Females with younger sister, please enter..

Let's say you're 20+. And you have a sister who's 18.

You and your sister are born again christians.
Your sister gets a boyfriend.
The boyfriend is Catholic.
Your sister dates him.
You don't want your sister to have sex.
After 5 months, your sister and boyfriend have sex together.
Your sister's boyfriend doesn't know what you want.
They both start doing kinky things; the boyfriend goes down on your sister, vice versa.

The boyfriend is madly in love with your sister.
Your sister is madly in love with her boyfriend.

They break up after 10 months.
Your sister tells your boyfriend that if he gets the blessing of her sister, then they'll get back together.

Is there any possible way of you giving the boyfriend your blessing?

Why did they break up in the first place?

How old is the boyfriend?

Was this your sisters first time having sex/sexual relations?

Quote:

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Your sister's boyfriend doesn't know what you want.

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What does this line mean?

They broke up because of a fight, and it snowballed and got bigger.
The boyfriend is 18, exactly 1 month and 7 days younger.
Yes, its the sisters first time.
The boyfriend didn't know that the elder sister was against having sex.

I'd also want to add that the boyfriend treated the girl REALLY well. Did everything for her, was a complete gentleman, he was her priority, whatever she wanted, he bought it for her, wherever she wanted to go, they went. Stuff like that.

BUT the girlfriend DID sleep over at the boyfriends house, making the girlfriend lie to the sister and parents. The boyfriend's mother isn't there; his older sister is though.

So, do you want the religious advice?

Or the relationship advice?

Depending on which doctor you want to see will tailor the advice given.

One other thing though...and dont take this personally, but why do two 18 year olds need anyone's blessing to date each other...?

P.S. -
A) No reason to talk in 3rd person here...we are all anonymous for the most part. Trust me, she isnt going to find out.

B) If you are asking for relationship opinion, I stick with the athiestic "Hard Truth" advice, and disregard any religious teachings. Most people here seem to be along these lines though as well.

I suppose. Ok, I'm the BF. Heheh.

I'm terrified of her sister. I dont know why, but i just am.

I really have no idea why she wants her sister's blessings. It's something like "if you can make them believe that we're good together, then damn, we're meant to be" or something like that.

I need...advice. If you can, both religous and relationship-wise would be great.

The rules are: my girlfriend won't ask them or convince them to talk to her sister. its one of those "you should do it yourself" things.

I tried calling the sister, but she didn't answer. Apparently she said that she'll never answer. But I'm hoping that this goes with that "Love always perseveres" so...Yeah...Maybe it's her test for me to see if ill still try.

Ok, you arent gonna like this response, but its late and I havent really put a lot of thought into it....sooo.....

This is some seriously sick and twisted shit you are dealing with here. What you have on your hands, is a girl who has been sooo convinced by her brain-washed religious psycho family - that what she did was a crime unforgivable by God, and an eternity of Hellfire and damnation await her. UNLESS, she is a goody little 2-shoes the rest of her life, and vows celebicy until marriage.

Think about this. Why in the **** should you need someone else's 2-cents for the relationship to work?

Does her older sister know you?

Did you sleep with her older sister? No? Then why the hell is it any of her godamn business?

This chick you were in a relationship with....she is testing you. She is an attention seeking little girl who needs to grow the hell up, get off of mommy's tit, and start making some damn decisions on her own.

It is extremely unfair of her to ask this of you. She is trying to see just how far you will go to win her love. To hell with that.

You tell her that you aren't gonna take that shit, and if she really wants to be with you, then there is going to have to be another way.

Dont be a sucker.

You're right...
You're right...
It IS late.

Hahaha, joking. But yeah, I've thought of that as well...

But that wasn't my question. Would you (as the sister) give a blessing?

hrmm... i would say **** it already. you already have slept with the sister so why should you bother with her blessings?? obviously your gf or ex doesn't seem to care about her sister's blessings so why should you? secondly, are you thinking of getting back with her gf...?? if so, that is something that YOU two should work out reguardless of what her sister thinks. she might not agree on you having sex, but she can't control her sister dates. raverboy

Question still stands...

