Making a girl ready - preparing for sex

I want to ask a girl about this. Me and my fiancee have been together for a long time now, and my needs are getting to me. She is a beautiful girl, and she loves teasing me. Unfortunatly, we are both virgins. We have previously made slight references to sex when roleplaying (on a forum), but nothing more. Recently we have started to chat about it, and roleplay more indepth, though not really THAT deep yet. This is because we want to push our relationship to newer levels.

I'll try to use all of my courage to write as much as i can....

We ARE somewhat sexually active. We give each other handjobs, and i give her blowjobs (if that is what it is called when performed on a girl) now and then. But that is it. She is scared of how it may hurt if i finger her (uhh, inside, like, fingersex?), and she doesn't want to try giving me a blowjob (i don't know why actually, haven't gotten the courage to ask about it yet.)

I don't know if there are more ways to advance before the actual sex, which is what we are currently preparing for. This is part of it actually. While we aren't planning an exact time, we have planned it to happen at some point. When is determined by how fast we are able to get ready for it.

And to make it 100 % sure, we are both agreeing on this. We both want to become ready sooner or later. And we want to accomplish that through talk, roleplay and foreplay kind of sex.

so... the question here was... how can we prepare ourselves for it? Protection aside, that part is covered. Other "activities" in bed are also appreciated, and ideas on how to get her to try it as well if possible...

..That... pretty much took all the courage I have for now. I'm not good at talking about this so directly with anyone other than her... so bear with me.

also sorry for bad English, it isn't my first langauge.

Are you Asian?

Also, if she's worried about it hurting, have her finger herself to try and get herself used to it. If she has doubts if she's ready, then she's not ready.

rofl...you two are building up for it so much, it's going to be astoundingly disappointing for you the first couple times, being both virgins.

I don't mean to offend, it's just that few people, after having gained experience, think of their first time as having been "great."

You'll have to forgive me if I think it's kinda funny; just do it! :p

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Originally Posted by Aegis [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

rofl...you two are building up for it so much, it's going to be astoundingly disappointing for you the first couple times, being both virgins.

I don't mean to offend, it's just that few people, after having gained experience, think of their first time as having been "great."

You'll have to forgive me if I think it's kinda funny; just do it! :p

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lol, yeah... but they won't know it's disappointing since it's going to be their first time. It's a good thing they are both virgins, eh?

OP, when you both do start having sex... about 6 months later you're going to both look back and laugh about how shitty it was.

Tell her to finger herself.

lol, well, the problem isn't really that we are afraid it wont be "good", the problem is we simply don't think we are ready right now. After searching around a bit, and asking someone, we figured our problem was that we weren't even trying to become ready :/

"just doing it" isn't really an option. I wouldn't be able to out of shear fear of hurting her too bad, and I think she is afraid it might hurt too much the first time as well.

And I don't think I am able to make her finger herself. She has huge nails, and nails are the main reason she is afraid of fingering. I barely have any, and she is still afraid it might hurt.

and... I am not asian, but she is O.o how'd you figure?

I am open to ideas on how to prevent any kind of problems with nails? I have them cut clean and nice, but she is still afraid of me cutting her. Maybe a condom? The problem here though is, that the condom is WAY too big for my finger. The reason I even want to try finger is, that... well... I may be wrong, but to me it seems like fingering is like sex for the girl, simply with something smaller ._. bet me if i'm wrong.

Also, I would love to see some girls reply here >.<;; I DID post on the "ask a girl" board xP Although I appreciate your help guys :)

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Originally Posted by Tashi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

lol, well, the problem isn't really that we are afraid it wont be "good", the problem is we simply don't think we are ready right now. After searching around a bit, and asking someone, we figured our problem was that we weren't even trying to become ready :/

"just doing it" isn't really an option. I wouldn't be able to out of shear fear of hurting her too bad, and I think she is afraid it might hurt too much the first time as well.

And I don't think I am able to make her finger herself. She has huge nails, and nails are the main reason she is afraid of fingering. I barely have any, and she is still afraid it might hurt.

and... I am not asian, but she is O.o how'd you figure?

I am open to ideas on how to prevent any kind of problems with nails? I have them cut clean and nice, but she is still afraid of me cutting her. Maybe a condom? The problem here though is, that the condom is WAY too big for my finger. The reason I even want to try finger is, that... well... I may be wrong, but to me it seems like fingering is like sex for the girl, simply with something smaller ._. bet me if i'm wrong.

Also, I would love to see some girls reply here >.<;; I DID post on the "ask a girl" board xP Although I appreciate your help guys :)

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I may not be a woman, but I know for a fact that fingering is nothing like sex. I can't think of a single woman that would rather be getting finger ****ed than ****ed with a dick.

