I think I might be falling for a girl I shouldn't be falling for.

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15-10-11, 03:36 PM
Bobtropolis

I think I might be falling for a girl I shouldn't be falling for.

Hi people. I hope this isn't a judgmental place because I need serious advice. I can't rely on friends or family because of the delicacy of the situation. Whew... okay here goes:

I met this girl last year in college. She's funny and beautiful. Her smile is like a sunrise. She melts me. It's awful and great.

She has a boyfriend. Dating 3 months though so I assume it isn't terribly serious. Plus she sometimes talks about how certain behaviors of his bother her.

At first we were just friends in class. Then we exchanged numbers. Then we went out with mutual friends. Then .. this week we went out alone, to a bar. We got kind of drunk and went back to her place. Nothing happened. Well... we talked but nothing physical. She teases me flirtatiously and I, her. The looks she gives me out of nowhere look like "I want you to want me." It kills me.

Last night we almost kissed, I swear. It was close.

Under normal circumstances it'd be cool. I'd be thrilled. Things are looking up.

Here's the first problem: I have a girlfriend, well... fiancee. We've been living together for over 5 years and I haven't let her know I'm hanging out with another girl.

Problem two: This new girl is almost 8 years younger than me. I'm 29, she's 21. It's a bit off.

I don't what to do. Logically I should just stop contact with this new girl and forget she existed. Problem with that is that the more I try the harder it gets. I've been painting pictures of her, writing songs about her. I think about her day and night. This girl is driving me crazy, and I don't even KNOW FOR SURE that she likes me like I like her. If I tell her she might bolt. What should I do?

Also my fiance has picked up on me being away from home at odd hours (I lie as to my location) and she's getting clingy. She wasn't clingy before. She's been asking me incessantly "Do you still love me?" "What's gotten into you?" and I can't tell her that I'm completely messed up in my head. I'm so confused. It's 2:30 in the morning now and all I can do is listen to sad music and yearn. I'm a mess.
16-10-11, 01:18 AM
tremolo

It's pretty obvious that you're going to have to choose between your fiancee and this other girl. What you're doing to your fiancee is pretty shitty, if you ask me. But then, maybe you should take this as a sign that you're not meant to be with her. Clearly, the fiancee is a safe bet and you will risk quite a lot if you were to pursue things with this other woman. But if you're an honorable, standup guy, you won't try to have your cake and eat it too. You need to a make a decision and make it quickly. And I might just point out that it would be extremely shitty of you to feel out the situation with the other girl any further before you make that decision.

For the future - this is why it's not a great idea to spend time one-on-one with someone of the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship. There is always the potential for you to develop feelings for that person and **** up your life by becoming confused, as you presently are.
16-10-11, 06:16 AM
searock

Break up with your fiancee.

Then you can start thinking about anything else.
16-10-11, 09:37 AM
Phoenix23

See where she stands, what she feels. If she's not interested, then you can let it go. If she is, then you can consider who you'd rather be with.
If you never felt that way about your finance, then maybe she's not the one for you. I can't really judge.
16-10-11, 09:44 AM
HeartIsAching

Break up with your fiancee.

Put yourself in her shoes... what if she were hanging out with some other guy, getting drunk and "almost kissing" him?
16-10-11, 10:12 AM
nerdlover

well y dont u try to remember what it was like when u and ur fiance first got together..... you always love the beginning of a relationship and the feeling u feel for this girl wont be the same 5 years later...also she is just teasing you girls like attention....i know i am one.....but i would never ever!!!!! cheat on my boyfriend let alone get involved with someone while i was with him.... just plz for the sake of ur fiance remember y u love her in the 1st place before u make a decison but u will have to choose
20-10-11, 02:31 PM
Bobtropolis

Well I went over the deep end. We held hands in lecture and when I was having a casual conversation later with another classmate, I mentioned my fiancee and he said "Oh that chick you were holding hands and whispering with?" and it sobered me up. Time to s*** or get off the pot. I think at this point she likes me not just in a joking/teasing way. She was giving me THE most strong bedroom eyes yesterday at the bar. We smoked up and layed in the grass on campus, holding hands and joked about stuff, talked about stuff. We kind of agreed that this is crazy, us both being in relationships and all. Awkward after that. We haven't spoken. It's hard to "get over" someone in this situation.

