I Feel Like I Was Raped Last Night

I wasn't technically, but it was what I imagined being raped felt like.

Ever since the second baby, my sex drive has been at an all time low. Sex is the farthest thing from my mind these days. But of course, my boyfriend doesn't feel the same way.

He's started this new thing where he would just randomly start sucking on my breasts while I'm sleeping. At first, it was like whatever, but now I really ****ing hate it.

Last night he did it, and then climbed on top of me. I didnt want to do it, but I did it to make him happy. I feel like I'm obligated to do things I dont want to do when it comes to our relationship so I can make him happy. I don't want him to go out and cheat on me, so I laid there and did it.

I didn't enjoy it one bit. As a matter of fact, I cried silently throughout the whole thing.

Afterwards I went to bathe and he was sitting on the bed moping. I asked him what was wrong and he said he felt like he raped me.

I explained to him that I felt like I was raped, but I didnt think that was his intention. Now he just randomnly gets all depressed and he's taking it out on me like it's all my fault. He's saying he can't even look at me, like I did something wrong.

I laid there and did something I didnt want to do to try and make him happy and he turns around and takes it the hell out on me? Seriously?! What the hell am I supposed to do??!!

I've been having a rough day, and I would really like you guys' input on how you would've handled it.

I'm on the verge of calling the relationship quits because he wants something that I don't and I can not see myself ever doing that again. It was horrible. My sex drive is even lower now.

A little while ago he grabbed me around my waist and I jumped out of fear. I feel as if I am afraid to have sex.

I know this story sounds pretty ****ing trollish, but I don't know how else to word it, and the situation is affecting my daily life.

This story sounds is a bit heavy for this forum - maybe you both better go and get a professional advice.

I've been with this forum for over two years and I have talked to the regulars about alot of different things I've been through.

I just want an opinion on how you all would have handled the situation being in my position.

heavy Nisha, sorry you're going through a tough time.

I guess the lesson here is that you shouldn't sleep with your boyfriend just to make him happy. Next time just tell him no.

Maybe you should see a Dr about your low sex drive, if you haven't already

I dont think there is any other way you couldve handled it on the night. I would seriously get some help as to why you feel how you do about sex. I would in the mean time just let your boyfriend know you have this issue and that you want to do something about it. I'm sure he will be supportive as it must be making him feel terrible too.

I guess my reason for just doing it was because I listen to guys at work everyday saying if their girlfriend doesnt want to give it up they'll just get it elsewhere and these are guys in our age brackets.

I haven't seen a doctor as yet, but I think another reason why it is so low is because I am like seriously afraid of becoming pregnant again. I mean, we wear protection, but I always think the worst will happen. I really don't want another child right now.

well you'll probably agree that no sex is better than sex that makes you feel like you've been raped, and that makes him feel like he's raped you.

Can't you go on the pill?

Birth control really isn't that hard, and it's pretty safe. I've never got a girl pregnant.

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Originally Posted by LadieNisha4u2nv [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I wasn't technically, but it was what I imagined being raped felt like.

Ever since the second baby, my sex drive has been at an all time low. Sex is the farthest thing from my mind these days. But of course, my boyfriend doesn't feel the same way.

He's started this new thing where he would just randomly start sucking on my breasts while I'm sleeping. At first, it was like whatever, but now I really ****ing hate it.

Last night he did it, and then climbed on top of me. I didnt want to do it, but I did it to make him happy. I feel like I'm obligated to do things I dont want to do when it comes to our relationship so I can make him happy. I don't want him to go out and cheat on me, so I laid there and did it.

I didn't enjoy it one bit. As a matter of fact, I cried silently throughout the whole thing.

Afterwards I went to bathe and he was sitting on the bed moping. I asked him what was wrong and he said he felt like he raped me.

I explained to him that I felt like I was raped, but I didnt think that was his intention. Now he just randomnly gets all depressed and he's taking it out on me like it's all my fault. He's saying he can't even look at me, like I did something wrong.

I laid there and did something I didnt want to do to try and make him happy and he turns around and takes it the hell out on me? Seriously?! What the hell am I supposed to do??!!

