The letter I sent her pt 1 (long) - comments appreciated.
Dear (partner),
As you have become aware over the last few weeks, I'm the sort of person who likes to write my thoughts and feelings down. It helps me get through tough times like I am currently experiencing. So I just wanted to write you this letter to let you know the things that are on my mind about you, our relationship, and us. Please keep this letter safe, and read it whenever you think of me.
Over two years have passed since the day my heart found love for you, and when my life changed forever. This time together has undoubtedly been the best years of my life. This is despite my marriage break up and all of the sacrifices made, and the loss of my job. I disappointed my family and lost a lot of friends to be with you. In contrast, the last few weeks have been the worst time of my life. It has been so difficult to see the love of my life slip away. It has been an extremely painful experience.
There was something about you that made me feel like I had never felt before. When I looked at you, nothing could turn my eyes away. When I held you, it felt as if we were the only two who existed. No one else mattered.
I remember my friends and family questioning if we had a future together when we first met. My parents, (friend), and (friend) all said to me at one stage to be careful, because due to our age difference, things might not last long. I had considered this too, but because I started falling in love with you, I wanted to believe that we would be together forever. Over time, they too believed that this was not going to be something brief. I realised that you were a much more mature person than you age, and over time forgot there was an age difference between us. I now reflect on this and wonder if the age difference was a major factor in our break up. Perhaps you feel that you have so much more in life to experience.
Initially I thought why a gorgeous young woman like you was so interested in me. I suffered with terrible insecurities about our relationship, thinking that you would soon find someone better and leave me. These insecurities started to disappear the closer we grew to each other. I also used to say to you a lot that "you better keep that for when we break up". Sometimes I can still hear your voice telling me that we will never break up. But that is all gone now. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep wishing I still had you. Being in your arms again is something I dream about often.
Over time, I started to fall deeper and deeper in love with you, and suspected that you were doing the same. Our relationship was built on a foundation of love and respect. It gave me that warm fuzzy feeling, making my head spin and my heart race. Those feelings were new to me, and created only by you.
Being a typical guy, I always had trouble with saying 'I love you'. My feelings for your were sure, but I seemed to have difficulties in expressing it verbally. I would always skirt around this area by saying or doing cryptic things. I would say "you must be blind" (i.e. blinded by love), and write I LOVE YOU...R HAIR on you back in bed. I think you knew what I was trying to say, but it was no substitute for telling you properly. It became a game after a while, threatening to tell me 'mushies' if I didn't do something. I know I cannot turn back time, but I only wish I told you earlier that I loved you. I really regret never properly doing so. I long for the times that you would kiss me goodnight and whisper "I love you" softly into my ear. I would always go to sleep with a big smile on my face and content in my heart.
You were always willing to support me in everything I did and experienced. One particular time I really appreciated you support was during the period that I was unemployed. I went through some pretty low times, but you pulled me through every time. For that I offer you a tremendous amount of gratitude, and truly appreciate your support. I cannot thank you more for your help and love during this tough time.
I cherish the really good times we had together. It's the simple things that make the most difference for me. Things like going for walks together, shopping, cuddling up in front of the TV watching our favourite programmes together, going out together, laughing, 'tickle time', talking, making love, going to bed and waking up next to each other every morning, trying new things, having fun together...the list goes on. These things will be in my heart and memories forever.
I regret the terrible things I have said to you. I tended to open my mouth without thinking, which was totally unfair on you. I've made huge mistakes with the subjects of marriage and children. Nothing would have made me a happier man than to hold you as my wife, and being the proud father of our children. The prettiest thing I could imagine is seeing you walk down the aisle towards me in white, about to become my wife. And nothing would have made me more satisfied than being the father of our children. I understand the mistakes I have made and am prepared to confront the consequences.
I know that I handled the situation with my ex wife really badly. I never intended this. All I ever wanted to do was keep my old life separate from my new life with you. I acknowledge that I did it all wrong, and hurt you in the process. I should never have hurt my one true love, but I did and I will never forgive myself for that.
Please also remember the good things that I brought to our relationship. Although I find it hard to talk about myself, I feel that I displayed some really good qualities to you. Remember when you first experienced those excruciating stomach pains? I was so worried about you that I rushed you to the hospital during the middle of the night. My loving and caring for you made me so concerned about your well being. My generous nature also allowed me to share everything I had with you. It made me so satisfied that you were comfortable in our home. I was very dependable for you. If I said I would do something with or for you, I would do so. I never like to let anyone down. As I've already mentioned, we had some really fun times. Having fun is one of the qualities I liked to share the most with you. I have never lied to you, and being honest with the people I love is the only thing I can do. I have never put on a front to you, as I believe that being genuine and sincere are two of the most important things in a relationship. I am always well presented, and this was a trait that you liked in me. I was always interested in what you had to say and were doing. You were fond of my personality, and the humour I displayed constantly. I found with tremendous joy that it was easy for me to make you laugh and smile.
