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ok it seems as though weve gone round and round and giving advice or opinions on what the newbies want...but what is it or what qualities is everyone looking for in a partner?
What do you see as your ideal partner being? What kind of a person?
Whats important to you in a relationship? Whats the least important? What qualities are you looking for? Their attributes? EVERYTHING?
WHAT PERSON FITS YOUR STANDARDS????? AND WHAT ARE THEY?
lol! An obvious spinoff of the other post. Here's what I'm looking for (DISCLAIMER - there have been exceptions to these 'rules', but in general, this is what I'm looking for . . .)
Physically -
1) I don't really like blondes. There have been one or two I've been interested in, but give me any other color than that light one.
2) They have to have nice hair. I'm a big hair person (as stated above) and if they consistently have frizzy, or dry, or just a bad hairdo, I'm not going for that.
3) I want a women who is physically fit. Doesn't have to be miss fitness america, but someone who actively takes care of themself. I'm in fairly good shape myself and feel that I deserve the same.
4) A girl with a natural beauty. I don't want a cosmetic queen. But I like a girl who is attractive. 'Cute' if you will. And then a special night rolls around (A holiday, a birthday, an anniversary, etc.) and she gets a little extra 'touched up' and just blows you away.
Personality -
1) Good sense of humor.
2) Good sense of humor.
3) Patient and calm (I don't want someone who flips out when something goes wrong or curses me out if I say something wrong. I want someone who will calmly talk it over with me and explain that they didn't like something instead of calling me a ****ing prick or something like that.)
4) Outgoing. I like meeting new people and doing new things and I want them to be able to do the same.
Those are what I look for as "minimums". However like I said, sometimes there are exceptions.
Alexi
Hm, that's a pretty tough one. Well, actually I never really had a set of attributes I was looking for in another person. I guess I'm pretty much a happy-go-lucky person and I just like people for whatever reasons. However, I do appreciate a good sense of humor, ballsiness and cockiness, broad shoulders and a nice butt, green eyes and cute cheeks...let's see...curly eyesleshes...hmmm...curly hair...yummy...oh, oh and Abercrombie outfits.
Okay, okay enough of this madness, I'm just describing my boyfriend. As to the character...well, what's the sense in listing all the desirable character traits if we all know they are:
- kindness
- brains
- fidelity
- loyalty
- masculinity
and the rest...
Alexi-when you say "excpetions to the rules" does that imply youre lowering your standards? Or is it that thats what you "prefer" but its ok if she doesnt have it?
Killa-other than the obvious I know most people dont want a partner whose a dumbass ugly nasty mutha fu**ker! Im wondering about the litte things that dont seem significant to someone else maybe-or what would that person do or does that makes you feel "special"...their personality traits-their little quirks-things like that...
For me-I never had a "set" of guidelines until a few years ago-from experience(which little there is) but I knew what I wanted and not what I didnt.
The initial attraction comes first-obvioulsy they're goodlooking to you-the physical strengths-appearances'. But what about whats inside? Other than their minds...do they posses certain qualities or traits you feel are important? What about their goals...lifes ambtions...what they want out of life...where they want to go in life-where they dont...EVERYTHING that you wouldnt normally think of right of the gates...if you were to sit down and make a list...could you make one that doesnt list just physical...how about their overall attitude...theyre general demeanor...they way they treat people...how they are in public with you...or behind those closed doors...what about theyre own flaws that they point out to you-can you handle or deal with them? Theyre level of self confidence-or arrogance-the way they are with money-their political views-
I guess I was wondering what people see or what type of person they seem themselves with...for me out of the blocks it would be a partnership-a 50/50 relationship...I dont want a father-I dont want a dominary possessive man either. I want a partner whose going to share in growing with me-someone I can share everything with-a best friend-someone to talk WITH and not down to or be talked down to-RESPECT and TRUST come at the top also-I want to respect the person I am with and respect him for who HE is...not change him. I could go on...but do you see where I am coming from?
Its easy to write:funny, smart, etc...but take a look inside yourself and "what is it that makes you know that the person you are with IS that person or will be...what does HE have that others dont..." what stands out in one person vs another...
