does she just want attention ? i want to have a serious relationship with her

hello im new here and i have a little problem
i met this girl that i like we started seeing eachother, texting alot everything is fine

i went to her place twice nothing happened i was massaging her back from under her shirt while she was on top of me while kissing her neck , when things got a little more physical than just touching she stopped me , i tried putting my hands in her panties but she took my hand away twice and said no , when i slept at her place she turned her back on me and said good night and i grabbed her from behind trying to escalate things a little but she didnt respond at all , i mean she would let me touch her until some point and thats it she wouldnt respond with a little touching herself when i tried to kiss her she didnt respond to the kiss she held her lips tense

thing is she also hangs out with another guy from our group of friends i asked her about him she said that they are just friends and i shouldnt be jealous

whenever we hang out she notices guys checking her out alot , i dont see it to be honest , for example we were at a car wash and the guy with the car behind us told her that her front tier need more air which was true and she was like " did you see how he looked at me ? if we were staying any longer he would have offered to solve it himself " stuff like this

i was at her place once and she was texting with tthe other guy and i told her whats up with that and she told me that im too jealous like wtf? and she started ignoring his texts but he started calling her , she rejected 2 of his calls at the 3rd i told her to talk to him because he is starting to annoy me and she went to the bathroom to talk to him .

All my friend sayd that i should have just left when that happened and that she is nothing more than an attention ***** . One of my friends even told me "You can try to be with her but you wont have sex with her she will let you touch her a little she will tease you but thats it nothing more " and that is exactly what happened 2 times in a row . I asked him how did he knew and he didnt wanna say im guessing he tried aswell Its funny cuz she even sent me a meme once that sayd "Me in a relationship : I need attention"

and the worst part is that i found out that she is in a long distance relationship . They have been toghether for 5 years now and her boyfriend has been out of town for almost 1 year and he might stay there for another year in worst case scenario . She even told him through text that she loves him while she was with me . But she said that she might break up with him because they dont get along anymore

should i continue to hang out with her or should i just give up ? i want a serious relationship with her not just sex

Of course, dump her man. You are just competing for attention now while not exactly knowing what you are doing. The girl could be good enough for some super experienced, smart guy who gets his way easy with girls. But not for you, you been struggling and suffering enough. It won't get any better - how it is now this is how its gonna be all the time.

So my advice is to tell her everything you think about her, then stop contact, block everywhere in case she wants your attention again. Cause she might miss you after you stop playing her games, but once you return all the same old crap is gonna start.

So you need mature girl who is loyal. If this girl does this to her LDR BF and other guys, she will do same to you - thats the rule.

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Of course, dump her man. You are just competing for attention now while not exactly knowing what you are doing. The girl could be good enough for some super experienced, smart guy who gets his way easy with girls. But not for you, you been struggling and suffering enough. It won't get any better - how it is now this is how its gonna be all the time.

So my advice is to tell her everything you think about her, then stop contact, block everywhere in case she wants your attention again. Cause she might miss you after you stop playing her games, but once you return all the same old crap is gonna start.

So you need mature girl who is loyal. If this girl does this to her LDR BF and other guys, she will do same to you - thats the rule.

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well this other guy she hangs out with has more experience but it doesnt look like she wants an actual relationship with him either
He voted one of her latest photos on facebook with heart and then he turned it into a normal like , i guess she told him to so that her boyfriend wont get upset or something
After i slept at her place instead of going out with me she went out with him and i asked her about it and she said " i go out with him as many times as i want to i dont have any obligations towards you " and then i told her "im sorry i didnt know that people that are just friends cuddle for hours and sleep in eachother's arms "and she got very upset and she wont talk to me but eventualy she did . I dont know what was she thinking but when we were in bed she was talking to her boyfriend and he was suposed to come in town for 1 day to see her and he said that its better to wait until he can come for more days because 1 day is not enough and she got upset and told him "i love you but i guess you dont love me enough to come for 1 day to see me "
She gets upset so easy at everything its like you have to be realy careful at what your saying to her

She sounds like trouble. Walk away.

So why the fck you still writing about her? Don't concentrate on that piece of shit.

Better focus on yourself and other girls.

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So why the fck you still writing about her? Don't concentrate on that piece of shit.

Better focus on yourself and other girls.

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to be honest i hope that maybe she might become more stable once she will be in a relationship with me , i know that the chances are small but she has something special i cant realy put my finger on it
when she was crying because of her boyfriend i actualy felt sorry for her and i wanted to make things better
and what did you mean by " You are just competing for attention now while not exactly knowing what you are doing" what did i do wrong ? or how was i suposed to handle the situation?

If she has a BF then yes, all she wants from other men who are not him, including you, is attention. The fact that she is kissing you & letting you sleep in her bed while she has a BF is bad. She is cheating on this other guy with you, possibly your other friend & maybe other guys.

