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Hello everyone, I'll keep this short;
I'm struggling in a relationship with a girl, the thing is that she could be my gf, we go out but the problem is that I don't entertain her in terms of my talking abilities.
I am not shy and neither is she. When we converse its going smooth but when it stops its just awkward.
Example, we go out and its often silent, like nobody has nothing to say and its driving me crazy because we could go to the next level but I'm blowing it.
What can I do here?
Silence isn't a bad thing. If you feel awkward around her when it's quiet, that you clearly have not reached an ideal level of comfort with her yet. When does the conversation typically die? I do know the pain of feeling awkward in those situations.
You may already be doing this, but you may not so I'll bring it up anyways; you can literally say anything to a girl as long as you deliver it well and with confidence. If you are afraid to say something because you think she'll judge you, you're right. If you say something and don't fear that she'll judge you then she won't. She will be able to sense the awkwardness you pervade in however you choose to present yourself.
Cheers, brother
The key is not to be interesting only
The key is to be interested
You could even talk abou how you think she's great but u feel awkward for not having so much to talk about.
You can talk about your surrounding, hobbies, politics, philosophy and most interestingly recent experiences of her, dreams, goals, what she thinks important, jobs, school. Sexual fantasys is another great one
We actually know each other for a year now, I know a lot about her and we've gone over all kinds of topics by now.
She is a talker for example and has a good sense of humour.
However, this is going to come out weird but she actually doesn't respond very well to "big" questions. For example I asked her once, "What would you buy with 10 million€?" and her initial response was "I don't think about such things, its a bad dream it will never happen".
Her mindset is different and to this day I still get surprized by the way she's thinking, she's lazy, likes sleeping a lot, dislikes school, dislikes romance, doesn't wear makeup to dates or school and I could go on.
What do you suggest I do here?
Well she doesn't like unrealistic dreams
So ask her about realistic dreams then
Sometimes you can also just hold hands and watch the world in its beauty
- - - Updated - - -
Shared hobbies?
Whatever
You don't always have to talk
Hand holding isn't really applicable here since she's not a fan of romance as I wrote in my previous post.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hooo! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Not much of shared hobbies, we have a lot of songs in common that we like.
If we look at the big picture the problem is partly in me too, I have no experience in dating + her different mindset is making things harder for me.
Then hold her by her neck. Bet she likes to be strangled a little.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack_720 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Then be curious about her different mindset.
Is she even bothered by not talking?
It seems to me that you may have insecurities about treating her as a woman and that those are more impairing as lack of talking subjects
[MENTION=42177]pcmaster[/MENTION] You're not being serious.
[MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION]
I am curious but her personality is still a mystery after quite some time.
I sure do have some insecurities about making a certain move. On her birthday when I wished her "hbd" I took a shot and kissed on the cheek after a hug, she didn't really say anything and when I later asked her if the kiss bothered her she said "no, no it was just a weird position".
There is a lot of confusion here because I don't even know why she's hanging out with me. We go out for example and when I drop her off I don't even get a hug sometimes, just bye.
Or when we chat on FB, she often responds with "Ok; yeah; (y)" + she doesn't use smileys which makes her messages hard to interpret.
Try to fck her and see if she becomes nicer after sex.
Yes I'm confused to that. Didn't you tell us you were in a relationship?
So you don't have sex or just shy about it or what? I don't understand
Yeah, I'm currently just going up to bat. Srsly stay serious hereQuote:
Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Actually being half serious about this. Having big D really helps with girls so shave it so it looks bigger.
Girls ussualy gets attached more to guys after sex than guys to girls. So really might be worth a try.
How old are you little buddy? Is this the first girl you are trying to be in relationship with or theres been more and if yes then how many?
I'm 21 and she's 18. I have never had a gf before.Quote:
Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I understand that sexual relationships empower the relationship if the girl isn't a hoe but the problem here is how to even begin a relationship.
You are pretty young and so are she. Might even be too young for you. In terms that its harder to make relationships with younger girls as with age difference theres less things in common and different mindsets.
