Friend Brings Her Kids Everywhere!

Some of my coworkers and friends are planning to go to dinner and billiards tomorrow night. Nobody wanted to ask Michaeline because she always brings her kids. So after thinking about it for a while we decide to ask her anyway and just ask her not to bring her kids. So I asked her yesterday and she said okay cool she'll be there. She didn't bring up the kids like she normally does so no one else brought it up either.

Today, she brings up the dinner & billiards. She asked when were we going and I said around 8. She said damn my boys are gonna be too sleepy to go by then but oh well. So I said to her well Michaeline we kind of wanted adults only so leave them with Bray (her husband). She got offended and stormed off.

So now her feelings are hurt but... I really didn't mean to hurt them. How do i talk to her about this without her being so defensive? I mean she brings her kids everywhere!! Plus they are bad as hell.

Oh and if you can give me some feedback by 3am EST
I have to be to work at 4am so I want to know what I should do before I leave.
I can check the forum from work if I have time but not always.

F*ck her feelings.

She needs to man up.

It's a tricky situation. You don't want to alienate your friend, but you also don't want to put up with the chaos her kids cause. Sounds like you need to have a face to face talk to her and explain the issue. Though, you'll have to prepare for possibility that you will lose a friend if she is too sensitive.

I know right. I've tried to throw hints... but she never catches them. It's really pisses us off because she makes comments like, "Sorry but only I can control my kids Bray is no good at it." But if she calls that control she needs to watch Supernanny hardcore. She acts as if she is the better parent and won't let Bray do anything for her.

We are planning some trips next year during the spring. We're going to New Orleans... she wants to bring her kids there too!! And New Years we might go to Vegas... she wants to bring her kids there too. It's just a damn nuissance and I want to tell her so bad!

You can just stop inviting her until she takes the hint. Sorry, but when a person becomes a parent, they need to adjust their lifestyle to accommodate that, not force their single friends to.

Oh, and if you're in New Orleans before May, let me know.

tell her straight up and don't beat around the bush. when it comes to my friends, nice or not, i'm honest. that's what being a good friend is about.

raverboy

Lets tackle the first and most glaring issue here. Who the **** names their kid Bray?

What kind of a mother takes her young children to a billiards hall? Sounds like Jerry Springer material...

Does she have any friends who
have kids as well? If she did, then she could bring her kids with her on group functions -- and those 'get togethers' would be tailored and beneficial for the children.

However, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't have any friends who had kids, as they would be quick to point out her failures as a parent.

I don't see whats confusing about it:

You have times when its friends only, times when its couples only, time when you bring the kids and the whole family, times when its just a small circle, times when its just adults going out.

Schedule a time to hang out that she can bring her kids and do parenty stuff, then make it clear another night that its adults only.

If you don't want to broach the topic, just invite her out to a bar, or a bar and then bowling. She should get the hint.

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Originally Posted by CocoChanel [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Michaeline we kind of wanted adults only so leave them with Bray (her husband).

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Bray is her husband's name. Well short for his first name.

We have done things where we didn't mind her bringing the kids.If we go to the Smithsonian area, the times we go to the ESPN Zone. A lot the people we hang out with have children but they don't bring them everywhere. If she could bring them to the club she would!! But you guys are right... I'm just going to pull her aside and just be blunt with her without being mean.

Oh and... I woke up late for work. :x

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Originally Posted by MVPlaya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't see whats confusing about it:

You have times when its friends only, times when its couples only, time when you bring the kids and the whole family, times when its just a small circle, times when its just adults going out.

Schedule a time to hang out that she can bring her kids and do parenty stuff, then make it clear another night that its adults only.

If you don't want to broach the topic, just invite her out to a bar, or a bar and then bowling. She should get the hint.

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Well no one said it was confusing. Question was How do I talk to her about it because she is a sensitive ass person. :/

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What kind of a mother takes her young children to a billiards hall? Sounds like Jerry Springer material...

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haha honestly i would bring my child in their stroller to the pool hall... it just depends on which ones. the cleaner ones down here in hawaii aren't really that bad other than they might play occasional loud music.

raverboy

Omg. No kid should be a pool hall.

But this is a restaurant and then upstairs is the brewery and pool hall.
It's downtown, on the upscale tip. Lots of men in suits *drool* getting off work... hot... sexy... men... omg! I gotta make sure I bring some extra clothes to work so I can catch one!! Wish me luck damn it.