If you want a serious relationship, this is not your girl. She has no idea what it means to be loyal or committed.

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Originally Posted by DalM0m [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If she has a BF then yes, all she wants from other men who are not him, including you, is attention. The fact that she is kissing you & letting you sleep in her bed while she has a BF is bad. She is cheating on this other guy with you, possibly your other friend & maybe other guys.

If you want a serious relationship, this is not your girl. She has no idea what it means to be loyal or committed.

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i dont know what to say about the boyfriend thing because she always says that she wants to break up with him , once she said that she only stays with him because she wants him to break up with him so that everyone wont think of her as the bad person that does it

Man you are really lonely. Stop justifying this girl. They all say how bad their BF is. But they never leave. Also I mean that you are never gona get her full atention. For guys its easy to fall in love with girl cause she looks good and you are hooked. Will you forgive girl what she did if she looked like local homeless woman? I think not. Just right now you are under beautiful women spell and will be happy even if she farts in your face.

Anyway man, once you leave and feelings come down you will see with every day how bad girls was and how right you did by leaving. Don't look what she says but look at what she do. Same goes with all the girls.

You cant save her. Its just your white knight syndrome acting up. You are attracted to this girl with issues cause you have your own problems and thats why you think you deserve her cause shes not perfect. But you can get girls much easier once you stumble on those who actually want guy in their life and are ready for real relationship.

Meanwhile always keep working on yourself to become a better man in all ways.

What does she want?

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Originally Posted by Hooo! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What does she want?

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well she doesnt know exactly what she wants sometimes she want her boyfriend to be with her , sometimes she just wants to break up with him and be free for a while ,
everytime i want to talk about personal stuff like this she changes the subject
for example 2 days ago i asked her "why dont you just break up with him and be happy " and she said "please i dont wanna talk about this kind of stuff can we just enjoy the time toghether ? "
and one weird thing is that she never asked about my life , my parents stuff like that

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Man you are really lonely. Stop justifying this girl. They all say how bad their BF is. But they never leave. Also I mean that you are never gona get her full atention. For guys its easy to fall in love with girl cause she looks good and you are hooked. Will you forgive girl what she did if she looked like local homeless woman? I think not. Just right now you are under beautiful women spell and will be happy even if she farts in your face.

Anyway man, once you leave and feelings come down you will see with every day how bad girls was and how right you did by leaving. Don't look what she says but look at what she do. Same goes with all the girls.

You cant save her. Its just your white knight syndrome acting up. You are attracted to this girl with issues cause you have your own problems and thats why you think you deserve her cause shes not perfect. But you can get girls much easier once you stumble on those who actually want guy in their life and are ready for real relationship.

Meanwhile always keep working on yourself to become a better man in all ways.

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i dont know man i dont really have any problems i have a good job i have friends i have fun everyday without her its not a problem
but i guess you might be right about the white knight syndrome

Her saying she wants to break up with her BF is not the same as actually breaking up with him. For now, she's lying to you. Take that into consideration

I do wish I could offer more optimistic thoughts, but I have to agree with all the others. Sometimes I like to offer my advice for what I think I'd do in the situation... but then also play Devil's advocate with myself and also offer my advice for what I'd do if the person insisted on the other side of the coin instead. That way, at least I feel the person is getting some thoughts no matter which way they wish to go. But, this is NOT one of the times when I'd feel right doing that.

I don't think there would be any point to continue to pursue her. As others have pointed out, her SAYING she wants to break up with her boyfriend is nothing. Some people say things like that all the time and never really mean it. The fact is, if she has a boyfriend and yet is letting you kiss her, cuddle her, etc. then she is cheating on him. It sounds like you didn't know that at first. Once you found out, that should tell you all you need to know. She should really decide what she wants to do about her relationship and deal with that BEFORE entering into any other relationships... no matter if they are serious or just for fun. If she wants to break up with him, then she needs to grow up and break up with him, and then maybe look for another relationship.

So, it isn't like we can know for sure.... but it definitely sounds to me like she's the type who just enjoys attention. I mean, look at some of the evidence. Apparently, when you two go out and other guys are interested in her, you don't notice... yet she feels the need to point it out to you. Who the Hell does that? And when you are annoyed with her for spending time you two are supposed to be hanging out constantly texting/calling with some other guy, her reaction is to instantly get defensive and call you jealous? Yeah... definitely not good signs.

So, if you were asking me personally, I'd tell you it is much better to forget her and move on. I mean, maybe if she broke up with him and then came back to you later and asked YOU out again you could consider it. But, I personally wouldn't waste another millisecond of my time on her. You'd be better off finding somebody else who won't play these childish games with you. Good luck to you.

