No Second Date Yet ???

Met this guy online and we chatted for a while. We are an hour apart, so there isn't much distance between us really.

I met him for first time, two months ago, spent five hours with him and we got along really well. Since then he keeps up contact, regularly and consistently. He talks of coming back to see me, says he can't wait to see me....so why therefore are his actions not matching his words? I mean, it's two months since I last saw this guy. Surely and if he were that into me, he'd want to be with me physically and not just have me around as a 'phone' buddy??

I've brought up the subject and ask often when he's coming back....he keeps saying it will be soon, but he has been saying soon, for two months!!!! He also says that money is a problem, but I'm finding this excuse hard to buy...

Why can't you go see him yourself instead?? Or offer to help pay half?

Apparently you expect him to foot the bill for the privilige of dating you from an hour away.

Actually I've offered to pay the full whack for him to come here, which would be only $20. And I've offered to go see him....he says wait until he has his appartment ready...so uhm, what now?

forget him

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

forget him

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He makes that difficult. He constantly calls me, sometimes two and three times a day. If I don't reply, he's texting asking where I am, then I start feeling guilty for ignoring him and I end up picking up.

It would seem he likes me....but his actions are just not matching his words. Someone who is into me, would have arranged something concrete and followed it through by now I feel...he has no excuse.

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Originally Posted by xjadedx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He makes that difficult. He constantly calls me, sometimes two and three times a day. If I don't reply, he's texting asking where I am, then I start feeling guilty for ignoring him and I end up picking up.

It would seem he likes me....but his actions are just not matching his words. Someone who is into me, would have arranged something concrete and followed it through by now I feel...he has no excuse.

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Sounds like you're the woman on the side if you ask me. Tell him that either he starts delivering on his follow through, or you're done with the relationship.

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Originally Posted by xjadedx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He makes that difficult. He constantly calls me, sometimes two and three times a day. If I don't reply, he's texting asking where I am, then I start feeling guilty for ignoring him and I end up picking up.

It would seem he likes me....but his actions are just not matching his words. Someone who is into me, would have arranged something concrete and followed it through by now I feel...he has no excuse.

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put your foot down. he either sees you or stops torturing you.

See? Even Indignant agrees with me, and we rarely ever agree.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds like you're the woman on the side if you ask me. Tell him that either he starts delivering on his follow through, or you're done with the relationship.

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As in he could be married or partnered do you mean?
That thought has crossed my mind I must admit...but he swears blind he isn't with anyone.
If I am some woman on the side, he's making every effort to keep me around by way of constantly calling. This guy phones every day, sometimes twice a day and he's on the phone an hour at a time and it's been that way for almost a year...

That is what I find confusing. All these calls....yet no show for two months. Again I mentioned tonight, why it's taking so long...all Im hearing is 'You know the money situation'....:baby:

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Originally Posted by xjadedx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Met this guy online and we chatted for a while. We are an hour apart, so there isn't much distance between us really.

I met him for first time, two months ago, spent five hours with him and we got along really well. Since then he keeps up contact, regularly and consistently. He talks of coming back to see me, says he can't wait to see me....so why therefore are his actions not matching his words? I mean, it's two months since I last saw this guy. Surely and if he were that into me, he'd want to be with me physically and not just have me around as a 'phone' buddy??

I've brought up the subject and ask often when he's coming back....he keeps saying it will be soon, but he has been saying soon, for two months!!!! He also says that money is a problem, but I'm finding this excuse hard to buy...

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Well, maybe he just saw you in person 2 months ago because he had the opportunity to evade his girlfriend/wife without getting caught. When you met him, were you intimate? Do you have phone sex with him now?

I smell a rat! His apartment isn't ready? what the hell does that mean? She's nearby??? Tell him that if you can't see him in the next two weeks at HIS place, you are bailing out. This guy has "player" written all over him.

Carl.

He's holding on to you... but keeping you at a distance... holding you at a distance... right in a very specific spot. With all of these specifics it would seem that he as lot of constraints in his life in which he is meandering you through.

Maybe he is in a committed relationship, or maybe he is just awful with time management... either way, neither of these are qualities you want in a guy. A cheater or a guy with no sense of priorities and time management will do you no good.


You can give him more time if you want... or you can save time and bail out now. This guy is going in circles... and taking you nowhere.

He is playing you and you are allowing it. If a man was really interested in a woman, he would not give the excuses he gave you.

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Originally Posted by carl1222 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, maybe he just saw you in person 2 months ago because he had the opportunity to evade his girlfriend/wife without getting caught. When you met him, were you intimate? Do you have phone sex with him now?

I smell a rat! His apartment isn't ready? what the hell does that mean? She's nearby??? Tell him that if you can't see him in the next two weeks at HIS place, you are bailing out. This guy has "player" written all over him.

Carl.

