I need to tell him I need a few months break as friends

dated a guy for 5 months. fell in love with him. he wasnt exclusive i was. he propositioned a friend of mine. I reacted hugely and avoided him for months, despite his texting and calling.

we made up we slept together (am trying to keep this brief!) we saw each other as friends and didnt sleep together.

TONIGHT we met up slept together (lot of emotions and was good but for him dont know if there was feelings) then we went to a concert and saw a friend of mine and hung out with him.

I love him. when i got back i took him off facebook because there is a girl he likes on there. am a bit drunk but know i cant take that, she had posted tonight things, i just i am too jealous, i cant deal. he just called i didnt answer its 1 in the morning

basically i have an urge and i need to tell him i have too much feelings and i need not to see him for a while and that i am sorry for facebook but i am too jealous.

HE IS PROBABLY HURT THAT I TOK HIM OFF FACEBOOK JUST AFTER A REALLY NICE NIGHT.

i am a mes and doing this all wrong but i need help thank you

Are you a troll or just stuuuupid?

You keep doing the same bloody thing with this guy, regretting it and then coming to this forum and asking for advice that you've already gotten at least three times now on the same subject but have thus far ignored to do what you always do.

Go get some therapy. You keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results which is a sure sign of insanity. You are too dumb to be able to have a decent conversation with a man who you'll open your legs for but you're too afraid to talk to.

Grow up or shut up. I have no patience for people who don't listen and keep crying over the same crap.

wakeup - i dont sleep with anyone. i never have one night stands or casual sex. it is the first time something has been so unclear. ok so i mess up with him, i feel weak when it comes to him. to be honest the advice i got last time was sooooooo contradictory. there were people saying yes send him a message, there were people saying walk away, and there were people saying go with your instinct.

i am in therapy. this is not a bad guy. he is nice and decent to me and it is confusing from where i am.

ps are you a troll? was a bit harsh don't you think?? i am quite a fragile person and that was pretty hurtful

You have to take your own life into your own hands and you know that this man does not know what you want because you ignore him and then beg to see him and then you screw him and then you delete him. You never have a conversatiion with him about you and him. That is your problem. If you're too dumb to figure that out then you should lock yourself up and don't date until you learn to have the strength to go after what you want and disregard those that won't or don't want to give you what you want.

WTF is the point in tormenting yourself with this guy if all you do after you are with him is come to this board and act like a troll who is here to get attention and nothing more.

Where on earth is your therapist leading you on this? I hope you are capable of being open and honest about what you're feeling with your therapist at least because if you can't be open with him/her then you're just wasting your time and money.

Grow up and TALK to this man. Find out if he feels the same way you do and if he doens't then delete, block and ignore him then. Let us know how it goes after you've done something other than ****, cry or drink.

very harsh wakeup, but your post all the same affected me in a positive way.

the update is that we spoke on the phone this morning, i told him i deleted him from facebook because i was a bit drunk and got jealous and that was all i said.

but just now i sent him a message that i can not sleep with him anymore or be friends at the moment and explained why. (it is not a case of asking if he wants more before i say this, because i know all he wants or ever wanted was sex and friendship not a relationship) so yeah i didn't do it face to face or on the phone but i HAVE said something.

now i am going to move on. focus on my work and the future. i so needed to say something and i was terrified. i know i acted like an idiot throughout this whole thing with this guy. I reread my post of last night and it is awful. live and learn i guess.

What you did (with the message to him) is better than what you've been doing so I'm glad I was harsh enough to wake you up to what you needed to do before you drove yourself nuts. Now that you've told him what was on your mind, you need to be strong because if you revert back to being casual sex partners after saying you don't want to do that then you will teach him that your word means nothing and all he has to do is call you and you'll spread em. Not good if you want him to respect you in the future. I suppose if he does actually want more (as you do) he will let you know.

Common sense clearly shows that you should not keep up casual conversation with him until you can do so without longing to be with him because continuing on in a non-committed hooked-on-the-sex kinda way will steal your joy completely and set you back badly in your therapy.

Congratulations on taking back your own personal power... with time you'll be glad you did. I wish you well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You have to take your own life into your own hands and you know that this man does not know what you want because you ignore him and then beg to see him and then you screw him and then you delete him. You never have a conversatiion with him about you and him. That is your problem. If you're too dumb to figure that out then you should lock yourself up and don't date until you learn to have the strength to go after what you want and disregard those that won't or don't want to give you what you want.

WTF is the point in tormenting yourself with this guy if all you do after you are with him is come to this board and act like a troll who is here to get attention and nothing more.

Where on earth is your therapist leading you on this? I hope you are capable of being open and honest about what you're feeling with your therapist at least because if you can't be open with him/her then you're just wasting your time and money.

Grow up and TALK to this man. Find out if he feels the same way you do and if he doens't then delete, block and ignore him then. Let us know how it goes after you've done something other than ****, cry or drink.

---

Wakeup beat me to it. I say this over and over and over and over and over. You must communicate. There is no such thing as telepathy. If you want something, say so. If you want to be exclusive, say so. If you don't want to sleep with him unless you're exclusive, say so. Passive aggressive crap hoping he'll do what you want just guarantees your needs will never be met.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedbelle3 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

very harsh wakeup, but your post all the same affected me in a positive way.

the update is that we spoke on the phone this morning, i told him i deleted him from facebook because i was a bit drunk and got jealous and that was all i said.

but just now i sent him a message that i can not sleep with him anymore or be friends at the moment and explained why. (it is not a case of asking if he wants more before i say this, because i know all he wants or ever wanted was sex and friendship not a relationship) so yeah i didn't do it face to face or on the phone but i HAVE said something.

now i am going to move on. focus on my work and the future. i so needed to say something and i was terrified. i know i acted like an idiot throughout this whole thing with this guy. I reread my post of last night and it is awful. live and learn i guess.