Also my fiancee went through my phone and now she's (rightly so) pissed off. She doesn't have any ... evidence ... but she was mad at the sheer number of my texts with this girl over my texts with her. She openly forbade me from having contact with her anymore and I don't know what to do. I'm so torn.

When my fiancee and I first started going out, things were great but we were younger. I was 23 and she was 21. Over the years she's finished college and almost finished master's school. She's in a stressful job and we have a house. Our lives are more complicated and we have less time to love eachother like we used to. I've taken to going back to some of my old hobbies/mannerisms from when I was 23, like wearing my lip ring, and dressing like a punk. I took up the guitar again. I hadn't thought of it but looking at myself objectively I am trying to become younger. It's really sad, but it's working. I've been really happy and feeling less stressed.

Another big thing recently is that about the beginning of this semester was when my anti-depressants started kicking in, which has OPENED MY EYES and made me realize how depressed I was for years and years. This coincided with reconnecting with the cute "Ramona Flowers"-esque girl from college. Bad timing, bad decisions made, and the true sign of ignorance -- I'm not stopping after realizing my error. I can't seem to help it. As much as I try and fight this feeling I can't seem to. I can't even really distract myself. I think I'm really falling in. Superficial or circumstantial or whathaveyou, it feels the same.
20-10-11, 02:37 PM
aylie

i think you just miss that feeling u get when u first like someone and the fact that shes taken and u are too makes u want her even more and
this girl is young 21. i know its just a fun thing to do.. im 19 and guy im seeing is 27 he even tells me its a turn on that im younger than him
either way.. you should make up your mind and be honest to your fiancee she def doesnt deserve that.
20-10-11, 02:46 PM
Bobtropolis

I know she doesn't. She's a great person. I'm honestly not trying to feel out the situation with new girl, I just can't stay away from her, and vise versa. The weird thing is it's not even a sex thing. I haven't even considered that. I just want to kiss her, just once. I'd be on cloud nine.

I gotta end things with my fiancee. This isn't going to go away. whether or not I get with new girl my fiancee deserves a better guy, and I don't think I'm willing to be that guy. Sadly.
20-10-11, 02:53 PM
aylie

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobtropolis [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know she doesn't. She's a great person. I'm honestly not trying to feel out the situation with new girl, I just can't stay away from her, and vise versa. The weird thing is it's not even a sex thing. I haven't even considered that. I just want to kiss her, just once. I'd be on cloud nine.

I gotta end things with my fiancee. This isn't going to go away. whether or not I get with new girl my fiancee deserves a better guy, and I don't think I'm willing to be that guy. Sadly.

wow thats a big decision think it out. ur in a state of lust i believe and it will fade and im afraid you might realize u messed up and shouldnt have ended things with your fiancee then again its not fair to her..
but again take a little time aand think it through
20-10-11, 03:11 PM
Bobtropolis

I am going to but the longer I take to make this decision the closer I get to making a mistake that will make me feel like a bad person for the rest of my life. Not to mention my fiancee shouldn't have that done to her. I feel like I'm being swept down a river, honestly. I'm not saying that to pull blame off myself either. It's just the sensation.
23-10-11, 06:09 AM
Bobtropolis

Went out again yesterday. Lied about it to my fiancee. We had a fancy dinner + drinks, then went to a bar and had more drinks, then smoked a ton of green, then went back to her place. We were both messed up... she opened a condom with her mouth and tongue and I said "I have to go home now."

Whew. It was the most fun night I've had in years.
23-10-11, 12:12 PM
kitty001

sounds like you love the rush more than you love your fiancee, i feel bad for her.
also, doesn't this new chick have a boyfriend of her own? do neither of you have a conscience..or spine?
grow some balls and make a decision. you realize you're cheating on your fiancee though you haven't had sex with the new girl yet..right?
23-10-11, 12:34 PM
wanderlustboy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobtropolis [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We smoked up and layed in the grass on campus, holding hands and joked about stuff, talked about stuff. We kind of agreed that this is crazy, us both being in relationships and all. Awkward after that. We haven't spoken. It's hard to "get over" someone in this situation.