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Would a guy play someone for nearly a year though?

He had been wanting to meet me for months, but I'd kept putting it off due to nerves. Soon as I said I was ready to meet him, he was here the very next day. So he was quick in getting here the first time, I'm wondering why not so quick for a second meeting?

Yes we were intimate, but I was comfortable enough with that. I don't think being intimate so soon has anything to do with the fact he aint been back. No, I don't talk sex with him, whatsoever and never have....

He has only had this appartment for a few weeks he said. At the moment and due to lack of money, it is unfurnished...he asked me to wait until he gets it furnished before I go and visit.

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Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He's holding on to you... but keeping you at a distance... holding you at a distance... right in a very specific spot. With all of these specifics it would seem that he as lot of constraints in his life in which he is meandering you through.

Maybe he is in a committed relationship, or maybe he is just awful with time management... either way, neither of these are qualities you want in a guy. A cheater or a guy with no sense of priorities and time management will do you no good.


You can give him more time if you want... or you can save time and bail out now. This guy is going in circles... and taking you nowhere.

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Exactly, I feel like we are going nowhere and think I'm wasting my time on him. I feel like his 'phone buddy'.

I've mentioned all of this to him and then he will say that he waited and stuck around for months waiting to meet me and I'm being unfair in placing time restrictions on him. To be fair, he did lose his job a few months ago due to there being no more work in his work place...so I do understand that financially and at the minute, he doesn't have money. But like I said, I've actually offered to pay for his trip...so his not being in work is no excuse.

He's talking the talk....but failing to walk the walk.

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Originally Posted by xjadedx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He's talking the talk....but failing to walk the walk.

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Yep, exactly. You know that if he were into you more, he'd be making more of an effort.

This time you're spending talking to this guy, you could be using to go out there and meet guys who will reciprocate your level of affection. He's wasting your time, honey.

Cut him loose!

I've already tried to cut him loose, but when he's calling and texting and seemingly getting upset because I am not answering, I end up feeling guilty, think maybe, just maybe he is being genuine and maybe I'm being unfair in not giving him a little more time, so I will end up picking up and talking to him again. He is the one to always initiate calls and texts...I never do. So it's him doing most, if not all of the pursuing.

It's just no show, yet for some reason he's keeping me around....and I'm not understanding why he wants to keep me around, if he doesn't want to see me anymore ?? People don't usually pursue, someone for whom there is no interest.

Money should not be an issue if it's $20 for a visit, at least not an excuse that you can put up with if you haven't visited in two months, mainly that would be a problem if he'd try to visit you several times a week.

An apartment not being ready is firstly also not something that I'd say is an issue that remains for two months (and if it is, a session of unpacking together could be just as fun, or at least not stay at the apartment, go out).

So yeah, it certainly seems fishy. And the easiest way to get the bottom of it is to give the ultimatum - show up or get lost. You sound more like either a woman-on-the-side being considered before approval or someone for him to talk to on the phone when he's bored, and nothing else.

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Originally Posted by Lipp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Money should not be an issue if it's $20 for a visit, at least not an excuse that you can put up with if you haven't visited in two months, mainly that would be a problem if he'd try to visit you several times a week.

An apartment not being ready is firstly also not something that I'd say is an issue that remains for two months (and if it is, a session of unpacking together could be just as fun, or at least not stay at the apartment, go out).

So yeah, it certainly seems fishy. And the easiest way to get the bottom of it is to give the ultimatum - show up or get lost. You sound more like either a woman-on-the-side being considered before approval or someone for him to talk to on the phone when he's bored, and nothing else.

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Firstly, he has nothing to unpack. He lives with his parents and is starting out from scratch in this appartment....he has nothing at all, no furniture, no nothing and no money to buy anything with at the moment. He has been married before, but swears he is now divorced. His wife was left with the home they shared and because they have a child.

When you say 'you sound like the woman on the side being considered for approval'....I'm unsure what you mean? Waiting for what kind of approval?

To be honest, I am starting to wonder if there is more one woman in his life....that woman may not necessarily be a wife. It could be another woman who he has his eye on and he's waiting to see how things pan out with her. Meanwhile he keeps me on the 'back burner', for if it doesn't work out with her....

I also know that he still frequents the dating site I met him on. Because we have had only had one date, I havn't made a big issue of this...but when I did bring it up in casual conversation some weeks back, he said he was just bored, was on there chatting to friends and that is all. He also has 'just here to chat to friends' in his profile, but he didn't say whether that was for my benefit or not....it's just something I'd noticed he had on there and when I logged in one day. It's rare I frequent this site however and he knows I don't frequent it that often.

Sounds to me as if he is keeping you in a holding pattern as someting on the side..if a man were truly interested he would go out of his way to be with you. You should expect nothing less than that.. DUMP HIM... change your number if needed..