Also, your nails aren't a problem. My nails are trimmed down and I finger her... and she has her nails longer and she fingers herself. It's not hard to be careful.

And I figured either one or both of you were Asian because you are from another country and you both are into sexual roleplaying. It just reminds me of those Asians that are into Hentai.

Ah men. Too much information men. Anyways, Tashi it sounds like you two and especially the woman are not ready. Also, you have to do more than just go to the sexual organs. If done correctly, she would almost not really care what you do to her next.

How old are you two?

the asian stuff is disturbing me >.<;; I've always been roleplaying, for like, 7 years now, and the only reason we are even trying sexual roleplaying is to help us get further ._. Hentai is... uh, can't say i dislike it unfortunatly, but as I said, I am not Asian >.<;;

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Also, you have to do more than just go to the sexual organs. If done correctly, she would almost not really care what you do to her next.

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Sorry, but, what are you talking about? O.o I'm... a bit inexperinced as you may have figured >.<;; Any good advice about this is greatly appreciated :D

Oh, and also it seems like i forgot to mention. Alkohol, Drugs, anything like it, is a huge no from my side. I don't think she wants to try any of it either, but I would GREATLY prefer to stay away from that stuff. I think that would be one of the very few things were I would have a great deal of problems accepting it. a few of the "ideas" i got from around, is to get drunk, and see what'll happen. yeah, that sounds nice, having your first time without knowing what's going on, and afterwards having to deal with pregnacy problems.... >_>

I hope to get some ideas that isn't "take her now" or "get drunk" >.>;; those are the main ideas i've been giving from people i have asked so far, and they are pretty useless. Maybe it is just because i lack the guts to ask another girl >.<;;;

What lesa is talking about is foreplay, teasing, building tension to the point where she's so horny she doesn't give a crap what you do to her.

Give it time, wait. You're not ready because you and her have doubts. There's no need to feel rushed. It will come with time.

As for her being scared of fingering, that's something you've got to start somewhere. Fingernails aren't a problem as long as their cut short and filed smooth. Try to explain to her that it's ok for her to try herself, and from there ask her if you can try and tell her to guide your hand with her hand.

Oh ya and it's not called giving a female a blow job...lol. The correct term is cunnilingus. But no one calls it that, just call it eating pussy.

You guys need to do some proper research.

The more anxiety and pressure you put on sex, the less enjoyable, and potentially painful, it will be.

If you can't get over that anxiety, it's definitely gonna suck.

So no, you guys aren't ready.

You need to be ready mentally and emotionally before you'll ever be close to being ready physically.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You need to be ready mentally and emotionally before you'll ever be close to being ready physically.

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We already figured that, that is why we are taking it slowly, and are trying to take each step only when we are ready for it. Rushing it wont help anything, we almost tried that once, and that ended up as crap even before starting.

Uh... about the correct term... whatever >.<;;

and foreplay is basicly what we do O.o and whenever I try to make her come to the point where she is ALMOST ready, and then try to calm down so she doesn't come, she will pretty quickly start complaining about it hurting ._. is it me who is doing something wrong, or? but... I might try asking her to try herself, or guide me but... gah, we are both a bit too shy to try that I am afraid >.<;; oh well, i'll give it a shot and see where it ends :)

I believe, if you're in her pants already, even if it's not sex, there's absolutely no reason to be shy about talking about something.

The reason she starts complaining about it is because she needs to relax. When she starts getting nervous/stressed, she'll dry up and get a bit turned off then it will start to hurt. So keep her wet. Also don't slow down from keeping her from cumming, just let her finish. That's like her giving you a handjob and you about to cum then just slowing down to the point where you can't. She probably gets frustrated with it.

yeah, thought so too, which is why it confused me when I am told to let her get so horny she is begging for more O.o I don't see how to do that, other than teasing her, but that seems a bit mean to do >.<;; although I don't see why she would become nervous ._.

But i guess you are right... we ARE doing something, so why should there be a problem talking about it?

Lol, This'll be fun. I'll count how many tries it takes before I man myself up and ask her.

...probably a while -_-

Other ideas are still appreciated ^^

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Originally Posted by Tashi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yeah, thought so too, which is why it confused me when I am told to let her get so horny she is begging for more O.o I don't see how to do that, other than teasing her, but that seems a bit mean to do >.<;; although I don't see why she would become nervous ._.

