What's this guy's deal? Why did he lose interest right away?

I met a guy who works at a restaurant. It was last year and I noticed he acted like he liked me. He smiled a lot and acted shy. Once he was suppose to hand me a drink but he just stood there smiling at me and his friend who worked with him laughed and handed it to me instead. His friend always acts like he knows something too. So I had not been there for about 6 months and a couple months ago I went back. I saw him again and he seemed really happy to see me. He said he remembered me and that I had not been there in awhile. It wasn't like I was a regular who saw him a lot. But he remembered me anyway. So since then we have talked a little here and there whenever I would go there. He always acted happy to see me and said hi to me a lot, even twice in one visit.

He had learned my name from my mom but then the next time I went in he asked me what my name was again and said his name again. I told him I remembered his name and I think he could tell I was kinda sad he forgot my name. Maybe he did or maybe he was nervous or wanted to make sure he had it right. So long story short I end up giving him my number after he said we should hang out. He acted like he really wanted to hang out with me, he even said I should come by on one of his breaks. That was two weeks ago. We've only texted a few times. At first he seemed interested in his texts. He texted me that day and said he was happy I came in that day. But he always has long periods of time between answering me. I know he could be busy and I do that too. But he also just kinda drops the conversation and I don't hear from him anymore. I did not hear from him for over a week after I gave him my number so I texted him and we talked a little and then I kinda suggested seeing a movie and he asked me if I wanted to go see this one movie and I said it looked good. Then he never texted me back. The reason this is so confusing is because the way he acts in person is like he really really likes me and we did not talk enough through text for me to say something to turn him off. So what's his deal? Why does it seem like I am the only one trying to communicate? He doesnt seem like a player at all, he actually seems kinda dorky and shy. So should I just move on? Is he not interested anymore? He said he works a lot but I know that when I really like someone I make an effort. Even just a "Hey, how are you?". The people he works with all act like they know he likes me. I want to say "What did I do?" but I know I didn't do anything wrong. So is he just weird and changed his mind just like that?

Be confident and call him out on it. Just say "Hey I thought you were into me, so what's up? Don't you want to go out sometime? or are you just pulling my chain? ;-)

yeah id say the same thing either man up or not. not you i mean him. anytime i see a girl sugesting things i know shes liking sum1. unless he is seeing sum1 else or has a bf named pablo.

Yeah, sometimes I feel like saying that but then I feel like I'd sound needy or a jerk. I feel like just not texting him again. I already gave the effort and it should be his turn to do the same. If he never texts me again and I see him at his work it might be awkward but I'll just act fine. If he brings it up I'll be honest and say "Well, you never texted me." My sister said she thinks he might be forgetful but I'm not sure. He did forget my name(maybe) and he also could not remember if he broke something I had lent him. I know he knew he broke it but he said "I'm not sure if I broke it, do you remember if it was broken before?" I knew it wasn't but I acted like I didn't remember and I didn't get mad. But the way it was broken suggests he would have known he did it. So it's rude that he can't just say "I'm sorry I broke it". Also, the fact that he remembered me from 6 months ago and also remembered what I ordered a month ago says that he probably doesn't have a bad memory. So I kinda feel like he's weird, maybe he wants something but then when he has it he just loses interest.

Did you actually say "yes" when he asked you to the movie or just provide a vague response?

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did you actually say "yes" when he asked you to the movie or just provide a vague response?

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I actually have thought about that and it's kinda tricky. The conversation went something like this

me: Have you seen that movie the dictator? I've been wanting to go see it.

Him: no, not yet. You wanna see that Adam Sandler movie?

me: that looks good. probably better than his last movie.

Then nothing. He never texted me after that. I wasn't sure if he was asking me if I wanted to go see it with him or just in general. I wasn't sure because of the way he had been acting, he hadn't been acting like he wanted to hang out and I think I have been making it obvious that I want to get to know him. So I don't know what to do except put the ball in his court. If he was asking me to go with him, my reply wasn't a rejection. If I was him I would have kept the conversation going and maybe say "We should go".

yeah, this guy sounds pretty weird. i would do what others have suggested...just ask him straight out if he was serious about wanting to go out sometime. get it out in the open so that he can't keep dragging you along. if he doesn't respond or goes back to being all weird again, i'd just move onto the next guy.

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Originally Posted by RdHrshyKss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yeah, this guy sounds pretty weird. i would do what others have suggested...just ask him straight out if he was serious about wanting to go out sometime. get it out in the open so that he can't keep dragging you along. if he doesn't respond or goes back to being all weird again, i'd just move onto the next guy.

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Do you think it's weird that when I gave him my number and he was putting it in his phone he asked me what my last name was and where I live? I was a little shocked he asked me and kinda bluntly. Then about an hour later he texted me and asked how to spell my first name.

Who said a guy have to be the one to ask for a bloody date? It's not the 1950's, women want equality? well here is your opportunity. Just ask him out yourself!

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Who said a guy have to be the one to ask for a bloody date? It's not the 1950's, women want equality? well here is your opportunity. Just ask him out yourself!

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Obviously I was doing that, but then he dropped the conversation.