Ive been thinking about those things for years...whats truly important to me in being with the right person...one that you know you can wake up in 50 years and turn to your spouse and still smile in the morning with shear happiness and knowing you make eachother still smile after those years...and your heart feels it too...who is that person?
obviously as you can tell from the other thread, squirly, i need a patient female, who can care about me and express that to me, other than that all i want is to be loved, but yeah the obvious stuff, looks - pretty much everything about a woman is sexy to me, as long as theyre clean and soft, i usually dont go for pale blonde girls either, my ex was filipina and mexicano. im a passionate person phsyically though so there hasto be some initial attraction or i think id be wasting myself.
thats what i mean-the things that arent obvious...patience is a good one for YOU! You recoginize it...a woman who is understanding..like Alexi as Im sure most men dont want a woman whose a constant nag or bitch! Thats mutual respect.
I like the sexy part too! A woman can be sexy in her own ways...what makes them sexy to you? The way they dress? They way they move? Their looks? Im looking for specifics...details of WHAT it is for you?
As an INDIVIDUAL what do you want from the opposite sex? NOT the what the norm is or what is standard across the board for everyone...what is it about that person...the way they eat? WHAT is it? Cause in todays society were brought up to be with someone whose compatible and or a match...or if youre just happy its suppose to be simple and thats it-but honestly Im wondering and curious about what people really want other than the fairy tale dream...the Knight in Shining Armor bs...I want a real man...and although there may be Knights in Shining Armor for some people but I want someone I can pinch everyday and say"thank you for being YOU" those are the people who are real...so what makes them up for us?
Its easy for us to say we prefer dark hair over blondes or vice versa...but its not ALL about their pyhsical attributes...hell Id be Shallow Squirrely then...I have to have someone whose on my level in more than a hundred ways to list...l'm looking for depth here...
More along the lines of the second one. For an example, there was this girl in high school that I thought was AWESOME. Had I not been so shy, I would have LOVED to ask her out. And she was a heavy girl. Not too too heavy, but definitely heavy. But for her, it didn't seem to make a difference to me. So my list are what initially attracts me. But it's not a 'minimum' that they have to maintain or have.Quote:
Alexi-when you say "excpetions to the rules" does that imply youre lowering your standards? Or is it that thats what you "prefer" but its ok if she doesnt have it?
That's exactly what I'm talking about. And exactly what happened with her.Quote:
Its easy for us to say we prefer dark hair over blondes or vice versa...but its not ALL about their pyhsical attributes...
Alexi
PS - FYI, I saw her last year and she must have dieted or something cause she now looks as stunning as her personality was.
She has to be honest, down to earth, and caring. As lame as it sounds she has to genuinely be a nice person. That's not so easy to find.
She has to be long term oriented. I'm not looking for flings, short relationships, just having fun, or anything. I'm looking for my wife and to start a family.
She has to be independent. I can only enhance her life, not provide it. And vice versa. Her opinion and desire has to come before all else in her life; and she can't be afraid to express them. She's with me because *she* wants to be.
She has to be determined. If I end up divorced, I will consider it the ultimate loss in my life. She has to understand a life long relationship is not easy. It takes work and dedication, sacrifice and commitment. She has to be worth all of that, and I have to be worth all of that for her.
Physically? I have my preferences, but really it doesn't matter much. I like girls that have a character to their looks, don't quite look like anyone else.
She must be open minded. Willing to try new things, accepting of the unknown. That also feeds into really accepting me for me, and her for her.
Incidentally, my ex fits these traits to a tee. And since our break up had less to do with us a couple and more to do with us individually, we're uh back at it again. Heh :)
Dragoon-youre thoughts on this is what I was looking for-DEPTH! Im impressed! Youre on the same track as me...
Alexi-I think you know as well what you want-im just curious about the other things that make a woman up for you...but I do get what youre saying about everything...
I could never put down exactly into words what attracts me to someone. There's just so many things to consider. I mean, it's a combination of different attributes that makes someone a person I would want to spend time with and get to know. It doesn't come down to a list. I want the kind of relationship where he is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up. And I expect no less from him. That "time flies when we're together, can't wait to be together again, I would DIE without you" kind of love. Fairytale you say? Probably. But I believe in fairytales and in happily ever after. (A big deal for me)
Breezy-I was curious to what other people were looking for in a partner...I said the same thing-to make a list would seem impossible for me-but I could start one and it just wouldnt end-I think most of us have a pretty good idea what we want-but I thought it would be interesting to see the different qualities or attributes or ideas people have...
