am i an idiot?

A few months ago a nice, cute guy asked me out. He was kinda shy from where i knew him, but he would always discuss problems with me and give me advice.

Anyway, he asked me out, and i said no because im about to turn 23 in a month, hes turning 22 in june. This was back in september. He then defriended me on facebook, and other than a "merry christmas" text, he hasnt talked to me at all.

A few days ago I saw him at a grocery store, he was talking to somebody else. I really wanted to go over and talk to him, but i didnt get the courage to.

I sent him a message over facebook saying how i missed him and wanted to still be friends. He responded with

"I defriended you on facebook and havent really talked to you because i think you either lied to me about not wanting to go out, or because you are kinda immature. I dont hate you, or think you suck, or whatever, but your reason was very hurtful.

I never really looked at you as some super adult person in comparison to me. In fact i feel there are some things that are very childish about you.

However I was interested in taking you out to dinner because i feel you have great qualities about yourself. Your quick witted, which makes you fun to be around. Your a smart girl with aspirations and goals, and youre a hard worker. Add that with the fact i am pretty sure you and I were pretty much the only 2 people our age at the meetings who were working every weeknight till 11 and going to school the next day at 7 am, and i was interested in taking you out to dinner.

If you want to be friends because i dont make you feel good (although i dont know how you would know that due to our limited interaction), or because theres no physical attraction, or something like that, then by all means im completely fine with that. Id love to get lunch once in a while or something. But if its because you have some elitist attitude over people one year and some change older than you, and you dont take me seriously, then were we even really friends?"

I am really convinced that came from his heart, and not made up. I do think i hurt him badly. But i just dont really know what to respond with. I mean i do think hes cute. Hes smart too. But the age thing just keeps coming back to me. God this is frustrating.

Why does the age gap bother you? Is it because what others would think? Its not like its a creepy age difference where you look like a pedofile. He definitely sounds mature enough for a 21 year old to write that all out. Figure out why its bothering you and let him know why. It obviously bothered him enough to where he'd take time to write out that long reply to you.

To cut out the bullshit, yes you are.

I think you've missed a good catch here!

He seems surprisingly evolved for a young guy his age..I would date him!

Becks, do you consider yourself as immature or kinda up on a pedestal? If not, then you should.

Jk's aside... get on a date with him and get over yourself. 1yr difference.... pfffffffffft

I think you miss having a guy who liked you.

I'm with everyone else here, your reasoning is a bit baffling. Get to know him first and then decide based on that.

So far, it's unanimous. You totally blew it. To be honest, he sounds MORE mature than you do.

im kinda curious to hear what happened. I was in a similar situation a few years ago (only i was the guy).

sigh...i screwed this one up huh. Think its too late to try it?

Yep it's too late. You just want to be liked, and he was the only one around. Now he's not, now you're missing it. Notice I say missing IT not HIM.

Get on with life. Find a guy who is your age. I have a feeling that even if he gave you another chance you'd dump his ass in heartbeat because a older more mature man came along and fancied you. Which means that you would have just been with him because you didn't want to be alone, and that's uncool.

That's not an age gap. It's an age blip. It's so small it's almost meaningless. Are you seriously telling us that you blew this guy off because he was in fourth grade when you were in fifth grade?

YOU should ask HIM out to dinner, and pay for it.

i dont know, its just the shyness caused me to look at him younger an immature. He would only ask me things like "how is school going" or "see that new movie". Ever since he wrote me that ive changed how i view him.

you don't know what? neither of us asked you anything. I know that you don't know what you want. I know that he *does*. I think you should let him be.

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yep it's too late. You just want to be liked, and he was the only one around. Now he's not, now you're missing it. Notice I say missing IT not HIM.

Get on with life. Find a guy who is your age. I have a feeling that even if he gave you another chance you'd dump his ass in heartbeat because a older more mature man came along and fancied you. Which means that you would have just been with him because you didn't want to be alone, and that's uncool.

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damn girl! you hit that one right on the head, lol. I agree.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's not an age gap. It's an age blip. It's so small it's almost meaningless. Are you seriously telling us that you blew this guy off because he was in fourth grade when you were in fifth grade?

YOU should ask HIM out to dinner, and pay for it.

