Ugh, Shy Guys

Talk about a turn around from my last post...I actually met up with a guy over the weekend :D

He's someone I knew a few years ago and he had a major crush on me then. Although I denied it at the time, the truth was I liked him too, but he wasn't what I thought I wanted. I was dumb and 20. He's a nice, smart guy, but very shy.

Anyway, I heard that he and his girlfriend broke up a few months ago, and Friday I was waiting on a friend to get into town, so I decided to give him a call and see if he wanted to go out for a drink. He still had my number in his phone, though it had been probably two and a half years since we hung out.

So we went out for a drink. It was nice catching up and the conversation kept going the whole time (could be because my nervous tick is to talk A LOT). He's pretty quiet and shy, but he kept asking me questions about myself, complimenting me, lots of laughing. There was the whole kind of awkward/nice "omg his leg's against mine and he's not moving it" thing (although I try not to read into body language too much). It was getting late and my friend still hadn't made it into town and I ran into some people I knew at the bar, so I told him he could leave if he wanted because he had stuff to do early the next day, but he said he would wait with me until she showed (she didn't - turns out she got lost, haha).

However, here are some reasons I think it may not have been so great: 1) when I'm tipsy, for some reason unknown to me, I tend to touch guys' knees if I'm interested and talking to them. 2) We ended up talking about our ex's, not something I wanted to talk about really, but understandable since we were catching up. 3)When he was leaving, he said something like, "Maybe we can get some people together sometime and go out." (a.k.a. SMACK IN THE FACE).

Okay, okay. I know it's not exactly a date, but being with him brought back some old feelings and he is the type of guy I'm interested in now that I'm older and wiser. I try to justify the whole "group of people" thing by thinking that he's just awkward and was trying to come up with something to say, but that's probably just my denial. So I know I should just wait and see if he calls me sometime. I think it would make me look desperate if I called him again in the next couple weeks...but he's shy.

Any thoughts? I am so sorry this is horribly long.

I don't think there's anything wrong with him wanting a group date sort of thing, especially knowing that he's shy and all that. As for calling him, as long as you didn't notice extreme shyness during your time out with him, i'm sure he'll give you a call so don't be too quick on calling him.

Well, I wouldn't call too soon, but anything over a week and you won't look desperate.

Thanks. I mentioned that I'm graduating from college in a couple weeks and told him he should come to my grad. party - so I guess that would serve the whole group and over a week thing.

I meant to add that the whole ex issue came up because I tried to subtly mention that I was single, haha. He met my ex a couple times, so I threw in "Well, I broke up with *****." He said, "Oh, so you aren't dating anyone right now?" to which I said no, and he said, "Yeah, me either." Then he talked about dumping his ex (she cheated on him) and I talked about what a loser mine is (emotionally abusive). So mostly it was things like me saying, "Jeez, what a whore! You deserve better" and him saying things like "I never knew he was like that, how awful."

So maybe in the context, the ex talk wasn't TOO bad, just a little bad since I am interested in him and that's a big no-no to bring up.

If he's truly shy, then chances are he's a little insecure of his own abilities and needs to be fully validated that you like him, and only then will he ask you out point blank. Go for it, maybe its not guaranteed but I would put my bets down on him being interested in you as well. This is coming from a relatively shy guy btw

Talking about ex's is two fold. Its weird if you both make it weird, but mature people can talk about it without turning it into a soap opera. Sure there are things you don't need to mention regardless, but it shows a closeness in a way if you can talk about it openly.

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Originally Posted by loveminuszero [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Any thoughts? I am so sorry this is horribly long.

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I think it went well ! And the comment he made about getting some people together is probably just a fear of rejection and him wanting some more time to get to know you better.

Nothing negative that I can see. Maybe u want to wait a week and if he doesn't call, just drop him an sms ... :)

Extreme shyness cn also be a telltale sign of disinterest.

Some guys just wants to pursue than be pursued. yeah, wait for to make the first dating move.

Que sera, sera. If it works out, great; if not, so be it.