As long as she doesn’t know what to do, she will very likely not change the situation.

Maybe if you are absent from her life, she will realize that she wants to be with you
Or maybe she doesn’t.

The worst way to go about that is making suggestions as to what she should do or might want.

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Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I do wish I could offer more optimistic thoughts, but I have to agree with all the others. Sometimes I like to offer my advice for what I think I'd do in the situation... but then also play Devil's advocate with myself and also offer my advice for what I'd do if the person insisted on the other side of the coin instead. That way, at least I feel the person is getting some thoughts no matter which way they wish to go. But, this is NOT one of the times when I'd feel right doing that.

I don't think there would be any point to continue to pursue her. As others have pointed out, her SAYING she wants to break up with her boyfriend is nothing. Some people say things like that all the time and never really mean it. The fact is, if she has a boyfriend and yet is letting you kiss her, cuddle her, etc. then she is cheating on him. It sounds like you didn't know that at first. Once you found out, that should tell you all you need to know. She should really decide what she wants to do about her relationship and deal with that BEFORE entering into any other relationships... no matter if they are serious or just for fun. If she wants to break up with him, then she needs to grow up and break up with him, and then maybe look for another relationship.

So, it isn't like we can know for sure.... but it definitely sounds to me like she's the type who just enjoys attention. I mean, look at some of the evidence. Apparently, when you two go out and other guys are interested in her, you don't notice... yet she feels the need to point it out to you. Who the Hell does that? And when you are annoyed with her for spending time you two are supposed to be hanging out constantly texting/calling with some other guy, her reaction is to instantly get defensive and call you jealous? Yeah... definitely not good signs.

So, if you were asking me personally, I'd tell you it is much better to forget her and move on. I mean, maybe if she broke up with him and then came back to you later and asked YOU out again you could consider it. But, I personally wouldn't waste another millisecond of my time on her. You'd be better off finding somebody else who won't play these childish games with you. Good luck to you.

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yeah i dont know its all really confusing we feel good around eachother everything feels great but i hope that it will become an actual thing sometime
last night we were staying in bed i was holding her in my arms with my lips pressed to her neck and i wanted to kiss her so much but the fact that she didnt want to last time i was kinda discouraged

It feels good because you are getting attention, in some form or another, from another human being. We all want that. We all crave that. So, of course it feels good. But she's using you. Even if she doesn't realize it, she's using you. She has a boyfriend already. Whether they are blissfully happy together and bound for eventual marriage, or desperately miserable and bound for eventual break-up... or even somewhere in between... it doesn't change the fact that she is presently with somebody else.

Most people need time to get over a relationship before they can seriously enter into another. You can't have that time to get over the relationship WHILE STILL IN IT.

Believe me, I am 100% not judging you here. I completely understand why you may have a hard time letting go. You thought maybe you saw something in her that is worthwhile. You thought maybe there could be something special between you two. It can be hard to look past that. Think of it this way, though... if there IS something there... if you two truly could be something real... well, then that would still be the case once she has dealt with her current relationship. Once she has broken up with him once and for all (if that ultimately is her decision). Once she has taken some time to heal, to grow, to get back up.

There are just way too many risks by getting involved with somebody in a situation like this. She could be using you as just a rebound (intentionally or perhaps without even realizing she's doing it). She could be somebody who just loves getting attention from guys and doesn't care about their feelings. Or, heck, there even could be a chance for you two given the right time and distance from her current situation... but rushing things could wind up ruining what could have been something great.

You ultimately have to do what feels right for you. We can't tell you what to do, you have to live your life. But, I just personally would never suggest continuing a situation like this. If you can honestly be 100% okay with currently just assuming nothing will ever happen between you two and thereby go back to just being friends, then great. Do that. You never know what may happen in time, but at least that way you aren't just waiting for her hoping she'll decide she wants to be with you. BUT, if being around her even as a friend would just make it too hard for you not to want more, than I think you'd be better off away from her for now. Which, again, could even change in the future if her situation changes. But, it would just be better for you not to get involved in this sort of thing. More often than not this kind of situation only leads to hurt. Not that it is 100% the only possible conclusion, it's just that so often a situation like this does not end well.

Good luck to you either way.

Stop being her "white knight"!!!!!

You only look foolish and she will have no respect for you.

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Originally Posted by justme1990 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

she has something special i cant really put my finger on it

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She is special to all the boys, (open your eyes!!)you are not the only one.......she knows how to play you all very well. Just because you want a relationship, doesn't mean it's going to happen. What to do? Keep slamming her until you get tired of her bs. The only thing you did wrong was get emotionally involved. She doesn't want any of that, and the more mushy you get about her, the more she's gonna set up shop somewhere else.