I've been having a rough day, and I would really like you guys' input on how you would've handled it.

I'm on the verge of calling the relationship quits because he wants something that I don't and I can not see myself ever doing that again. It was horrible. My sex drive is even lower now.

A little while ago he grabbed me around my waist and I jumped out of fear. I feel as if I am afraid to have sex.

I know this story sounds pretty ****ing trollish, but I don't know how else to word it, and the situation is affecting my daily life.

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Hi,

I know I'm new here and until I started having relationship problems, I'd never have considered signing up to a forum like this, but here I am, and now I want to offer some advice before I go whining about my own story. My wife also never wants to have sex. Last time we had sex was January and even though I'm randy as hell, I've had to take myself out of our marital bed. I'm speaking from my own point of view here, but I think a lot of men probably feel like this. I don't want to make her have sex against her will. I know if I push it or pressure her, she will have sex with me. Not only does that make the sex less enjoyable though, it also makes me feel bad afterwards, for the same reasons as your boyfriend. When I get the horn, all this logic can fly out the window quicker than you can say erection. Once I see the woman I love next to me, and I get excited, it's almost impossible not to try to initiate sex. I could understand if she said she felt forced at times like you do.
I think you need to let him know that you want to fix your sex-drive, but until it is fixed or at least recovering, he should keep his distance from you, sexually. Maybe it would be best to not share a bed for a while, so he doesn't get tempted and you don't have to feel guilty for rejecting him. It won't be nice for either of you, but I think it's what you need to do to get the relationship right again. You do realise that you can't continue to have the relationship at the (sexual) pace you're currently happy with, right? Something has to give. Either you bring your sex-drive into a state that aligns more closely with his, or you call it a day. The way I see it, they're your only options.

I hope this helps.

Relationships fail without good communication. Start talking or split up. This shouldn't have happened, but it did, due to bad communication. If you can't talk, you shouldn't be sharing a bed.

Take birth control pills. They are very effective at protecting against pregnancy.

Geeze Nish, I thought it was a troll making this thread and then I saw your name and thought 'OMG!".

I expect you are close to exhausted with the new baby. A reduced sex drive is entirely understandable. I would say your feelings are within the range of normal.

What you need to watch for is that your disinterest doesn't grow into resentment. The fact you are both aware things went sideways and both feel bad about it means you should talk about it. But this isn't like rape--he's not forcing you into sex to feel powerful. He sounds just as upset as you that you didn't enjoy it.

I think you should be upfront about your disinterest but reassure him it doesn't mean you hate sex or him--it just means you are tired!

There was a thread a little while back (Fras's thread?) where we discussed the fact that relationships involve an exchange of favours. Not everyone agreed, but those who have been in a relationship for a while understood the point. You probably need some relief from some of your duties as a new mom, he's probably horny. So, maybe, you can discuss some ways he can help you feel less tired, and he can give you a bit more warning about his needs--maybe you can give him a nice hand or blowjob if you aren't feeling like full intercourse and not in the middle of the night.

Something like that. I expect the rest of the V-MIG team will comment as well as others. But you guys are fine, don't panic about this.

I replied but I guess it didnt go through.

Thanks for the replies. They are all pretty helpful.

He did say it was because he felt bad for what happened, but I feel like it's being taken out on me like I did something wrong.

He keeps calling it rape, and I know it isnt rape, but he doesnt want to accept that.

As for BCP's, I have a bad habit of not sticking to pills. I started out with them and just stopped taking them. They've changed my period though.

I love him dearly, and want to work things out.

He moved back up by his mother's house for the time being. I guess we both need some space seeing as we see each other so much in the day(We both work at the same place and live together)

I think part of why I am so disinterested in sex aside from being physically disinterested is because I dont get the chance to miss him. We see each other so much throughout the day at work, then we come home to two kids with their demands, and I am too annoyed and tired to spend time with him anyway.

