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Hey I have been dating this girl for like a month. She is perfect so far, except she smokes weed. I really dont know how often but if i ask her if she has smoked she will tell me. However she wont tell me beforehand. That is the only thing i find unattractive about her. Should I stick it out and wait for it to pass if it does? She is 22. Or should i wait a little longer and bring it up to her that it bothers me?
I would ask now because any small problem, will only grow.
Shes a grown women. What right do you have to tell her how to behave? Im sure there's some dumb ass habits you have she doesnt find attractive? Shes not right for you.....Leave her before she tell you to **** Off! :) Who knows....maybe she likes you enough to quit.
You need to bring it up. If it's kind of getting to you then you definately have to bring it up or it will fester and cause friction. Talk about your long term plans: are you looking for something that will evolve into marriage? children? is this a habit that you don't want to be in your lives when you have children? The answers to these questions will give you a direction. If you guys aren't anywhere near marriage/kids, then you will probably be able to look past it.
I suspect there is more to it though. Maybe you have other feelings going on, and the weed thing is just one of those little things that help you surface feelings from different roots? Maybe you just feel like this "isn't right", or that "something is wrong". Is she smoking with other guys?
Bring it up and talk about it with her.
If there is something i have learned. It is not to get seriously involved with someone, that has something about them you would like to change. You need to be with somebody you would be happy to be with as they are in the present. Not hoping one day they will do this, stop that etc. It just is a cause for big expectations that probably wont be met. That usually leads to failure.
Great advice!Quote:
Originally Posted by JadenMia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I have never understood why smokers and non smokers get together. It doesn't make sense to me.
If she's not mentioning to you when she has smoked unless you ask is a hint that it is quite a habit. When you ask does she always say yes? If she has quite a habit she really won't appreciate you judging her on it and probably will tell you to rack off if you try to make her stop.
I think it is best to cut your losses now if you have a problem with her smoking.
There will always be something you don't like about your [hypothetical] girlfriend, whether it's smoking pot or her raunchy farts that wake you up in the middle of the night. Some things can be changed, others can't. You can't expect someone to change themselves for you. They have to do it for themselves.
If I were you, I'd confront her now. Rotten eggs are best thrown out early.
Bring it up with her. Its just like being with someone who smokes or drinkes excessively if you dont agree with it. You either have to ask her to give it up, tell her you will support her, break up with her or just put up with it. Good luck. Although I have tried it once or twice it is not the sort of thing you want to get addicted to. Ive seen what it can do to people.
Greetings,
So you say you really "like" this girl, but she smokes weed and it's quite a turn off for you. There are two things you can do in this situtaion. The most obvious thing you can do, Peepster, is talk to her about your dislike for her habit. Communication is a MUST. If you feel this way then you MUST tell her. Keeping it in and waiting for it to pass will just let the issue linger and everyone knows that problems left unattended eventually rise to the surface and can cause some major complications. I ask you, how is it okay for you to sacrifice your happiness in a relationship for hers. Relationships are about the self portion. If she works on her part and you work on yours then all parts of the relationship function perfectly together. Part of your responsibility is to make sure she is happy and this is the same for her part also. So if you are not happy about this YOU MUST TELL HER.
I can't say how she will react this. If she's twenty two, I assume she will act as if you are over reacting and try to convince you to see her side of things. You should not back down because this is something you feel will hurt your relationship in the long run. If her illicit drug use continues to be a problem for you then you should present her with an untimatum. It's you or the weed! This brings me to my second thing for you to do. Dump the girl and find someone who has all the qualities you liked in her, but without the weed. If she refuses to stop after you clearly display your dislike for this, then she doesn't care about you, your feelings, or the relationship. I mean seriously, if she cant compromise in this tiny matter, how will compromise look in the relationship later? There will be none Peepster unless its you and that means you will be the only one sacrificing. Not Good. So nip this in the bud A.S.A.P, no letting it pass. Truth is, you seem like a really nice guy Peepster so I am sure the one you are looking for is out there and drug free too. Good Luck!
i guess i would find out more about her habit, if she smokes everyday then get rid of her. i know first hand what marijuana withdraw does to people and its not good.
also make sure she doesnt take any other drugs, people that smoke marijuana often try others, once again i know first hand.
like someone has said she might like you enough to actually want to quit. be carefull about asking her you dont want to be pushy or it could start WW3
Yeah, Mary J. can be a gateway drug, but usually not - it's usually just foolish college kids looking to experiment a little bit. It's considered a low-risk drug, and frankly, you're wrong about withdrawal. Most people wouldn't have any withdrawal symptoms - those only start up with really heavy long term use.
I'll reiterate, it's never a good idea to try and coerce someone into changing themselves for you.
Actually Doppel, here in Aus. troubles withdrawing from pot are actually quite common. I have discussed this with people from a few different countries, and there is something extra wacky about our wacky tobaccy. It could also be the fact that here in Aus it is common to smoke it with tobacco mixed through.
Common withdrawal symptoms include
- anxiety
- inability to sleep
- loss of appetite
- cold sweats
- irritability
- intense dreams
I've never heard of anything like that before. And my brother is a convicted dealer.
doppel my bro was a dealer too, alls im going to say is its a banned substance in most countries for a reason. its not banned because it does nothing to you what so ever. think about it
Thanks! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by surfhb [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And about pot, yes most people find it very hard to quit. It becomes a habit and some habits are hard to kick. My partner smokes it, all day, everyday. It doesnt really bother me as he acts no different when he is high. Just my usual man, but there is something about never being completely sober that i find disturbing. Whenever i have asked him to slow down or think about quitting, not for my benefit but his own. He says he would love to, but simply cannot quit. He gets agitated, stressed and the night usually ends in a bong toke... lol
I think people have a right to do what they want and i never judge. But weed i think is something that definitely messes with your head.
You've been together for just one month yet you want to change her. She will probably tell you to **** right off
You need to end it asap. If you have a problem with her smoking the sticky then you should find someone who doesn't. I made the mistake of dating someone who didn't like me smoking weed.........so I stopped smoking. I wasn't addicted, it was college, it was fun, didn't interfere with my life at all.......hell good times all around, but she had a problem with it and I liked her so I figured, well weed isn't more important than my feelings for her right? Looking back on that now, it wasn't about the weed, it was about her not accepting me the way I was, I had to change myself to be accepted by her. That as well as other things, all while I accepted her for who she was. I bet this chick likes you just the way you are huh? Sucks you can't do the same, but yeah end it and be honest about why you're ending it with it.