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By this, we mean that when she's ready to actually have sex, it's more than just sticking it in. It's about building her up to the point where she's begging you to stick it in. Clearly she isn't ready to have sex, she scared to just finger...start small, work on talking to her about fingering. She'll probably be a bit uncomfortable at first, reassure her things are ok and you won't hurt her, but also make sure she talks to you and tells you what feels good and what doesn't.

I don't have experience in this but I think you are both ready when you are not scared to ask questions from each other.

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Originally Posted by Tashi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yeah, thought so too, which is why it confused me when I am told to let her get so horny she is begging for more O.o I don't see how to do that, other than teasing her, but that seems a bit mean to do >.<;; although I don't see why she would become nervous ._.

But i guess you are right... we ARE doing something, so why should there be a problem talking about it?

Lol, This'll be fun. I'll count how many tries it takes before I man myself up and ask her.

...probably a while -_-

Other ideas are still appreciated ^^

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No offense but I don't think any females except for myself have responded in this thread and I am getting this vibe that you are extremely young. Maybe it's a difference in culture. You guys are completely clueless.

Do proper research before ever attempting to do this again. Know the correct terminology and anatomy of the male and female body. Understand the physiological process that occur before, during, and after sexual intercourse. Properly talk to your fiancee and stop doing those roleplaying stuff because none of that is working. Do that after learning the basics of traditional lovemaking.

EDIT: I see that you are around 18. Hmmm, maybe you guys are not compatible. Maybe she wants to wait longer..like until marriage. Maybe she wants you more for companionship and not a sexual partner. Maybe she is not mentally prepared or does not understand much about sex. Plus you both are virgins and that is going to make it more difficult/awkward initially. Continue to research and be intimate and passionate for each other in other ways and avoid those roleplaying stuff for now.

If you were going to make a movie to describe how love should be, that's how it should be for you. If this is not even in the ballpark of that, break up and find someone who fits the definition. Don't just wait around to have some sex.

It definitely seems like you both have a lot to learn. Right now you both seem very awkward around sex and not very comfortable at all. It shouldn't be that serious and laid out in a plan. It should be a great way to express your desire and freedom towards your partner. You definitely seem like you don't want to screw up anything you have with her because of doing something wrong but maybe you need to take charge to some extent and listen close to what she is saying. You both need to get more comfortable with the foreplay before going in to do the "deed". :P She doesn't sound ready to take the plunge for whatever reason though. I think this stuff should be very fun and spontaneous, but I suppose others don't really care if its that.

Anyway work on the foreplay a lot. Here are some ideas that might work, kiss her all over in spots that seem to drive her crazy and try to read her body language when you are doing this. You can learn a lot from that and it would help a lot more if she voiced what she liked and didn't like. If she just seems uncomfortable with all of it then this girl will have a hard time giving you cues on what she enjoys. It is good to talk about it but you can figure this stuff out without doing so but it takes more time and experimentation. She might not even know what she likes and needs you to help her figure it out. Touch her a lot all over her body make her feel comfortable and start teasing her here and there around her neck, breasts and thighs. I'm not saying you should do this exactly this but it's an idea you can play with to get her going and release the sexual passion out of her. I don't know how you are going about it but I'm guessing maybe 2 people that are awkward about sex might skip the passionate touching and feeling and go straight to like "ok now i am going to eat pussy". I don't know. :)

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Me and my fiancee have been together for a long time now

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Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

EDIT: I see that you are around 18.

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:emot63:

A. Married Young
B. Wrong wording
C. Assumption

Pick one.

Oh my... One red flag that really sticks out to me:
You are engaged, and the two of you aren't even comfortable discussing sex together.

Um, hello! You probably shouldn't consider having sex yet. You're BOTH not ready.

Could you tell us more about your relationship with her? Like, what kind of girl she is. It seems she is very shy from what I gather... is she even very shy with you?

You say you've eaten her out (which is what you called a female blowjob). Alright, so that's pretty intimate.
Does she ever initiate intimacy? Or is it always you?
What kind of foreplay do you do that hurts her? (You mentioned she tells you she "gets sore" so she never orgasms then)
Have the two of you ever been completely naked together? Are you both comfortable being intimate?

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Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No offense but I don't think any females except for myself have responded in this thread and I am getting this vibe that you are extremely young. Maybe it's a difference in culture. You guys are completely clueless.

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For some reason the title of this thread just makes me cringe.

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Originally Posted by zoso [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh my... One red flag that really sticks out to me:
You are engaged, and the two of you aren't even comfortable discussing sex together.

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This is where I started wondering also.

Have you discussed this with a trusted family member? Or a family doctor, if you happen to have one? I think you should both go together & get the low down on intercourse, birth control, etc. Somehow, you two sound really sheltered to me.

