Safe oral sex?

I'm a virgin, never had any kind of oral sex and just started making out in the past year. So...it's taken me a while to get to this point. I've always been of the mindset that any kind of sex should be safe, but I'm nervous about asking my guy to put on a condom before giving him oral sex. He's a lot more experienced than I am, and I'm afraid that he'll think I'm being naive about things. It's not that I don't trust him or think he's lying to me about having an STD or is with other girls, I just kind of want to stick to my guns. I also don't want to risk getting an STD if he does lie to me down the line...and would like to kind of establish the condom use from the beginning.

Am I being smart about this, or are my trust issues acting up? How would you guys respond in a situation like this?

And what about him giving me oral sex? I'm not concerned about him getting anything from me but can I get something from him?

You are being smart about this, but I doubt he will like it. Anything you can get during vaginal sex can also be transmitted during oral sex.

The likelihood of him giving YOU something by performing oral sex on you is lower than the reverse, because of the reduced exchange of body fluids, but if he has any open skin in or around his mouth, it IS possible.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You are being smart about this, but I doubt he will like it. Anything you can get during vaginal sex can also be transmitted during oral sex.

The likelihood of him giving YOU something by performing oral sex on you is lower than the reverse, because of the reduced exchange of body fluids, but if he has any open skin in or around his mouth, it IS possible.

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Thanks.

I kind of figured he wouldn't be thrilled about it. Any tips on how to approach him about it? I was thinking flavored condoms might be fun but I also don't know if they'd be too novelty-like.

I guess I knew it was possible but it just seems so uncommon to hear about any kind of protection being used when performing oral sex on a female.

They make something called "dental dams" for women to use when receiving oral. but to be honest, I wouldn't know where to find them, or how they work. You might check with your local drug store/pharmacy. If they don't have them, try a porn shop.

They make really thin oral sex condoms. I've used one before, and I honestly couldn't tell the difference; it felt the same. I wouldn't be mad at a girl for asking me to wear a condom--I'd be grateful that she has some self-respect.

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Originally Posted by Cyberpunk85 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

They make really thin oral sex condoms. I've used one before, and I honestly couldn't tell the difference; it felt the same. I wouldn't be mad at a girl for asking me to wear a condom--I'd be grateful that she has some self-respect.

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That's always how I sort of thought about it too. I guess since this is new to me I'm just nervous he'll be like "You think I have something?"

I'll look into the thinner condoms...thanks! :)

You're doin good by stickin to your guns on this. Just tell him that that thing isn't goin in your mouth if it's not wrapped up tight. If he has a problem with it, just don't go down on him. Safe oral sex > no oral sex.

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Originally Posted by Ariadne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Safe oral sex > no oral sex.

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No it's not.

Just jerk me off because there's no way you can do anything good with your mouth to compensate for the condom.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No it's not.

Just jerk me off because there's no way you can do anything good with your mouth to compensate for the condom.

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No, sir, I will do no such thing. You haven't even taken me out for coffee yet!

XD

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Originally Posted by Ariadne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No, sir, I will do no such thing. You haven't even taken me out for coffee yet!

XD

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I didn't realize it was that easy.

Cream, sugar?

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I didn't realize it was that easy.

Cream, sugar?

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Regardless of which I take, you can't supply either. ;o

I can understand you wanting to be safe, but if he actually went and got a blood test for std's would that change your mind at least for oral sex? Because this is what I would do if my gf was so worried.

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Originally Posted by subaru88 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I can understand you wanting to be safe, but if he actually went and got a blood test for std's would that change your mind at least for oral sex? Because this is what I would do if my gf was so worried.

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Maybe, but we are long distance and he doesn't have health insurance so I can't see him doing that while he's visiting.

The thing is I know he isn't with any other girls. I am not suspicious of that. I'm more worried that he's going to think I think he's done something wrong, because I think it's a logical concern.