I'm thinking on getting a new job to see if things change. Maybe that could be a major reason. If there's no huge change, I just may have to take it up with a doctor asap.

being around him all the time coupled with being tired is rough. BUT you should not be having sex with him out of fear that he is going to cheat on you. men in good relationships with beautiful women who get lots of sex cheat. a cheater is going to cheat no matter what. there's nothing you can do to control it. and doing it when you don't want to is not any kind of solution. also haven't you read the many threads that come across this forum about men who are not getting sex from their wives or girlfriends for months and months and sometimes years who do not want to cheat. they would do anything to work out a solution with THEIR OWN partner.

it's like if you work at a job and you hear that people get fired if they don't screw their boss, so you go and do it. you weren't forced to do so.

you need to be a little more secure with yourself nisha. if he cheats on you then that is his fault, not yours.

you also need to have a little talk with him about how to initiate sex. waking you up by sucking on your big, luscious titties and just climbing on top of you to screw is not how you do it. if you're afraid to tell him how you like it or when you like it or afraid to tell him no because you think he's gonna cheat you're never going to solve this problem and he is never going to get sex from you.

ultimately though i think you need to take some responsibility here. you did it when you didn't want to. be strong woman! speak up for yourself and don't sell yourself short.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There was a thread a little while back (Fras's thread?) where we discussed the fact that relationships involve an exchange of favours. Not everyone agreed, but those who have been in a relationship for a while understood the point. You probably need some relief from some of your duties as a new mom, he's probably horny. So, maybe, you can discuss some ways he can help you feel less tired, and he can give you a bit more warning about his needs--maybe you can give him a nice hand or blowjob if you aren't feeling like full intercourse and not in the middle of the night.
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I agree with this advice. Also, I think you should look into some form of birth control that doesn't require you to remember it on a daily basis... norplant?

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

waking you up by sucking on your big, luscious titties and just climbing on top of you to screw is not how you do it.

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That one made LOL!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with this advice. Also, I think you should look into some form of birth control that doesn't require you to remember it on a daily basis... norplant?

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What's norplant? I've never heard of that.

Norplant is birth control that is implanted under the skin and lasts 5 years. It works the same way birth control pills do, only you don't have to remember to take it every day.

[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norplant]Norplant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/url]

We just use a condom.

Or is he one of those guys that bitches about how he hates condoms, so much?

Get an IUD. Really. They last about 10 years and can be easily removed if you want another kid. Norplant hurts like **** when they insert it.

Nisha, you just had that baby a few months ago. He should be patient with you. Give him an occasional blowjob to keep him satisfied, but he shouldn't be expecting you to want sex much yet. If he cheats on you, we'll just form an LF testicle-hunting posse and take care of the situation.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Get an IUD. Really. They last about 10 years and can be easily removed if you want another kid. Norplant hurts like **** when they insert it.

Nisha, you just had that baby a few months ago. He should be patient with you. Give him an occasional blowjob to keep him satisfied, but he shouldn't be expecting you to want sex much yet. If he cheats on you, we'll just form an LF testicle-hunting posse and take care of the situation.

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That'd be f*ckin' badass.

We're already like a relationship triple-A.

We could get a fleet of badass trucks, or even a helicopter, operating 24 hours a day, ready to kick some cheating ass.

So long as they pay their dues, at least.

I'm picturing a man dressed in full ninja, seeking out cheaters and dealing out punishment. We have a resident ninja down in Chula Vista. Apparently he really fights crime, or looks for it anyway. My friends have confirmed he exists.

whatever happened....happened....sure if you didnt want it you should have said to avoid the feeling...

if you are on the verge of calling it a day why does it matter if you say no? surely then it shouldnt matter, infact if you dont want him in your life saying NO is what you should be doing...

perhaps you both need a break to reassess your position and allowing time to help you determine what it is that you require, how you see him and whether you want him in your life at all?

sounds to me like you maybe are not sure of what you want, or you do know what you want but know you cannot have your cake and want to eat it?

give it time without him and then go from there?

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Get an IUD. Really. They last about 10 years and can be easily removed if you want another kid. Norplant hurts like **** when they insert it.
.

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Worse than an IUD? When I had one put in, I thought I would die. I don't like anything touch my cervix.

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Originally Posted by lahnnabell [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm picturing a man dressed in full ninja, seeking out cheaters and dealing out punishment. We have a resident ninja down in Chula Vista. Apparently he really fights crime, or looks for it anyway. My friends have confirmed he exists.

