i'm pregnant.

my periods have been all over the place since i started the pill so i didnt worry when i missed one. I then noticed little things, my stomach felt really heavy with little pains and my breats became really tender, i thought just to be sure as im pretty paranoid id take a test... i was shocked when it came back positive.
I dont know how to feel, other than scared. Im absolutely terrified of telling my boyfriend. We've been together a year, im 20 and he's 21. I Dont want children this young, but could deal with it. My boyfriend has however made it evry clear he deosnt want kids yet - i cant blame him, so im really scared what he will say/do.
Ive always disagreed with abortions, i believed if you're silly enough to become pregant after all the ways to prevent it, it shouldnt be allowed... unless special circumstances occur. However, im considering one. I took contraception to make sure i didnt get pregnant.. and i really dont feel im ready to become a mum. I suffer badly with depression and me and my boyfriend are not the most stable couple in the world. How abd would it be not to tell him?

It would be pretty bad. He needs to know, after all, it did take both of you to get pregnant right. He has a right to know, whether he's ready or not......he needs to know.

Tell your bf and come up with a joint decision. Think all of the options very carefully through before making this decision.

Talk to him about it. Give him a say in it. You say you are having major doubts about it, and from what you described of him, he will probably be right there with you. Discuss the options and come to a joint decision like mish said. Worst case scenario is that you lose him...but it would be a blessing in disguise anyways (you already say your relationship is unstable) because it will reveal his true colors and will save you the time and energy on a relationship that wouldn't work. Then you would be the ultimate decision maker at that point. You guys did this together, and you should work it out together...that's just my 2 cents.

YOU MUST TELL HIM. If he finds out you had an abortion and didn't tell you, it will make him angry. Talk to him about what you're thinking. Tell him that you want to still be with him and want him to have a say in what happens. Don't lie to him though.

i think you got the point.... tell him and from what you say, he'll act the same as you. then make a joint decision.

He has a right to know. It's his kid too. You guys will figure something out.

Decide what YOU want to do and then have a talk with him. What he says may or may not change your decision, but you shouldn't come to him expecting him to make it for you.

Telling him at all is not up to question- it would be horribly wrong to keep this from him, if for no other reason than to inform him that your birth control solution isn't working well.

I think you need to decide whats best for you, you also need to tell him and talk to him about it, whatever you decide you will need his support.

it's your body. never forget that. it's your choice. like giga said, it's a situation you need to decide and weigh up options. you must tell him tho and find out what he thinks. but ultimately it's your body, your decision.

Hm. Just wondering..you said you don't have the most stable relationship. MAYBE I'm jumping to conclusions (probably am but no one else said it so I will) you don't mean he is abusive do you? Because in that case I think it is a whole other story

The same happened to me, i was younger than you tough i was 18 he was 23. We werent a stable couple at all, same issues as you. I decided not to abort, and today i raise my 5 years old daughter alone, since she was 3 months old when i broke up with her dad.
I love her but i do struggle financially, but what matter is, i made a mistake and i accepted it and dealt with it, if i had made an abortion i'd be miserable today
good luck dealing with it, go for it girl, its awesome being a mother and al the happiness that come along make the problems small and insignificant:)

now i like your response angel2002
not much people are so smart and responsible at such a young age.

I think it's great people can manage to bring up their children alone but is it really how you'd want it to be? I have 3 (4th on the way) children and I wouldn't change it for the world but it does have downsides, you should think carefully about the things you will/won't be able to do once you have a child.

yeah, im sure you'll have to sacrifice a lot. i cant say much as im not experienced but having a child will change your life. it may be hard at first but as long as you have friends and family who support you, you'll be just fine.