And I'm not sure if I should get back with her. I'm seriously not sure...Though everyone's saying that I shouldn't bother with anyone who's trying to test me this much, I say that this is the only time throughout my life that I'm sincerely happy. I don't know if something else is going to make me happy, but I don't know what I found; is it something that will make me happy for a long time, or is something that will make me temporarily happy? Whatever it is, I'm not really willing to let go NOW, because I'm relatively hard to please. What's bugging me is that if one of my exes tried to pull this stunt with me, I'd be over them in a shower; but I'm not with this. I don't know why, but I'm not.

Well, it seems to be a problem for your sister to figure out. And that part about you not wanting her to have sex....we all make up our OWN minds. So, just tell your sister how you really feel about her and the guy being together and let it be...

Hey there. I've been there, I know what you're talking about, especially the stuff having to do with premarital sex.

BUT-

Let me tell you something, you should give them the blessing, you kno why? Well, shit happens and yes, she lied to you and your parents but still she deserves another chance. Love like that doesn;t happen too often adn you guys can get over it, or you'll ruin her life.

It's amazing that things are great bewteen them and that he's her firt guy that she truly loves, let them be. People commit sins, and they'll ahev to answer for them, no need to punish them too. I want you to realize how important it is that she doesn't lose that relationship. If she does, she'll blame you, parents, GOD, essentially everyone for the lost love and her unhappiness.

Do you really want your sister to lose her faith just because she did something wrong? Let them be, and give them your blessing given that they behave if it's so important to you. If they can't keep hands off each other, let them be too. Don't break her life, she's a vulnerable teen, and just because they did it doesn't mean they can't be together.

it's not the sister's life. she can't tell her little sister what to do...only to guide her. but that's her parents job. if the parents aren't around then ya...

The younger sister is using the older sister as her excuse not to date you - - chances are she knows you are afraid of big sis.

Move on to greener pastures

Killerbabe....Rach....go back and re-read the entire thread.

Adelphi isnt the sister, he is the boyfriend in the relationship :detective

Oh my goodness. Well, why did his girlfriend even confess to her sister?! They should've kept it secret just like romeo&juliet.

Well, one of the things that she was really bothered about in our relationship was that she always lied to her sister/parents; so by uncovering that, she'd be free of guilt. Also, by doing that, if I chased her, our relationship would be "perfect". In addition, she's extremely impulsive; she's one of those "Let's break up but we'll get back together in 5 minutes" type of girl. I'm 95% sure now that this is just a test if I'm willing to go the extra mile.

Oh okay then. But according to Christian beliefs... if two people have sex they become one whole, so wouldn't it be a lot worse if you guys parted and found other "wholes" and that would be adultery? It occurs to me that her parents aren't really wise concerning that. Hmm...how about you guys get married, if you love her that much? That'd be the ultimate solution.

"if two people have sex they become one whole, so wouldn't it be a lot worse if you guys parted and found other "wholes" and that would be adultery?"

Exactly. That's what I came up with, and that trumps everything anyone asked me.

I mean, I had a VERY healthy sex life before this girl, but in the 10 months that I was with her, we had sex rarely. Like...I can count them in one hand. But I still stick with this girl. So she's definately not a sexual object for me. I wouldn't stick with this girl unless somewhere I felt that this was going to be long.

BTW, her parents aren't Born Again. They're ON THE VERGE, but they're not YET. Yes, messed up, I know.

Ok, this whole situation is confusing me. I'm a Christian, and I've always been raised to wait until marriage. I have a twin sister and she is waiting until marriage; I, however, haven't decided if I'm waiting for love or for marriage. However, even though my sister has told me her WISHES that I would wait until marriage, she would never force those opinons on me, and she would never never judge my boyfriend because I decide to have sex with him. My boyfriend doesn't think for me, I do. And the same goes for your girlfriend--she made her own decisions, and just because she "comes clean" about them, doesn't mean that you're the bad guy.

Your ex made the decision to have sex with you. That was her decision, so to tell you that you need to get her sister's blessing since you guys had sex... well I'm sorry but that's just plain stupid. Maybe her head's been so polluted by all the "rules" of Christianity, that she's blind to what's really going on around her.

Seems to me that her and her sister are too focused on acts, not on God. The acts come as a result of being focused on God---GOD doesn't come to you because of your acts. I don't know if I am explaining this right.. but I'm trying.