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[url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/20/australian-ninjas-rescue_n_582901.html]Australian Ninjas Rescue Mugging Victim[/url]

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Worse than an IUD? When I had one put in, I thought I would die. I don't like anything touch my cervix.

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God, yes. The IUD was so much less painful, and didn't mess with my hormone balance. Nisha doesn't need an even lower sex drive.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If he cheats on you, we'll just form an LF testicle-hunting posse and take care of the situation.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That'd be f*ckin' badass.

We're already like a relationship triple-A.

We could get a fleet of badass trucks, or even a helicopter, operating 24 hours a day, ready to kick some cheating ass.

So long as they pay their dues, at least.

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Flinty Kind of Woman (Dar Williams):

I can't find it on youtube, but I would post the mp3 if I knew how. Anyway, here's the lyrics:

It's a small town life and I like it
'Cause the bad don't get in your way
There's an angry God gonna strike it
Yeah, that's what we pay him for, that's why we pray
Well I guess the angry God he was a-fishing
When Molly called me up with the news
Within the space of a week
Yeah, a pervert or a sex freak
Let the kids take a peek
That's more than a little cheek
No pun intended

Ay-yi-yipee-yipee-yi-yi-ay
Going east of Mississippi got a flinty kind of woman
And you don't act smart and you don't touch my children
If the young man
wants to see the sun go down

Well there was no time fooling with the trifles
So there was no use in telling the men
They would just go running for their rifles
And then once you got him couldn't get him again
So Peg got a bolt of fishing tackle
And Marge got her gardening clips
And Sally LaBiche put her hound on a leash
And the timer on the quiche, she's kind of nouveau riche
But we like her

Ay-yi-yipee-yipee-yi-yi-ay
Going east of Mississippi got a flinty kind of woman
And you don't act fresh and you don't touch my children
If the young man wants to see the sun go down

It was the kids who spotted him a running
As we drove through the harbor fog
And that's when we got our engines gunning
'Cause we knew he was headed for the cranberry bog
We got our hip-high rubber boots strapped on
And Molly got the big flashlights out
And by the "Welcome to New England" sign
Got him with the fishing line
In the dark smell of brine
Betty said "This one is mine."
She is ruthless

Ay-yi-yipee-yipee-yi-yi-ay
Going east of Mississippi got a flinty kind of woman
And you just say no and you don't touch my children

If the young man wants to see the sun go down

Well we didn't have to drag him and a-jail him
'Cause you don't have to take it so far
When your roots go back to Old Salem
And you've got a local chapter of the DAR
Now I don't go tooting on my lobsters
'Cause your pride doesn't go with your plaid
But it's a victory won and it couldn't be done
By the hippy-dippy flaky-shaky fun-in-the-sun
Braless wonders

Ay-yi-yipee-yipee-yi-yi-ay
Going east of Mississippi got a flinty kind of woman
And you know your place and you don't touch my children
If the young man wants to see the sun go down
If the young man wants to see the sun go down

We have no problem using a condom.I'm just super scared of being pregnant. I think about being a welfare queen with a ton of kids behind me yelling mommy LMAO. I dont want that shit. I know people with that situation I never want it for myself.

As for blowjobs....He says he likes them but he feels like hes degrading me.One time I told him stfu and put your cock in my mouth. He'd laugh and do it but you could tell he didn't feel comfortable doing it for real.


As for the IUD and Norplant...I will look into both further....as for right now...I am in too much ****ing pain to give two shits. I have a strep throat...and I am ready to chop my neck off and call it a day.

Damn! You don't need strep on top of everything else!

I was thinking about your situation the other day. It reminded me of something that happened a long time ago, when I was still with my high school boyfriend. We were asleep, early in the morning, and he thought he's wake me up by copping a feel. I happened to be dreaming about having a conversation with my friend Geoff. In my dream, Geoff all of a sudden reached out and started feeling me up. It was shocking!

When I woke up, I told my boyfriend that I didn't think I'd ever look at Geoff as just a friend again. He was horrified and spun off into a fit of jealousy.

He never messed with me when I was sleeping, ever again.