Sex Before Marriage?

Hello and thanks for the comments in advance,

Girl's Background: I'm American and I've been dating this South Korean (Christian, very smart, pretty, and caring - I guess almost perfect) girl for three weeks now, she's only been here 7 months but speaks perfect English. I really like the girl, and we seem to have what could be the beginning of a great relationship. In fact, she's has accepted my invitation to visit a local city a few hours away for the weekend in mid August (it will be her 21st birthday and im 21).

Issue/Problem: Like I said, she is South Korean and Christian. From what I understand of girls in her case, sex before marriage=not going to happen (although I have NOT asked her yet). As an individual, she is very cutely and great at making out, however she does seem a little prude (doesn't really like to talk about sex-related topics, is kind of opposed to me touching her in private areas although we have been going out for three weeks, and she's yet to make a "sexual" move on me). For me, no sex would be an issue and perhaps a big one. Im 21 and I want to live life. Not to mention, I truly believe sex is an important part of a a relationship.

Solutions?: Should I talk to her about it, and if she says "no sex before marriage" how can I convince her otherwise (I have a feeling, she's here in the USA and she's willing to change a little for the worse haha). She's told me she wants to "become a little more naughty", not exactly sure what she's talking about though.

In any case, what should be my next move??? (I'm going out with her this weekend and we'll end up back at my place)

Thanks much!

I fear for your penis. Unforuntatley I must advise against this girl. There are a few members who have gf's and wives similar to your gf and they are miserable unhappy and terribly unsatisfied. I fear for your penis.

You shouldn't try to convince someone to go against their beliefs. If she doesn't want to have sex before marriage and you do, you're functionally incompatible and you should both find someone else.

Ok, but how should I go about asking her? When?

Whatever you do don't do it DURING a make out session.

OK, i won't do it then. But do you think it's too early to ask by the end of this week (which would be our third week, but we see each other almost daily)? And how should I ask? I'm sorry, sex usually just comes naturally and I don't know it will in this case.

Okay-

so IMO, love means caring about the other person as much as or more than you care about yourself. And before I get nailed for saying this what I mean specifically is being willing to, at times, put aside your own needs in order to compromise with someone else. It also means being in the mind frame of what you can give not get in a relationship. Dont try to convince someone to go against one of their core values that make them who they are- either accept it or not. On one hand you say that you appreciate that she is a Christain (part of what you say makes her perfect) then you turn around and say you want to change this about her. (sex before marriage is a major issue for Christians).

To be blunt about this, you are being selfish. You are incompatible in this area so move on... even if you do convince her to do it, she may end up resenting you for it later anyway.

How to bring it up? Just do it. Just straight out ask her. Why not? But follow girl68's advice on when NOT to do this...

Ok, thanks for you're opinion on the situation Kayla. I am totally willing to give up some things, she loves high-heals, I hate them; she likes to eat Korean, no thanks for me... But sex, sex is a major part of a relationship IMO. Yes, I like that she is a Christian (and really im just speculating that she doesn't want to have sex) because of caring, honesty, and overall good person.

You said to be straight forward. I'm just worried that if she says "Sex, no problem" or "We can eventually" that it will be super awkward and could even scar the relationship. Am I too worried about that? Is it something I just have to deal with? Im thinking about talking with her about it tonight in fact.

All you have to do is say we need to talk, then explain that sex to you is important and necessary (which for you it is- and that's NOT SELFISH). Ask her what her toughts are. Remind her you're not pressuring her and will not attempt to persuede her into sex. Tell her you understand and respect her views on sex whichever it might be. Sex for her might be she needs to be in love... (which 3 weeks is isn't possible). Her answer should tell you if your are compatible. You must be prepared to end it thought...

OK- I think you should talk to her first and get her honest perspective on sex, relationships, and her Christian values. Just bring it up bluntly- tell her to tell you the total truth, not what she thinks you want to hear. Then, go from there. You may be worried for nothing!! You two could be totally compatible in this area but you dont know that because you havent asked :)

I say talk to her FIRST then if you still are not sure come back and tell us what she said... we need her side of the story in order to give good advice.

Im unclear on what you mean about the part that if she says "ok" or "no problem" that it could be awkward. Why is that? What about that would make it awkward? Please explain..

Good luck..

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

All you have to do is say we need to talk, then explain that sex to you is important and necessary (which for you it is- and that's NOT SELFISH). Ask her what her toughts are. Remind her you're not pressuring her and will not attempt to persuede her into sex. Tell her you understand and respect her views on sex whichever it might be. Sex for her might be she needs to be in love... (which 3 weeks is isn't possible). Her answer should tell you if your are compatible. You must be prepared to end it thought...

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I just want to clarify that I was under the impression that the OP was wanting to change the girl's opinion on sex and get her to do it before marriage if she said she didnt want to. If this is the case, IMO that would be selfish.. (again just my opinion).

If I misinterpreted the original post with this- then my mistake and please correct me, OP.

Wanting to make sure you get what you need from a relationship is not selfish in itself.. but forcing someone to change when they dont want to just so you can be happy isnt fair to the other person...

In that case I concurr. You shall not change her view you shall only ask for hers and see if they align if they don't it won't work not matter who gives in.

let say by some chance, she does give in... there is a very good chance she may resent you for that later.. which is an entire new set of problems.

3 weeks means you are still a stranger to her. why the rush? just because she is christian doesn;t mean she doesn't want to have sex or will not before marriage. i find it funny that some really stupid people think that just because the girl is acting like a prude at the beginning of a relationship means that she will continue to be. have the coversation about sex since you're in such a hurry, find out from her directly, you can't assume anything.

In the forums experience it does. I love sex and could never front as a prude.

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Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

3 weeks means you are still a stranger to her. why the rush? just because she is christian doesn;t mean she doesn't want to have sex or will not before marriage. i find it funny that some really stupid people think that just because the girl is acting like a prude at the beginning of a relationship means that she will continue to be. have the coversation about sex since you're in such a hurry, find out from her directly, you can't assume anything.

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very good point! Just because someone doesnt want to jump in bed, doesnt mean they are a prude. I like to wait several months because I refuse to allow a guy to use me just for sex. But I am not a prude and I love sex- so when I do decide its time to bring sex into a relationship, there is no holding back.. maybe your girl is the same??

Talk to her and come back here with an update.

Thanks for all the advice. I talked with her last night. And, she said she's interested in having sex. She also said she's a virgin, which explains her shy nature. That's ok with me, probably better. She also thanked me for asking, so i guess it worked out.... Thx again.

And when you succeed in what you want and she becomes sex-crazed after that (looking for other tasty treats aside from you, thanks to your mentoring)? then what? dump her?

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Originally Posted by nerdy_guy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

And when you succeed in what you want and she becomes sex-crazed after that (looking for other tasty treats aside from you, thanks to your mentoring)? then what? dump her?

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Good thing she's nothing like that....

Is there is a "No thanks" button?

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Originally Posted by Love4Everyone21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for all the advice. I talked with her last night. And, she said she's interested in having sex. She also said she's a virgin, which explains her shy nature. That's ok with me, probably better. She also thanked me for asking, so i guess it worked out.... Thx again.

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all that worrying for nothing then! Just dont pressure her or rush her. She said she wanted to and since she is a virgin it may take her some time.

Ya, I guess I just have to not f*** it up now. Im glad I asked though instead of just waiting to see. Not to mention, she seemed to feel more comfortable when were intimate that night. All for the best... Thx again.