Without wanting to sound callous, it's all about damage control. If I had to sway one way, it would be towards abortion. If you don't want a child and you're damn sure your partner won't, I think an abortion is, ironically, the most ethical approach. That might sound absurd, but to me it sounds like your boyfriend wouldn't want to be involved and it hardly sounds like you are desperate to be a mother either. An abortion may be inhumane, but is bringing up an unwanted child without a proper quality of life/solid father figure any more virtuous? You've made it perfectly clear that you don't want a child right now, so why make such a massive commitment to something that not only is against your will, but against your own desire? It might be the height of altruism to raise a child that is unwanted, but wouldn't you be sacrificing your own life somewhat? You're 20! You should enjoy your life some more without such a humongous responsibilty. You have plenty of time to find the right man to father a child with you, when you are ready to make that commitment, because frankly, you aren't yet. Speak to your guy, see what he says. Don't let him decide for you, but you should certainly take into account what he says.

Like I say, it's a question of damage control. You're always going to feel ambivalence towards this. Do you raise an unwanted child that is likely to be emotionally malnourished? Or can you take the emotional toll of aborting an unborn baby?

My advice: Don't have a baby just because abortion is frowned upon. Do what you want to do, not what you think you should do or you are told you should do.

well i think even if you and ur bf dont want a baby, abortion isnt the only way. you can give the baby up for adoption. you dont have to raise him/her.
but honestly its your choice. this is just what i think. :)

I agree with everyone here, you definitely need to tell him. Then you need to make the decision that's right for you.

Realize too, that having a baby is not simply as easy as 'coping'. You are in charge of a life, here. If you're not fully dedicated to your child and giving the world to them you are not ready to be a mother. I watched my sister have a baby at 19, and her life has been hard since (nine years later). She can't get ahead, she can't do much for herself. She didn't finish high school and she didn't go to uni. Her life is on hold for quite awhile, as yours will be if you have this child. Just recognize that.

Abortion is a perfectly viable option in your situation. I don't think that people should be 'punished' for their mistakes. Not when you are discussing a choice that will affect not only your life, but that of your unborn child.

There are plenty of poor, unloved, unwanted children on this earth. No reason to produce another from some misplaced sense of guilt. Quality of life >>> quantity.

But, if your ethics or religion don't permit abortion, then adoption is certainly a viable alternative. But choose what seems right for you, don't let anyone else sway your decision either way. They are not the ones having to live with the decision. You are. Best of luck.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Abortion is a perfectly viable option in your situation. I don't think that people should be 'punished' for their mistakes. Not when you are discussing a choice that will affect not only your life, but that of your unborn child.

There are plenty of poor, unloved, unwanted children on this earth. No reason to produce another from some misplaced sense of guilt. Quality of life >>> quantity.

But, if your ethics or religion don't permit abortion, then adoption is certainly a viable alternative. But choose what seems right for you, don't let anyone else sway your decision either way. They are not the ones having to live with the decision. You are. Best of luck.

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100% agree with this.

First of all, I think you should visit an obstetrician to be sure. Some over-the-counter pregnancy kits give false positive results (you wouldn't want to freak out your boyfriend for a false alarm, would you?) And after the visit and you're now sure that you're pregnant, THEN you tell him. You should just be ready in what ever way he reacts.

I believe ABORTION IS NEVER AN OPTION. Whatever happens, I think you should not deprive the poor kid a chance to live. In the duration of your pregnancy, make a decision if you would like to keep him/her or you could just put him/her up for adoption. But please, don't abort the kid.

You should do what ever is right for you. Don't let someone make you feel guilty for your choice.

Abortion is an option and if that's your choice then more power to you.

I also think adoption is one of the most brave and loving gifts a mother can give a child that she cannot take care of. I'm half adopted. I do not know my biological father but my adopted father is amazing. My biological father gave me the best gift in the world when he gave me up. he gave me a family who loves me.

I agree that there are too many unwanted children in the world but the harsh truth is that if your baby is white, 100% healthy and you give it up as a baby, the child will most likely be adopted. Children have a higher chance of going into the foster care system if they have health problems, are minorities, or were given up for adoption when they were older. The world is f*cked up, but if you give your child up for adoption from birth they will most likely be adopted.

Just think about your choice, and do whatever works for you.

yeah it all comes down to you and your values, me and silent mirror are against abortion but i do understand why some ppl would decide to go with an abortion. do visit a doctor just to be sure about your pregnancy. i wish you the best of luck.