As far as the fairy tale thing-i think most people have that too-but I wanted to find out whats behind the knight in shining armor! Or their princess...
Jane had a thread on here at one time to define "Love" and it go so damn heated! All on the defintion of it and what people thought it was...it was crazy! So for me thinking about things-(im always thinking too much) thought it would be bring something different and make people think about it...(or not)!
I do believe there is someone for everyone...and in the right time it will happen for them...and they'll know it when it does...it just feels right...
well that reminds me of another thing, when we talked, too often i hadto explain to her what words i was saying meant..so i guess a bigger vocabulary than myself is good, considering i like to learn new words and i just kinda pick up on them...main other thing though is being able to express herself to me, thats important to me, but yeah i could make a list of stuff id love to find in a female, but if im asking for too much then i dont think id ever find it, im kindof an oldschool romantic i guess, so i would need a female who can appriciate that, like sweet things and roses and stuff, as far as the physical goes, just some kindof originality, like with her- theres a million things i could name that i loved about her, and the way she carried herself, for instance, she had PERFECT posture, it was so odd, she walked around like a ****ing barbie doll, but it was so cute- i loved it haha
I want the kind of relationship where he is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up. And I expect no less from him. That "time flies when we're together, can't wait to be together again, I would DIE without you" kind of love
yeah thats exactly what i want, ive felt that for someone but it didnt go both ways
Outlines-today I think some men have forgotten about the romantic part of being in a relationship-how old are you again? Its great to receive flowers and do the nice things for your woman...and I like giving too! Hell if it were appropiate ID be sending the flowers! I would like to run the hot bath with candles and their favorite drink...put on their favorite music that relaxes him...those things I would love to do for my honey! Its not just about me-oh hell no-I want to give him things he deserves for being that special person in my life. I am giving by nature...in past relationships I was always the giver and what I received was utter bullshit. And I continued to give. But it wont stop me in a future relationship.
I want that person to know just how much they mean to me-I could tell them everyday and would certainly find ways of letting him know...not necessarily buying things-thats easy-but the little things of appreciation. Doing things I know he likes...like it would be nice if I knew he had a bad day at work-to do something for him when he got home...put on something sexy-or nothing...greet him with a big smile...give him a massage-whatever...I want him to feel happy. I want him to get up everyday with a smile on his face...make him so happy that he cant wait to get home.
For me-I want to be that person that supports him no matter what he does...to stand behind him, next to him, and with him. Walk through our lives together as one and as individuals. Experience and grow together...do new things. Learn more about one another everyday...and know that this person I sleep next to is the one I want to grow older with...not grow old...but grow together.
Go through lifes dailys ups and downs and know that no matter what I may say or do or vice versa that we will be there for one another...sure there may be arguements or disagreements-got to be able to disagree without attacking and understand one anothers point of view without judgement. I want a best friend, a lover, a companion that is excels the meaning of everyday living.
In order for a relationship to be stable and healthy you must be happy with yourself first. Which I am-FREAKN FINALLY! I want to add someone elses life...not fill a void-because I dont have any voids that need to be filled.
I'd love to have a relationship that is full of energy and vitality...one that never stops...I dont want to go stalemate after 7 years(the itch) I want on our 10 year or 20 or 30 year relationship to be as full and more of love that we can or couldve imagined. I take alot of what I want from my family. We have a history of very long relationships...both grandparents on going 60 plus...as well as my parents...I see them after 34 years and they still have so much love for one another...its amazing. Thats what I want...the love-real love-being in love with your partner after those years is incredible and to find it, hold on to it, and to keep it...is worth every day of giving what I can...I want my partner to feel as happy as I am...
One day it will happen...but I sit here and I know that God has a plan for me and I dont worry about it...whether I will ever get that is unknown to me...but if Im lucky enough to find that person in my life...my smiles will be known to all... :)
There is no 'set of rules or guidlines' to follow for anyone - Yes you may think you know what you want. But in all reality you dont know what you want. You just know what you DONT want. This is the best way to look at everything in life. If you have this set of things the you WANT then you are going to miss out on something the may be the perfect match for you that is not in those sets you have made. But if you have a set of NOT WANTS then when you look out on the field you find you have more options. Everything works this way.