There are even public health nurses who you can talk to if you are okay w/a relative stranger. They are very professional & would *love* it if you were actually mindful enough to consider this. They also tend to be very down to earth. Ask Cain or Vash about this.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is where I started wondering also.

Have you discussed this with a trusted family member? Or a family doctor, if you happen to have one? I think you should both go together & get the low down on intercourse, birth control, etc. Somehow, you two sound really sheltered to me.

There are even public health nurses who you can talk to if you are okay w/a relative stranger. They are very professional & would *love* it if you were actually mindful enough to consider this. They also tend to be very down to earth. Ask Cain or Vash about this.

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I'm just going to have to agree with something that someone posted earlier. How can he get engaged to a girl that he isn't comfortable talking about sex with?

So, you are saying they should become disengaged? Or that they should try to sort out their problem, assuming they do want to get married?

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, you are saying they should become disengaged? Or that they should try to sort out their problem, assuming they do want to get married?

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I'm saying that I don't think they are even close to marriage if they can't talk about one of the more important aspects of a serious relationship.

Honestly, I think that he felt like he had to take this next step with her because he was worried that if he didn't, she could up and leave whenever she wanted.

Sorry I've been absent for the week, but here I am again.

The question i hoped wouldn't come up did anyway it seems. "Why are you engaged when you can't even talk about sex", well, talking about sex IS slightly possible, we both are just a bit uncomfortable talking about it. But you may be right, we probably just should leave it, and let it come by itself. I'll try working more on the foreplay-part, especially since I know I am not always taking action when she initiates some foreplay. No, we do lots of things, or at least I do. Our problem i think is, that we are afraid of making a huge mess, which is too easy to do when you are a boy, and this, sadly, limits us.

talking with other people however... that doesn't sound very easy... We have slight problems talking with each other about this, her parents doesn't seem to like the idea of either of their children growing up, and my parents are so spontanous it frightens me... seriously, they buy condoms and stuff, and keep making fun of it, and it doesn't help one bit, in fact, it seems to be making my fear of it worse.

I think I will stick to your ideas, and work on what we have, and take it from there. You are right, the topic title pretty much sucks, since I didn't really wanted to make her ready, but rather get ideas on how to progress through this.

We are both initiating foreplay at different times. She stops me more than I stop her, but it IS pretty balanced out. But I suppose we are both too afraid and shy to take it further for several reason you pretty much showed in my face >.<;;;

So.. I'll let everything comes as it does, and take it easy and work with what we have. I'll experiment a bit more(?), and "try" talking with some proffesional about it. That sounds like the sum of the ideas you guys gave me xP She is pretty shy, but it isn't very visible when we are alone, and only faint when we are in school for example, so I think our problem may just be our young age.

Last words would be; NO, I would NEVER even CONSIDER breaking up with her, OR disengaging, because we can't talk freely about sex. To me, sex is NOT what makes up a relationship, no matter how important some people may say it is. Breaking up wont solve anything at all.

Thanks for helping out ^_^

Seriously, the girl won't finger herself 'cause she's "afraid it'll hurt" ? She can't even touch herself in ways that won't hurt?! I think you should just forget about sex for a good long while; maybe wait 'til she's 35 or so when she starts getting the middle-aged-woman-horniness going and her biological clock is racing at full-speed, had a tampon or something up there and maybe a gynecologist poking around up it a couple times.

Okay, obviously none of that helped...what I'm trying to say is that her not wanting sex "cause it'll hurt" is probably an excuse for...who knows what...at any rate, she definitely doesn't sound ready.

I don't think she is Aegis xP Right now i'll wait, for as long as needed. Hell, I don't even think I'm ready myself, so I doubt that matters anyway xP but, 30 doesn't sound too bad. 11 years? 20? Hmm, that sounds fair, that'll sure give us PLENTY of time to try out everything else, and get to know each other damn well too xD

I think I know now, patience, and everything will come to you sooner or later.

ROFL :

"And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true

The bare necessities of life will come to you"

felt like qouting the Jungle book song "Bare necessities" xD

Something else you may need to consider is that there are medical conditions which make penetrative sex virtually impossible for women. In extreme cases of vestibulitis, fingering or even the use of tampons can be impossible without immense pain. I would definitely recommend finding someone you trust to talk to about this. She should also talk to her gynecologist to make sure she is physically ready/capable of penetrative sex. While I agree sex is not the only thing a relationship is about, it's important to recognize that it is an extremely vital part.

The main reason I wanted to post this is because my wife and I have had to deal with this and it would have been helpful if we had known about it sooner.

Best of luck to you both.

MY God, this thread is older than oldest apple . Thread closed. People who bump old threads , go to hell lol .