how to deal with a possessive girl HELP PLZ

I love my girl friend very truly and sincerely and she does the same to me. But she is very possessive about me. She doesn't allow me to talk or do anything for my mother, family members or hang out my friends when i want too. She always wants me to talk to her through phone always wants me to be with her. i even asked her one day what would be sufficient amount of time on the phone with me, she replied all day. its horrible because she would never let me breath during the day, every single day has to be a conversation about something and when i decide i want to leave she argues with me. we talked on the phone for 8 hours straight and i told her i needed a break and she flipped, Im sick and tired of the arguing and drama that would last for almost 2 days.. she has access to my Myspace and aim accounts, she even deleted girls of my friends list b.c she didn't like them. i cant even hang out with my friends without her texting me and expecting a conversation on text, if i have to do something for my family members she flip's out sometimes to the point where she cry's. she has my work schedule written out, and my school schedule. she knows where iam and what im doing. when im not doing that she text's me and ask "where are u?" i cant even have a decent dinner with my family w.o her texting me constantly even though i told her ill talk to her later, and if i dont text back she argues with me because i don't text back and im supposedly ignoring her. i cant even have a social life with anyone besides at school and work b.c she's not around but whenever im free its all on her, i never hang out with my friends anymore b.c all my time is spent on her... if i ever tell her i need space she gets offended to the maxxx


that's basically the whole picture, what should i do?

Wow. She's even cutting you off from your family? She sounds mentally ill. (really.) this is extremely abnormal behavior. Why have you not drawn any boundaries before now?

i have tried to draw boundaries with her and she just gets really upset, as if i did the wrongest thing in the book at most emotional.. she even says im picking my family over her and shes suppose to be #1 etc.

There are a few things you can do here:

1. Try to see if she'll undergo counseling (not likely)
2. Try to stand up for yourself every single second you are are with her (almost impossible to do)
3. Leave her and let her figure this all out on her own (because nobody can 'fix' her except her)

This woman is beyond insecurities... this could escalate to violence (weapons.. etc)... not much different than scenarios involving abusive bf's.

I would suggest you not walk away from this relationship... I would suggest you run... run as fast as you can.

well her ex was abusive and she had a REALLY rough life growing up. idk whats the right thing to do, i wanna be there for her and not abandon her but she;s too complicated and possessive. w,e happens im not gonna go back in a relationship for a while too much work lol

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Originally Posted by DMan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

well her ex was abusive and she had a REALLY rough life growing up. idk whats the right thing to do, i wanna be there for her and not abandon her but she;s too complicated and possessive. w,e happens im not gonna go back in a relationship for a while too much work lol

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So... abusing you is excusable because she was abused? What if her ex was abused too? And the one that abused him was abused as well? Do you see how that logic is flawed?

She's a big girl.. she can make her own decisions... and be held accountable for her actions.

Don't go back in a while.. don't go back at all... it's time to move on... time to take into consideration your own needs and wants.

How long have you been going out with her?

Yeah dude, f*ck her, don't let her turn you into her little bitch.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah dude, f*ck her, don't let her turn you into her little bitch.

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Been here, done this. You wont change anything standing up for yourself. My ex got irritated that I was close to my mom and actually got all huffy, puffy when my mom would call my cell when she was with me.

Kick her ass to the curb and hope she hits it hard.

I honestly, truly can't understand how on earth anyone could get upset over a guy talking to his MOM. Yeah, sure, if he's a mommy's boy at 25 and can't go out because he's got a date with his mother, that's one thing, but when did it become such a terrible thing for a guy to talk to his mom???

thanks for your help guys i really appreciate your inputs im 19 btw and we've been going going out for 6 months now.

the thing is she doesnt want my mother interrupting our conversations at all or else she gets mad and says i always pick my mother over her and its soo stupid sometimes im just like whatever

how do you deal with her? you dump her.

easier said then done haha

anymore advice?

All I can say is that if you are willing to brush off your mom for some idiot girl you've only known for 6 months, she wouldn't be the only one with problems.

Get rid of this girl. She is going to make you miserable.