But still.. she has 3 boys. twin 7 year old's and a 5 year old.

what is the difference between a pool hall and a park if the kid is just going to sleep??

anyways, my views on raising children is way different that yours. bottom line, if you can discipline them in the correct manner, and probably answer the questions that they will ask you, then everything will be fine.

raverboy

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Originally Posted by CocoChanel [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well no one said it was confusing. Question was How do I talk to her about it because she is a sensitive ass person. :/

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Not confusing to you, confusing to her. Its simple social rules, I don't understand why your friend is so oblivious.

You can set up adults only nights by doing adult content, i.e., watch a rated R film, go to a bar first, something like that.

The other thing is to compromise, invite her out to the zoo one day, tell her to bring the kids, then ask her if she wants to get a baby sitter so you can all go out later that night. Something like that. Just make it clear to her that its not an issue of disliking her kids, just that there is 'friends & family' time and 'just friends' time.

Have done it and will continue to do it. It's a bigger issue with her though. She has an ego about everything. Like no one can do anything better than her. Bray used to tell my fiancee all the time how she never lets him do anything and when he does she criticizes it and goes behind him and do it over. Most of the time Bray will offer to watch the kids but she will turn her nose up to that. If her kids were well behaved I wouldn't even care but they are bad as shit. Most of the time some of our friends leave early because they get annoyed by it.

Wish me luck because I am going to tell her like it is and she might not take it well. Im off to work now. 2 hours late. Haha!

Hey Coco, I know this is late, but just thought I'd give my 2 cents on the subject in case you don't get a chance to talk to your co-worker before you check back in. Don't invite your friend to the outings where you don't want her to bring her kids. If/When she asks why she wasn't invited, tell her it was because it was an "adult only" event and you guys knew she'd be out since she always brings her kids. Maybe then ask her nicely if she'd like you guys to just let her know if it's a kid friendly activity, otherwise they will be adult only. Good luck either way. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes. I'd probably tell her (and not very nicely) if I wanted to be around kids, I'd go work at a day care center. But then, I don't have kids, want them or even like being around them. Especially when they are little monsters. Ugh.

I saw it from work before I talked to her so thanks!

Well here is the update. I tried talking to her about it. She blew up. I was nice about it at first because she brought it up. It's like she was reading my mind.

Her: heart to heart.
Me: Ok whats up
Her: you dont really want me to go do you
Me: i want you to come but without your children.
Her: i dont have a babysitter
Me: you have bray and he even offers but u say he cant handle him. how do u know when u never let him try.

She blew up and said that she doesn't trust them with him because he doesn't do what she does for them. He lets them play and stay up too late when she wants them in bed at 9:00pm sharp. So when another one of our friends (Sarai) heard us talking she put her 2 cents in. Michaeline calmed down for a bit but she started insulting Sarai, talking down to her. Her and Sarai got into it because Sarai went hard and said in so many words, "I'm not your child or your husband. You can treat Bray like that but not me. Poor guy". It became a quick shouting match between her and Sarai again after work. The whole thing ended up being canceled because everyone else found out she was bringing her kid along and said they didn't want to be bothered. Now she's not speaking to any of us at the moment.

Shes mad at me and Sarai because she thinks we've been talking about her behind her back but we haven't. Bray is the one who says that she treats him like a child and bosses him around ever since he got injured @ war. He can't work right now and he's having a rough time. He would talk to Sarai's husband and to Anako all the time about it. When all the guys went to Atlantic City for a night I am guessing that's when Bray really let loose and talked about how he felt. They have had positions available in our district office that he could do... receptionist work but she wouldn't even give him an application saying that's embarrassing to have her husband doing women work.

how old is she? usually younger moms who didn't get a chance to go out and have fun want to go out with all their kids.

I think she is 34. and Bray is 35.

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Originally Posted by CocoChanel [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She has an ego about everything. Like no one can do anything better than her. Bray used to tell my fiancee all the time how she never lets him do anything and when he does she criticizes it and goes behind him and do it over. Most of the time Bray will offer to watch the kids but she will turn her nose up to that.

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Honestly your friend seems like a selfish cow. She doesn't seem well liked and her kids are not to blame for her being less than popular.