For me, it's more I want to establish this habit from the beginning so that every time we have oral sex we use a condom. That way if something *does* change down the line he doesn't think I'm suspicious of him. People lie. I don't think he's lying now but I think he's capable of lying later, just like every one else on this planet is. And that's not really a risk I want to take. If something happens later, he will have the conflict of either lying to me and possibly giving me an STD or asking to use a condom and me suspecting he has cheated or something. If he's going to lie to me I'd rather not get an STD on top of that.

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Originally Posted by Cyberpunk85 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

They make really thin oral sex condoms. I've used one before, and I honestly couldn't tell the difference; it felt the same. I wouldn't be mad at a girl for asking me to wear a condom--I'd be grateful that she has some self-respect.

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I can't seem to find any ultra-thin ones that aren't lubricated.

You are being smart.

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Originally Posted by subaru88 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I can understand you wanting to be safe, but if he actually went and got a blood test for std's would that change your mind at least for oral sex? Because this is what I would do if my gf was so worried.

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They don't routinely test for ALL STDs when you go for testing. In fact, the most common ones (herpes and HPV) aren't normally tested for in the absence of symptoms.

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Originally Posted by quietandshy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe, but we are long distance and he doesn't have health insurance so I can't see him doing that while he's visiting.

The thing is I know he isn't with any other girls. I am not suspicious of that. I'm more worried that he's going to think I think he's done something wrong, because I think it's a logical concern.

For me, it's more I want to establish this habit from the beginning so that every time we have oral sex we use a condom. That way if something *does* change down the line he doesn't think I'm suspicious of him. People lie. I don't think he's lying now but I think he's capable of lying later, just like every one else on this planet is. And that's not really a risk I want to take. If something happens later, he will have the conflict of either lying to me and possibly giving me an STD or asking to use a condom and me suspecting he has cheated or something. If he's going to lie to me I'd rather not get an STD on top of that.

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Not gonna lie its kinda hard for me to see your side. I can understand if you think oral is gross or you just wanna make sure that he doesn't have an std before having sex but in my opinion your already thinking hes going to cheat at some point thinking like this. Idk maybe im just a little to innocent and trusting lol

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Originally Posted by subaru88 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Not gonna lie its kinda hard for me to see your side. I can understand if you think oral is gross or you just wanna make sure that he doesn't have an std before having sex but in my opinion your already thinking hes going to cheat at some point thinking like this. Idk maybe im just a little to innocent and trusting lol

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There's absolutely nothing wrong with being safe. She's right; he could cheat in the future. It may not be romantic to think about it, but better to be unromantic than to have an incurable disease.

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Originally Posted by subaru88 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Not gonna lie its kinda hard for me to see your side. I can understand if you think oral is gross or you just wanna make sure that he doesn't have an std before having sex but in my opinion your already thinking hes going to cheat at some point thinking like this. Idk maybe im just a little to innocent and trusting lol

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I understand, and that's fine. I don't think he's done anything wrong now or plans to do anything wrong....but then again I don't think most people plan on cheating and wrecking their relationship. That's where my caution comes in.

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Originally Posted by quietandshy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I understand, and that's fine. I don't think he's done anything wrong now or plans to do anything wrong....but then again I don't think most people plan on cheating and wrecking their relationship. That's where my caution comes in.

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Guess your right. Hopefully no one plans to cheat!!

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

They don't routinely test for ALL STDs when you go for testing. In fact, the most common ones (herpes and HPV) aren't normally tested for in the absence of symptoms.

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So they still don't test for herpes and HPV even when you go into the doctor and specifically ask to be tested for STDs?

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Originally Posted by subaru88 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So they still don't test for herpes and HPV even when you go into the doctor and specifically ask to be tested for STDs?

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Not unless you have symptoms or specifically ASK for these tests. So much of the population has them, it isn't worth the expense, and men in particular are often asymptomatic, especially with HPV. But they can still transmit.