---

Do you know that because you asked him, or because that's what you assumed?

Actually i really do have to thank you wakeup. honestly, it was directly you that made me gets the guts to do it. And trust me its been about a month of anguish and bullshit. My first message to him made me feel so much saner. he actually responded, so there was 3 messages in all, his response and then my last reply. it was constructive everything we said. i was so tempted to put little jokes in there, smiley faces etc but i didnt i just stuck to the truth, my feelings and was completely clear i need to move on.

wake up - never again we will be casual sex partners. learned my lesson, it just took a hell of a long time. there is only one thing that scares me really, because it has already happened between him and i several times.... is that i will get texts from him , say in a few weeks time, and the fact of ignoring those texts will translate to him as being aggressive or hurtful. he is basically at the point where he is fine being my friend and wants to be my friend. so, even though i was very clear (i was very clear!) that i can not do friendship for a while until my romantic feelings have gone, i think he is going to forget this/ not respect this. but hey just writing that i realized i can always just text back 'i still can not be friends at the moment but i wish you well' or something like that. by the way if anyone has a suggestion about what to do about facebook i would very much welcome it. we are 'friends' on facebook as i re'added him this morning before i kind of snapped and realised i needed to communicate with him my feelings and that i need to move on. do i delete him? i was thinking of just never looking at his facebook? i find it sad that after the fact that we have cleared the air so well and had such a refreshing exchange, that i would do something that could be seen as agressive. then again maybe it definately should be done. anyway thats a tiny problem compared to the problem i had. thank you so much, wake up. really truly.

just on a side note, i think he is relieved i said something. he is single but i am pretty sure he really likes someone.

so, from now on, no casual sex situations with him or anyone. think i am going to have a few months from dating and thinking about men too. have been neglecting my creative projects. want to
concentrate on friendships, family and hobbies.

heartisaching - no he made it clear many times (verbally) that he did not want me for a serious girlfriend and that he did not want an exclusive relationship

then get rid of him, my gosh!

ps. he just sent me this message - i thought he would wait a few weeks before sending me a message like this.
message : I know that your right about everything, and still I feel a little sad this evening…. it will pass ...... I wish you happiness and you really deserve it. See you soon. kiss

do i now need to tell him to stop contacting me? why does he not respect what we said? or is this just a nice thing to say and i do not respond that is OK?? wake-up, if your reading,
any advice on this appreciated a lot because you have followed the story and i dont know what to do about him contacting me. it is the only thing i am having a hard time with now.
i wont sleep with him again, i am never going to cave and send him ''i miss you'' texts, i am going to be really good and strong. I am moving on 100%. but ignoring his messages or replying just seems like a continuation
of something. dont know what to do. it was the only thing i was scared of. him sending me 'friend' messages, and how to handle that.

heartisaching - ps there was emotional involvement on his part, it wasn't emotionless for him. i don't think it was a clear cut case of casual sex with a girl he had no feelings for.

id tell him either you wanna date me or not, hes contacting you cuz he does like you.

actually wake up you answered whether i should react to his friendly contacts when you said this -
Common sense clearly shows that you should not keep up casual conversation with him until you can do so without longing to be with him

I suggest you recommend him to some girl friends you can trust to give him back when you are in a better mood. The guy may appreciate it and be more willing to be a better friend for you.

Quote:

---

thank you so much, wake up. really truly.

---

You're welcome. Good for you for seeing what you needed to see.

Quote:

---

actually wake up you answered whether i should react to his friendly contacts when you said this -
Common sense clearly shows that you should not keep up casual conversation with him until you can do so without longing to be with him

---

Absolutely. Good luck, be strong and don't drink and text/email/phone. It will be a set back for you and you will have all the pain once again if you cave.

I'm sure he was fond of you after all we have to at least like who we are having sex with. That NEVER means they want to be tied down though. I find it rather shitty of some of the men who try to convince you to remain active platonic friends when it's obvious that when romantic feelings are involved it's too painful to continue on in that manner... ignore those posts.

Cheers.

Exactly; and, if you feel the need to get drunk and text somebody who you can count on to keep it platonic (as long as we are not in the same vicinity) you can always text me and include a cute picture of you being yourself; i won't mind because i have been practicing not judging women by the clothes they don't wear on the internet. So, i can practice not judging you and you can still get your texting fix.

^^^^ That would be the kind of post I recommend you ignore. :)

While I am serious, it may not be very cost effective for you if you are from out of State; so don't feel obligated unless you can convince some local (to me) girl friends to test my resolve concerning my attitude and character regarding that issue.

Quote:

---

Actually i really do have to thank you wakeup. honestly, it was directly you that made me gets the guts to do it.

---

Confusedbelle,
Knowing you learned something new which will be positive for you is the best compliment any of us could get. I hate to see people doing the same self-destructive thing over and over. It's painful for some of us. It's like watching a car crash and not being able to stop it. I've done my share, but I can see clearly now where my relationships are concerned.