Lacking confidence

Hi,

I need help off some of you guys and gals. Im currently 20 and ive never had a proper girlfriend. I just cant seem to talk to the opposite sex very well at all. My work colleagues i can talk to and my mates but if i like someone i just make an idiot of myself.

I know im only 20 and should be out their enjoying myself but when i do go out i just feel as though everyone is just looking at me(very self conscious i think??) and i just cant relax or talk to people.

Im a pretty chatty person at work etc and around my mates but i seem to just change when im around people i dont know. Im just getting really annoyed with myself as i just dont know what to do in all honesty. I want to go out for meals,buy flowers, go to the cinema and go for weekends away.

I know some of you might say go out and talk to people but its hard for me!, ive tried talking to people over the internet (which ive found to be useless in all honesty). What things can i do to boost my confidence and self esteem to try and get myself a GF.

Thanks
Adam

I think you should just fake it (confidence) until it comes naturally. Most confidence surrounding dating comes from experience.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you should just fake it (confidence) until it comes naturally. Most confidence surrounding dating comes from experience.

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I think if he could fake it, he would.

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Originally Posted by Zarathu [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think if he could fake it, he would.

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Not if it hasn't occurred to him to do so...

Just go along with the flow, make a fool out of yourself, soon you won't be doing that ;)

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Originally Posted by vigilante [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Just go along with the flow, make a fool out of yourself, soon you won't be doing that ;)

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What the **** was that?

join toastmasters. it might help you with your speaking skills and nervousness. there must be a club in your local area.

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Originally Posted by dreamer101 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

join toastmasters. it might help you with your speaking skills and nervousness. there must be a club in your local area.

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That's actually a good idea. I was thinking about joining, but I'm just way too much of a smartass.

Can you get someone to set you up?

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Originally Posted by dreamer101 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

join toastmasters. it might help you with your speaking skills and nervousness. there must be a club in your local area.

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Ok thanks for that, ill have a look at that now!

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Can you get someone to set you up?

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Well ive tried that but just sat their like an idiot, i am really no good at talking to new people!Couldnt get my words out or make conversation.

Okay, what if you start the conversation out by admitting just that? Say, "I'm terrible at this. You might have to cut me some slack until I get to know you better. I'm not always this awkward." Would that take some of the pressure off?

Or... what about asking someone out to the movies? You're not supposed to talk during a movie (wish everyone understood this). That would give you some time to sit next to her and get yourself settled down before conversation was required.

Where is this coming from, anyway? Are you just terribly shy? Anyway, practice makes perfect. Start conversing with strangers, like the girl at the video store or whatever. Two sentences. "How are you today? Thank you very much." carries very little risk, and therefore should not make you too anxious.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

.

Where is this coming from, anyway? Are you just terribly shy? Anyway, practice makes perfect. Start conversing with strangers, like the girl at the video store or whatever. Two sentences. "How are you today? Thank you very much." carries very little risk, and therefore should not make you too anxious.

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To be honest im quite a talkative person at work and around my mates, but away from them i keep myself to myself.Im kinda lonely and just want to experience a relationship as i want to fall in love and settle down( i know this sounds kinda forward but its what i want!). I will definiately do as you suggest and try and make conversation with strangers as that seems to be the way forward.

Having self confidence is one of the most important factors that helps you in life ... If you're shy, you should believe that GOD created all people alike, there's no need to be shy ... Self Confidence helps in society, real life, ur JOB ... everything ...

Fake it until you make it!! That's what I live by... If you appear to want something too bad it may turn females off... Don't walk around with the stink of death on you because you are not having much success with the opposite sex... Put your self in situations where you will be around more females... It's a numbers game... It's like sales, you will hear a few "no's" before you eventually get a yes... You have to keep going... If someone doesn't like you , so what, keep it movin'!!

Look at it this way. There is going to come a point when you are going to die. No one, especially you, is going to care if you made a fool out of yourself talking up a girl. Go for it, or you will be constantly kicking yourself for the rest of you life.

I feel you, just dont think about it

as others have mentioned confidence comes from practice, you might want to take up boxing, beating someone who weighs 20-40 kilos more than you is a definite confidence booster, also you can try a "**** the world" attitude, i have always had that mindsight and people always think i am confident... i am not really i just speak my mind anytime i want

i think ultimately....a toastmasters or a public speaking type class would really help, its just having the balls to go through with that. Presentations in class for example are awkward, you probably hate them, i personally get all sweaty and nervous and can barely breath, but then u do it and you think that wasn't THAT bad.

I give this advice but i haven't followed through on it, I just don't want to put myself in that situation even if it will probably better me in the long run. It just takes too much out of me and i don't wanna put myself in there.

I fear public speaking more then bungee jumping or spiders or whatever is feared by most. My body just completely goes berzerk in the even of presentations.

Public Speaking is the #1 Fear in America... Don't quote me on that though.

I've heard death is the number one fear, followed by public speaking.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've heard death is the number one fear, followed by public speaking.

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i'd much rather die then have to do a public speaking class!

Maybe you will die while giving a public speech...







j/k - public speaking is an acquired skill. Just practice *out loud* 10-15 times before actually "performing" and you'll be fine. Oh, and make sure you know what you are talking about. No one wants to listen to an idiot.

Try social lube (AKA alcohol). I believe it has a useful purpose (that is, killing shyness). Unfortunately, many people in the medical profession would probably not agree.

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Originally Posted by DoesntMatter [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Try social lube (AKA alcohol). I believe it has a useful purpose (that is, killing shyness). Unfortunately, many people in the medical profession would probably not agree.

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I've made many speeches in public while using social lube. I don't remember how they were received, though.....

"Social lube" - Thanks! In all my years, that's a new one for me.. lol

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Originally Posted by adam_clio [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi,

i just feel as though everyone is just looking at me(very self conscious i think??) and i just cant relax or talk to people.


Thanks
Adam

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Hi Adam,

Yes, too self consciousness makes you think that other people is always looking at you, which make you uneasy.

One way to counter that is NOT to focus your attention on yourself.

Try This: When you are going to talk to a stranger, picture in your mind that he/she is friendly and responding well to your conversation. Picture also that he/she is as nervous as you do and you are there to make him/her feel better. This will boost your self confidence.

And as far as everyday people go.. small talk is king.

I was listening to one of those dating cd's and David D had made a good suggestion. If you really want it, then you will need practice by being a more social person. Easy said then done? Not really. Everyday, try to say something to someone. Heres a suggestion, when paying for your groceries, ask how the clerks day is going, when buying coffee, do the same. If you see someone you would want to meet, notice something about them, there energy, style, books they are reading, or something along those lines. Eventually you will have an easier time talking to people, at random. You will not have to fake it, it will come naturally, because you will start enjoying meeting new people. Believe or not, there are alot of friendly people out there, and you might meet the one that befriends you.:D