That's spot on Smackie! These guys really putting this cheap girl on a pedestal and running after her like dogs after sausage.

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Originally Posted by smackie09 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She is special to all the boys, (open your eyes!!)you are not the only one.......she knows how to play you all very well. Just because you want a relationship, doesn't mean it's going to happen. What to do? Keep slamming her until you get tired of her bs. The only thing you did wrong was get emotionally involved. She doesn't want any of that, and the more mushy you get about her, the more she's gonna set up shop somewhere else.

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if she doesnt want ant serious relationship why does she stay with her boyfriend ? wouldnt it be easier if she could just flirt with everyone without hiding from her boyfriend?

She isn't really "staying" with her BF. She's using him for attention as well as everyone else. She's got you in her back pocket does she not? There is an expression people use in situations like this...she can have her cake and eat it too.

Agreed with smackie. She may not actually be any more serious with her "boyfriend" than she is with any other guys she plays these games with. That, or maybe she is more serious with him but still enjoys the attention she gets from other guys. Or, maybe she gets something from him that she wants and it therefore makes it worth her while (in her mind) to stay with him, but she's not really serious with him and would drop him the moment she no longer gets what she wants. Plenty of possible reasons and the vast majority of them aren't terribly flattering.

Sure, there is some change she is actually being honest. That she truly does not mean to play games with you or anybody else. ....IF that is the case, though, then it will also be the case if/when she actually deals with her relationship and ends it (again, if that winds up being her decision). It is never a good idea to get involved with this kind of drama. Let her deal with that stuff on her own, and if she does finally decide to actually end things with her boyfriend, then maybe you can consider giving her another chance. At least that would be my advice.

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Originally Posted by smackie09 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She isn't really "staying" with her BF. She's using him for attention as well as everyone else. She's got you in her back pocket does she not? There is an expression people use in situations like this...she can have her cake and eat it too.

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wow use him for 5 years ? thats alot of using
guys say that she might actualy like alex alot because they always hangout toghether even at work , he has been to her place from what i heard i asked her and she sayd that they just eat and thats it but considering what she did with me i doubt it that she is telling the truth
and one friend actualy said that he knows for sure that they had sex i told her that too and ofc she said that she is so sick of these rumours about her and alex and that just because they like to hang out doesnt mean they are toghether

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Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Agreed with smackie. She may not actually be any more serious with her "boyfriend" than she is with any other guys she plays these games with. That, or maybe she is more serious with him but still enjoys the attention she gets from other guys. Or, maybe she gets something from him that she wants and it therefore makes it worth her while (in her mind) to stay with him, but she's not really serious with him and would drop him the moment she no longer gets what she wants. Plenty of possible reasons and the vast majority of them aren't terribly flattering.

Sure, there is some change she is actually being honest. That she truly does not mean to play games with you or anybody else. ....IF that is the case, though, then it will also be the case if/when she actually deals with her relationship and ends it (again, if that winds up being her decision). It is never a good idea to get involved with this kind of drama. Let her deal with that stuff on her own, and if she does finally decide to actually end things with her boyfriend, then maybe you can consider giving her another chance. At least that would be my advice.

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he has been in another town for almost 1 year now what can he posibly give her from distance
i think that she might actualy be in love with him because they have been toghether for 5 years and maybe its hard to break things off if that is what she wants
i dont think that i might have the oportunity to give her another because i think alex might be number 2 instead of me

OK that clears things up....she is just looking for attention to fill in what her BF doesn't provide. So she is using you and whomever else.

Okay, so they were together for 5 years, but now have been geographically separate for 1 year. With that additional information my best guess would be one of two things. A) She's knowingly using other guys for attention because she loves her boyfriend, but part of her knows it isn't working/something is missing because of the long distance situation.

B) She never had any intention of using anybody/hurting anybody.... but is still very much missing something because of her boyfriend being so far away, and therefore couldn't help herself but seek out that attention in other men.

And, again, I could still be wrong. It could be something else entirely. But those seem the two most likely options to me given the whole picture of things so far. And if it is either one of those two... whether or not she was intentionally using you/other guys, it doesn't change the fact that she was. Even if it wasn't her intention, even if she never meant to hurt anybody... she still has. It is still much better not to get in the middle of all that. And again, I will say that if she ever does finally deal with her relationship... and if she does decide to end it and move on... maybe there could be a chance down the road. It's just, relationships are unlikely to work out in the end if one person isn't fully into it for whatever reason. And if part of her is still in love with her boyfriend... if she still has not gotten over that, then she's not fully into it with you or any other guy.

Best of luck to you in however you do decide to handle this. I don't mean to act like it is so easy. I understand how you feel and how it can be hard to let go. Sometimes, though, letting go is what is best for your own well-being. This may be one of those times.