I mean she's married to a guy whom she has 3 kids with and she thinks he's a terrible father. :upset: Poor guy is right! And if what you say is true she's just incredibly full of herself and thinks everyone should work around her.

Dunno Coco- doesn't seem like this gal is worth all the fight you put in for her.

I mean she is nice when she wants to be. I've been to many places with her and was her company when her husband was at war. I tend to ask for advice when it comes to my friends because I sometimes I don't communicate well with others. I just want to make sure I'm doing okay. I had a bond with her. We were in training together, working together for a while now... I just think she is a drama queen and I hate that about her because she doesn't have to be like that. LOL

Um, if her husband was injured in the war and is "having a bad time right now" maybe it really isn't a good idea for her to leave him alone with the kids?

Do any of you know what things are like in their home right now? She could be dealing with a whole lot of scary shit that she's just not sharing.

Mind you I could be way off base here, but if you really consider her a friend it's worth thinking about.

She could just be a controling, self aborbed bitch. However if that's the case why bother being friends with her?

Yes you are way off base here. I only have a problem with her bringing her kids every damn where and I feel like if I am her friend I should be able to talk to her without getting defensive and sensitive about it. If I don't apply that to the subject of her kids... I can talk about how she is in the workplace. It's almost like she has to prove herself to be tough or something. I just want to help her because I know how good a person she could be and nobody likes her! Her being a bitch to her husband has nothing to do with me. She has never been a bitch to me or mistreated me. I've been there with her before the war, during and after the war.

Her husband can take care of the kids. If you were to ask my advice on his parenting... he's a lot better than her, even though she thinks she is best at everything. They don't act all wild and crazy when they are with him. He is injured but he is not helpless.

Fair enough.

I wanted to bring up the possibility because one of my closest friends was in an awful abusive relationship for a few years and none of us knew.
We all wondered why she was so defensive, and why she would never leave her kids with their dad (not even to go to the grocery store). It sucked finding out that she had hid so much for so long, and had to go through hell alone.

I feel like I'd be doing everyone a disservice if I hadn't of raised the posibility.

No problem i get it.

I just want to help her out you know.
Maybe I should just let it be and not care.
But I don't want people talking about her badly.
She's a nice girl outside of that shit she be doing.

She will even ask me why are they so jealous of her.
They aren't jealous of her they just think she is a bitch.
I want to talk to her about it but I don't know how.
I know that if she came at me the wrong way I would snap.
But I'm trying to talk to her as a friend and let her know about herself.
Sarai is pretty much fed up.

It sounds like your friend is doing a fine job alienating herself from her friends.

I feel sorry for her kids, they'll have to grow up with an over bearing and controlling mother.

Yeah, it's hard to see a friend screwing up. The lesson I seem to have to keep learning is that most people don't want hear about how their hurting themselves. The ones that do usually figure it out on their own.

Maybe you could try writing it out in a letter? She can't get mad and start a fight with the written word. If you make it as loving and non-judgmental as posible she might even let some of it get through. Then again she might not, she might just get mad at you. There's a reason the saying "don't shoot the messager" is still around. I don't know. There are differant levels of friendship, some you just go along to get along others you can risk shaking up because the friend is really worth the fall out.

Those are good ideas though. The letter! I would need help writing it because I don't want to say the wrong thing. LOL

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What kind of a mother takes her young children to a billiards hall? Sounds like Jerry Springer material...

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Thank you! Exactly, but I was thinking "and at 8pm at night..." :P

Coco, is it possible finances for a babysitter is an issue? Mbe you could set up a child-minding swap system w/a few other moms... I did this with a couple other gals & it worked very nicely. We made tokens that were exchanged to keep track.

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

You can point out the obvious to a friend, but you can't make them see.

At some point, you're going to have to realize that you can't compete with her own delusions.

She tells herself that she's the greatest and you're telling her that she's a bitch (in a nice way) -- which do you think she'd be more inclined to listen to?

@ Aera: That she is the greatest.
She would want to hear that more than she's a bitch in a nice way.

@ Indi: I never thought of that as an idea! It's a great idea actually. I know we get paid well but I don't know if she has a lot to pay out or not... not to sure about her finances. But I think i am going to go with this idea.

Friendships are 2 way. Coco's and this gals is one way only. See a problem with that?

I'm like your friend Sari- wouldn't put up with her shit. Especially her stubborn ass won't listen to nobody attitude.