No kiss for a long time...

I'm married, almost 10 years now.. I don't think my wife has given me a true passionate kiss (aka french kiss) in 8 years. Now I'm in a point where she's going through somethings seasonal depression, my step daughter going to go to college this year, and she's going to be 40 soon. So it's getting worse.

I'm a passionate guy, I'm very loving to her, I express my love to her probably too much... I go to give her a kiss, i get the tight lip fish kiss. I'm sick of it to tell you the truth.

Curious what you all think..

j

Divorce her. She's a crochity bitch, and she's dragging you down with her. Leave her whiny ass. Or at least stop bitching about it and start enjoying it, as she won't change.

Damn shame too...love the woman way too Damn much...

Marriage is all about communication. This is a symptom to a deeper issue or issues, so you need to talk about your relationship in general, then work your way down to the more personal things. Maybe you need couples counseling, maybe you need to listen more, you wont know until you talk to her about it.

I'm surprised you let it go on for that long. You should have brought this up to her 7 years ago.

Sometimes people start to get into routines and don't realize they are cutting something they really need out of their lives. You really just need to one day while she is least expecting it, casually walk up behind her, then passionately turn her around putting your hands on the back of her neck and into her hair, and kiss her like you've wanted and deserved for 8 years. If she pulls away or still gives you a tight lip kiss get defensive and ask her why.

I have brought it up, she's incensitive to it. She's going through some stuff right now too, its the whole thing is just adding up. There's a lot to it, she's going to a dr. now, and we'll go after she can get a grip on her stuff. Eh.. whole thing is just eating me up inside.

j

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Divorce her. She's a crochity bitch, and she's dragging you down with her. Leave her whiny ass. Or at least stop bitching about it and start enjoying it, as she won't change.

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She needs to leave you since you allowing someone else to call her a bitch.

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Originally Posted by Starnique [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She needs to leave you since you allowing someone else to call her a bitch.

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I don't get all torqued up over stuff like that, its a forum... If someone said it to me face to face its a different story... trust me.

j

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Originally Posted by jedimaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have brought it up, she's incensitive to it. She's going through some stuff right now too, its the whole thing is just adding up. There's a lot to it, she's going to a dr. now, and we'll go after she can get a grip on her stuff. Eh.. whole thing is just eating me up inside.

j

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I'd wait a bit then to see what's going on. But it probably still won't explain why she hasn't been passionately kissing you for the last 8 years. Is she still having sex with you?

We were on the 1x a month to 1x every 2/3 month deal... she's started getting back into shape and she's starting to want to have sex again. Its not me. Its all on her.. I've thought about just throwing my hands up and saying f it I'm tired and beat up.. but I love her, I'm i love with her. I think she loves me, although its hard to tell alot times. LOL we have a 6 year old and I've dealt with alot of this for him. But the more I see how it's so one way with us, that I'm starting to feel like maybe I should just walk away and start over. It sux cause i'm in my 40's now.. I'm in great shape, don't look my age and I'm not horrific looking as far as I know..
I know the women at work seem to think I'm pretty attractive, so well.. I don't know. i can't imagine her no in my life, but I can see that maybe she doesn't want me in hers anymore, which is gut wrenchingly painful.
j

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Originally Posted by jedimaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't get all torqued up over stuff like that, its a forum... If someone said it to me face to face its a different story... trust me.

j

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Lol...oh okay..you better.

Anyway, you should go up to her when she least expect it and snatch her up and push her against the wall (do it fast so she wont have to time to react) and start tonguing her down real hard and passionately and then just stop and say, i ****ing love you... and then walk off, she will probably be stunned.

Time for a serious talk then, put your cards on the table and see what she's got to say about it. You clearly aren't getting what you want and/or need and even though a good relationship depends on making certain sacrifices, if she doesn't do her part then it's not worth the hassle anymore. If you can't work it out on your own you definitely should seek out some professional help.

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Originally Posted by Starnique [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Lol...oh okay..you better.

Anyway, you should go up to her when she least expect it and snatch her up and push her against the wall (do it fast so she wont have to time to react) and start tonguing her down real hard and passionately and then just stop and say, i ****ing love you... and then walk off, she will probably be stunned.

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I have a feeling that would just have the opposite affect on her than what you are hoping for. I'm guessing "wtf are you doing, get away from me" will be her response.

Oh well I would like it.hahaha.

Wow, im not laughing at him but the way you described her reaction was funny. Wow, then he would be on here saying he got rejected. Idk then.

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Originally Posted by Starnique [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh well I would like it.hahaha.