For me I work by this system. I know what I dont like in a woman. For the most part I dont look at looks. UNLESS the girl is like so ugly it hurts the eyes. But if I can look at her and not want to puke then I look deeper for all the things I hate. If I find one I stop and walk away. I used to keep going until I found more than 1 or 2 and thought well if its only 1 thing wrong maybe I can change her. WRONG! I cant change anybody just like no one can change me. So I now I follow my system to a T. And using this system there are prolly 70-80 girls out of 100 that I would go for. And no - I am not desperate or anything. Desperate would be 100 out of a 100 lol.
I would post the things I look for that I HATE, but I already posted most of them on a diff thread and I dont feel like typing it all again.. Its kinda alot.
Oh, and when ppl say the older you get the more you realize what you want. It is somewhat true - but the reason this is true is because you gain experience as you grow - and thru experience you realize things you dont like. Yes you realize what you like too. but if you just start looking for the things you like then you are gonna miss out on the things you never seen before. So start looking at the things you dont like and you will be more open to things you havent seen before.
Am I making any sence here ?
Billy-I personally wouldnt use that system...looking at all the "what nots"...you already should know those from your past experiences-its a given you dont want someone who treats you like shit(hence your past relationships and mine as well) and it goes with "what you want"...or what youre looking for...
I do know what I do want...and I sure as hell know what I dont want...
When you use your system and you see something you dont like you dump them or what? I mean everybodys got flaws somewhere...I wouldnt change a thing about the person I fell in love with-because THATS the reason I fell in love with them-for THEM not all the things that I thought I could change. I think you know and realize that-right? And if youre finding out early on in the relationship there are things you dont want then get out of it-its your deal and it what you want or dont want...
I remember someone posting about their signigicant other smoking and they hated it-well if you cant live with it-then leave. Its our choice to hang on or end it. I dont know about your system for me-nah that wouldnt work-but if it works for you-hey more power to ya buddy!!!!
I have it set in my mind what Im looking for and or wanting from someone...its there. I know and I only I know what it is...or what they are-theyre not necessarily guidelines per say-but things that are important to me. And like Alexi says"there are exceptions to the rules..."
No. ok... I am not trying to start a fight or anything with this - but just to prove my point more...
No one truely knows what they want. You only know what you DONT want.
It is how the human race lives. How the hell do you know what you want if you've never had it before ? And trust me, none of us have or we would still have it...
Think about when we were babies - seriously for a minute - you didn't know what you wanted then. hell, you didnt even know what you didnt want. Then all of a sudden your stomach would start to hurt - so you would cry - then your parent(s) would give you a bottle and you would eat. Then the pain stopped - eventually after about a year of the stomach pain you begin to realize that you dont want that pain - so you learn to take the bottle as much as you can. Then eventually you learn that food does the same thing - it keeps the pain away... As you get older you know that if you dont eat you will be hungry (the stomach pain) so you eat.
Now lets go a bit further a year or two - you see something that you have never seen before - it puts off this bright light (and yes humans for some odd reason are attracted to bright lights) so you stick out your hand to grab it to take a closer look at it. It burns the **** out of your hand and you drop it. It was a lit cigarrette - now you know what it looks like and you know that it will burn you if you touch it. It might take you a few burns to figure it out (some ppl are slower than others) but eventually you will see one and you will know that it will burn - you know that you dont want to get burned, so you stay away... ...
Flash forward again...
You are a teen - your older, wiser, and smarter -- over the years you have learned to think on your own and learned to listen to others advice from their experience of the pains - example - drugs. ppl tell you about all the pains that drugs will bring into your life - so most of the time you will stay away - then you start to hear from other ppl that drugs make them 'happier' or that its 'cool' - so then you start to think about it. You dont know if you want it or not. Some ppl will try it, some ppl wont - it always depends on the person what they ultimately do.
