What am I doing wrong? No sex

Been a while since I have needed to be on this forum. Here's the situation, I feel like I rarely have sex. My ex and I were together for over 7 years and during our relationship and especially towards the end we had sex average of 1-2 times a month. That's not right for a young couple and we even lived together. Our ages during the relationship were in late teens early twenties.

My current GF of 4 months are doing amazing relationship wise and love wise. We love each other so much we both know it's forever... Sex wise it is just hardly there again! Wtf?! Her and her ex supposedly had sex ALL the time like basically every day. We are on month 4ish and I could almost guarantee we have not had sex more than 15 times.

Now before we go on saying I need to make love and not be a hound, let me tell you this. I am one if the most romantic men on this planet. I can tell you that for sure. She tells me all the time that she did not even know that someone can treat her so good, and that I am what every girl wishes for. I like to think that I am also attractive as well. No brad Pitt but you get the idea. I work out like a mad man and like to look good..

But what the hell, there has to be something I'm doing wrong!! Help plz!

Can we assume that you're initiating sex? If so, how often do you initiate? Is she rejecting your advances? If so, what reason does she give? How have you tried to change in order to adapt to that reason?

Seriously, if I had it my way, I'd have sex once a month. Difference is my partner more or less reminds me that I'm being unreasonable in that department and then I'm like "oh right, okay". You know, compromise.

I do initiate.. I try any way possible. Cute or funny or romantic.. But it just does not seem to work. Her excuses are I can't breathe (allergies). Tired. Not enough time.. I work all day long. 60+ hour work weeks because I'm a personal trainer. At the moment she lives at home and I had to temp move back in with my family because I invested all I had into the home I had with my ex. So being at home sure does hinder ones sex life yes.. But her and her ex used to have sex all the time and they both lived at home like how we do! What am I doing wrong?? Is it the girl or is it something I'm doing wrong. I question because she used to have sex all the time and we hardly do, and also my previous relationship was so rare with sex also.. The current GF knows about the sad sex life I had before and said to me "that's so sad. A man should not have that especially how the way you treat girls"
:/

I think problem is that she had enought sex in her life already. Now its not that amazing like at the begining. You still have a lot to prove to yourself until you reach her level of emphaty.

You work 60+ hours per week. Are you able to spend adequate quality time with her? What time do you get to her place in the evenings?

And for the record, I also suffer allergies. If you're not familiar with allergies, believe me when i say they can make one feel absolutely wretched. Has she seen a doctor for treatment options? There are some awesome nasal steroids for allergies now.

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Originally Posted by Fear2Love [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Her excuses are I can't breathe (allergies). Tired. Not enough time.. I work all day long.

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You are a lucky son of a gun. I know one guy whose girl-friend says to him: "Only chimpanzees have sex every day".

I'm not looking to have sex every day like a chimpanzee so don't act like I'm some sort of an animal.. But it's hard when a 26 year old male is so attracted to this beautiful girl and my confidence already has been out down from my past. And I shouldn't be because I know I should have more. But what did her ex have that I don't? She wanted to have sex with him all the time and their fights would be I hate you I hope you ****ing die you cunt type fights. We don't fight because I want to make her world amazing every day. She said she feels bad about my past relationship and she can't wait to love me completely forever. Yet we don't make love often and that's an important part in a healthy relationship. I understand the allergy thing but like, she must have had them a year ago with her ex!??!! It's sad how much I work so yea time is limited, but when it's a Friday night, and we have 2 glasses of wine in us, and I bought her flowers and tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is, and I'm kissing her all over and she is kissing on me. And then I start kissing the stomach very romantically and I get the cross leg and push away... Only soooo many times a man can be denied before all confidence is gone. It's hanging by a thread. Is it me being too good to her? Do I need to be a tad but more of an asshole? I really am a knight in shining armor. She says that she does not even know someone so good could exist. Her parents think I'm a blessing. Her sister is starting to hate her BF because she wants someone as amazing as me. So yea I'm a good guy. Is it not working? 2nd girl now that is this way. By the way I've only been with those 2 girls.

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Originally Posted by Fear2Love [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But what did her ex have that I don't? She wanted to have sex with him all the time

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Dude, use your imagination. She says: "I am tired". What do you do on hearing that? Turning away from her thinking: "Oh no, that happened again. No sex for me. I am so unlucky"? And you say to her something like: "Oh sweetie, you are so tired. Can I give you a relaxation massage to ease your pain?" She will get aroused and you will hump her. Of course, you should know how to massage. If that doesn't work, maybe, the girl is not interested in having sex at all and with you for some other reason.

Been there done that. I probably massage her at least once a week.. Got oil for a hot oil massage.. Twice now a Sexy naked candlelit hot oil massage after diner.. No sex and yes I initiated it and I'm not a dumb ass I know how to go about it.. Same thing in my past relationship... I have no confidence left on the inside.. I show confidence but it's like I'm running on fumes.

Well, hire a detective to see what's doing during her 60+ hours per week. Maybe, she's having sex with someone else.

The fact that she says that she 'can't wait to love you completely forever', might suggest that she really appreaciates you and likes you but she might not be totally in love with you yet. It is not your fault but she might not be very attracted to you either. It happens with some girls that were in an emotionally abusive relationship before. Sometimes they have difficulties connecting with someone who treats them right for a while.

I think that you should either have an honest conversation with her or simply follow your intuition, and decide to give her a bit more time, hoping that she will suceed to connect with you in the right way, or leave the relationship. It is important to have a partner that is equally attracted to you and you just haven't met the right person yet.