Wow, im not laughing at him but the way you described her reaction was funny. Wow, then he would be on here saying he got rejected. Idk then.

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I bet you would! Most younger women do. But she is approaching 40 and hasn't been really passionate with him for many years, so I have a feeling that she feels a lot different about it than we do.

Starnique, are you like 19? Eat glass you cunt.

Jedimaster, after 8 years, this shit won't change. Please come back and update us on your progress, or more likely, the lack thereof.

So helpful appreciate it man..

You probably won't be able to appreciate it until you're an exhausted, shell of a man(moreso than you are now), and you realize that trying to make someone love you won't work.

I agree with the last part, I can't make her love me... .I'm not a shell of a man by any stretch. I'm cool in my own skin... if it's not going to work then I can move on sadly as I have a 6 year old from her.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Starnique, are you like 19? Eat glass you cunt.

Jedimaster, after 8 years, this shit won't change. Please come back and update us on your progress, or more likely, the lack thereof.

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Lol whatever...**** u...u pussy...u burning one at that u herpe.

With women there is no on off switch. It's all emotional and an up hill climb. Things like the need to feel apprieciated, public affection, mental connection is needed for women. It's normal for things to become "unpassionate", so you have to find other ways to be satisfied, like role playing, watch a porn together, outdoor sex, fun weekend trips, etc. But it hard to feel sexy when raising kids, washing cloths, cooking, working, shoping and cleaning. We all get caught up in our day to day responsabilities. You may have tried to talk to her on some level about it, but you didn't deal with it 7 years ago. You should have worked on it then and possible counseling for it. So this isn't ALL ON her. It takes two to repair a marriage. It's good that she is making an effort to exercise because that does really help with mental health, and sexual interest. So don't just stand there with your arms folded "waiting" to see if she comes around. You need to be supportive and proactive with her.....work as a team. If you keep this "it's all her problem" attitude, you may as well ask for a separation.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

With women there is no on off switch. It's all emotional and an up hill climb. Things like the need to feel apprieciated, public affection, mental connection is needed for women. It's normal for things to become "unpassionate", so you have to find other ways to be satisfied, like role playing, watch a porn together, outdoor sex, fun weekend trips, etc. But it hard to feel sexy when raising kids, washing cloths, cooking, working, shoping and cleaning. We all get caught up in our day to day responsabilities. You may have tried to talk to her on some level about it, but you didn't deal with it 7 years ago. You should have worked on it then and possible counseling for it. So this isn't ALL ON her. It takes two to repair a marriage. It's good that she is making an effort to exercise because that does really help with mental health, and sexual interest. So don't just stand there with your arms folded "waiting" to see if she comes around. You need to be supportive and proactive with her.....work as a team. If you keep this "it's all her problem" attitude, you may as well ask for a separation.

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I have tried, I have talked to her, I have tried to appeal to here on many levels! I am super supportive of her, I've read more than enough "expert advice" colums, I've been the active one in this for years. I have said "you and me lets go get dinner!" lets goto a play , lets do something for us.. not just all about the kids. I have been proactive! I have told her 1000x you're beautiful! I've done more chores around the house than most men combined, trying to appeal to her! I'm super supportive of her.. I've tried...

you know what the more i type this I defend myself, and I feel like why? I've been the one that has said "lets go talk to someone" lets do this or that.. I do everything I can for her! I've gone above and beyond.. now I'm just getting pissed! LOL

j

Sometimes simple little gestures are worth a lot more than doing something around the house or taking her to some place. I'm not saying don't do this because I'm sure she appreciates it. What she probably needs is more simple and basic physical affection, like holding her hand every once in a while, being close to her, giving her a hug, etc.

bearz, I do ... simple things, I try to show her in the most subtle ways that she's the world to me. That I love her more than anything... but if she's not feeling it, I guess I'm wasting my life.

j

Why not suggest couples counseling...you haven't metioned that. If she refuses then what choice do you have but to ask for a separation. If you are both unhappy then there is no reason to exist in a marriage.

Our every day routines can take a toll on our home life, particularly our relationships. Whether it’s working overtime, tending to your children’s every need, or dealing with a work commute that’s way too long, the hustle and bustle drains us of energy, leading to lack of connection and intimacy. This is no way to live. We must bring spirit and life into our relationships or they will fizzle.

One suggestion I have as a relationship expert is simple - communicate. Have you told her you want a kiss? Does she not like kissing? Is it technique or does she not feel attractive or into it? Only way to know what's really going on is to state your needs and not assume she knows your needs. Be honest. If nothing changes seek outside help. If she's opposed to that maybe she isn't as invested in your relationship. She should want to work on the intimacy as much as you do.