Now lets go for something else that you dont know of as a teen. Lets say your 16 and never had sex. You hear about all the wonderful pleasures that sex brings. You hear about all these ppl that are having sex and how much they love it. then from others you hear how bad sex is. and how you shouldnt do it because you are too young. etc etc.. sex bring babies... sex brings deseases... all that good crap. You then have a choice. You either do it, or you dont. You may think you want it. But how do you know if you want it for real ? You never had it before. You might end up hating sex for all you know - but you do know that you DONT WANT to be a virgin - or you DONT WANT to not know what its like - or you DONT WANT to be the 'uncool' person... whatever... All the dicisions we make in life are based on what we DONT WANT.
now - lets go a bit farther - you are now at the present day (whatever your age is) -- you have had a few relationships - you are single now - things never did work out with any of the relationships because of one thing or another... You learned from them. You are smarter and wiser because of everything you have ever experienced. You now know what you DONT WANT in a relationship. Even if you were madly in love with him/her and he/she left you - you still learned what you DONT WANT from that relationship... you now know the little signs to look for, you know the little things that no one else may know - this doesnt mean that you know what you want from that relationship. You may think you do... But if you seriously think about it - you dont know what you want - you only know what you dont want...
Seriously - sit back and really think about what I am saying.
Now - let take what you think you DO WANT and lets see what we get. You want a guy/girl that is pretty - you want someone that is outgoing - you want someone who is kind a gentle and very nice. you want someone who can make you laugh - whatever it may be - get a list going if you have to - seriously make yourself a list right now and lets see what you come up with...
Do it - make the list. Or you scared I am right ? Come on - prove me wrong - make the damn list !
Now lets go down your list you made one thing at a time...
you want someone who is pretty/handsome - ok, this seems like a reasonable thing to want, right ? How do you know you want it ? What makes you want to be with a pretty/handsome person ? Because you DONT WANT to be with someone who is butt ass ugly - thats why. Now lets line up 100 ppl and you pick out the pretty/handsome ones --- good - now look, there are only a few that you picked, maybe about 30 or 40 ppl you think are pretty/handsome... Now lets put those ppl back in line and look at what you DONT WANT... The ugly ass ppl --- very good - how many did you choose ? did you choose 60 or 70 ugly ass ppl ? NOPE. you picked out may 20 ugly ass ppl. What does that leave you ??? YOU NOW HAVE 80 PPL YOU ARE WILLING TO DATE !!!!!
Now when you go to the next item on your list do you want 40 ppl to have to choose from ? or do you want 80 ?
If you look at things my way and pick out the things you DONT WANT then the chances you end up with ppl left standing in line not having things you dont want are higher. Your playing field has just opened up alot wider. And now you can date these ppl that are left
And guess what else ???? Your now open to NEW things that you havent experienced yet. You may find more things you DONT WANT and that is something you can use for the next search. Maybe you wont find anything wrong with the person your with.
Everyone lives life this way - they just dont realize it - But as soon as you realize how the human nature works - the sooner you can use it to your advantage.
Now what do you think ??? Am I still crazy ?
No Im NOt arguing with you man! I was just wondering how that worked for you. Everyone does there own thing there own way. See if I see something I like I buy it or go for it. I dont look at life thorugh the donts...I learn through experiences like everyone else...got fed the same way-got burned the same way...but I look for positive things in my life and in my surroundings. But I understand your analogy.
In the recent "dating" Ive done or there lack of-I knew within minutes if that person was someone I would be interested in getting to know better-but I didnt use your way of thinking...its the first initial impression and our first conversation that hooks me or loses me. I go with the flow...
But I do get what youre saying...I just do the exact opposite is all! Find the positive attributes the pyshical and mental connections and so forth...the positive things. But its all in what a person wants! I do know what I want-Ive mentioned so many things already...and I mentioned what I dont want...but its easier to go the positive way of thinking for me-that and I keep my mind open to new things along the way-if something comes along down the road AFTER weve dated a few times that I see I dont like-well I cross the road when I get there...and I have dumped a guy within a few weeks of dating of him-found out how crazy the SOB was...SEEYA! It was something I knew I didnt want and that was something that wouldnt change. I didnt feel it was right to make him change-I just told him it wasnt going to work for me. I never told him it was him...and certainly didnt say it "oh its me not you" just told him I felt this wasnt going to work for either of us and we shouldnt date anymore.