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Well said. Somebody PM me on how to multi quote, I totally missed the boat on that one.

He is into you so he will respond trust me. So if you want to give him a shot, do it!

i dont think he will unless i ask him out at this point...which ive never done before. And i dont even know if he still likes me.

He did de-friend you on facebook... if that doesn't mean "I'm not interested" I don't know what does...

wow 1 year o.O are you kidding me? XD
if it was like 15 yeah maybe you should reconsider but 1 year difference???! seriously? Get over yourself XD

well i sent him a text...its been an hour but he hasnt responded.

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Originally Posted by Becks87 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

well i sent him a text...its been an hour but he hasnt responded.

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You'll have to wait a lot longer than 1 hour i'm sure that much.

A text? Come on, you refused to date him for being 'too shy' (and equating it with immature), and you can't even dial his phone number? You don't see a little hypocrisy here? I'm sure he does.

look, he asked you out. You said no. Its up to you now to get in contact with him. None of this text crap/facebook message crap. You have to ask HIM out, and seem like the nice girl he saw in you.

Perhaps you arent the girl he saw? Maybe you only seemed to have goals, and wittiness around him? If thats the case....then he was probably making you feel good about yourself. Man i dont see why you would run from this guy like this in the first place. Be the 23 year old you are and ask him out....he already showed enough guts to ask you. The ball is in your court now.

well....no response yet....but im still hoping.

Good luck lol. It seems a little screwy but I'm sure if you talk to him in person instead of text, you'll have a better shot.

Sounds like YOU would be lucky to be as mature as HE is. He's been way more adult. You should find someone else your own emotional age,(16).

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Originally Posted by Becks87 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

am i an idiot?

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Yeah that was pretty dumb. You better go fix that! :?

well he sent me an email today. Heres what it said.

Rebecca, i really think you should think this over more. Clearly it bothered you at one point about the year and some change between us. And while i dont think its a big deal, if you do/did at one point then there is always a serious chance that it will come back up again and possibly bother you.

You mentioned about the guy you just broke up with a month ago that you dated from now to october. I dont mean to be hurtful and i dont think this is entirely your viewpoint on relationships, but i feel you are alone right now and it hurts you. I really think you should take some time to be by yourself. Be it a few weeks, or a month or two. I feel we learn about ourselves and how to act in relationships if we are given time off when one fails/stalls out.

If you wanna talk then, we should. I still have some interest in you as a friend if you dont view me how you viewed me before. Dont worry, im not going anywhere anytime soon :)

Also, one more thing.....put down the cigarettes. I smoked for 2 years when i was right out of highschool. I was very stressed out due to breaking both my knees 3 days before my first cross country practice and cigarettes made the rehab so much worse....i mighta been able to recover and still run track at college if i didnt smoke for those 2 years.

Thoughts? Any chance? I really screwed this one up huh? Recoverable?

He's very mature that's for sure. You should do what he says. Think about whether this is something you want for real or you're doing it just because you felt sorry that you messed up. Take some time and go from there.

He sounds like a doll. I suppose all you can do is throw yourself at his mercy, tell him you were an idiot, and hope he will eventually forgive you. Maybe you can hang around for a while, just as friends. He may eventually revisit the idea of dating you.

If I were a girl, I would have married this dude. You don't see a 22 year old to be so mature these days.

And yeah, please leave him alone. He's way more mature than you. It's not compatible.

im really interested in your story because i was in the EXACT same situation like 2 years ago...just i was the guy

anyway, i dont know if the ladies would agree with me, but why did you bring up another boyfriend? bad move imo. What did you write him?

He's mature and he's likely right. You wanted his attention, he took it away, you want it back.

I'm on his side. He seems smart, and careful. You're just a lonley girl who wants attention.

This guy is so wise, way beyond his years... He's like a little furry Buddha.

(Bonus pts if you know where that last half of the sentence is from).

Wow...

"I was very stressed out due to breaking both my knees 3 days before my first cross country practice and cigarettes made the rehab so much worse....i mighta been able to recover and still run track at college if i didnt smoke for those 2 years. "

THATS why hes is/was shy.

My girlfriend is nearly six years older than me. If age ever bothered us, I wouldn't be the happiest man in the world.

the one that got away