Easing the Sadness...

For most of my life I have been generally unhappy... easy to fade off into sadness. What little bit of happiness I do feel is fleeting and slips away to numbness. Everyday I have to fight a tumult of negative thoughts just to regain some level of control... force my thoughts to quiet... sometimes they do... sometimes they don't.

Lately I have been consumed by feelings of loneliness (even though I know I have someone who loves me) which combines with these hurtful thoughts and in turn leads me to feel saddened, angered, frustrated, and chips aware at my confidence. It becomes harder to find enjoyment in things... without feeling ridiculous or worthless... I know these feelings and thoughts are irrational, and I do try to fight them off with logic and positive thoughts, but my persistence is waning and I'm not sure what else I can do.

I remember when I was in school the counselor had me on fluoxetine hydrochloride for a few months. At the time, it moderated my emotions... feelings of sadness were short-lived and not nearly so sharp. I was happier for longer periods of time without cynical thoughts following shortly thereafter. I was able to think clearly, not troubled so easily by trivial things... and for lack of a better word... I felt 'normal.'

I can't help but to wonder if it's time I give this another try... I'm usually a very rational person and not prone to impulse... but some of these moments of sadness and hopelessness makes me worry.

well, you know what i think of it.

have you had your thyroid hormone checked?

is your body happy? are you exercising? having sex? dancing?

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Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

is your body happy? are you exercising? having sex? dancing?

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I exercise everyday... love it actually... but about 30 min or so after a good workout... I go back to feeling more or less the same. Even when I was having sex on a regular basis... still the same types of feelings shortly thereafter... I tend to be too self-conscientious for dancing...

I'm just happy my sense of humor is still in tact... somewhat...

did you say you lost somebody in your family recently?

oh wait no i think that was eco...

depression can be caused by overactive thyroid gland.

It sounds to me that you have too much empty time on your hands. You are thinking yourself into a horrible time on this planet.

The secret to happiness is being easily amused. Keep yourself busy doing something you like doing, and be amused. How can you be sad when you are being amused?

I'm going to pass on Vashti's advice as just another suggestion - have you tried volunteering? Some sort of hard work that will have you busy, active, and feeling good about what you're doing.

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

did you say you lost somebody in your family recently?

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A childhood friend committed suicide last New Year's... but I don't feel hurt by that.. I don't think... I didn't cry at the funeral, but then again... I never cry at funerals. Then my Grandmother died a few months later, she had Alzheimer's and at the end I was the only grandchild she remembered.

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

depression can be caused by overactive thyroid gland.

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I'll look into that Indignant...

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Originally Posted by lostbutfound4u [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It sounds to me that you have too much empty time on your hands. You are thinking yourself into a horrible time on this planet.

The secret to happiness is being easily amused. Keep yourself busy doing something you like doing, and be amused. How can you be sad when you are being amused?

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Lost, I draw, write, construct websites, research laws, rules and regulations pertaining to my work, have a pet (a cat), sculpt, and try to fill my time as much as I can.

I understand the concept of keeping an idle mind entertained... however, these thoughts and feelings do not abate.

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I am in a position now to where this drug is available to me... and was just curious if it would be wise to try this again, considering last time the results proved to be rather fruitful. It would be nice to have this sadness be greatly reduced.

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Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I am in a position now to where this drug is available to me... and was just curious if it would be wise to try this again, considering last time the results proved to be rather fruitful. It would be nice to have this sadness be greatly reduced.

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I would avoid drugs at all costs. If you really have a mental disorder, then maybe you do need them. Typically drugs mask the problem. Fix the issues that are truly bothering or polluting you.

Stop putting garbage inside of you, stop using plastics, eat organic, avoid additives and artificial like the plague. Go natural. The world will brighten.

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

depression can be caused by overactive thyroid gland.

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interesting. so could an underactive thyroid/no thyroid make a person euphoric? :)

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Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I am in a position now to where this drug is available to me... and was just curious if it would be wise to try this again, considering last time the results proved to be rather fruitful. It would be nice to have this sadness be greatly reduced.

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You talking about X? That experience can heal and bring depth to relationships. I will agree to that.

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Originally Posted by lovesjoyajm [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

interesting. so could an underactive thyroid/no thyroid make a person euphoric? :)

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We should all disable it then, no?:lol:

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Originally Posted by lostbutfound4u [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I would avoid drugs at all costs. If you really have a mental disorder, then maybe you do need them. Typically drugs mask the problem. Fix the issues that are truly bothering or polluting you.

Stop putting garbage inside of you, stop using plastics, eat organic, avoid additives and artificial like the plague. Go natural. The world will brighten.

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I do have a 'mental disorder'... it's in a file somewhere.. I'm sure, depending on which psychiatrist from childhood you talk to. The Fluoxetine did not feel 'unnatural'... I wasn't overly happy (a sign that the drug isn't necessary), and neither was I sadder or suicidal (a very bad sign the drug isn't necessary).