I love her and I always have. She loves me back and we promise that we will be together forever. I've had a talk with her about my low confidence due to my last relationship. I was called ugly a lot from her and I know I'm not. I get hit on often by attractive women but I immediately stop it because I am very loyal. She tells me things like you look so hott right now blah blah etc.. So hopefully it's not a looks thing because she is bombshell beautiful and I'm up there but definitely not as beautiful as her.. But kinda my main thing I want to get out of this is: do I act uninterested this way she has the urge? Do I stop being such a perfect man to her and throw in a little bit of asshole type guy in? I just don't want to have her lose what she fell in love with though

How old are you two?

I'm mid 20s she's early 20s

Your dating sexually incompatible women. I don't necessarily think you're "doing" anything "wrong" other than just dating the wrong types of women. Some people just have low sex drives. I've dated lots of men who come on hot and heavy, and end up barely wanting to make out some time later because they're "not in the mood". Funny how the person with the lower sex drive always seems to "get their way". I've found there is rarely any compromising with these people. Trying to get them in the mood just further frustrates and adds to the feeling of rejection.

What I have found to work, is just backing off completely when it comes to ANYTHING sexual. Not going cold personality or love wise, but just not bringing up sex or coming on to them whatsoever. It usually takes a week or two, but they will usually realize they're suddenly horny. Some people just need a break from constantly being come on to.

If things were different with her ex, her sex drive might not be that low. I still think that she is either still thinking of him, affected by the abusive emotional relationship they had and maybe needing uncounsciouly a certain tension she got used to, or she is incapable of connecting totally with you because you might not be her type, even if she sees you as an attractive guy and would like to be able to give you all her heart and body to you.

Things don't have to be extraordinary in the bedroom in the first four months of the relationship, there is always time for perfecting, but the attraction must be present and the desire to respond to you. Could things improve if there is lack of sufficient attraction on her side? My personal opinion is that it's not possible, attraction exists or doesn't, you can't work on it the same way you would do it with romantic feelings, communication or other aspects of the relationship, but it's just my opinion.

"Knight in shining armour" "a perfect man to her" Sorry mate, but you're sounding a bit up yourself. I don't know if this has anything to do with the problem.

Look, any guy can give hot oil rubs and bring flowers and wine. But what about your emotional connection with her? Do you crack each other up with laughter? Do you share the same morals and ethics? Are your goals in life the same?

I noticed that you glossed over my question about your long working hours as being "sad that you do so many hours". But the question still stands: do you get enough quality time with her? Sure, a Friday night with wine sounds good - but it may not be enough to sustain the emotional connection she needs. Does she complain about not getting enough time with you?

Some women put up walls for guys to climb, just to prove he really wants her. Just sayin'.

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Originally Posted by Fear2Love [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I love her and I always have. She loves me back and we promise that we will be together forever. I've had a talk with her about my low confidence due to my last relationship. I was called ugly a lot from her and I know I'm not. I get hit on often by attractive women but I immediately stop it because I am very loyal. She tells me things like you look so hott right now blah blah etc.. So hopefully it's not a looks thing because she is bombshell beautiful and I'm up there but definitely not as beautiful as her.. But kinda my main thing I want to get out of this is: do I act uninterested this way she has the urge? Do I stop being such a perfect man to her and throw in a little bit of asshole type guy in? I just don't want to have her lose what she fell in love with though

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Sounds like you don't have rapport with your girl-friend. And you think too much of her and your own ex-partners. Don't think of them. As I already said , use your imagination. Imaging your girl-friend and penetrate inside of her with your mind, the deeper the better. You should see pictures like on TV. This way you will enter the Astral Plane and deal not with her physical body but her Astral Body. Physics practice that. It's a brutal technique actually. Your girl-friend will have nothing to do but to reveal her inner being if she has nothing to hide from you or start fighting and running away like crazy if she's making a fool of yourself. You might want to familiarize yourself with Physic Seduction:

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http://www.mindreality.com/psychic-seduction-turn-others-on-with-your-mind

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Originally Posted by dem862 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Some women put up walls for guys to climb, just to prove he really wants her. Just sayin'.

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What if next time you ignore those cross legs and pushing away? Just for a minute or two, impose your desire a little and see what happens. Some women find it sexy.

I think there is something to people having different sex drives, that might be the case here but that doesn't really help. I guess the only thing I can gather from your posts is that you seem overly romantic and maybe in result less "manly" in the sex department. Please don't take this wrong, I think most women like and actually miss the romance nowadays. However, a lot, not all, like once it comes down to actual sex, to be dominated and all out animal desires take over. Especially once they are comfortable with their lover. Sex is a VERY primal thing and our Brains are still hard wired that way. However with that said the best thing is to communicate with her, different women enjoy sex in different ways, it is not a "one size fits all" sort of deal...hahaha that made me laugh. Anyway, make her want it, and yes It does happen when the women in the relationship is begging for sex.

Your girlfriend doesn't have a low sex drive, she just doesn't feel like having sex with you, and this is because the emotional connection and intimacy isn't strong enough, or isn't of the "right" kind. My ex boyfriend probably thought I had a low sex drive, when in fact I didn't want to have sex with him because I wasn't in love with him, plain and simple. The more he tried to initiate the more annoyed I got. I think she isn't in love with you.

Is she attracted to you or in love with you? Doesn't seem that way. I think you treat you well and she adores you for it...but the 'spark', sexually, is not there for her. She might love you, but she's not in love.

In other words...it's not her allergies.