Age-old Question: Can guys and girls be just friends?

I asked an acquaintance I'm just starting to get to know to coffee and he basically told me that he'd really be interested in going as friends but 'does not think it would be more than that,' adding that he doesn't really want a relationship right now and is dealing with a former girlfriend. I was surprised by this a little bit because I asked to have coffee, not to marry him or jump immediately into dating.

We ended up going as friends, of course, and it was a blast! 2 hours spent talking, laughing, having an amazing time - we have much in common and I practically see him every day now. Honestly, I think I fell for him, and now I am beating myself up for it because he flat out told me in the beginning it was just friends. We always have a great time when we're together - conversation is easy and fun, and I can completely be myself and not have to worry about impressing him or disappointing him, which feels so freeing. It sucks that I can't date him, but usually I feel better when he sees me and has a big grin on his face. My gut's telling me though - we connect and get along very well - I felt like I found my best friend...that I'm very much attracted to! CRAP!

Guys - what on earth is going on in his brain? He always hugs me goodbye, picks up all my calls, opens doors for me, responds to all my texts, and genuinely is caring, maybe even more caring than most of my female friends.

Is this honestly strictly platonic? (I've even caught him staring at me... and sometimes he's caught me staring at him, in which he responds by staring right back, not looking away, weird...) I'll be okay if it's best to move on, but yes, I really do wish I had more because our friendship is great and the connection is there.

he probably just said the whole friend bit in the beginning as a bit of a disclaimer, but most relationships start out as friendships. People don't really date anymore, they're just friends, and usually more than friends, than boyfriend and girlfriend. Common sense would say he's probably into you too.

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Originally Posted by starry23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Age-old Question: Can guys and girls be just friends?

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Yes.

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Originally Posted by starry23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I was surprised by this a little bit because I asked to have coffee, not to marry him or jump immediately into dating.

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Girls don't just randomly ask guys to have coffee with them. I'm not at all surprised that he assumed that you might have been interested.

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Originally Posted by starry23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Is this honestly strictly platonic?

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Only he knows. Why not ask him? He does behave like he is interested.

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Age-old Question: Can guys and girls be just friends?

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Yes. If there is no attraction on either side.

I wouldn't take someones friendliness, as a sign they want or would like more.

I would think this guy is into you. Right now it seems hes having a hard time with his ex which is understandable. Don't get your hopes up to be crushed however. You never know when/if hes going to run back to her and you don't know the whole situation. I would think that if they don't have children then there would be no reason to continue talking to her especially when it seems so hard for both of them right now. What would be the point?

Maybe hes using you to help himself get over his ex? People are very complicated and you never know!

Look into yourself and look into him. You must be honest and realistic with yourself, no one knows the situation like you and him. Do what you feel is in your heart and don't take any of this advice very seriously. You must do what you want or five years down the line you may kicking yourself in the ass.

Yup. I'm trying to remain level-headed and not get too carried away. I honestly don't think he's using me to get over his ex - he's in my general circle of friends and my friends all know him to be a very genuine and caring person, who's very respectful to everyone. And, we're both in college and have no kids, haha.

I guess I was having a hard time because his words say he's not interested in a relationship with anyone right now...but his actions seem kind of different?... We've never actually discussed it verbally, that pre-coffee agreement was over texting. After we went out for coffee it seems, something might have changed...I know for me it did, I expected going and having a nice time, but I didn't think it would be that much fun... I remember sitting there after talking for a few hours, and he just got quiet all of a sudden, looked comfortable and just started just looking at me intensely straight in the eyes. It was weird at first because we spent hours talking and laughing nonstop and all of a sudden he just sat there in silence, staring (not in a creepy way, just in relaxed gazing kind of way). I started getting nervous because it was more than a few seconds and then I said, we should probably go....so we did. Since then, I've practically have seen him just about every day or every other day. One week, we ended up doing a 5 or 6 day streak of coincidentally running into each other (most of the time, it's because we always hang out in the same place and do a lot of the same activities). So yeah, maybe all that staring means nothing at all, haha... I guess I'm wondering if guys stare for no reason? Maybe he's bored or just thinking of other things?

He's attracted to you and he likes you. But his life isn't in a good place to date you or anyone else. If you pressure him to date you, he will run. Just let it be what it is for now. Once he has his life on track and feels on even ground, he may make a move. Keep your eyes open for an available love interest in the meantime. Because you can want this all you want, but you can't make him reciprocate.