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Originally Posted by connie123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Extreme shyness cn also be a telltale sign of disinterest.

Some guys just wants to pursue than be pursued. yeah, wait for to make the first dating move.

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He is shy in general. Although he didn't sound like he was shy when they were at the bar. If he wasn't interested he wouldn't have asked to see her again in any setting. A shy person wouldn't muster the courage to ask someone to see them again at all unless they liked them a lot. I don't see anything wrong with calling him after a week or so either.

If I was in this situation and had to place a bet on what I would do, I would have done exactly that. Chances are HOWEVER, I WOULDNT show to your grad party. Your invitation needs to be direct and not in passing/casual conversation...You know "I only invited you out of courtesy" thing. And dont shoot him a text. Call him and ask him to come. Its a personal invite and would show 'me' that you are opening the door to at least entertain more time. This also gives him a safety net if things dont pan out and he can retreat to mutual friends. I'd say a week is too long however to wait to at least talk to him. Too often do we confuse being desperate with momentum. Keep us updated.

If hes shy let him know about how you feel. You can try it in many way. Directly or Indirectly. You can send an anonymous crush to your heart throb using AAfter search box. They only disclose your identity if your crush feels the same way as you do. Here is what you need to write in the search box:
crush:your email: email of crush 1 : email of crush 2 : email of crush 3
then click web search button. Let the magic of love makes all of you happy.

What? That sounds childish.

Nothing wrong with him taking it slow. Invite him to your grad party and hopefully he'll show.

Oh, and don't let him see you grabbing anyone else's knee.

well. have you thought about maybe looking for someone who is a bit alive, aware and assured of himself..unless you like what sounds like a immature guy....just a thought

I was once involved with a guy who was quite shy. I was 17, so was he.

I knew he liked me, but for the first and last time in my life, I had to play agressor because he was sooo slow and in making a move and I was growing impatient.

I just smacked the smackers on him one time we were together and from that point he wasn't shy no more.

In fact, I was having to hold him back after that, lol

If he shows signs of shyness with you maybe he just likes you too much to dare do something wrong,give him a bump or two,nothing bad in that.Eventually he will pick up the passe.I'm talking from my own experience as a ex-shy guy :P.

xxazurezz : im this kinda guy, shy at first, but if i know that she was into me, she wouldnt know that i was shy at all.

I wouldn't call too soon. Wait a week or so then start from there.

you guys mean a shy guy is slow or something? but I guess 'man' have dif way to getting close to a girl, I'm also an ex shy-guy :: lol ::, but then I try to be more social, still I have to control myself around people

Addressing some of what you felt weren't so great:
1) I can't speak for your friend, but I'm a fairly shy guy and getting touched on the knee wouldn't put me off. There's a difference between drunk/leaning in my face and some light touching.
3) Don't take the "let's get together sometime with a few friends" thing as a sign of disinterest. You mentioned he's a shy guy. Try looking at it from his perspective. He might not be 100% sure that you're into him (you may think you've made it clear. But we shy guys can be... wierd that way). So, he's probably asking you out, but in a way that if it turns out you're not interested, he hasn't made things too awkward. Just watch out if he pays you any extra attention.

So yeah. Wait and see if he calls in a week. If he doesn't, no need to wait a couple of weeks. It's not desperate calling him again if you're inviting him to hang out with a few friends.
Or, if you work/study close together or know roughly how his day goes, "bump" into him, and go out for lunch or coffee.

I read in Cosmo I think, that in order to get closer to a girl you know or even break the ice, a guy should hang out in a group and then work his way to one on one face time. Textbook move maybe?

haha just skip the bush I guess

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Originally Posted by Mr. Turtle [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I read in Cosmo I think, that in order to get closer to a girl you know or even break the ice, a guy should hang out in a group and then work his way to one on one face time. Textbook move maybe?

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I'm far more direct. I just walk up and ask if she would like to do something with me.

Wouldnt it be wierd if he got on here and saw this post? lol