I've read a lot of information on relationships over the past few weeks, and found that one of the most important aspects is communication. We had love, caring, trust, honesty, loyalty and attraction in our relationship, but perhaps the thing that was missing was communication. I was lousy at telling you how I felt, and you seemed to have trouble telling me towards the end. This may have been the ultimate cause of our break up, and I sincerely apologise for not communicating my feelings with you more often.
I consider you as being the perfect woman for me. There is honestly nothing about you that I did not like. You are a very loving, caring, honest, loyal, and trustworthy person. You are exceptionally attractive in terms of physical beauty, to the point where I would quietly go weak at the knees every time you entered the room. As well as your obvious outer beauty, I was also really attracted to your inner beauty. I could see things in you that no one else could. My deep love for you made this more obvious. Every time you look into the mirror, remember that you are the most beautiful girl in the world, because that's what I think every time I look at you. And every time I close my eyes, I see your image and fall in love with you again.
You are a very fun person to be with, which made me want to spend so much time with you. Your personality is better than anything I could ever imagine. You are always optimistic about things, which was a good compliment to my sometimes pessimistic view on things. You made me feel like a complete person when you were with me. Nothing ever made me feel as happy as when you were by my side.
I literally enjoyed spending every spare moment together with you. My workday went fast at the prospect of coming home to you every night. I always looked forward to weekends where we could spend even more time together and grow our love together. I suppose this is a natural situation for any serious relationship. I never wanted to smother you, but I loved you and cared for you so much that I wanted to spend my every waking moment with you.
Letter I sent her pt 2 (long) - comments appreciated.
I liked to buy you nice things and lend you money to buy nice things you couldn't afford, as it was one way to make you happy. When you were happy, I was ten times happier. I earned more money that you and was happy to share it with you. Sharing is a big part of my nature. But I did not consider the fact that I was putting you further into debt, which may have cause some insecurities for you. Had I realised this earlier, I definitely would have addressed it. I am really sorry if I made you feel like a kept woman. This was the last thing I wanted to do. My generosity made me blind to this fact.
While you were in (home), I did a lot of soul searching. I ended up ripping myself apart. Despite the tremendous pain and heartache I was enduring, it was a really good exercise for me. It has helped me identify my weaknesses so I am able to eliminate these from my life. I am committed to make the necessary changes to make myself stronger.
Also while you were in (home), I considered factors like the stress you were experiencing in your job. You used to come home after work and tell me that you never felt you got any work done due to your team constantly needing your attention. You are a key member of the team and are called on to coach others. You also carried the added stress of having to work significant extra hours during June, and being part of the high potential group (something that I was so proud of that I used to boast about it to my friends, family, and colleagues!). You also said to me at one stage "John, I hope that no one else applies for the HR role so they just give it to me as I hate interviews". I tried to convince myself that all this stress had brought about the feelings you had about our relationship, and after spending a week away, you might have come to this realisation. Sadly this did not seem to be the case.
I would selfishly tease you about other girls to get a jealous reaction. You were the only person for me and I could never have considered anyone else. I loved and cared for you more than I ever have for anyone. I can honestly say that I loved you more than I ever loved my ex wife. You were a very special person to me, and everyone could see that. I never wanted to hurt my love, and it kills me that I did.
I grew to know and love your family, and was really looking forward to the day I was part of your family. It seems as if I have blown my chance, and I sincerely regret this.
It is rare to ever come across someone that you think is your soul mate, but I truly believed that you were this person and we were destined to spend the rest of our lives together. My belief is still there, but accept that you do not feel the same way about me. It makes me feel gloomy that I have found someone that I really want to spend the rest of my life with, but that person does not feel the same way about me. Even if your heart can never love me again, I would like you to remember that I love you, and I will never be the same without you. You've touched my soul as no one ever will, and my heart will always relive the moments that we've shared together.
They say that everyone has an angel. I'm convinced that you were my angel. You were always there to guide me through the good times and bad. You were always the bright light at the end of my dark tunnel. I never thought anyone could be so perfect until I met you and fell in love with you. This comes from the depths of my heart.
The absence of you in my life has proven to be a very difficult thing for me to come to terms with. You were the biggest part of my life, and now that has disappeared leaving a large hole in my life. I feel empty and without purpose. You meant that much to me. I know over time I will grow stronger again, but will always look back at our relationship with fondness.
(partner), you were my lover and my best friend. I am exceptionally sad that I have lost my lover, but hope that I have not lost my best friend too. I really hope that we can remain friends, and continue to talk and do things together as friends do. This will obviously become harder over time as we move into new relationships, but you will always have a special place in my heart. No one could ever occupy the place that you hold in my heart. That place is yours forever.