When my fiancee and I first started going out, things were great but we were younger. I was 23 and she was 21. Over the years she's finished college and almost finished master's school. She's in a stressful job and we have a house. Our lives are more complicated and we have less time to love eachother like we used to. I've taken to going back to some of my old hobbies/mannerisms from when I was 23, like wearing my lip ring, and dressing like a punk. I took up the guitar again. I hadn't thought of it but looking at myself objectively I am trying to become younger. It's really sad, but it's working.

So your fiancee busts her arse at work to bring home the bacon, while you 'rediscover yourself' by smoking pot, dressing like a punk and pretending you're 20? If I were her, I would be ****ing furious.

Just four words of advice; grow the **** up. As other people have pointed out, you're supposed to be getting married soon. This is a disgraceful way to treat your fiancee, particularly as it's almost certain that you're in the friend zone with this young girl (and she herself is in a relationship!), you don't really know her that well, and so you're damaging your relationship with your fiancee over something that is illusory anyway. You label your fiancee clingy; what that is called is concern when she notices the man she intends to marry and has been with for years is teling blatant lies and spending time with extremely young women.

You have a real life and a real future with your fiancee; the fact that you're lusting after this young girl who has not given any firm indication of interest, and at the same time you are trying to claw onto the last shreds of carefree youth would suggest to me it has nothing to do with this girl, and probably an issue about being scared of commitment, or change, or any number of other things. Try to think rationally about how you'd feel if you broke it off with your fiancee, and were left with nothing because this girl doesn't leave her boyfriend. Oh, and the other four-word sentence, keep that in mind too.
23-10-11, 12:51 PM
wanderlustboy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobtropolis [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Went out again yesterday. Lied about it to my fiancee. We had a fancy dinner + drinks, then went to a bar and had more drinks, then smoked a ton of green, then went back to her place. We were both messed up... she opened a condom with her mouth and tongue and I said "I have to go home now."

Whew. It was the most fun night I've had in years.

This gets worse with new posts. You lied to someone you claim to love (well.. not to us, anyway.. but I imagine you still tell her you love her); and we're not talking about answering no to "Does my bum look big in this?". You lied to cover the fact that you are going to be catching up with a young woman for dinner and drinks, a bit of illegal drug use and a hairs breadth near miss from sexual infidelity.

And in a second post now you've indicated that you consumed an illegal drug in a public place for a second time. I don't have a problem with people discreetly using an illegal drug now and then in the privacy of their own home; I might do it once a year myself. But ffs, you're risking getting arrested and charged with a drug offence, which may (depending on your state laws) seriously affect your employment prospects in a negative way. Who will carry the can if you are convicted and unable to get a job (entirely concievable considering the level of unemployment in the US).

From your posts, it sounds like you study full-time and your SO works full-time. So are you spending the money she earns to take this girl out to dinner and buy pot? Are you really going to be so cheeky as to get up to this kind of nonsense when your fiancee is supporting you financially while you study?

Perhaps if you treated your fiancee every now and then to the kind of night you mentioned, rather than lying to her and lavishing attention on a nobody who will be nothing to you a year from now, you wouldn't feel the need to look elsewhere? Or is it as I originally guessed (and you tacitly admitted), it has less to do with this girl and more to do with living a fantasy about how old you are and what your responsibilities and the expectations of you are.

Very simple advice here, and I don't think you can really disagree; man up, take responsibility for choices you have already made (that you are in a committed relationship), and cut off contact with the girl. Then you can take an honest look at your relationship with your fiance; if it really is not meant to be, you can end it having behaved in an honourable fashion. The alternative is to act like an utter prick and humiliate the woman who has devoted years of her life to you so you can pursue this selfish and unhealthy Dylan-esque fantasy relationship with a complete non-entity; don't be surprised if the buyer's remorse is literally more than you are able to bear if you choose the latter.

wlboy
24-10-11, 04:36 AM
MynameisJesus

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobtropolis [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi people. I hope this isn't a judgmental place because I need serious advice. I can't rely on friends or family because of the delicacy of the situation. Whew... okay here goes:

I met this girl last year in college. She's funny and beautiful. Her smile is like a sunrise. She melts me. It's awful and great.

She has a boyfriend. Dating 3 months though so I assume it isn't terribly serious. Plus she sometimes talks about how certain behaviors of his bother her.

