

i dont care about the phonetics...thats the way i like to write

actually his mom and sis told stuff about me to my frnd...sorry i wrote it confusing...oh god remembering those things make me numb...
there are so many things, that dont worth writing, but i mention some of them

1.they told my frnd that i stole their son from them and forced him to live with me(i never asked him to move in with me, he asked me to live 2gether)

2. i change the way he dresses up, and more stupid, i was the reason he has gained some weight (i didnt have anything to do with his weight, for Christ's sake, hes 25 and knew what to do with his life)

3.i made him to stop having relationship with some his frnds (he told me himself, he reach the point that he cant stand some of his frnd, and thats why he stop seeing some of his frnds)

4. i ask him not to visit his parents more than one time in a month (gosh, he says he doesnt like to be with them for more than 3 hours)

5. theyve told that im not good enough for their son, and their son deserves a pretty and beautiful girl

6. i was the reason he had an accident couple of months ago (i wasnt even in the car)

7. i dont have a good family, and my family dont care about me, just because my parents let me live with him :O ( im 23, and dont need my parents to tell me what to do)

8. im the reason he sometimes face accident,fight,...

9. im only frnd with him cause im gonna force him to marry him

and so many other things,

oh god, what are they, 18 year old teenage people? i know these things sound funny but they are not true and they made me angry...

i just want to get a revenge from them

But what I am asking is WHY they got to the place where they feel this way.

You wrote, "i ask him not to visit his parents more than one time in a month". Is this true? (Based on your posts, I wouldn't doubt it for a minute.) This alone would be reason enough for most parents to dislike you. The rest would just be used to strengthen their objections.

Look, I'm not saying they are easy people, but if you want to have a successful relationship with a man (ANY man), you are going to need to learn how to deal better with their families. Quit thinking about revenge. You aren't 11. Be the peacemaker instead.

no...his parents thought ive asked their son not to visit them, i didnt ask him that...i usually dont tell him what to do with his relationship with his parents...

Julia, what you are saying is that his whole family is crazy, and you are perfect. If this is true, then there really isn't much you can do to remedy the situation because you have no power. You can get used to spending birthdays and holidays by yourself.

On the other hand, if you examine your conscience and find you DO bear some responsibility, that also means you have some power and can work towards repairing this situation. You don't have to love these people, but you should certainly be able to make nice for long enough to prevent your exclusion from family events. Honestly, it shouldn't really be all that hard.