I love you with all my heart (partner), and only want you to have the best out of life. If that best does not include me, then so be it. This is a testament to my unconditional love for you. I must now get on with my life, but will never forget the precious time we have spent together
I pray for the day that your heart remembers me again, and the flame you held for me re-ignites. If you ever feel you've made the wrong decision to end our very special relationship, please let me know. If I am at the right stage of my life, I would work really hard to overcome the issues so we are able to build an even stronger bond. With each golden sunrise, I dream that it brings us one day closer to being back together again.
Take care, and please keep in touch.
Always thinking of you,
2nd Letter to ex - do or die (part 1)
This is the letter that I want to send to my ex. It basically lays in all on the line for her. I am trying to be direct and honest, not desparate. I don't know when I will send it to her yet, but it may be in a month, or 3 months...
I'd appreciate any comments on it.
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Dear (ex),
I’ve had more time to think about my feelings and behaviours surrounding our break up, and this letter explores them further. This letter is direct, and I am laying it all on the line for you. Please do not feel threatened. I am not telling you to do anything you do not want to. I am not trying to pressure you. I am trying to make my feelings and situation clear to you. I will not do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.
I am a serious believer of fate. I know that fate brought us together. Fate makes me vividly remember the first day you entered my life, namely your first day at work. I remember you sitting at the opposite corner of the room as me, at the floor team meeting. Your hair was dark. I remember you being introduced to the team. I remember looking at you and thinking that you were very attractive. Why do I remember this in so much detail? Because fate makes me remember this. I do not recall the details of when anyone else has ever started work around me.
I know that fate brought you closer to me. Fate made you approach me about your feelings, despite the fact that I was a married man. I too had very strong feelings for you, but it was not right for me to think that way, as I was married. This is a testament to my loyalty.
Fate made my ex wife cheat on me. This opened the way for me to leave her to be with you. Fate brought us together. Fate allowed us to unite. You cannot deny the chemistry that existed between us. There were so many sparks flying around that I was worried that everywhere we went would catch on fire!
Fate has made me realise that you are the only woman for me (ex). You are the sole person who I want to share the rest of my life with. I want us to share our good and no so good experiences together. I honestly could not consider marrying anyone else other than you. You can be the only mother to my children. These two desires are only getting stronger and stronger within me. You may still find this hard to believe given my past comments, and I fully understand this. But I cannot stress more that this is what I really want in life with you. My want for marriage and children with you is unparalleled with anything else I have ever wanted in life. I promise you this.
I believe that fate will eventually bring us back together to fulfil these desires. You are my soul mate (ex). I did not know the concept of a soul mate until I met you.
I can fully understand how my comments about marriage and children could make you feel we don’t have a future together. You want these very important things in life, so your thoughts are perfectly understandable. As I have mentioned to you before, my comments about marriage were premature due to my marriage break up. But as our relationship grew stronger, marrying you definitely was, and still is, one of my most important life goals. I am a very loyal person, and only left my ex wife due to her infidelity to me. I was also blessed with the fact that after this happened, I had the opportunity to share my life with you, the true woman of my dreams. I am extremely fortunate to have had this chance.
As I have also mentioned, having children in my life has been something that I have never seriously considered before. I have had a lot of time to seriously consider having children one day, and the reasons why this has been an issue for me in the past. I have realised that I get embarrassed around children because I do not know what to do, and have not had much experience. You even admitted to relating to my issues as you used the feel the same way. But you have overcome this just like I will. I will easily overcome this by getting more exposure to children, and am already starting to work on this whenever someone brings their children into work. I take interest in children now. I am working hard at this for my own benefit. I have even thought about what life would be like without having my own children, and I honestly know that it would not be complete. I seriously do want to have children one day, and only with you. I could not be more serious about anything. I want to create the miracle of life with you. Plus I need to make sure I keep my exceptionally good looks alive by passing them onto my children : ). Add your exceptionally good looks, and we can have a family of supermodels!!!
I can also understand if you had doubts about my feelings for you due to my early comments about marriage and problem with saying I love you. Once again this is totally understandable. (ex), I loved you with all my heart, and still do, more than anyone I have ever loved before. My love has reached its peak with you. My love for you is immensely strong. Stronger than any force that exists in this universe. I do apologise for not making this clear when we were together, but please believe that I am sincere.
My love for you has been with me from early on in our relationship. To my credit, I did tell you very early on that I was falling deeply for you, even though I have been crap at telling you this ever since. My love for you has never grown weaker. I have realised just how deeply I love you, especially since you left my side. I would give absolutely anything to get back the special bond we had together, I feel that strongly for you. My friends have commented on a number of occasions that they see just how much I really do love you with all my heart, and hope that they are able to experience similar feelings one day. My love for you is everlasting. My marriage did not last due to the fact that my ex wife cheated on me, nothing else. Once I am committed to something, I stay. Only in exceptional circumstances (cheating, physical or emotional abuse etc) would I ever consider breaking a bond. If we do get back together, I will NEVER break my bond with you (ex).