At first we were just friends in class. Then we exchanged numbers. Then we went out with mutual friends. Then .. this week we went out alone, to a bar. We got kind of drunk and went back to her place. Nothing happened. Well... we talked but nothing physical. She teases me flirtatiously and I, her. The looks she gives me out of nowhere look like "I want you to want me." It kills me.

Last night we almost kissed, I swear. It was close.

Under normal circumstances it'd be cool. I'd be thrilled. Things are looking up.

Here's the first problem: I have a girlfriend, well... fiancee. We've been living together for over 5 years and I haven't let her know I'm hanging out with another girl.

Problem two: This new girl is almost 8 years younger than me. I'm 29, she's 21. It's a bit off.

I don't what to do. Logically I should just stop contact with this new girl and forget she existed. Problem with that is that the more I try the harder it gets. I've been painting pictures of her, writing songs about her. I think about her day and night. This girl is driving me crazy, and I don't even KNOW FOR SURE that she likes me like I like her. If I tell her she might bolt. What should I do?

Also my fiance has picked up on me being away from home at odd hours (I lie as to my location) and she's getting clingy. She wasn't clingy before. She's been asking me incessantly "Do you still love me?" "What's gotten into you?" and I can't tell her that I'm completely messed up in my head. I'm so confused. It's 2:30 in the morning now and all I can do is listen to sad music and yearn. I'm a mess.

Like the legendary smackie9 once said:
" If it doesn't feel right, it's not right"

My cousin was in your situation too. Identically the same other than the fact she's a female. There was this older guy, but he was married and had kids.
Him and her were in a long relationship all this time.
They went out just like you and her, but it escalated multiple times and she ended up having sex with him consistently.
She is not a natural cheater but she found it too heartbreaking to tell her boyfriend. They were about to get married just like you.

After one year of consistent cheating, her boyfriend found out via someone else. And I can tell you he was three times as brokenhearted as he he would be if she had told him right away.
You can not just erase this other girl from your mind.
I have ZERO relationship experience, but I believe that honesty always leads to happiness in the end.
Please don't lie to your girlfriend. She shouldn't be a second choice
24-10-11, 04:41 AM
MynameisJesus

Quote:

Originally Posted by tremolo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

For the future - this is why it's not a great idea to spend time one-on-one with someone of the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship. There is always the potential for you to develop feelings for that person and **** up your life by becoming confused, as you presently are.

I find this very intriguing. Many people say this but isn't life a road with ups and downs, joy and happiness, where you just meet new people on the road?
Shutting down all contacts with the opposite gender to avoid this situation sounds like a very painful solution to me.
As if you know it's going to happen and try to anticipate on it.

If it wasn't meant to be, it just wasn't meant to be?
24-10-11, 08:07 AM
IndiReloaded

1. Break off with your fiancee.

2. Tell this girl you like her. Seriously, you need to either be laughed off or **** her and get it out of your system.

3. Focus on school. Clearly you are late going, why would you be focussed on anything else?

4. GROW UP.

Hope this helps.
24-10-11, 04:58 PM
Bobtropolis

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I do need to grow up and stop acting like a tool. I'm gonna tell this girl we're quits and try and forget she ever happened.
24-10-11, 11:29 PM
Miss_winter

Wow.

I just got dumped by my partner after 3,5 years of living together. The situation was similar with yours. Only, it was her who cheated on me with a married woman (i'm a lesbian, by the way). At first, i didn't want to comment on this post as it's so painful to hear your story. But i will try to share my thoughts without being judgemental.

Before you go any further with the younger girl, you need to talk to your fiancee on the issues you two might have. Maybe you're unhappy with her (or vice versa - we don't know). Give your real relationship a chance. Try to make it work first before you decide to leave her for good. You are engaged, for crying out loud. And besides, what do you expect from this younger girl? She's also in a relationship. I pretty much believe this saying "if she'll do it with you, she'll do it to you". Let's say, she also break it off with her boyfriend just to be with you (if you're lucky) but once the sensation wears off, she might fool around with another guy. Just like what she's doing now to his current boyfriend. And you might have missed one of the best things in your life, your fiancee.

