Just Another Rant...

Doesn't really matter if anyone responds to this or not... just thought it was best to say the things I want to say here... rather than in real life where the consequences would be incredibly steep and detrimental.

I have had a chance to review over my life and have put together some pieces which is a mystery to me as to why I have done so much sooner.

In school, I was a very good student... achieved Academic Recognition on every TAAS test (yeah, I jumped ship before the TAKS test)... was in several academic achievement classes... extra curriculum... the whole works. This might not be anything... but I've noticed that whenever I accomplished something like this.. that was the time to move to another school... then I'd have to start all over again. When I was placed in the PACE class... which was an accelerated program for the gifted, my mother insisted I'd be placed with the 'regular class.' When I aced all my classes in the 'regular program'... my mom took me out of school to be home schooled. So I did that... then when I tried to return to public school... they reverted me back to the last grade I was in before I was home schooled. By then my mother just shrugged it off and told me to 'figure it out.' So I found an alternative school in a town nearby and in less than a year I made up for the last three years. Really had to work my ass off... My mother was there for my graduation, but she was busy talking with friends... she didn't even notice me getting my diploma. So there aren't any pictures of that graduation.

I've reviewed over other things... didn't learn how to drive until I was almost 19... though my brother was encouraged to learn when he was 16 by my mother. When it was time for me to get ready for college... my mother threw up her hands and told me to 'figure it out'... but she encouraged my brother to pursue the military and even helped him out.

When she left my dad and went to Germany... she told everyone but me that she would be staying with me. I had no news of this until she arrived at my door one day saying she needed a place to stay. She stayed with my then husband and me for nearly 9 months.

Even now... whenever I get a little bit ahead... she suddenly appears and disrupts everything. And there are little things that irk me... such as her smoking in my apartment (I don't smoke)... and her smoking in my car... using my drawings as coasters (it's my desk, why should I have to move my drawings?)... incessant reminders of my nonexistent career and failed marriage... and guilt trips so bad that I have to be a callous bitch to endure them.

I'd wish she'd leave... afraid to tell her to leave for fear she'd construct a way for me to lose my apartment and end up on the street (again...). How can she say she loves me when she treats me like shit?

I don't know... I'm just ranting I guess... I'll figure out a way to persevere... always do. Besides, it's not like I have a choice.

I'm not sure how much of the power your mother has is real, and how much is imagined. What exactly could she do to cause you to lose your apartment?

The only agreement she will agree to is her way or no way at all. If I ask her to not smoke in my apartment... stuff will come up missing... she will throw one hell of a fit, which includes shouting, throwing my stuff and if she's mad enough, slapping me. Hell, she might even key my car because she knows I love it so much. I have a lifetime of broken trinkets due to her temper.

Indig... I've taken care of my mother throughout my childhood --- made sure the bills were paid on time... started working when I was 13 so that I could supplement my family's income (yes we were that poor)... and played peacemaker between my parents. When do I get a chance to not have to take care of her?

I am so ****ing tired of her... her bullshit... everything... :P

once again, i hate saying this, but "in my culture", we have to take care of our parents no matter what they are like - demented, alcoholics or abusive. many russian parents stay with their children until their last day on this earth.

I think she needs to go, but I don't know from where her source of power comes.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm not sure how much of the power your mother has is real, and how much is imagined. What exactly could she do to cause you to lose your apartment?

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At the last apartment I was staying in... she buddied up with the manager and had my lease contract rewritten in her name and had me kicked out. She's buddying up with the manager here as well.

At two of my jobs I was terminated because she kept harassing my co-workers and the customers everyday. These are low income jobs... rather than take legal action against her... it's just easier for them to terminate me.

I suspect something similar happened at this job I recently lost... but I can't be sure...

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Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

At the last apartment I was staying in... she buddied up with the manager and had my lease contract rewritten in her name and had me kicked out. She's buddying up with the manager here as well.