Hehe... Everything on the planet is 'natural'. Plastics save lives... ask the CDC. Organic food is questionable to say the least, considering I was in the country selling 'organic' food to city folk. Human's 'natural' food was carrion, occasional fresh raw meat, and lots of plant material covered with disease causing bacteria. So natural isn't necessarily better.

I generally avoid fast food, exercise, and keep myself rather entertained... yet the sadness remains... I do not intend to stay on this drug longer than necessary --- last time a few months was all that was needed before I was able to maintain the change on my own for a year or two.

I cannot afford the therapy that is required to truly 'fix' these underlying problems... but I can afford a temporary solution to help me reach a point to where I could. So in essence... it would be a means to an end.

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Originally Posted by lostbutfound4u [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You talking about X? That experience can heal and bring depth to relationships. I will agree to that.

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Nah... neither Ecstasy or Xanax (whichever you were talking about). Actually, I've never had either of them.

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

depression can be caused by overactive thyroid gland.

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No - not by overactive thyroid function, but by underactive thyroid function.

Aeradalia, I don't think anyone should take antidepressants without being in counseling simultaneously.

It's been my impression that you very strongly identify with the victim-turn-survivor role. I think it is emotionally healthier to get to the point that you can let the past go and move on, especially given your history, which sounds like the source of a LOT of your pain. Maybe a counselor could help you get there (if you are ready to let go of that part of your identity).

Just my opinion, take it or leave it.

FWIW, D, I agree with Vash. Also about the thyroid thing, tho I think you are too young. Generally, this affects women post-childbirth and into middle age. Still, best to ask your doc.

my friend studying dom would say you have heart blood deficiency.

For me, at least, lots of exercise (every day at the gym for 1-2 hours) and sitting in the sun for at least 20 minutes. Makes a big difference. Wake up early and stand on the front porch for awhile listening to the sounds of the morning--makes you realize the good things in life (that's the best way to beat the blues...to think about the blessings)...medications/prescriptions...except for those with the darkest of dark depression, they are a hindrance rather than a help. I've only had to take X once but it was muscle spasm problems, not depression...it actually caused depression and for that reason, I figured it was better to just deal with the mild spasms through exercise, sleep, and a bit of sunshine...and they work quite well, for me at least.

A poorly functioning thyroid would also generally have other symptoms, such as weight gain (even with a decreased appetite), fatigue, feeling cold all the time, and constipation.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A poorly functioning thyroid would also generally have other symptoms, such as weight gain (even with a decreased appetite), fatigue, feeling cold all the time, and constipation.

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I've lost quite a bit of weight... but I've also been exercising (lost 3 inches off my waist... whoo hoo!)..

Went to the hospital recently due to fainting, shakes, pain, and a few other symptoms. Found out later on it was from dehydration. I tend to disregard pain... I can feel it, but I generally forget about it. So as a result I have to force myself to drink water throughout the day... and often times I have to remind myself to eat, since the hunger pains are so easily disregarded.

My heart rate is naturally high though my blood pressure is within normal range. Whenever I get upset, my blood pressure drops, my heart rate slows, I grow cold, shake all over, and if it continues, I will eventually pass out. I can be cold on a sunny day if there's a light breeze, so sometimes I wear a light sweater on a summer day. Though oddly enough, cold weather doesn't bother me too much... but I'm not sure if it's because I don't notice that I'm cold or not.

I'm not sure if any of that is relevant... but I have noticed such things.

Did they check your blood sugar?

Fluoxetine worked like magic for me. I've been on it for a little over 3 years now and it still works great

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

my friend studying dom would say you have heart blood deficiency.

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? ... DOM stands for 2,5-dimethoxy-4-methylamphetamine if you ask me

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did they check your blood sugar?

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They checked everything... no diabetes, no common STD's, no drugs in my system (other than the ibuprofen I took that day), and only mild anemia. My heart rate is still within 'normal range' it's just at the higher end of it...

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Originally Posted by DoesntMatter [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Fluoxetine worked like magic for me. I've been on it for a little over 3 years now and it still works great

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Yeah... I might look into getting on Fluoxetine again... It's getting to the point to where my emotions change too quickly --- even for me to keep up. Hard to enjoy anything when shortly after a happy moment negative thoughts and feelings come into play to ruin it.

I feel like I'm stuck in one of those poems:

It's a beautiful sunny day,
I heard it was going to rain.

Rain will help things grow,
Flood waters can kill...
...Etc.

In regards to therapy and such... yes, I would very much like to do that... but at this point in my life it is not financially possible. However, I cannot advance in life if I cannot manage these intense feelings. So for now, I will have to take something to get that under control. When the possibility of undergoing therapy is available to me... I will take it.

I don't want to remain damaged like this forever... and the prospect of changing all of this is very much desired.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No - not by overactive thyroid function, but by underactive thyroid function.

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[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperthyroidism[/url]

Major clinical signs include weight loss (often accompanied by an increased appetite), anxiety, intolerance to heat, fatigue, hair loss, weakness, hyperactivity, irritability, apathy, depression, polyuria, polydipsia, delirium, and sweating. Additionally, patients may present with a variety of symptoms such as palpitations and arrhythmias (notably atrial fibrillation), shortness of breath (dyspnea), loss of libido, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Long term untreated hyperthyroidism can lead to osteoporosis. In the elderly, these classical symptoms may not be present.