So before you make foolish decision (out of lust), you need to take some time off from this younger girl. Focus on trying to save your relationship first. You may think that by breaking up with your fiancee, you are doing her a favor. Well, you are not. You will break her heart into pieces. If you think you shouldn't have done this to her, then don't. Stop it now before it's too late.
25-10-11, 12:40 AM
Leona77

Oh great!!! I think that you and ''I don't know if I like her yeat, but I love her'' should smokE 1 00000 tons of marihuana, get married IN vEGAS and then both continue cheating to each other with whoever comes along that can open a condom with their mouth! Seriously???? Do your fience a favour and set her free form you so that she can have a decent man instead!
You and your 'candy girl' so deserve each other- both immature cheaters! Get a grip!
oh, btw...I am noy judging, just saving some innocent people!
25-10-11, 12:48 AM
MynameisJesus

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leona77 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh great!!! I think that you and ''I don't know if I like her yeat, but I love her'' should smokE 1 00000 tons of marihuana, get married IN vEGAS and then both continue cheating to each other with whoever comes along that can open a condom with their mouth! Seriously???? Do your fience a favour and set her free form you so that she can have a decent man instead!
You and your 'candy girl' so deserve each other- both immature cheaters! Get a grip!
oh, btw...I am noy judging, just saving some innocent people!

are you on something?
25-10-11, 12:54 AM
Leona77

Quote:

Originally Posted by MynameisJesus [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

are you on something?

Yes, on common sense!

p.s.
oh, and PMS, too ;)
25-10-11, 12:55 AM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by MynameisJesus [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

are you on something?

I think she's on TO something. That was great! :D
25-10-11, 07:21 AM
Bobtropolis

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leona77 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh great!!! I think that you and ''I don't know if I like her yeat, but I love her'' should smokE 1 00000 tons of marihuana, get married IN vEGAS and then both continue cheating to each other with whoever comes along that can open a condom with their mouth! Seriously???? Do your fience a favour and set her free form you so that she can have a decent man instead!
You and your 'candy girl' so deserve each other- both immature cheaters! Get a grip!
oh, btw...I am noy judging, just saving some innocent people!

That doesn't sound too bad. Sometimes I don't think I'm mature enough for my fiancee. I kind of want to go mess around and have a good time. Sometimes. But it's dumb, so I won't.
25-10-11, 10:21 PM
MynameisJesus

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leona77 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes, on common sense!

p.s.
oh, and PMS, too ;)

I respect every opinion Leona, but I don't get it at all.
Why is OP not a decent man? Because he admits that he is developing feelings for a younger girl while being close to marriage?
Is that a crime? Is it even unlikely to happen?
In fact the majority of couples that are close to marriage get in these spots. Because it is a huge step to take.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless you both hide in your room for the rest of your life to avoid any social contact with the opposite gender so there is no threat for your relationship. Congratulations

Denying these feelings or even calling somebody indecent because of it goes totally beyond me.

The average indecent man you describe, would not even mention this issue on a forum.
He would get married to a rich woman, cheat on her consistently and not even take time to open a thread about it on a forum
25-10-11, 10:44 PM
devonbrown

You have to deal with your fiance and your relationship with her on its own terms. Forget about the other girl and decide if you want to be with your fiance. The thing of it is, if there are problems in your relationship, you need to deal with those. Otherwise there will be other girls and other issues in the future. Plus, it is only fair to your fiance.

If you break up with her BECAUSE of the other girl, then when things don't work out with the other girl, you will doubt if you made the riht decision, try to get back with your fiance, etc. It will just be a mess.

Good luck.
26-10-11, 12:43 AM
Leona77

Dear YournameisJesus,

…Just when I started to get Bobtropolis to come to his senses ( if that’s possible at all) now I have to deal with you, too!!!

Quote:

I met this girl last year in college. She's funny and beautiful. Her smile is like a sunrise. She melts me. It's awful and great.

Well, if this is ALL Bobtroplis thought/felt, than I’d say it’s pretty likely to happen to anyone & if the person is mature and in a committed relationship they should RUN THE OTHER WAY as fast as they can in order to avoid possible emotianal & physical affair.
That would be a decent thing to do.

An INDECENT MAN (with a streak of guilty conscience & hope that not all faith in him is lost if only he manages to put all his wrongs right) will do the following:

PUT HIS THOUGHT INTO ACTION, WHILST KNOWINGLY HIDING IT FROM HIS FIANCE

Quote:

Then we exchanged numbers.Then we went out with mutual friends. Then .. this week we went out alone, to a bar. We got kind of drunk and went back to her place. Nothing happened. Well... we talked but nothing physical. She teases me flirtatiously and I, her. The looks she gives me out of nowhere look like "I want you to want me." It kills me.
Last night we almost kissed, I swear. It was close.