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq6B8sagto0]YouTube - Can Guys and Girls just be Friends? In 60 Seconds[/url]

Dunno if the OP can see that link. But this guy has some pretty good points.

To answer your question: to experienced people and emotionally responsible people: YES, guys and girls CAN be just friends: just not you unfortunately :)
The fact is: He doesn't like you enough to be serious with you because he still is connected to his ex-whom he's still seeing...

You allowed yourself to fall for someone who isn't interested in you as you are in him. It happens all the time because you aren't in control of your emotions as you should.
The fact is: you shouldn't be spending so much time with someone who is just your friend: because you are emotionally compromised and he just LOVES the attention you give him anyway...

What is going on in his brain: He is being your friend, nothing more. To him: this is how he treats his friends...It's not weird.
He knows how to treat a woman, and you want that for yourself. <---Not going to happen and if you have a shred of decency you'd remove yourself from this situation
and allow him some space until he is done and has had closure from his ex...Then it's all good.

Building a foundation on top of another bond he has with someone else invites cheating, lies and all sorts of negativity! Do the right thing.
Of course he likes you: but you need to respect what is going on.

obviously. yes they can.

all it takes is for them not to find each other attractive in any romantic/sexual way but be into the same stuff. These friends tend to grow to love each other in a brother/sister way in my experience and they'd be completely grossed out at the thought of banging the other.

oh wait, oops, I'm not a male. oh well.

I don't know... it's hard. I think that at one point with every guy friend I've had, either they had an attraction to me or vice versa, or both, even if it was just a little bit. The only guy friend I was truly friends with and never had any attraction or interest in whatsoever was a gay friend of mine :P I do think they can be friends, but there is always one point during the friendship where one of the two might think about hooking up or a relationship... it just happens! especially if either of the 2 is attractive :)

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Originally Posted by ashley89 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't know... it's hard. I think that at one point with every guy friend I've had, either they had an attraction to me or vice versa, or both, even if it was just a little bit. The only guy friend I was truly friends with and never had any attraction or interest in whatsoever was a gay friend of mine :P I do think they can be friends, but there is always one point during the friendship where one of the two might think about hooking up or a relationship... it just happens! especially if either of the 2 is attractive :)

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Well Ashley you already know I printed out your picture and enlarged it to a lifesize cardboard cutout, but I think the issue here would be based on what the guy has been exposed to.
While being attractive is subjective: when it comes to the worldly wants and perception there is such a thing as being hot and/or ugly...And since I have known very beautiful women before as well as in the present
I can comment to say that I need to feel a connection in order to be attracted to someone: it's almost like my soul needs to connect with theirs on some level and if it's not there; and no matter how "hot" she appears to be:
if I can't connect: I hear crickets when I look at her (seriously) !

yeah guys and girls can be friends........if they are friends that hump! i have never heard of a guy that didnt want to sleep with a girl he was friends with. pisses me off when i'm with a girl and she says 'oh he's just a friend. nothing would ever happen between us' well maybe you wouldnt want to fool around with him but i know he wants to get into your pants! get a clue!!!

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Originally Posted by ktm390 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yeah guys and girls can be friends........if they are friends that hump! i have never heard of a guy that didnt want to sleep with a girl he was friends with. pisses me off when i'm with a girl and she says 'oh he's just a friend. nothing would ever happen between us' well maybe you wouldnt want to fool around with him but i know he wants to get into your pants! get a clue!!!

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Just because you can't be friends with a beautiful female and not want to jump her bones doesn't mean it doesn't exist!
There are people out there that don't just jump in the sac because she registers a 10 on the superficial scale of hotness.

i guess there is an exception to every rule ;)

and at first glance i thought your avatar said 'back door not open do not enter' haaaa still cool though

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Originally Posted by SelflessnHumble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well Ashley you already know I printed out your picture and enlarged it to a lifesize cardboard cutout, but I think the issue here would be based on what the guy has been exposed to.
While being attractive is subjective: when it comes to the worldly wants and perception there is such a thing as being hot and/or ugly...And since I have known very beautiful women before as well as in the present
I can comment to say that I need to feel a connection in order to be attracted to someone: it's almost like my soul needs to connect with theirs on some level and if it's not there; and no matter how "hot" she appears to be:
if I can't connect: I hear crickets when I look at her (seriously) !

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LMAO! how's my cardboard cut out doing? should I make one of you to make it fair?

Got similar dilemma. Men are confusing! They say something but behave in another way and mess with you.

Very difficult because all the relationships of young people
ended with dating and ......

