Failed the Test...

I knew the answers... studied all week long... was even able to use my notes! I achieved only 60%... and I'm looking over the test feeling like a ****ing idiot.

Lately I have too much on my plate... so many financial worries... it's a pain just to get on the internet... and even this laptop is giving me hell with its temperamental attitude.

Ever so often, I'll have ironic, sarcastic, and funny thoughts of sucide.. (i.e. wouldn't have to pay that bill if I weren't here.) I find myself leaning a little more on alcohol and sleeping pills than I know I should... just to calm my nerves.

I'm not even completely sure what it is that has me so worked up at times... albeit, I'm not where I want to be... but I am improving things.

Sometimes... I just want everything to stop... not sure why... not sure how... but I sense it's impossible, and this little bit of time I have to sort myself out is very limited.

There just isn't much time... where did it all go?

What subject are you studying?

aera, i admire your courage to keep going through all the stress. sure look at me and my highly emotional moments on here! i can only imagine how hard it been for you but try to look on the bright side; you can try again and the time you have before you repeat will mean you will have the opportunity to do even better. chin up. i'm pretty sure i failed my last exam too but i'm not going to let myself worry about it. there are worse things that can happen.

stay away from the alcohol and pills if you can, it will only make you feel worse and heighten your emotions

I'm studying accounting. I was scoring 90% or higher, and then this doozy. I think I'm going to spend the weekend rewriting my notes... make sure I really understand the 9 steps to the accounting cycle... credit memorandums... etc.

I have to succeed at college... it's all I have left... and I don't mean figuratively...

I went through a traumatic point in my life where I considered suicide.

Fortunately things worked out pretty well in the end.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJWurqWTeSk"]YouTube - Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush-Don't give up version 2[/ame]

ahhh crunching numbers...

raverboy

Last week someone at my Uni actually did commit suicide over a test. They jumped off the balcony from their apartment. 8th storey. Some of my friends live in that complex. They were telling me how the cops were outside scraping them off the sidewalk.

got any pictures?

raverboy

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Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Last week someone at my Uni actually did commit suicide over a test. They jumped off the balcony from their apartment. 8th storey. Some of my friends live in that complex. They were telling me how the cops were outside scraping them off the sidewalk.

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wow! talk about taking the pressure on. the human instinct to survive..gone. why is it a lot more people consider suicide these days?

time had it once that people fought to survive when times were rough. we in the first world have never had it so good and yet this happens.

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Originally Posted by Illusional [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

got any pictures?

raverboy

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No, I didn't get to see it myself (not that I really wanted to... yuck) but I am curious what the remains of a human look like hammed into the pavement after a 40 or so meter dive from a balcony.

How many times do you think they had to practice this, D?

BTW, the second vid (which has lyrics) is the lead in to the final one (first). Watch in order tho:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxPgplMujzQ"]YouTube - Swing Time - Rogers and Astaire[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDXZkBIxso4"]YouTube - Swing Time - Pick yourself Up[/ame]

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Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No, I didn't get to see it myself (not that I really wanted to... yuck) but I am curious what the remains of a human look like hammed into the pavement after a 40 or so meter dive from a balcony.

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[url]www.bestgore.com[/url]

they've got some shit better than a person who has turned into a pancake.

raverboy

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Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

wow! talk about taking the pressure on. the human instinct to survive..gone. why is it a lot more people consider suicide these days?

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Because a few weeks ago I was living like this, and I'm not kidding:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfZqXLnBYb4[/ame]

There are ways to survive when you're homeless... they will feed you... give you some clothes... but it is almost impossible to get back into the workforce without friends or family to help. The longer you stay out there... the worse your chances of getting back can be. They set a homeless woman on fire a few blocks away from me... just for "fun"... and just about everyone I talked to had a knife wound or gun shot wound... as the hospital will treat them... then return them to the streets.

The irony of it all... was I was working on my homework at a street corner... at the local half-way house... or over at a few 'friend's' apartments... going to the library to turn in my work... and I was making good grades. I get away from all of that... to a place where I can feel comfortable... and that's when I get the bad grade... sheesh...

That's why I am building a savings as soon as I go back to the states. I have a financial plan for my future.

That's some shit.

you'd need it living in the states, good for you doppel

What the **** is wrong with people? Who sets a homeless person on fire, for Christ's sake? Damn, people are evil.

Aera, it's just one test. You'll rally. You have to.

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Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's why I am building a savings as soon as I go back to the states. I have a financial plan for my future.

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Doppel... I had plans for my future... I went from one thing to another these past two years.

My ex-husband destroyed my plans... that to go through a divorce and recover from that...

Then lived with my mother... who always had problems that siphoned away my money... finally got away from her...

Had roommates that siphoned away my money with their problems..

Then my mom returned... bye bye money again...