LYING TO HIS FIANCE:

Quote:

Here's the first problem: I have a girlfriend, well... fiancee. We've been living together for over 5 years and I haven't let her know I'm hanging out with another girl.

FALLING FOR A CHEATER WITHOUT EVEN KNOWHING IF HE LIKES HER, WHILST RISKING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP AND RISKING TO HURT THE CLOSEST PERSON TO HIM:

Quote:

This girl is driving me crazy, and I don't even KNOW FOR SURE that she likes me like I like her. If I tell her she might bolt. What should I do?

LYINT TO HIS FIANCE REPEATEDLY AND ACTIVELY:

Quote:

Also my fiance has picked up on me being away from home at odd hours (I lie as to my location) and she's getting clingy. She wasn't clingy before. She's been asking me incessantly "Do you still love me?" "What's gotten into you?" and I can't tell her that I'm completely messed up in my head. I'm so confused. It's 2:30 in the morning now and all I can do is listen to sad music and yearn. I'm a mess.

ACTIONING ON HIS FEELINGS-ACTUALLY PURSUING DEEPER EMOTINAL AND PHYSUCAL AFFAIR BY HOLDING HANDS ( unless you hold hands with you male friends for hours while you smoke weed)

Quote:

Well I went over the deep end. We held hands in lecture. I think at this point she likes me not just in a joking/teasing way. She was giving me THE most strong bedroom eyes yesterday at the bar. We smoked up and layed in the grass on campus, holding hands and joked about stuff, talked about stuff. We kind of agreed that this is crazy, us both being in relationships and all. Awkward after that. We haven't spoken. It's hard to "get over" someone in this situation.

HE GOT CAUGHT!!!! WHAT’S NEXT?
TRYING TO JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS TO HIMSELF, THIS FORUM & PROBABLY TO HIS FIANCE BY PULLING OUT ALL KINDS OF EXCUSES FROM UNDER THE TABLE (GUILTY CONSCIENCE ANYONE?)JUST WHO EXACTLY ARE YOU TRYING TO PERSUADE?:

Quote:

Also my fiancee went through my phone and now she's (rightly so) pissed off. She doesn't have any ... evidence ... but she was mad at the sheer number of my texts with this girl over my texts with her. She openly forbade me from having contact with her anymore and I don't know what to do. I'm so torn.

When my fiancee and I first started going out, things were great but we were younger. I was 23 and she was 21. Over the years she's finished college and almost finished master's school. She's in a stressful job and we have a house. Our lives are more complicated and we have less time to love eachother like we used to. I've taken to going back to some of my old hobbies/mannerisms from when I was 23, like wearing my lip ring, and dressing like a punk. I took up the guitar again. I hadn't thought of it but looking at myself objectively I am trying to become younger. It's really sad, but it's working. I've been really happy and feeling less stressed.

Another big thing recently is that about the beginning of this semester was when my anti-depressants started kicking in, which has OPENED MY EYES and made me realize how depressed I was for years and years. This coincided with reconnecting with the cute "Ramona Flowers"-esque girl from college. Bad timing, bad decisions made, and the true sign of ignorance -- I'm not stopping after realizing my error. I can't seem to help it. As much as I try and fight this feeling I can't seem to. I can't even really distract myself. I think I'm really falling in. Superficial or circumstantial or whathaveyou, it feels the same.

AND JUST WHEN WE ALL ‘’ALMOST’’ FELL FOR HIS EXCUSES, WHAT DOES HE DO???
CHEAT TO HIS FIANCE YET AGAIN:

Quote:

Went out again yesterday. Lied about it to my fiancee. We had a fancy dinner + drinks, then went to a bar and had more drinks, then smoked a ton of green, then went back to her place. We were both messed up... she opened a condom with her mouth and tongue and I said "I have to go home now."

Whew. It was the most fun night I've had in years.

So, dear My nameisJesus, if you can’t see what’s wrong with this behaviour, I suggest you go for a threesom with Bobtroplis and the ‘condom-mouth-girl’’. But, please make sure she can impress you by pulling out her diaphragm out of her va –JJ with a cork-opener because surely she must be more capable to be able to handle two guys (oh, maybe three including her poor boyfriend)….