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Originally Posted by LoveSujeiry [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Our every day routines can take a toll on our home life, particularly our relationships. Whether it’s working overtime, tending to your children’s every need, or dealing with a work commute that’s way too long, the hustle and bustle drains us of energy, leading to lack of connection and intimacy. This is no way to live. We must bring spirit and life into our relationships or they will fizzle.

One suggestion I have as a relationship expert is simple - communicate. Have you told her you want a kiss? Does she not like kissing? Is it technique or does she not feel attractive or into it? Only way to know what's really going on is to state your needs and not assume she knows your needs. Be honest. If nothing changes seek outside help. If she's opposed to that maybe she isn't as invested in your relationship. She should want to work on the intimacy as much as you do.

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I've brought it up a thousand times... I don't get it. Simple things of life matter the most, and evidently we're on 2 different pages. I believe she's not that into the relationship, and now our relationship is definatly changing.. its been 10 years almost that we've been together. Now, I fear we're going to come to the part where she's going to end up venturing out.. just my feeling.. happened to me before.

I'm guessing over the next 3-6 months something will pop up and we'll be going our seperate ways. I pray not though..

j

IMHO it sounds like she has emotionally withdrawn from the relationship. You have gone above and beyond for her and she won't even try to meet you half way. You seem like a very warm person and a giver; while she seems cold, distant, and a taker.

Have an open discussion w/her and tell her exactly how you feel. If you let the relationship stay festering like this it will eat away at you. Don't forget you need to provide for your happiness as well.

You should talk to her if you love

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Originally Posted by jedimaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We were on the 1x a month to 1x every 2/3 month deal... she's started getting back into shape and she's starting to want to have sex again. Its not me. Its all on her.. I've thought about just throwing my hands up and saying f it I'm tired and beat up.. but I love her, I'm i love with her. I think she loves me, although its hard to tell alot times. LOL we have a 6 year old and I've dealt with alot of this for him. But the more I see how it's so one way with us, that I'm starting to feel like maybe I should just walk away and start over. It sux cause i'm in my 40's now.. I'm in great shape, don't look my age and I'm not horrific looking as far as I know..
I know the women at work seem to think I'm pretty attractive, so well.. I don't know. i can't imagine her no in my life, but I can see that maybe she doesn't want me in hers anymore, which is gut wrenchingly painful.
j

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Not healthy at all man...Thats just bad and its not ok. You sound like a good, healthy, and passionate guy. I would consider some couple's counselling. I was a bit depressed with my ex when I only got it once or every other week. Made me feel unloved and unwanted. It was not for a lack of trying either and no I didn't expect her to turn on light a light, rather I'm all about intimacy and having that emotional connection too. You can only get turned down so many times before you give up, get drepressed, and begin to resent her.

Sometimes people have TOTALLY different sex drives. Women can sex the hell out of man when they are courting and then once they have them bam....you are a sex ration. I understand you guys have a kid, but you still need time on a regular basis for both physical and emotional intimacy. I would talk to her openly about it, tell her what you need, seek help, and if she cannot change you will have to leave her as this is no way to live.

I think she probably felt unattractive after having your 6 year old. It is quite normal for a woman to become insecure after childbirth and that can really interfere with your sex life.

I think you should suggest counselling together and try to work on getting the intimacy back. Id say every marriage goes through dry spells and its normal when you have young kids at home but you still both have to make an effort.

You can fix this. Work together on it. You love each other, you have children and you sound happy in general.

Best of luck :)

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Divorce her. She's a crochity bitch, and she's dragging you down with her. Leave her whiny ass. Or at least stop bitching about it and start enjoying it, as she won't change.

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you are UNBELIEVABLE. you don't give up on MARRIAGE because of this. you talk it out. be a man and talk it out with your wife.

@jedimaster... TELL HER what's wrong. what if she just feels unattractive or there is something else that is really wrong with how she sees herself?! I dunno. I'm not married, but I know when I am, I will know that communication is key. Now stop complaining to us, go talk to your wife, and MAKE OUT WITH HER!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Starnique [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She needs to leave you since you allowing someone else to call her a bitch.

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Yup I agree

Yup I agree

TELL HER what's wrong. what if she just feels unattractive or there is something else that is really wrong with how she sees herself?! I dunno. I'm not married, but I know when I am, I will know that communication is key. Now stop complaining to us, go talk to your wife, and MAKE OUT WITH HER!!!!!!

Yup

you need to find somone first

I agree totally agree

Old thread guys!!

Yes basilandthyme I agree....it's time to close this thread. Thread closed!