I've been like that with a friend once. It ended up falling in love but we did not ended up together. But we ended in good terms as for using the disclaimer like he said before you guys went out for coffee.
Sooner or later, he will start flirting with you. When he does, its go time.

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Originally Posted by starry23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Age-old Question: Can guys and girls be just friends?

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Totally.
You can also win the lottery.

Aside from being sarcastic about it, yes, it can happen, but honestly, I don't think it's nearly as simple as alot of people think.
Far too often it's friends with carefully guarded/repressed feelings on at least one side.
Often it results in fooling around.

End of the day, the whole penis vagina thing isn't about being friends. In special cases, it works, and works well. In most cases however, the biological need to put penis's into vaginas will cause difficulties in a healthy two way (only) friendship.

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Originally Posted by Huggles [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Men are confusing! They say something but behave in another way and mess with you.

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well if that aint the pot callin the kettle black!!!!

You know, when I see situations like this, just one word comes to my mind- expectations.

This isn't so much about him wanting you as a friend or something more as much as it is about you WANTING to believe that he probably likes you more than a friend. Since he's obviously got a lot of personal stuff to deal with, I think you should hang out with him without expecting anything in return (i.e. a reciprocation of your feelings) and not put yourself in a position where you could get hurt. As for him opening the doors for you, answering your calls, etc.- friends do that too sometimes, and it shouldn't be considered to be particularly romantic or anything. Since he's already told you that he's just looking for friendship, I don't think it would be wise for you to invest your feelings in him right now. Oh and yeah- him staring at you and all- since you two do get along well and he's just come out of a broken relationship, it's natural for him to like your company and perhaps even be physically attracted to you.

Since we don't know what's going on in his mind, and we DO know what's going on in yours in this situation, I'd say- focus on a strictly platonic friendship and nothing more at this moment.

P.S: As for your question- yes, guys and girls can be 'just' friends.

Short answer: only online.

there are friends which you share superficial activities or conversations with without getting too deeply involved with their inner emotional world, or yours, that includes simply getting along well, basically, there's a wall up with those people whether you like it or not, I prefer to call them acquaintances, simply because I personally perceive the definition of friendship to be much deeper. and with such a person I can and probably will simply stay friends, there are more than a few beautiful woman in my life that are like that, and for reasons I can't quite explain, I don't feel close, or even interested enough to try to break down that wall. for a very few special people however, there comes a point where the wall starts to break down for both of you, it won't be easy, but that's when one or both of you could decide if there exists a real connection, precisely as mentioned by selflessnhumble, and that connection is what shifts the way I look at a woman, to me that connection can be far more attractive than her looks or my physical desires for her, and if I were to feel that connection, that pull, it would be quite very difficult to just be friends with her, unless I absolutely have to in order to respect her.

put into context of your situation, my feelings is that he's into you, but there's something holding him back from taking action, it's more likely that he isn't into you enough for him to break free of whatever that's holding him back. to me that initial remark of staying friends only is really no more than an excuse, for both you and him, it might have been true and even necessary in the beginning, because without being confined within the boundaries of "dating", it indeed is easier to be yourself, that might even be part of the reason why he's holding back. but then, if the feelings toward the other is strong enough, nothing can stop you, that's what it means to be a fool for love.

if it was me, I would ask myself first if i'm willing to accept the possible consequences of being more than friends, should it work, you or him might not be able to face each other as freely, should it fail, you might gradually lose what you have today.
if you believe you can deal with all that, or at least put in the effort to make it work despite all that, then you should ask him straight out what's holding him back, if he would be interested in being more than just friends, if he is in need of anything, time, space, consoling, in order to make it work. I would personally find such questions to be humble and respectful, and if he is a person with adequate capacity for a decent relationship, then he will give you an honest response, enough to let you know exactly what to do, one way or another. if he couldn't provide you with such an response, then perhaps you should really ask yourself if this is someone you wanna spend your time and emotions on.

hope that helped

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Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Long answer: Loveforum is a cesspool.

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Short reason: with people *like* you it's no wonder you arrive at that conclusion.

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Originally Posted by SelflessnHumble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Short reason: with people *like* you it's no wonder you arrive at that conclusion.

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Coincidence you should say that. I think I'm the only member on the forum who has broken the online barrier and fücked another member.

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Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Coincidence you should say that. I think I'm the only member on the forum who has broken the online barrier and fücked another member.

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How is that possible? At least one other member would have had to break that barrier for you to break it, right?