You might want be serious and look into future while she might care only about present moment and just have fun.
Im pretty sure that most guys who are regular posters been virgin for longer than you are. But yeah if you want to make relationship then Im interested in that too how to begin one too lol. Since Im good with first dates but dont know how keep girl in a longterm.
However what one experienced girl told me(actually few experienced girls) is that sex these days is on top of everything. Its like you have sex and then only get attached and feel comfortable with girl thru sex. Really from my experience I find that its easy to sleep with girl on third date and if theres no sex on third or fourth date then its ussualy over cause theres no moving forward and girl might start seriously doubt if you like her.
Maybe you shold look in wikihow how to begin a relationship lol. Anyway I think it boils down to two things - either you find your first girl to be more experienced and she take sthe lead and teaches you or you find girl with same experience level as you and you slowly learning together.
So yeah its pretty hard to begin with when you are new in all this. You need confidence but you dont have confidence that comes from experience yet so you need a lot of inner confidence before that.
I for example think that if you want girl to be your GF and be in relationship with her then you should just do things that BF and GF does. Like dont ask girl to be your GF but be her BF first like support her as a friend, tell her compliments daily(this should be easy for you) And all the little things like kissing and holding hands, hugging, cooking together and just spending as much time as you can together. Girls are interested in you as much as you are interested in them. Unless you are stalker or too needy. Basicaly meeting 3-4 times a week is perfect and texting her as much as she texts you but not much more is good.
And man dont give her kisses on cheek anymore. First kiss is ok but generaly kisses on cheek are for mums and grannys. When you get more experienced and have kissed more girls it gets easy to kiss on lips. But yeah first girls are harder. Just takes balls and that jump to kiss on lips for the first time. AFter first kiss it becomes very easy and after that Just kiss girl on lips everytime you meet her and say hi. Thats how I do it. In fact if you dont kiss girl everytime you meet her after first kiss is done then its a mistake. Girls expect to be kissed.
I see what you're saying and about this:
In this case I'm in doubts, if I explain...I told her quite a few times indirectly that I like her and she didn't really respond. Perhaps that's just her way I do know that she would never respond with "Aww".Quote:
Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My doubts here are why the hell is she still hanging out with me and at the same time not contributing anything to this relationship.
can you explain this?Quote:
Originally Posted by Hooo! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
so you didnt have sex with her yet? and you didnt kiss and anything?
€ also: does she ware one of those black neckless things?
I missed that post.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hooo! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
No we're not in a relationship and we never had sex and never kissed. No, she is not a hoe that wears one of those black necklaces.
This is not my point, I am not shy around her and she also seems confident...I can't make a move here because I don't understand why is she still hanging out with me and at the same time not contributing anything to this relationship.
And please enough talking about sex since its not going to happen for me anytime soon.
with this attitude probably not.
why dont you just ask her then?
you dont have a realtionship
you dont have a real frienship
you have weirdness
so ask i would say.
Maybe she didnt respond because she know you like her and she couldnt answer with same feeling. Perhaps shes waiting for you to man up to make a move. Who knows maybe no other guy is paying attention to her right now and you are better than nothing. I say as long she tolerates you near her you have a chance. Its all about what you do. You can change and start doing something that matters. Enough telling her you like her, let actions speak. Show her that you like her. This time with something else than peck on a cheek.
This is exactly what I'm afraid od doing because I'm not sure if she'll go with it or not.Quote:
Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I will however take a chance and do it, I mean after all if I'm willing to end it all why shouldn't I take an equal risk and possibly succeed.
What are important things to look for here?
Just be confident and do it. Make sure you are both sonewhere where private and there are some good yt videos that shows good ways of kissing.
You can talk to her abou it or kiss her
Usually if a girl enjoys you touching her hair she will enjoy the kiss too
However that just is true for normal humans :-)
I'll notify you two once I pull this off
That's very comfortingQuote:
Originally Posted by Hooo! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Are you a barber?Quote:
Originally Posted by Hooo! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm just somewhat a fan of Erik Von Markovik