I do agree on one point with you, though. His relationship is in trouble. But one has to sort out that trouble WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP, not by'' I-want-to-stick-my-tongue-in-her-condom-opening-mouth'' kind of approach.

Sp, Bobtropolis. You've made a lot of mistakes. One good thing is that you still have time to do the right thing. I hope you would have figured out what I mean by that.

Note: the post has ironic & sarcastic tone to prove the point. Nothing personal  I appreciate everyone’s opinion, too.

p.s. and MynameisJesus, please don't try to justify his actions just because there is someone worse out there by saying:
''The average indecent man you describe, would not even mention this issue on a forum.
He would get married to a rich woman, cheat on her consistently and not even take time to open a thread about it on a forum ''
There is a THIRD option, you know. The kind of man that has actually and would actually NOT CHEAT to his girlfriend/wife/fiance.
26-10-11, 01:39 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

Why is OP not a decent man?

Because if he had relationship and personal boundaries in place he would distance himself from her and not do things that emotionally connect himself to her even more. Decent people have conviction and personal boundaries that they won't cross or let others (like young weed lovers) to cross. Had he not been doing one-on-one date-like hangouts with her, (a personal boundary would have not allowed him in his conviction and) he wouldn't be having an emotional affair with this girl. Men (people) who have no personal or relationship boundaries in place make very poor monogamous partners for the most part because they have no convictions, they don't understand loyalty and they are easily tempted.

Quote:

Because he admits that he is developing feelings for a younger girl while being close to marriage?

No, because of the reasons already stated by Leona and now myself.

Quote:

Is that a crime?

it used to be at one point. Now it is just a shame and usually causes great loss of joy for the person(s) who have to experience the emotional disconnect of someone who once saved those feelings for them and promised to forsake all others.
26-10-11, 02:24 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leona77 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dear YournameisJesus,

…Just when I started to get Bobtropolis to come to his senses ( if that’s possible at all) now I have to deal with you, too!!!

Well, if this is ALL Bobtroplis thought/felt, than I’d say it’s pretty likely to happen to anyone & if the person is mature and in a committed relationship they should RUN THE OTHER WAY as fast as they can in order to avoid possible emotianal & physical affair.
That would be a decent thing to do.

An INDECENT MAN (with a streak of guilty conscience & hope that not all faith in him is lost if only he manages to put all his wrongs right) will do the following:

PUT HIS THOUGHT INTO ACTION, WHILST KNOWINGLY HIDING IT FROM HIS FIANCE

LYING TO HIS FIANCE:

FALLING FOR A CHEATER WITHOUT EVEN KNOWHING IF HE LIKES HER, WHILST RISKING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP AND RISKING TO HURT THE CLOSEST PERSON TO HIM:

LYINT TO HIS FIANCE REPEATEDLY AND ACTIVELY:

ACTIONING ON HIS FEELINGS-ACTUALLY PURSUING DEEPER EMOTINAL AND PHYSUCAL AFFAIR BY HOLDING HANDS ( unless you hold hands with you male friends for hours while you smoke weed)

HE GOT CAUGHT!!!! WHAT’S NEXT?
TRYING TO JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS TO HIMSELF, THIS FORUM & PROBABLY TO HIS FIANCE BY PULLING OUT ALL KINDS OF EXCUSES FROM UNDER THE TABLE (GUILTY CONSCIENCE ANYONE?)JUST WHO EXACTLY ARE YOU TRYING TO PERSUADE?:

AND JUST WHEN WE ALL ‘’ALMOST’’ FELL FOR HIS EXCUSES, WHAT DOES HE DO???
CHEAT TO HIS FIANCE YET AGAIN:

So, dear My nameisJesus, if you can’t see what’s wrong with this behaviour, I suggest you go for a threesom with Bobtroplis and the ‘condom-mouth-girl’’. But, please make sure she can impress you by pulling out her diaphragm out of her va –JJ with a cork-opener because surely she must be more capable to be able to handle two guys (oh, maybe three including her poor boyfriend)….

I do agree on one point with you, though. His relationship is in trouble. But one has to sort out that trouble WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP, not by'' I-want-to-stick-my-tongue-in-her-condom-opening-mouth'' kind of approach.

