I don't know how I can possibly keep this up...

... I've been putting up a brave front.. I've been distracting myself as best I can... Doing things to keep myself distracted.. Gym, hanging with friends, taking up new hobbies, etc... I've been posting on here with regularity, but the truth is I miss her terribly.. I think about her all throughout the day, I struggle to fall asleep at night sometimes, and I spend the whole day fighting the urge to call her up or send her an e-mail saying how much I love and miss her. The only way I maintain the urge is by reminding myself that she's with someone and that i wasn't happy with the way things were.. But everyday it doesn't get better, it gets worse. Holding it back and keeping up with this NC is ravaging my insides and I feel like one day i'm about to crack and just give her that call or e-mail or whatever the case may be. How can I possibly keep it up?

Find. Someone. Else.

Easier. Said Than. Done.

Imagine her with the new person and get upset about it. Remind yourself of the aspects of your relationship that made you unhappy.

Pretend that she died and hold a little funeral service.

Throw out any of her stuff in your possession, or donate it to charity. Or put it all in a box and ask a friend to hold on to it for you.

Call up an escort, or at least get a massage with a "happy ending."

Talk to your friends endlessly about your obsession with her, until they are clearly bored. Keep talking about it until finally you are bored, too.

Talking to friends is really good advice - it has helped me a lot...
Try to pretend to be content and happy in public (that too, helped me a lot - sometimes I have even forgotten, that I am just pretending...)
I hope you get better soon!

I'm right with you at this very spot dude, but when I think about it, I think that your probably still in love with the idea of her, how things used to be, or how things should be, but we ignore how things are, and how they really are. Do no forget that they are not the same person you fell in love with anymore, and trust is no longer there, there is a difference in loving SOMEONE and who you WANT them to be.

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Originally Posted by mey [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Talking to friends is really good advice - it has helped me a lot...
Try to pretend to be content and happy in public (that too, helped me a lot - sometimes I have even forgotten, that I am just pretending...)
I hope you get better soon!

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The problem is, with the friends that I can really talk to about serious issues, i've already exhausted that option that is being suggested here. I'm not one to usually pour my heart out to my friends but ever since this situation started (pretty much last year) I have been doing that consistently, and frankly they don't wanna hear it anymore and I don't blame them one bit. I know what it's like to have a downer friend who always seems to be unhappy about something...

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Originally Posted by Kyouhen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm right with you at this very spot dude, but when I think about it, I think that your probably still in love with the idea of her, how things used to be, or how things should be, but we ignore how things are, and how they really are. Do no forget that they are not the same person you fell in love with anymore, and trust is no longer there, there is a difference in loving SOMEONE and who you WANT them to be.

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I very much agree with this. I think you're spot on that i'm not really in love with her but who she used to be (or rather, who I thought she was).. Even though she hasn't been that person for a long time, my mind just idealizes her even knowing how wrong for me she was.. I am indeed in love with who I want her to be. Now you would think having this knowledge would make it easier to let go, but...

it actually makes it harder because now your attached to a person who your not truly in love with, so it's contradicting, days can be great when you forget them, then are terrible when you remember

it's when you dont have that full closure and things are left in tattered ruins that everything falls apart

but you will feel better in time because i have to as well

Yes, that's exactly what it's been like. A roller coster. I've gone through some tremendous highs when I think about her and am proud of myself for walking away. Days that it feels great to be free from what was such a terrible situation for the past year and change. Then there are days where I just dwell on the memories. I wonder what she's doing and how she's been without me. And I feel depressed not having her in my life anymore. It literally changes by the day, even by the hour sometimes.

I've been on the same emotional roller coaster for a month and some weeks now... Everyday I feel a little better, but then I fall right back in to it and I'm right back at stage 1. The girl I dated for a year and a month is a different person now, and it's really depressing. The only thing we can really do is learn to let go of them... Detach ourselves. Realize they are no longer part of our lives, and simply accept it. One thing that's helped me is reading, I always read "A Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl whenever I get really down in the dumps. It explains life on a whole different level, he was a psychologist during the holocaust and watched thousands of people die, he too was a prisoner.

Everyday you start to fall back in to the memories of all those great times, realize they're not gone, you still have them, but it's not the present. If you live in the past for the rest of your life you are passing up TONS of opportunities. Of course you don't want to move on yet, but realize you eventually will have to if you ever plan on being happy again. Perhaps one day you will date your long lost love again, probably not though. Let life work itself out. You can't change anything, but your own attitude, so slap on a smile, even if it's fake.

