moving too quickly?

hi,
so i'm an 18yr old undergrad and recently started to date this grad student, who's 9yrs older, international from China, pretty conservative, shy, etc. in my lab after a couple of lunch and dinner dates. yesterday, we went on another dinner date and then we ended up going back to his place and having sex. it was my first time but actually i found out later that he assumed that i had done it before (because of some cultural differences and other stuff). he also didn't have condoms (because he said he never used to use them with his ex-girlfriend back in China...) and i forgot to ask about it until after the first time we had sex because i was being retarded or something.
i felt a bit pressured into it, because he just came onto me really quickly and he wanted to do it over and over throughout the night... i asked about the condoms thing... and he sorta stopped but then he did it again and i sorta let him because i figured i'd have to deal with unprotected sex in the morning anyways (again.. possibly a stupid decision).
all in all... i used to have no doubts that he was NOT using me just for sex. right now... i'm a bit doubtful that maybe he actually is... but then again. my gut instinct tells me that he's not because stuff he says and other stuff he does really shows that he cares for me.... and i just don't know.
any advice?

my first advice is go and get tested straight away, and dont have any more unprotected sex. second piece of advice, SLOW DOWN! you don't have to rush things and if he does then he may not be worth it. If he really cares then he will respect your decision.

omg my parents found out about this.... through means that are just such an invasion of privacy....
and they're making a HUGE deal. my mom drove up to my dorm today (like 5hr drive...) to talk to me and yell at me in person... and i'm getting kicked out of my house for the summer.... and i just don't know how to deal with this right now....

I am sorry to hear that your parents are not allowing you to come home this summer. But you are 18 years old now. I think it is time that you and your parents have a long sitdown conversation about you being sexually active. And then have another one about practicing safe sex.

Your parents found out about this - how exactly? Did you tell them?

she did mention some sort of invasion of privacy

yeah.... they went onto my computer at home on which passwords to social networking sites/emails were saved... and saw conversations between my friends and i. =(

my dad just doesn't wanna see/talk to me right now... and my mom is just furious that i had sex with a guy i didn't know for that long and so quickly after we started dating....
my credit cards got shut down.... they're not picking me up from school.... i'm not allowed to stay in my house over the summer.... isn't that just a bit too much???

I'd say that you got f*cked...in more ways than one.

Rule #1: Never tell anyone about anything except for under the veil of anonymity.

YOUR credit cards are getting shut down? How so? If they're yours, then you've got control of them. If they're your parents', then they're not yours.

*Waaaaaahhhh* You're 18 and having to be an adult! *boo hoo*

I loathe over-privileged brats. They takin' "your" car away too?

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Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

YOUR credit cards are getting shut down? How so? If they're yours, then you've got control of them. If they're your parents', then they're not yours.

*Waaaaaahhhh* You're 18 and having to be an adult! *boo hoo*

I loathe over-privileged brats. They takin' "your" car away too?

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i must agree. when I was 18 i had my own credit cards and had to work.

wow... that's a really unfair accusation.

i am not overprivileged brat.... just because i have credit cards that are not technically mine (they do have my name on them but are under my parents' account) doesn't mean that i'm overprivileged or a brat.

did i complain that i now have no money??? no... i'm merely complaining that they're overreacting to this whole situation. why should they take away a privilege i've enjoyed since middle school just because i had unprotected sex once.... and it's not like they found out through any justifiable means....

fyi.... i work through college. i pay for my tuition. and my living expenses. ok, so i don't have my own credit cards. i must be an overprivileged brat. obviously

You can't find out if he's using you for sex right now. You technically could, but if he isn't you could really hurt him for accusing him. It sounds like he really wanted to have sex with you, but that's how most guys work. He might really care about you and you don't want to lose out on that. On the other hand he might be using you and has a potential to hurt you. But you chose to date him, and you chose this roller coaster ride, nobody said it's going to be a white picket fence relationship. It never happens that way.

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Originally Posted by zoomx3 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

wow... that's a really unfair accusation.

i am not overprivileged brat.... just because i have credit cards that are not technically mine (they do have my name on them but are under my parents' account) doesn't mean that i'm overprivileged or a brat.

did i complain that i now have no money??? no... i'm merely complaining that they're overreacting to this whole situation. why should they take away a privilege i've enjoyed since middle school just because i had unprotected sex once.... and it's not like they found out through any justifiable means....

fyi.... i work through college. i pay for my tuition. and my living expenses. ok, so i don't have my own credit cards. i must be an overprivileged brat. obviously

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Ceritus paribus, you should not have to justify your class standing to the Marxist swine amongst us.

You were unfortunate in your sexual indiscretion in the sense that pater and mater discovered it, but your class standing has nada to do with it and your attackers are out of line.

