Is he using me?

I am in a huge predicament and am so confused. I will try to make this as brief as possible but it is a somewhat lengnthy story. I really need advice. I met a guy several months ago and we were aqauintenes. Had a ball together at parties and such. He was the sweetest, most gentlemanly, fun guy. He moved in with a friend of mine who btw had been involved with him some time before i met him. He and I started to hang out and I had never been treated so great. This has gone on for 3 months. I let him stay at my house overnight, we saw each other everyday. And he was a perfect guest. Always offering to help around the house and such. I let him use my car since his was wrecked and took him to and from work. I'm just that kind of woman. He took care of everything. We were great partners together. The catch..... We seldom had sex. It just wasn't important to him I guess. I am a very sexually charged person, but delt with the issue of him not being that way. This is the first person I have truly liked in 4 years. I am 31 and he is 23. Another catch, when asked where our relationship was going, he either refused to talk about it, or said that we were friends. I finally told him i needed to know if we were going to be just friends, so that I would know i could date other people, and not give so much of myself to him or if we were going to take it up a notch. He told me to give him some time while I was away on vacation. I gave him that. I came back and he said he was ready. Everything was amazing. Then we had a miscommunication which was my fault and i apologized. He just started treating me different and would not let me explain my side of anything. A complete turnaround from the guy I have been seeing. No we are not together and he being a complete ass. I am finding out from his roomate my friend that he did the exact same thing to her and is now drinking all the time and staying out until all hours. I don't know what happened.

I don't know what happened either, because you should have asked your roommate about this on day one.

I've always wished men came with reviews, and you had one right there all the time that could have saved you a lot of time.

My opinion- he's a wierdo. You're too old for him anyway. Confront and sever with him, and move on to someone your own age who might be available for a real relationship.

Guys remember this ? [url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=9596[/url] thats the guy!!!!!!

I did tell her that evry way in which he behaved he said the same things to me his actions were the same towards me. Same shit different day. I want him gone!!!!!!!

his and blue's situation was similar but not exactly the same as ours Or maybe that is what i want to believe. The age difference was not important to me, up until this issue came up, he was very mature acting for his age. Blue is very honest with me but i will say that she tried to look at the bright side of things as well for my sake. He was just so great to me and then poof, it changed. I don' t know if i should try to talk to him about this or just leave it alone. i know what blue says, i've heard it all day. lol.

He was great during Stage One, the pre-commitment stage. You wanted to know where the relationship was going, and I think he's making it pretty clear.

Now you need to take care of yourself.

his new buddy to use is a guy and its got me thinking that hes gay. i mean most guys his age want to have sex with women he diditn want to have sex with me and he didint want to have sex with her so i just dunnooooo

he isn't gay.

Sounds 2 me like you might not have been the only one he was seein......

Sounds 2 me like you might not have been the only one he was seein......

I know that I was the only one he was seeing until I went on vacation. When I came back, he said he was ready or a us to be exclussive and then, this stupid miscommunication and we both blew it out of porportion. Then he used that as we were done. Things were ok before then.

Sounds to me that the age gap is too much for him. He likes having you on the sidelines but he doesn't want to get relationally involved with someone your age.

he has dated older women before, but i am finding out that he does the same thing to every girl he gets involved with. I guess i found out my answer, but why do men act this way?

i just hate that this was the first guy i have actually liked or wanted to be involved with in 4 years and he bullshitted me completely.

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Originally Posted by blondie

i just hate that this was the first guy i have actually liked or wanted to be involved with in 4 years and he bullshitted me completely.

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And what does that tell you about you? It tells me you let him bullshit you. You're too old to play the ingenue.

It tells me you don't really want to be with someone, or you wouldn't have chosen someone so unsuitable for you, who you had been warned about anyway.

Why don't you find someone else?

I can't imagine a 31 year old having a lot in common with a 23 year old boy. Also, please clarify - was this kid dating and living with a friend of yours before you started dating?

no they actually were not dating period. they were friends with benefits and they did not live together then either. what went onwith them was some time ago,before i knew them. We actually had a lot in common for some strange reason. I was uneasy about it too. but i thought it was working out. he was very mature for his age until our disagreement and then that was it. I did just find out that my friend, his roommate is calling the police on him as we speak because of some issue at home between them. Something has happened tohim to make him act this crazy and diferent. He has been drinking uncontrolably, my friend went outside this morning and she found beer bottles all in the yard and he is normally a neat respectable person. I dont know what is up. I am glad it's over, but know i have to get used to him not being around and get over him. That's the hard part for me.

this guy did not want me or her and we both just wanted to hold on to someone who just didnt want me! It made me feel bad about myself for the longest time and i put and end to it, and the way i see it she basically took my place i knwo every relationship is different but everything was almost the same to the tee only difference is she took more time.

hes dead to me now! **** it lets move on from this

I know you thought he was great in the beginning. Maybe now you are only just beginning to see the "real" him. Everyone is great in the beginning. They say Hitler was a very charming man. :P

i thought so too, i thought so too

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...when asked where our relationship was going...

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i dont know what everyone else thinks, and putting the obvious age issues aside, if you wanted the relationship to 'go somewhere' you certainly waited too long before asking. but arent you glad you're not the one calling the cops.

or mayb...

something happend to him, that make him act that way. and he is keeping it to himself... the problem? i dont know, mayb something major..


mayb

To put it simply... Move on. He sounds to immature for you. Sorry if that was to blunt.

no not too blunt at all.

Perhaps he's in the process of learning that he's gay -- and is having trouble accepting it. Hence the drinking.

i have wondered that myself and have said as much to him, he denying it of course.

i said i would be his "out" buddy. lol

this guy just avoids everything even his peronal finances his issues with the law issues with women. he has no communication skills at all, and at 23 he still has alot to learn.