It's not hard to get rid of someone. You just say "we are through, don't call me anymore you psychotic bitch".

Usually I'd recommend saying it's over face to face... but in this case... text massage, by phone, email, or through messenger would be fine too... anything to put distance between you and her --- physical distance.

The woman scares me...

Yeah man this is an unhealthy relationship that needs to end. I don't believe both people need to get the same out of a relationship; effectively one partner leaning on the other but not a considerable amount. If she expects you to devote your entire day to her, that she is that dependent on you, that she is that obsessive and possessive of you. This is a considerable amount, in fact, it is even above that. If she can't give you space you need then you should not give her your time. Think of the future, if you are unhappy now and nothing changes; how will you feel in another 6 months? Probably twice as unhappy, miserable. In essence just plain off worse. My advice is to end it before it gets worse.

Tell her to **** off.

You're a terrible couple.

She obviously needs more help than you can give her. (I think she needs medical care and possibly some time in a nice hospital.) I'm sure you thought you were doing the nice thing, giving her access to your online accounts, but that was a huge mistake. Every time you capitulate to an unreasonable demand, you effectively tell her that these things are acceptable, which they are not.

You aren't drawing boundaries appropriately. You might think you are, but you're not.

This girl needs help, and I don't think you're actually helping. Break up with her.

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Originally Posted by DMan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

anymore advice?

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I don't think there IS any more advice other than to dump her. She's not just over the edge, she's freakin' half-way across the ocean! Not that you're blameless though ... how on earth did you ever let her gain that much control over your life in such a short period of time?

Breaking up with her is NOT easier said than done. Next time she throws a tantrum, lay down the new law:

1) I will talk to my family any time I want.
2) I will help my family any time I want.
3) Unless it's something urgent, I will not respond to your text messages if I'm busy.
4) I am going to try to get my friends back, and I WILL spend a reasonable amount time enjoying their company, even without you.
5) I am changing my password to AIM, MySpace or whatever. Passwords are private, and you have no right to change things on MY accounts.
6) When I am done talking to you on the phone, I will say so, say goodbye and hang up.
7) If this is not acceptable, or if you throw another tantrum about this, consider our relationship over. Period.

You are her boyfriend, not her therapist or her door mat ... start acting like one!

Carl.

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Originally Posted by DMan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

anymore advice?

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Do it sooner rather than later, time only makes it harder to do what you need to do. Trust me, I speak from experience.

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Originally Posted by Cbrider [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do it sooner rather than later, time only makes it harder to do what you need to do. Trust me, I speak from experience.

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you i know what you mean dude its already harder then it is, best bet is doin it on the phone right?

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Originally Posted by DMan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

you i know what you mean dude its already harder then it is, best bet is doin it on the phone right?

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Sure.. then when she gets controlling... you can just hang up and be done with it.

I did it in person, she was upset about it, but was angry more than anything. That was the sign that what I did was for the better. I loved her, but even my heart knows when its done.

I think these are the kind of girls you read about in the news.

When they chop off their hubbies pleasure stick :(.

You need to sit down and talk to her. Be honest about how you feel and let her know that your family is important to you. Let her know that you feel like you are getting seperated from your family and friends.

Also tell her how much you love her and care about her. Tell her you are there for her and you dont mind communicating every day but you do need some space and it is something that she needs to accept.

If she does truley love and care about you she will understand! She is not being fair on you and you need to talk to her.

I know it maybe hard, but you need to be harsh and strong with her. Tell her that you need her to do this for things to work. Tell her that it does not mean that you dont love her but you can not loose your family or friends. Also say something like, dont you want to spend some time with your friends.

If she is not willing to listen. I know it may sound harsh but you may have to finish things with her. It is not worth damaging the relationship with your family and friends for a girl friend. Friends are equally as important and they are the ones that are there for you no matter what.

I suffer with depression, my boyfriend knows about it, but I understand it is something that I have to deal with myself. I understand that time apart is important and having time with friends is important. I like to communicate with him everyday and have been insecure but I would never expect someone to give up their family and friends for me.

I am sure that you will work things out. I hope that I have helped.

Good luck