And your misfortunate story, incidentally, served me well...it reminded me to have an STI test after doing the gf sans prophylactic the other day (i.e., skin on skin). A mistake, of course, but it seemed to go that way. Truthfully, didn't enjoy it. Reverse cowboy with my arms crossed staring up at her with a set jaw and no expression, saying "I'm going to cum now." And later, saying, "You know, I'm not really much a sexual person. Perhaps we ought not do that again."

Anyway, in my drunken state...thanks for reminding me to get tested.

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Originally Posted by FudgeSociety [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You can't find out if he's using you for sex right now. You technically could, but if he isn't you could really hurt him for accusing him. It sounds like he really wanted to have sex with you, but that's how most guys work. He might really care about you and you don't want to lose out on that. On the other hand he might be using you and has a potential to hurt you. But you chose to date him, and you chose this roller coaster ride, nobody said it's going to be a white picket fence relationship. It never happens that way.

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Interesting thoughts. Might I say (inebriated) that your LF nickname "FudgeSociety" sounds like it could be the name of a gay rights interest group. No offense...I'm just curious how you came up with it. Maybe this is just the non-PC stupor.

IF you are an independent adult (you pay all your bills, you live in your own place, you drive a car that you bought yourself) then you can ignore your parents. Because your sex life is none of their business.

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

IF you are an independent adult (you pay all your bills, you live in your own place, you drive a car that you bought yourself) then you can ignore your parents. Because your sex life is none of their business.

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This. This too. If you are as old as you say, then tell your mom to take a hike. What's she gonna do? Call the cops? Oh yeah wait, you're of legal age. Sorry mom, bye bye.

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Originally Posted by CAM [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Interesting thoughts. Might I say (inebriated) that your LF nickname "FudgeSociety" sounds like it could be the name of a gay rights interest group. No offense...I'm just curious how you came up with it. Maybe this is just the non-PC stupor.

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For you and anybody else wondering. I live in the United States and I am very disgusted with how our society is being run. So I said "****society" on a forum a while back. The F word wordfiltered to fudge. So my typing error and my obscene vocabulary motivated my username for everything.

No matter how much you love someone NEVER EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX.
if 6 months has passed, go get tested right away. make it your priority.
if it hasn't been six months, don't have sex with anyone else yet, protected or unprotected.

the other advise, WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T.
you are doubting his sincerity, then don't do it. you already make mistakes even when you are sure, how much more when you are not sure.

you're young. you will meet many more people and go through many other experiences. don't get hang up on this one.

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Originally Posted by FudgeSociety [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

For you and anybody else wondering. I live in the United States and I am very disgusted with how our society is being run. So I said "****society" on a forum a while back. The F word wordfiltered to fudge. So my typing error and my obscene vocabulary motivated my username for everything.

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My choices are sometimes hypocritical (sexual choices). That's my chief fault. The fact that in the last ten years, I have made three bad choices who happen to be called gf's...for that I say mea culpa. But, I am human and while I would like to learn from mistakes...believe me, if I knew how to find women who were better for me, I would. I just don't where they exist or why they aren't interested in me.

Those issues aside--I needed to point out my contribution to our crappy society--I would wholeheartedly agree with you about the nature of our society.

For godsake, can we not just calm down and try to support this young girl at least morally.

yes at 18 she is an adult, but just....and she's come here for advice not for judgemental comments on her actions and life...

Listen OP, you've ****ed up with your choirce of a first partner, you also ****ed up by not telling him it was your first time...anyway...the harm is done already and now you are having to face the consequences.

It feels as if you did not think beforehand and just threw yourself in problems and then even more problems.

And even now you are more preoccupied about whether your parents are overreacting or not...

Your parents are disappointed and they are rightly so...everyone wants their daughter to at least try to experience their first time with someone special or accountable...now you spending the night with a guy even you don't know...

so it's your time to grow up...you're probably going to have it shit for a while now...but in a way you need a big wake up call to reality...

A word of warning with the best intentions:

your affair with this young man won't probably last...be prepared.
you need to be tested
you need to be more assertive in these matters or otherwise abstain
you need to start being financially independent from your parents if you make choices they would not agree with

Everyone has to grow up sometime...

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Originally Posted by CAM [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

And your misfortunate story, incidentally, served me well...it reminded me to have an STI test after doing the gf sans prophylactic the other day (i.e., skin on skin). A mistake, of course, but it seemed to go that way. Truthfully, didn't enjoy it. Reverse cowboy with my arms crossed staring up at her with a set jaw and no expression, saying "I'm going to cum now." And later, saying, "You know, I'm not really much a sexual person. Perhaps we ought not do that again."

Anyway, in my drunken state...thanks for reminding me to get tested.

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Blablabla...

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Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Blablabla...

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