At two of my jobs I was terminated because she kept harassing my co-workers and the customers everyday. These are low income jobs... rather than take legal action against her... it's just easier for them to terminate me.

I suspect something similar happened at this job I recently lost... but I can't be sure...

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that's just weird, how old are you both?

I think if you genuinely believe you can't get her out by calling the cops and having them confirm it is YOUR name on the lease, you should pack up and move, and not tell her where you are going, don't tell her where you work, nothing. She sounds awful, and there is no way you should be tolerating what she puts you through unless she is suffering from dementia.

i wish i could say kick the bitch to the curve....but i can't until i hear mom's side of the story.

It's only 9 months that she has keeping her in her belly,but why Area has to be with mentally abusive "mummy" till she die? For God's sake, her mum IS NOT A BABY. You can help once,twice,even third time but when it's clear her mother doesn't give a f uck about her happiness,well she doesn't give a fcuk about her NORMAL LIFE,why should she help her? Some parents has to stay alone ,lonelly as hell, to understand that what they did in life was bad.Was abusive,was destructive. She destroyed her feeling of being safe.She doesn't feel safe,cause she's afraid that in every time her mum can come and destroy everything what she was working hard for.
ALONE ,without her help. I also was destroyed mentally by my parents and their problems,because since I was a small kid they were talking to me about their problems,mum was telling me how my dad is bad,and my dad how my mum is bad,whole problems were on my head,cause i even couldn't close myself in my room,cause my dad came and started to talk about all of their crap,and my mum on the phone was doing the same.It stopped when I was 17yo ,we were in a court because my dad wanted to take rights for me away from my mum(becaue of my stupid aunts) .I was standing there,crying and telling how it makes me sick to listen to all of it. But before I was at the point that I even said to my dad that I hate him and he will end up alone,because of what he's doing to all of us.He was so creazy that I was beaten up for not the things I have done bad,like getting drunk or smoking ,I was beaten up for telling him to stop talk to me about my mum in this way. I was full of anger towards my parents back then.But it's just important to show some limit.Really children shouldn't listen about their parents problem.Even when they grow up.It's so depressing.
And Area You should also get enough hard and settle some limits. At best leave the place where You are and don't tell a word. Really You already pay her back for being Your mother.You don't need to be nanny anymore.Parents aren't infallible.They are just another humans.Let her see her mistakes.If she won't it means she's not worth Your help.

It's sad to see adult Woman who has to handle with such problems.It's not Your fault that Your mum don't know how to handle her life,that the only one she can do is to destroy Your life.Be stronger

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Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i wish i could say kick the bitch to the curve....but i can't until mom's side of the story.

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Fair enough...

My mom was the 4th child born... 3 boys 1 girl... her mother died during childbirth and her father remarried. His new wife didn't want the children... so all of them were left in a kinderheim --- a foster home ran by nuns. There were about 150 children there.

She ran away many times, but was always brought back. When she was 13, she left the foster home and stayed with her older brother and his wife. His son had been a victim of an attempted murder by his grandparents and as a result, suffered brain damage. He was unable to feel pain and had the intelligence of a small child. He used to beat her up because he thought it was funny. Though her brother tried to stop this... his wife really didn't care.

She ran away many times while she lived here as well. Eventually her older brother got tired of it and she moved in with her second oldest brother. He was very controlling and always made her feel like she was a slut.

When she was 18, she met my dad while he was stationed in Germany via the Army. One thing led to another, and she comes up pregnant with me. My Dad freaks out... contemplates leaving... she convinces him otherwise. Three years later, she has my brother. They stay in Germany until I am 4... even remember them arguing when I was 4 -- there was always arguing between them.

He leaves the military and returns to the states. A friend of his fools him out of his money... and they are stuck in Iowa with absolutely no money, no friends, and no family to help. We nearly starve (I remember this as well...).

They move many more times... always with money troubles... and always arguing.