Basically, it is not in your girlfriend's place to have her sister judge you.
If you want to talk to the sister, to try to get your girlfriend back, don't try to win her support. Tell her this is absolutely ridiculous, and her sister should be able to decide whether she CARES about you. I mean, you can quote scripture if you think it would help:

Matthew 7:1:

Quote:

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For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

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I hate when some Christians feel they are superior to everyone. No one can judge another person because if they're a Christian than they believe that everyone is born into sin. And EVERYONE knows that not a single person out there is perfect.

I say tell your girlfriend that if she cares about you, then you guys should be together. If she needs her sister's approval, then I think she has a lot of growing to do, and maybe you should just give her some space, because this is only going to hurt you.

Basically, I'm rather annoyed with the situation, and I feel bad that they're putting you through it. The older sister had absolutely no place to condemn you.

Ok, I tried to give the Christian perspective on this

But geeeez, this situation is absurd


AND, as an answer to your actual question, because I know thats what you've been looking for..

I know my sister would give you her approval because my sister wants me to be with someone who treats me well.
And I feel the same way towards her--I just want her to be with someone who loves her and demonstrates that love.

If the older sister has such influence on the younger, and you're looking for her approval, then ask the older sister to forgive you. Tell her you were wrong for having sex with the younger sister, and you want to continue to date the younger sister, but will remain abstinent until you marry her. That is what Christianity and the teachings of Jesus are based on, repentance and forgiveness. Certainly she would understand that.

And that IS what you're looking for, the older sisters approval. And that's the way I see to get it. If you're not looking for her approval, then what do you care what she thinks? It's out of your hands, and completely and totally dependant on the younger sisters decision anyway.

yeah, telling her you were wrong to have sex and to ask for her to forgive you might work, but I mean, are you really sorry for doing it?

and if you make the promise to remain abstinent until you marry her, is that a promise you both can keep?
If not, its probably not smart to lie to her to get what you want, because if you do I can almost guarantee that it'll be temporary..

Hmm, thanks for the input, everyone.

This is confusing...I'll think through this tonight, and I'll probably come up with a decision tommorrow.

IF I decide to talk to her sister, do you have any tips?

Here are the rules:
The sister can't know that my ex (w/e) asked me to talk to her.
I can't ask my ex for help, i should do it at my own expense.

Here's the background:
When I called her sister, my ex (w/e) said that she got the call, but she wouldn't answer and never would. BUT, that could just be her trying to make me chase harder, because "Love perseveres".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by swimmingNreverie

are you really sorry for doing it?

is that a promise you both can keep?

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Hee hee....there's always a catch!

No one asked for a realistic answer.

You will ultimately regret doing this Adelphi.

You will eventually realize that this is a pointless game, and that they have your puppet strings so tightly attatched you arent thinking straight.

You heard it here first.

I understand; a lot of people have told me that as well; and no offense to you, or to anyone that has adviced me to NOT do anything about it, but it all come down to me and her; nobody'll know what we've done and gone through together.

Again, no offense.

None taken.

But when you sit down and think about this, spend a few more minutes thinking with your head instead of your heart. See what your head tells you.

I'll keep that in mind.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adelphi

it all come down to me and her

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don't you mean, you, her, and her sister?


Do what you gotta do, but you asked for advice, and instead you're playing into mindgames--which you are totally allowed to do. Its your relationship, and your life. I just hope this doesn't all backfire for you.

Well good luck anyways, hope what you decide works out well

Thanks...Thanks for making me have second thoughts on this. Seriously. I hope I have thirds and fourths...Hopefully 5ths. And if by the sixths I still have the same mindset...Well.

"Seems to me that her and her sister are too focused on acts, not on God. The acts come as a result of being focused on God---GOD doesn't come to you because of your acts. I don't know if I am explaining this right.. but I'm trying."

Sorry, but could you elaborate more? I'm interested...

Upping for Nreverie

Sorry, I was gone all weekend

Lets see if I can explain this. I wish my sister was around--she's so much better at explaining this kind of thing.
Anyone can do good deeds. and its GOOD to do good acts, obviously, no one can deny that. But you aren't saved through your acts--and doing these good things isn't what brings you to God--God brings you to HIM. You have to focus on God, not on the act of being saintly.

I guess what I see in your gf and her sister, is that they're life is dominated by trying not to make any mistakes(based on their judgement)--and that's just not possible. They're not being focused on God---rather, they're being focused on APPEARING like they're focused on God.

Sorry, I know I'm not being that clear... but does that help at all?

Could you perhaps provide a bible verse?