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperthyroidism[/url]

Major clinical signs include weight loss (often accompanied by an increased appetite), anxiety, intolerance to heat, fatigue, hair loss, weakness, hyperactivity, irritability, apathy, depression, polyuria, polydipsia, delirium, and sweating. Additionally, patients may present with a variety of symptoms such as palpitations and arrhythmias (notably atrial fibrillation), shortness of breath (dyspnea), loss of libido, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Long term untreated hyperthyroidism can lead to osteoporosis. In the elderly, these classical symptoms may not be present.

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Wiki is less reliable than a medical source:

[url]http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hyperthyroidism/DS00344/DSECTION=symptoms[/url]

BTW - I double checked with my medical books. They agree with the Mayo site.

EDIT: 'though I suppose it isn't *impossible* to be depressed with hyperthyroidism, it is not one of the symptoms commonly associated with it.

Dalia does seem kind of young for hypothyroidism. I know several 50+ women who had depression associated with hypothyroidism until they figured out what it was.

Hyperthyroidism is relatively easily diagnosed from what I understand. I knew a gal in grad school (20s) had it also a friend (late 30s) got treated last year. They tend to get things like buggie eyes and stuff also. She was pretty pale and generally looked like crap. It also tends to run in families. Its pretty easily treated with radiolabelled iodine, I think.

Dalia: If you are skinny like a rail and eat like a horse, always too hot/cold, eyes tend to bug out, tendency to manic activity, high heart rate, etc. then go see your doc.

Maybe instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should go outside and draw. I'm sure the weather's warm there, right? Stop spending so much time sitting in front of your computer and visiting this place. Maybe when you finally get out and do something, you'll feel better.

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Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should go outside and draw. I'm sure the weather's warm there, right? Stop spending so much time sitting in front of your computer and visiting this place. Maybe when you finally get out and do something, you'll feel better.

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That sounds like an excellent idea... however circumstance prevents such moments of stopping to smell the roses... I have literally no friends, and work is all consuming...and thanks to my ex, pursuit of a higher education is difficult to say the least. There are solutions to these problems.. I'm sure... but it's so easy to fall into sadness and despair.. and I don't like it. For every positive/ambitious effort I put forth, I have twice as much negativity to fight. I am growing quite weary... and it's becoming harder to keep my mind focused.

I do wish my ex would've remained with physical abuse... at least the medical debt would've been easier to manage... but alas, towards the end of our marriage and throughout our divorce, he was hell bent to ruin me financially as well. Yet I have only myself to blame... I didn't have to marry him.. I could've said no.

How old are you Aera?

I'm 24... I researched hyperthyroidism... about 90% of the symptoms match how I feel... even the hands shaking (which happens 1 to a few times a day).. and I do have a difficult time regulating body temperature. My hands and feet stay constantly cold (even in 90 degree weather), but I can't seem to stay comfortable, I'll be cold, then hot... etc.

I'll schedule an appointment with a doctor as soon as I can... If there is a problem with my thyroid, then I really can't risk it getting worse... plus, if treatment stops all of these symptoms (including the sadness), then it's a win-win situation.

If this isn't the case, then I will probably look into fluoxetine.

Weird, I had no idea hands shaking could be related to a thyroid problem. I have hypothyroidism, though.

Hope you find out soon. Thyroid problems might be a relief, since they're pretty treatable. I've had hypothyroidism since birth and I've never suffered any effects of it thanks to medication.

I was gonna suggest AmeriCorps*National Civilian Community Corps would be great because you live and work with a team that performs community service all over the United States.

The experience definitely changed me, and was one of the best years of my life.

Unfortunately you have to be 24 is the max age you can be when you join (you can turn 25 while you're in it). It can be mentally, physically, and emotionally draining, but it can also be extremely fulfilling.

I'll look into that Frasbee... thank you very much...

I do try to refrain from posting on the forum when I am feeling 'low'...

Lately I've been trying to keep myself occupied with studies, exercise, work, favors for acquaintances... trying to form friendships whenever possible... and though I do have moments of happiness from all of this.. it doesn't take much to throw me into bouts of depression.

Even now... I have to fight off negative thoughts, the surge of sad, frustrating memories that tie with such negativity.. and the intense emotions that threaten to swallow me whole. Sometimes it becomes too much... and I can no longer concentrate... if it weren't for the small bit of solace I can find in music and drawing... I can't imagine how I could've possibly have coped this long.

Sometimes it feels like I have to rush to get things done before the sadness catches up with me... like I'm always running on borrowed time.

I wish it wasn't so... I wish I could smile without a remember all the times I cried.. I wish I could enjoy winning without being reminded that I tend to lose the majority of the time.. I wish I could trust in someone without knowing they are selfish and capable of destroying me if they so choose. I wish I could cut away all the festering parts... but I fear that if I did that... there'd be nothing left of me....