I stayed in a relationship for years and there were so many things I didnt like...more donts than dos...hence- I KNOW what I dont want-and know what I DO! The world is like a buffet-and you can pick and choose what you want on your plate...if it looks nasty and gross dont put it on your plate...if its not appealing...dont put it on your plate...if it looks bland-you get the idea! And vice versa...if it looks so good you cant resist-TRY IT! I dont know Billy I think people have their own way of trying different items on the buffet and have their reasons why they pick what they do-or dont. Were all in the same line here...just have different ways of deciding whats right for us!
Well then your one of those types of ppl that get burned more than others. Simple as that - it is a choice. Do I have to have my little speak about choice again ? About how anything and everything boils down to one thing. Choice.Quote:
Originally Posted by squirrley
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Hmm. If anyone wants to hold a conversation with me about any subject I talk about on here please feel free to PM me on one of my messengers.
I love to share how I feel and think and I love to hear others too.
I love how I can get a conversation down to its naked bareness and then I can show the person I am talking to what I see. And yes. I will admit sometimes I learn something new from others too - that why I like conversations like these. I used to have them all the time with friends. I even held a conversation like this for like 3 days with no sleep with a friend a few years back. hehehe.
I have the tendency to open ppls eyes to things they never seen before that was right in front of them. Not all the time do they walk away feeling and thinking the same way I do, but I did show them something new and they just feel differently about it. Here is a good analogy - you have a toy. I show you that it operates on batteries. Then you notice the lights that you never knew it had. Now. I never pointed out the lights. You found those on your own. Get it ?
Who knows. Ya'll might learn sumthin :lol:
So then by process of elimination can't you know what you WANT? For instance, I know I don't want a male. So therefore I want a female, correct? I don't want to be cheated on. So therefore I want someone who's "loyal" correct? Just apply the rule of opposites.Quote:
No. ok... I am not trying to start a fight or anything with this - but just to prove my point more...
No one truely knows what they want. You only know what you DONT want.
This is a little different. I agree with this. For instance, how would I know that I don't want onions on my burger if I've never tried a burger WITH onions before? (or to make it more relevant to the thread and 'loveforum',) how would I know that I want a girl taller than me if I've never HAD a girl taller than me?Quote:
It is how the human race lives. How the hell do you know what you want if you've never had it before ?
Well, the answer to that would be similar to the old phrase, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." You're right. Maybe I DON'T know what a burger with onions tastes like. But I know that I DO like a burger without onions. So why bother trying it out if I can just keep my eyes open for a burger WITHOUT onions and make SURE that I like it?
As to what you're saying with the "pretty/handsome" and "dateable" situation, you're applying the "don't want" rule to a lot of gray areas that often use subjective terms. Sure, a gray area is just that. You're not CLEAR on where the line is. For instance, a gray area for me would be height. I don't want someone TOO tall, but I can't say that I want someone "short". Because maybe I'd settle for someone medium. When I consider women I try to look at the 'black/white' stuff. Cause that is the EASIEST to sort in my mind and the easiest to figure out. THEN you move on to gray areas and that's where the principle of dating comes in. To see if you can live in that gray area or not.
Alexi
alexi - you hit the nail on the head. Perfect. Thats what I been trying to say. I am just bad with words.
np man. U R Welcome . . . typn like a 14 yr old annoys da shit outta me. n its hard 2 do 2.
I can get into this one because Melissa (my girlfriend) is EXACTLY what I want. She is a lot like me but not too much so that we already know everything about one another. We have our differences and that's a good thing. She makes me feel like a whole different person and makes me feel better than I ever have. She inspires me to do better and make myself a better person, she's on my mind all the time and everything I see in her is good, we've never fought with one another and that could be a good or bad thing, depends on why. I would do anything for her and vice versa, we help each other through the day and motivate each other to do what needs to be done for the day. We get along so well, we connected from the begining and it hasn't changed since. We both want the same out of life and that makes everything easier with one another. We can talk about ANYTHING ANYTIME and get into the conversation. We laugh all the time and are generally happy with one another ALL THE TIME. It's just her "auora" and the way she presents herself and the way she is in general, and that makes her what I'm looking for, or I should say what I've found.