Then another roommate ditches me.. and I find out my mom had access to my bank account somehow... and I almost lose my car as a result... and I do lose everything else.

Now I'm having to live with my dad in the middle of nowhere... trying to make a future... again...

Believe me.. it's not for lack of trying. When I was married... we had $5000 in savings, on standby at all time... and I was trying to slowly add to it.

Take a look at my grades... so far... I'm a half-way decent accountant (in training)... ;)

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What the **** is wrong with people? Who sets a homeless person on fire, for Christ's sake? Damn, people are evil.

Aera, it's just one test. You'll rally. You have to.

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Yeah... it's odd that those who aren't suffering are the ones who are vindictive... it was a group of teenagers that set the woman on fire... though they were never caught... not that anyone would care for justice for a homeless woman... right?

I am rallying... been hunkered down day before yesterday, yesterday, and the better part of today studying. Hopefully I'll do better this time around.

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Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Doppel... I had plans for my future... I went from one thing to another these past two years.

My ex-husband destroyed my plans... that to go through a divorce and recover from that...

Then lived with my mother... who always had problems that siphoned away my money... finally got away from her...

Had roommates that siphoned away my money with their problems..

Then my mom returned... bye bye money again...

Then another roommate ditches me.. and I find out my mom had access to my bank account somehow... and I almost lose my car as a result... and I do lose everything else.

Now I'm having to live with my dad in the middle of nowhere... trying to make a future... again...

Believe me.. it's not for lack of trying. When I was married... we had $5000 in savings, on standby at all time... and I was trying to slowly add to it.

Take a look at my grades... so far... I'm a half-way decent accountant (in training)... ;)

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Wow, you've come a long way. I'm sure you get back on your feet though. I've lived in bum **** nowhere before, too. Enjoy it while it lasts ;)

You know, when I go back to the states, I have to choose a career plan. Education or International studies. If I go International studies, I might consider a minor in accounting.

How many semesters do you have left? You have fin. aid?

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Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm studying accounting. I was scoring 90% or higher, and then this doozy. I think I'm going to spend the weekend rewriting my notes... make sure I really understand the 9 steps to the accounting cycle... credit memorandums... etc.

I have to succeed at college... it's all I have left... and I don't mean figuratively...

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I'm sorry to hear that Area. I can relate. For one of my subjects last semester I aced all of the assignments as well (High distinction marks) until the exam came and changed everything. Exam was made on purpose tricky covering half of material that no one would study (missing out on half of material that was covered on revision), most people I spoke to weren't sure if they were going to pass it or fail it. I'm pretty sure I should be okay (barely) but the marks haven't come out yet and it's a bit nerve racking.

Things sound stressful at the moment for you, it's phase and it will get better later on. Hang in there :)

I'm taking my Associates Degree in Accounting, which should be about two years... I'll be one step above bookkeeper... eh, lower end accountant... when I get out... :P

It's an online course (waits for the boos...), but it fits in well with my "schedule." It's organized into 6 week blocks with no breaks. So most of it is purely self-motivated. Hence the reason I spend so much time at the library.

Yes, I do have financial aid, but it's a student loan... so I'll have to pay that back. However, it's part of my contract with the school for them to help with job placement when I earn my degree.

If it looks like a raw deal... well it's ok... I'm used to it. Just a means to an end... use this as a stepping stone to the next tier. Anything to get me out of flipping burgers, waiting tables, or cleaning toilets.

This is also my second attempt at college, as my ex took away my car when I was in college the first time (he was very controlling... so I had no friends or family I could contact to help me out)... and so I had to flunk out. Then my roommate and mom almost had me flunk out of this attempt... luckily I had the laptop.

I've been living by the skin of my teeth for so long, I'm going to be toothless by the time I'm 30... sheesh.

Anyway... I have my dad and brother helping me out... my boyfriend has kept me in the right frame of mind... and I'll be able to see him for about a month before he ships out again. Though, now that I think about it... I don't have any friends here... but I'm a natural introvert... so I rarely notice unless I'm feeling very lonely.

I do enjoy the peace and quiet out here... it's a welcomed change to the stress, fear, worry, anger, frustration, sadness, despair, and self-loathing from the streets of Dallas. There wasn't any time for anything other than negotiating for my next meal... next place to sleep... didn't even have time to cry or be angry... just numb, motivated, and hungry...

Don't be so hard on yourself Aeradalia :)

You're doing great considering the circumstances. Look at all that you have accomplished so far.

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Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's an online course (waits for the boos...), but it fits in well with my "schedule."

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Online classes are better in a lot of ways. There's no drag factor, mostly. No friggin' idiot classmates requiring constant review of simple concepts, wasting your time, working your nerve. No expense on gas and time to go somewhere so you can sit in a room and hear a lecture you could easily see on video.

I'm a huge fan of online courses.

Moh ching, moh meng.