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Originally Posted by soulsurvivor23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The problem is, with the friends that I can really talk to about serious issues, i've already exhausted that option that is being suggested here. I'm not one to usually pour my heart out to my friends but ever since this situation started (pretty much last year) I have been doing that consistently, and frankly they don't wanna hear it anymore and I don't blame them one bit. I know what it's like to have a downer friend who always seems to be unhappy about something...

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Seriously man, I'm in the same boat as you. If you wanna talk sometime send me a private message with some way to get in touch with you (facebook...aim...myspace)

After a few days without my ex-gf my mind cleared a bit. And I realised I had to make one of two choices. She's gone and she's not coming back - that can't be changed. What can be changed, however, is you. You can either have a good life - enjoy yourself, revel in your new freedom and live it up, or, you can have a bad life - wallow in pity and grief for ages. Its upto you, but we all know that you'd rather have a good life. You just have to be strong enough to grab it at a dark time.

I believe you need to wallow a bit, there is a reason why you broke up and it's this pain and heart break that helps you learn from these experiences so you dont end up doing the same process over and over again.

And sometimes it takes awhile

Just another rough patch. You've talked to her recently and are going back and forth on wondering if shooting her down was a good move, even if it felt awesome at the time. It was a good decision and we all applaud your efforts. Keep reminding herself that no matter how much you want her to be your one, she CANNOT be the one for you right now. Besides having a boyfriend, she also doesn't have the proper skills, mentality or feelings for her to live up to your idolization.

Getting somebody else is not an instant fix all, and it's not fair to the other person if you are unable to give them your 100 percent so I don't think it's a good idea. You will always be looking back until somebody else comes and sweeps you off your feet, which doesn't happen as often as you think. But learn to live life on your own and most importantly: learn to enjoy life on your own. When you do, your problems with her will be insignificant. You might even learn to understand and feel bad for her no matter how much you hate her. I'm on eight months without her and no prospects on the horizon, and if you accept certain facts and make the most of the days you have coming ahead, you will feel alright too.

Summer is coming up, plan a trip/trips with your buddies and do something fun. Maybe something you haven't done before. That's what I'm doing and it gives you something to look forward to, instead of wallowing and looking back on what you do not have anymore.

Are there some things you don't understand from your situation? I think you have it pretty mapped out and are able to understand things the best you possibly can. That has brought me enough peace with myself. I'm happy to help you need some insight..

:surprised
There are many people who have dealt with far worse than a breakup. Some have lost children, parents, spouses... they manage so you will too.

Most of us have experienced the pain of breakups or other kinds of doomed relationships. Not to make light of those feelings, but consider: at least those you love(d), though no longer with you, can at least be thought upon fondly and wished-well in their lives.

There are worse things than a breakup with someone. Learn to be happy without them, and happy for them if they choose to move on without you. There are far worse alternatives.

Dear Soulsurvivor. I don't know the entirety of your back story so some of this advice might be been there done that.

My first advice to you is if you haven't already done so just feel the pain and let it take you over. A particularly good time to do this is in a "weak moment" and just let it build until it comes to tears. Men deny themselves the cathartic effects women indulge themselves in during tuff life situations. A stiff upper lip can keep grief inside rather than be spewed out in un inhibited natural displays of grief.

If you have already cried ad nauseam and you are still strongly attached at this point it is IMHO because you have not allowed the healing process to begin in earnest because you are still holding up hope for a reunion with her. To truely let go is a difficult but necissary process. It is to give up the fantasies of the future reunion that serve to sooth in the moment. To leave your post waiting for your concept of who she was to return.To say , "If you search for me I will no longer be here." Logic isn't going to help you in this venture. Doing this will make you feel worse but that's the whole point. We don't avoid pain we unearth it, exercise it, and then cleanse the wound.

I mean in no way for this to sound easy.

Also don't beat yourself up for loving her or "not being able to just get over it." I know people who can not connect with people at all. They sit and talk to me how they wish they knew how to connect. You have the gift of being a connector and it's a double edged sword. Right now it might seem like a curse but when you find the girl who is actually everything you THOUGHT this girl was and more it's going to pay you back so much in happiness as the coin turns.

Lastly sometimes not being able to let go has less to do with the break up and more to do with what you think the break up says about you. Realise that just because a woman has chosen to be with another man does not mean you are less of a man than he is. For her INDIVIDUAL tastes in whatever head space she is in now perhaps. Just don't let her dictation become the becon that you look to, to assess you worthyness as a mate, lover or friend. If you confidently display your personality to the single female population their enthusiasm for your company would desolve any such thoughts.