Sp, Bobtropolis. You've made a lot of mistakes. One good thing is that you still have time to do the right thing. I hope you would have figured out what I mean by that.

Note: the post has ironic & sarcastic tone to prove the point. Nothing personal  I appreciate everyone’s opinion, too.

p.s. and MynameisJesus, please don't try to justify his actions just because there is someone worse out there by saying:
''The average indecent man you describe, would not even mention this issue on a forum.
He would get married to a rich woman, cheat on her consistently and not even take time to open a thread about it on a forum ''
There is a THIRD option, you know. The kind of man that has actually and would actually NOT CHEAT to his girlfriend/wife/fiance.

You dont have to "deal" with anyone here, Leona. Are you insane? You sound it.

Note: CAPS SOUND LIKE SHOUTING. ITS BAD TEXTING ETIQUETTE.
26-10-11, 02:25 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobtropolis [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi people. I hope this isn't a judgmental place because I need serious advice. I can't rely on friends or family because of the delicacy of the situation. Whew... okay here goes:

Bob, as you can see there are definitely judgemental folk here. We aren't all insane. I'm at work, but I will post something later.
26-10-11, 02:36 AM
Leona77

Quote:

You dont have to "deal" with anyone here, Leona. .

I know I don't have to, I do it for the same reason you do it. To state my opinion. I use irony to make it stronger.

Quote:

Are you insane? You sound it

Yes, and my other ''self'' wrote the previous post, so ignore all that cr*p from that crazy bi**h... :)

Quote:

Note: CAPS SOUND LIKE SHOUTING. ITS BAD TEXTING ETIQUETTE.

I forgot about that, my apologies, I was not shouting, just trying to emphasize. How do you use emphasize certain sentences to make them stand out? I think I might need computer skills course :(

btw, thanks for ''dealing'' with my post, even though you didn't have to. I find it very flattering :)...while at work, too! Very, very flattering indeed
26-10-11, 02:37 AM
IndiReloaded

I'm avoiding work. Obviously.
26-10-11, 02:46 AM
Leona77

Obviously.. :P

I hope that you do realize I was joking when i said

Quote:

Yes, and my other ''self'' wrote the previous post, so ignore all that cr*p from that crazy bi**h...

and that I am 100% behind the contents (not caps lock) of what I wrote...
26-10-11, 02:46 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by MynameisJesus [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I find this very intriguing. Many people say this but isn't life a road with ups and downs, joy and happiness, where you just meet new people on the road?
Shutting down all contacts with the opposite gender to avoid this situation sounds like a very painful solution to me.
As if you know it's going to happen and try to anticipate on it.

If it wasn't meant to be, it just wasn't meant to be?

I don't think Trem meant that one has to shut down all contact with the opposite gender. Just avoid date-like actions without one's SO other present. We're only human and putting one's self in the position of possible balling up a really good relationship doesn't make sense to some of us. There are many people out ther who had no intentions of falling vulnerable to their opposite sex friend but while bonding just that thing happened.. Even though they still love(ed) their SO.

How many threads have we read where men and women want to hide what they are doing because they still actually love and want to be with their SO but they've found themselves in the same predicament as Op?
26-10-11, 02:59 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leona77 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Obviously.. :P

I hope that you do realize I was joking when i said and that I am 100% behind the contents (not caps lock) of what I wrote...

I hope you do realize that if you are happy sounding insane, I really don't care. Shrug. :lol:
26-10-11, 05:38 AM
MynameisJesus

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leona77 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, dear My nameisJesus, if you can't see what's wrong with this behaviour, I suggest you go for a threesom with Bobtroplis and the condom-mouth-girl.

You quoted a lot of stuff from earlier posts I hadn't read. There was nothing about holding hands in the original post and not about his fiance reading through his texts and telling him to avoid contact.
The way you quote and phrase it, it's boundary crossing indeed. But I assume you don't know much about all circumstances so maybe it's a bit out of line to portray her as some whore. It's not like there was penetration or even nudity or intimacy somewhere. Maybe she doesn't know about OP being about to get married. Maybe she has already dumped her guy.

Maybe maybe maybe

You sound like a genuine person. Send me a PM if you can impress me by pulling your diaphragm out of your va-JJ with a cork-opener. It would be a fantastic experience for me to lose my V card