Online dating sites

Hey!

I'd like to ask a guy a question...

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months and we're going great. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating. We live together, the sex is mind blowing and really really frequent. I mean, like every couple we have our issues but apart from that, all in all we're great. ... however there's one small thing that really bothers me.

Before we started dating, he was a member of several online dating sites (like rsvp and a few others). Recently in the last month or so, I've discovered that he still visits these sites and looks at other women's profiles. I've confronted him about it and he was honest that he does go there.... he says that he has "hidden" his old profile/s and doesn't message girls from there - yet he goes there and he won't tell me why.

I don't think he would ever be unfaithful but I just don't understand it!! Do I have anything to be concerned about? Can you perhaps shed some light - or just your opinion?

Hey girls,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months and we're going great. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating. We live together, the sex is mind blowing and really really frequent. I mean, like every couple we have our issues but apart from that, all in all we're great. ... however there's one small thing that really bothers me.

Before we started dating, he was a member of several online dating sites (like rsvp and a few others). Recently in the last month or so, I've discovered that he still visits these sites and looks at other women's profiles. I've confronted him about it and he was honest that he does go there.... he says that he has "hidden" his old profile/s and doesn't message girls from there - yet he goes there and he won't tell me why.

I don't think he would ever be unfaithful but I just don't understand it!! Do I have anything to be concerned about? Can you perhaps shed some light - or just your opinion?

Well, assuming everything else is as good as you say, it could be that he is just curious. Hmm... I don't really get it...

What do you mean he won't tell you why he does this?

Hi Vashti

Thanks for your reply. You might be right, it could just be curiosity, it just makes me uncomfortable i guess and does make the mind wander as to what else he's hiding.

What i mean is that when i've confronted him about it and asked him why he does it, he says he doesn't know why - he just does. I've also asked him how he'd feel about me doing the same thing and he doesn't answer. I've tried pushing it out of my mind but it just nags at me.

well it took my ex quite some time in order to stop that. i didn't know either he was still surfing around. i thought that he was still looking . so i confronted him but he deniyed and after showing him the proufs that i know. he said that it's just for fun nothing serious, he was chating with different girls everynight. i tryed to break up with him to see that it was a very big deal for me. then he started frequenting those sites less and less to none i guess.
you should tell him what bugs you dear. i know how you feel. just talk to him about it. it's kind of an addiction .
well hope he'll get it soon.

Thank you for sharing your experience - I'm glad to know that i'm not the only one. I think it's just because he keeps it quiet makes me doubt what he's doing. Deep down I know that we've got a good relationship and that I don't think he'd ever do anything more about it. It's just good to share with other people who can relate to how I'm feeling. When we have talked about it, we end up fighting, because he doesn't understand.

Thank u for ur help :)

wow, women can't keep their nose out of anything eh. even when it is ask a male. just joking just joking :P top advice btw :) kinda insulting for the guys, though because the best advice came from a female. mmm... wonder what the male to female ratio is on this forum.. :nerd:

Im not a guy either but CAREFUL! I met someone through HERE the Love forum which was friendship at first then turned into something else and it was great for months. I went to see him one weekend, and low and behold by his computer were all these print outs of girls from these other sites with their phone numbers on them. Damn I cried for hours and wanted to end the relationship. This was several months after we were dating and I was blown away.

I too confronted him told him I wanted NO part of this, he felt bad explained the whole thing to me, we became exclusive for a few months but it didnt work. I think some men like the nature of the beast, like the fact women compliment them they're their ego boosters. Addicition I dont know, but the ego feeders keep them coming back and men are Visualistic by nature too!


I know you're looking for a males POV but take it from some people who have been there with this type!

Yes, it sure is devastating and you do feel a very strong sense of betrayal hey!?!
I'm curious... what kind of explanation did he give you squirrel? See, I didn't really get any explanation - other than "I don't know why I look" and the whole line of I'm not messaging them or interacting with them.

I would just be curious to know what kind of explanation you got when you confronted the situation (doesn't have to be overly indepth if u don't want to go into it too much - I would understand).

Try as I might, I can't help but take it personally, to a degree... that perhaps there's something that he gets from this that I don't have.... I try not to think like that, but sometimes you just can't help it.

Why did you post this in both forums?

When he came back from the gym I was sitting on the couch in tears, of course as soon as I said something he turned white. He told me he'd been there for awhile and was looking for friendship and to make a wider circle of friends, to get out more,etc.

I did take it personally. Im certain even after we became exclusive he continued to "look". He's in a band, damn hot, his name is Ironliftr in here you can see his pics, I think our pics might still be up. But his band teases some of the girls he comes home with, they call them his flavor of the week.

I would suggest to keep your guard up is all, dont put all your faith into this relationship IF he is still looking at those sites. Might be innocent but theres always something to it.

Goodluck

I can tell you this when I met my fiance, we both dropped our accounts from myspace and dont go there, although we had no intentions of meeting or looking for someone in that regard, it happened and now we dont need those things, get what Im saying?

Well, I'm a guy and have done the same thing--just to look. I've now been with my girl for 2 years. I still go to look once in a while, but thats it. Even thoug I go ther I would never be unfaithful to her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squirrley

I did take it personally. Im certain even after we became exclusive he continued to "look". He's in a band, damn hot, his name is Ironliftr in here you can see his pics, I think our pics might still be up. But his band teases some of the girls he comes home with, they call them his flavor of the week.

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I remember all this Squirrley. Was always kind of hoping there would be a happy ending to all that.........but I guess there was, since you've met your fiance!

tis true! Dont get me wrong I had a great time with Iron, got my heart bured, but it was fun while it lasted, guess another notch in Iron's belt is all. But having found my fiance or him finding me was the best thing ever!

Damn! I can't find his picture, and you really have my curiosity sparked!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rosebud

Why did you post this in both forums?

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Well, I'm new here, not familiar with it and saw that there were both, so i figured I'd post in both to get male and female perspective on the situation. Seems that was unecessary though.

Thanks to everyone for their advice. I'll see how it goes and will be on my guard, that's for sure.

I'll tell you why it's difficult to stop using dating services.

1. Thy never forget their clients.
You can stop updating your profile but you'll still receive emails with top girls until you remove completely your email from subscription list. I worked for 4 years at dating service and really know how it works. Dating services send newsletters until you finally rejoin site or find a way to delete profile completely (sometimes it is very difficult to do).

Some dating services (I didn't review rsvp on my site but I hope I will review it soon) send teasers to male clients. Men gets email or just teasers to his email that his profile was viewed thinking that somebody has viewed his profile. In reality that email was sent by computer and not real women. This is the way how small dating services earns they money.

2. Men are men.
Men are men and you can't change here anything. Yes, we love our wives but we still are hunters and there is very good quote "if you are on diet it's doesn't mean that you can look into menu in the restaurant". In other words if he still use dating service it does not mean that he flirt or dating someone there.

Advice:
Delete his dating service profile together.

Thanks Welcome... your post was really insightful. I know he's now gotten rid of 2 old profiles and since everyone's advice on here, we've managed to talk about this more and he's finally fronted up that he understands how i feel about it and has worked out how to delete and cancel completely, instead of just hiding his profile which has made me feel much better about things. I just really want to say a big thank you to everyone who has replied to my thread, with your advice and own experiences. It's really nice to come to a forum and be able to talk to total strangers, who have gone through similar experiences, but who can understand how you're feeling about things! You have all been really helpful and I'm really greatful! :) I've also had some fun checking out some of the other forums as well and I'll be sticking around for a bit! So i totally look forward to chatting to you all again soon! Thanks again.