2nd Letter to ex - do or die (Part 2)
You are my dream woman in every single facet. I’ve called you the perfect woman, and I still truly believe this. Let me explain more why I think you are the perfect woman for me. You have so many qualities that I adore and envy. I could spend all day listing them, but I will tell you the most important ones from my perspective. You are:
· Loving · Caring · Intelligent · Attractive · Thoughtful
· Fun · Sexy · My best friend · Understanding · Loyal
· Honest· Generous · Sincere · Trusting · A good listener · Sharing
There is still so much more I want to learn from you, and about you. So do you blame me for wanting to be with you again? You are an exceptionally special person to me, and too precious to lose. I cannot bestow any higher compliment on you.
My friends tell me that I could have any woman that I wish. I tell them that this is not my desire, and that you are the only woman that I want to hold and love. No one else will ever compare to you. My heart will only hold true love for you, I am certain of this.
A few of my friends used to say things to me like “well done on scoring a twenty-something girl. We envy you!” But this is shallow and was never the reason I was with you. I was with you (ex) because you were you, not because of your age. We were able to relate to each other on the same level, so age was never a concern for me. I was with you because I was in love with you, enjoyed your company, found you extremely attractive, and found you a lot of fun to be around. You became my best friend. So why wouldn’t I fight to get you back? You are all that I ever want.
Our friends would say that we were really good together. They envied us and our relationship. They would tell me this, and it would make me feel really good inside.
I am working hard to better myself and have taken some professional counselling sessions to help myself. I have learned a lot about my behaviours and how to improve certain aspects.
I have learned that a relationship requires space between the two partners. If I am in this situation again, I will make sure I make some quiet time for myself in order to let the relationship ‘breath’ and grow stronger. Separate interests, as well as shared ones, make for a really healthy relationship. A relationship after all is a bond between two individuals.
I have also learned a number of things about myself, and know that I need to improve in certain areas. I can be very impatient at times, and have started to work on this area to improve myself. The things I have been going through recently have really helped me to be more patient. I will improve my patience.
I can also be selfish in my views. I have learned to step back and think through things before I speak, and to consider those around me before I put my views forward. This has made me a much stronger person.
I have learned that if I encounter a subject such as the motivational/wealth creation seminar incident again, I will stop and think about it before speaking. In reflection, I did handle this situation badly. You put some really good points across, and I have realised that this was something you really wanted to do. It is something that that I would enjoy being part of too. Your father and Alison are two tremendous people who I look up to, and they have some really good outlooks on life. I would be honoured to be able to learn more from them in they way you do.
I am understandable to the fact that you may be at a point in your life where you need some time alone to assess yourself. I am perfectly happy to wait for you to do this. My unconditional love for you gives me the strength to wait. This time apart will benefit the both of us, and if we do get back together, our relationship will have an unbreakable bond. I am committed to make the necessary changes to achieve this. I have never done this for anyone else, because I have never cared for anyone like I care for you. Your earlier move to Auckland will allow you to really think through things alone. During this time, I will also think about my things, and work on the changes I want to make in order to become a better person.
They say that if you are really serious about something, you should focus and do your best to achieve it. I am really serious about a life long relationship with you (ex). I have decided that what we had was so special, and I am willing to fight to get your love back.
I don’t know if any other guy has ever been this serious about you before, or wanted to fight for you like I do. I doubt that they would have laid it all on the line for you either, like I am prepared to do. If not, then they haven’t understood you like I have. They didn’t truly seen the value in you like I do. The feelings for you in my heart drive me to want to win you back.
If you do think someday you would like to start our relationship afresh, please do not be ashamed to tell me. I will not reject you. And everyone in my life would welcome you back. Please do not be worried about this. The door to my heart will always be open for you.
Please take the time to carefully think about the contents of this letter. I have laid it all on the line for you because I care for you so much. I don’t do this lightly. Please also seriously consider a possible future together. You need to take your time and be sure in your heart before you commit to me again.
We had a really strong bond together, and both loved each other intensly. There is no reason why we cannot achieve this again. You emailed me during Queen’s birthday weekend and told me you loved me and wanted to marry me one day. I believe that this came from your heart, and will happen one day. Fate will see that this happens.
Please remember that I am not saying these things because I am lonely, or simply just want companionship until my next relationship comes along. I am saying them because you are the one. The one that I want to share the rest of my life with. If you give me a chance to prove this, I promise I will not let you down.
Remember (ex), I will always be here for you.
All my love,
John.