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I got a girlfriend for almost 6 months now and i know i can trust her and i do, but before we made it official a different guy also tried to get her as a girlfriend. She rejected him but i constantly live in fear that he tries to make another go for her, i know this is probably just stupid but i live in a sort of anxiety because of this fear. I love her very much and everything goes well but in the back of my mind it keeps bothering me.
Actually there is no need for you to struggle to, because as you mention, you love your girl friend and i suppose you trust her that she would not betray you even that guy crazily approach to her . So the main point will be that guy suddenly coming to disturb your love. But there is no way to stop him approaching your girl and the others. That is his right to do it. The only method is to keep your love stronger and protect your relationship well.
For tip, there is also a way to handle this guy which is suggesting another single girl for him to satisfy his hunger for girl ^^ but to carry out this plan, you have better be a friend with your opponent so that he would listen to your advice and give up your girl.
For us girls, it's a constant thing, guys wanting or chasing, or hitting on us. He won't be the last guy, there will be others too. It's just the way life is. She's not some weak minded little fawn that can't make good choices. She knows she's with you, and loves you, and only you.
Being in love will give you this kind of anxiety, but it does go away. Just don't make her life a living hell, questioning her whereabouts or who she talks to etc...you will lose her that way. Girls like a guy that is confident, not some insecure jerk.
Agree with smackie09. This isn't about just this one guy. You need to learn how to manage your emotions, specifically falling in love.
Love can be very intense, especially early love, you can learn a lot about yourself by how you react and manage it.
Some people run from it. Some people like you become very insecure and anxiety-ridden. Some peoole manage through control, or attempting control. None of which are very productive and may even lead to what you fear most, her leaving you.
Explore all these conflicting emotions within yourself and learn how to trust.
Thanks for your comments, it helped me a lot, the last couple of days i have noticably less stress and feel calmer.
Yeah, on a side note, I hate that fact too even as a guy. Because I am ridiculously shy, so asking women out is hard enough for me.... It sure as Hell doesn't help that, in my mind I'm thinking she's probably just going to think of me as one of a million losers who hit on her/tried to ask her out simply because they'll just ask any woman with a pulse. Anyway, that is my cross to bear...Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie09 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Back to the point...
I agree with the others that you should learn to be able to understand this and trust your partner no matter how many guys may hit on her, ask her out, etc. Because, like others have said, guys will. Most often it will be because they don't know she's already in a relationship, but there are even guys who won't care that she is and will try anyway.
That's not HER fault. So you should never treat her like it is, nor should you act all possessive and demand she tell guys to go to Hell. If she is a good partner, she'll respectfully tell any guy that asks her out (even if it is that other guy coming back around) thank you, but no thank you, I have a boyfriend. So, if she's a good person you'll have no reason to worry.
Truth be told, if some other guy could swoop in and steal her away from you, then she doesn't deserve you anyway. So, IF that were the case, you'd be better off without her anyway. But, if she's given you no reason not to trust her, then just trust that she'll do the right thing. Believe me, I understand how you feel and can even understand why, but it is an important skill to accomplish to be able to tell the difference between when you are worrying about something for good reason, or when you are maybe just worrying over nothing. It can be helpful to start understanding that better as it can also help you develop the skill to diffuse those feelings when you can realize that they are probably over nothing... or to better recognize when maybe they ARE for good reason after all. Not an easy skill to master, but definitely one worth trying.
Best of luck to you.
That's why she has been only a girlfriend for 6 years instead of a girlfriend for 1 year and a wife for 5 years.Quote:
Originally Posted by Blasekiller [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Women don't want to marry a fearful insecure guy that thinks every other guy out there is a viable threat.
I think you should reread that, it is 6 months
Ah!Quote:
Originally Posted by Blasekiller [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes.
Sorry.
No problem mate, i got the message
There is a reasonable amount of good material on YouTube on the confidence/fear thing. That is how I crawled out of the pit several years back. It took me about 2 years to get my footing, but always working on it even now. Everything I tell people on these forums, even the snarky stuff,...I've already been on the other side of it myself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Blasekiller [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
A few of the good YouTube Channels are:
FarFromAverage (Short, simple, to the point)
Coach Corey Wayne (the one that hits hard)
Susan Winter (gentler, but basically telling you the same thing)
Coach Red Pill (probably the harshest one, but well worth listening to)
I still watch them even today as a constant reminder, and to not fall back into my old habits
What sort of topics do they cover? I'm honestly pondering taking a look at them myself, even though this was directed at Blasekiller. I don't personally believe in letting fear hold you back. Not that I begrudge anybody who does. I understand why they do. Confidence, on the other hand... that has definitely been an issue for me my whole life.Quote:
Originally Posted by PRW [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I guess you'll have to go browse them and see :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
my girlfriend left me for reasons that I'm too in secured that I question her every move and I don't trust her. I'm heartbroken but somehow I feel that I'm not totally wrong here. she has this male friend and she said there's nothing between them but when she visits this guy she stayed for long in his house just the two of them sometimes she go to the market buy things and cook for him. wash the dishes and I told her I don't like it that she should stop it, but she just insist that I trust her. that they are just friends. when I found out she's still doing it I told her friend. and she said because I told her friend and because I don't trust her then it is over. I just don't know what to do. she said I should not contact her again.
I seriously need hlep
It was not okay for you and you told her. She didnt change, maybe kept lying to you and its good that you broken up since it was not on your terms. I think she was fcking him. Otherwise she wouldnt break up with you so easy. Your relationship wasnt so strong and she didnt like you so much thats why she left.Quote:
Originally Posted by daffetz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She is right - better dont contact her. In time you will see that breaking up was for good. This was not high quality girl.
I also have a problem. I sometimes abuse her immotionally with my frequent call and texting plus questioning her move sometimes. I'd like to stop I'd like to do better. I just want advice on how to be a better person. thanks. I'm OK with her going as I now know its for both me and her good. but I wanna do right next time.
Man you have to work on your confidence and realizing your self worth. Also be busy and have a life purpoise and goals that takes most of your day. Have friends and good relations with relatives and other pople so you wont feel lonely and with that you wont be needy to text and call often too. Basicaly you have a lot of growing to do and being self suffficient and happy without girlfriend before you can do well with a new girl.
So let us assume that you have THE hottest girlfriend on earth.Quote:
Originally Posted by Blasekiller [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You think she will not getting hit on?
Girls get hit on all the times. Especially the pretty ones
So let us assume that she likes the new guy. And she leaves you for him,
What can you do about that? How can you prevent it?
- - - Updated - - -
And if you still not get it
Imagine you are the girls
And you are hot. And you know it. And you have a man whom you love.
What could your ma. Do to stop you going with someone else? How could he prevent you from falling for someone else?
What i am doing right now is keep doing my best for her, i always try to improve, do fun things together, i try to show her that i love her and i am willing to work at our relationship and put energy in it and try to come up with new things to do but also do throw backs on what we used to do
This is what I meant in my earlier post about managing your emotions (and anxiety) through control. Your behaviour as stated above is controlling and it's also oppressive. If you don't learn to manage your feelings better, it's going to result in the opposite of what you are trying to avoid by controlling her.Quote:
Originally Posted by daffetz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She will start feeling oppressed, suffocated, stifled, become turned off and leave you. Learn ways to manage anxiety, exercise (my new boyfriend does boxing at his gym to alleviate his anxiety) any type of exercise will help.