As I grow up, I learn the money troubles are from my mother's failure to pay bills on time... she'd rather assume they aren't there... and puts them off. When I am old enough, the responsibility to pay the bills falls on me. This provides some much needed stability to the relationship.

Money troubles still become a problem as my mother tends to buy things they really don't need and does go over budget.

During their marriage, my mom leaves my Dad twice... and twice my brother and I have to meet Mom's new boyfriends. The second time she leaves nearly ends in divorce. My dad takes her back... it's a few more rocky years. Then they finally do divorce... with her saying she's visiting family in Germany, and then she tells him over the phone she wants a divorce. My Dad is crushed.

There's more... but that's the gist of it...

well, that sort of explains her behaviour. she has been deeply traumatized, as well as you have. what about your ages once again?

So You are one of those "US stationary army in Germany" kids...Today in german tv there is a lot of stories of poeple looking for their fathers "ex US stationary soldiers" as they left after they were born. But here it seems like Your father is more resposible than Your mum... No way,she has some issues,maybe not her fault,but she should get some serious help ,from a doctor,not trying to blame her bad life on You...

She uses your drawings as coasters? Pfft, you know what that means? It's time to start using her cigarettes as toilette paper.

I understand the crushing weight of guilt you feel, but you are being dragged under the water by this person. Parents don't own their children. You come through them, not to them.

Those "ties that bind" are wrapped around your neck. This would be significantly improved if you didn't live with her. What can you do about this? Anything?

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Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

what about your ages once again?

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I will be 25 this year... and she will be 45.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Those "ties that bind" are wrapped around your neck. This would be significantly improved if you didn't live with her. What can you do about this? Anything?

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There are a few things I can do.

I can ditch all my stuff and let her have it... but it's practically all I have, as I lost most of my belongings in the divorce (was the easiest, quickest, and cheapest way to get rid of him).

I can kick her out... she'll eventually get around to having me kicked out as well... after a little fighting back and forth... she'll offer her conditional help. Then I'll have to either come graveling back to her or take my chances on the streets (as nearly all of my money is depleted now...).

I can go and live with my Dad 400 miles away... but the place where he lives has very few job opportunities and the commute is ridiculously long -- nullifying the money earned via a low-income occupation.

Or... I can wait it out... get another job, slowly save up money... hold true to my lease contract (so that finding a place somewhere else will be easier)... and when I have everything lined up... run like hell.


There is a way out of this... it's just the stress she brings is so very distracting...

I've already lost weight since her arrival... if I lose much more... it will be rather unsightly. So I've been trying to eat frequently with more or less balanced meals.

After that description of your mum I'm beginning to seriously consider that she simply wants you to be as miserable as her. She can't tolerate your successes Dalia and she wants you to suffer with her because she can't stand seeing you having a better life than her.

I think it was a bad idea to invite her in. I think it would be good at this point to make a choice of direction to go in, but have a fall back plan you can use. Then have a chat with her. During the chat outline all the things that bother you and ask for a consistent change. If she complies then wait it out. If she doesn't tell her that you are leaving and not coming back and not to contact you again. I would have done this yesterday if I were you, I have a very low tolerance threshold for abusive behavior.

My mother is probably 1 step from being homeless at this point, considering she had taken out 3 mortgages on the house, spent all of her credit on material and sewing shit (so much that it cluttered a large 2 story 4 bedroom house, no joke). Her deadbeat husband and my half sisters moved out to an apartment, and she's jobless after a surgery left her unable to continue her nursing career.

She put herself in her position, she had well over 30 years to get it right. They did the therapy, claimed that they would change.

I cut and run as soon as I was 18 and out of highschool to live with my dad.

One of the best decisions I ever made at that age.

Last time I spoke to her was almost a year ago, and at that time she was selling all of her belongings to stay in that stupid house. Maybe now she'll learn how to live frugally.

Cut and run as soon as you can.

Sooner if she tries to sabotage you.