What part of that conversation did you say "hey, I would like to go see a movies with you. How about this Saturday?"

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Originally Posted by greentea11 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If he brings it up I'll be honest and say "Well, you never texted me."

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Nope, don't ever EVER say that to a guy =) Don't act like you were waiting on him! That's a turn-off.

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Originally Posted by greentea11 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My sister said she thinks he might be forgetful but I'm not sure. He did forget my name(maybe) and he also could not remember if he broke something I had lent him. I know he knew he broke it but he said "I'm not sure if I broke it, do you remember if it was broken before?" I knew it wasn't but I acted like I didn't remember and I didn't get mad. But the way it was broken suggests he would have known he did it. So it's rude that he can't just say "I'm sorry I broke it". Also, the fact that he remembered me from 6 months ago and also remembered what I ordered a month ago says that he probably doesn't have a bad memory. So I kinda feel like he's weird, maybe he wants something but then when he has it he just loses interest.

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Not dating yet and already having issues about him not admitting his fault? Hah! Walk away. NOW.

Why do you like him anyway? He is "dorky" and the only reason you seem to be into him, is because he seemed to be interested in you in the first place. And you may find it flattering that people think he's interested in you but I think this could be something that actually bothers him and embarasses him; no one likes their feelings (or lack thereof) made fun of, or ambiguously displayed for them. Yup, third party opinions will always exert an influence on anyone, especially a dork. But then again that could be all wrong, I don't know these people.

Nevertheless, next time, if/when you guys text again, YOU should be the one to drop the conversation just like that, because you're a busy gal who has better things to do than just sit there and wait for him to man up. This is a golden rule when it comes to texting a new guy and it makes him remember you.

And since you say this guy is the shy/dorky kind, maybe he's just really lazy when it comes to dating and not used to asking girls out. In that case, do what everybody here suggested you to do: be blunt and ask him out. He's the idiot if he acts all interested in you and then backs out for no apparent reason once he has a shot with you!

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What part of that conversation did you say "hey, I would like to go see a movies with you. How about this Saturday?"

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I was getting there. I started the conversation and it was obvious I was wanting to go with him.

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Originally Posted by celestina [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Nope, don't ever EVER say that to a guy =) Don't act like you were waiting on him! That's a turn-off.



Not dating yet and already having issues about him not admitting his fault? Hah! Walk away. NOW.

Why do you like him anyway? He is "dorky" and the only reason you seem to be into him, is because he seemed to be interested in you in the first place. And you may find it flattering that people think he's interested in you but I think this could be something that actually bothers him and embarasses him; no one likes their feelings (or lack thereof) made fun of, or ambiguously displayed for them. Yup, third party opinions will always exert an influence on anyone, especially a dork. But then again that could be all wrong, I don't know these people.

Nevertheless, next time, if/when you guys text again, YOU should be the one to drop the conversation just like that, because you're a busy gal who has better things to do than just sit there and wait for him to man up. This is a golden rule when it comes to texting a new guy and it makes him remember you.

And since you say this guy is the shy/dorky kind, maybe he's just really lazy when it comes to dating and not used to asking girls out. In that case, do what everybody here suggested you to do: be blunt and ask him out. He's the idiot if he acts all interested in you and then backs out for no apparent reason once he has a shot with you!

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I would only say that if he asks what happened. Then I would be honest and say "I texted you a couple times, but you never really texted me back." I do like him. I'm not the type who just dates anyone. I think he seems like a very nice person. I'm into sweet guys, so he is my type. But rudeness is not my thing, I hate how people are rude to each other through computers or phones because they feel they can get away with it. So it bothers me that he didn't remember he broke something and then it bothers me that he drops conversations. I only brought up his dorkiness to say that I don't think he is the type to be a player and maybe that would explain his aloofness. I would describe myself as shy and dorky. I don't think his friends are teasing him because it seems like he told them himself. Actually once I ran into him at a store. It was right after I saw him at his work. This was before we ever talked, it was last year. I saw him across the store looking at me and then he told his friend who was standing next to him something because the guy looked over at me. His friends never act jerky, I think they just smile at me more because they know we like each other. I think they seem happy for him and they approve. They seem pretty mature about it. Also, he said stuff in front of them so I don't think he's afraid of them hearing or wants to keep it a secret. Maybe I'll wait awhile and see if I feel like texting him again. I just don't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't think I'm that special. I thought he seemed special, so it should be an equal interest. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who is just being with me to kill time. Life is too short to give anything to someone like that.

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Originally Posted by greentea11 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I was getting there. I started the conversation and it was obvious I was wanting to go with him.

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Possibly it was the tone of your response that seemed put off-ish. "that looks good. probably better than his last movie."

He may would have responded better to: "Oh Adam Sandler is so funny! I would totally be into seeing that with you....Saturday is good for me or what night is better for you?" <3

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Possibly it was the tone of your response that seemed put off-ish. "that looks good. probably better than his last movie."

He may would have responded better to: "Oh Adam Sandler is so funny! I would totally be into seeing that with you....Saturday is good for me or what night is better for you?" <3

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Yeah, well he said something like that about the music I liked, which seemed kinda rude to me. I wasn't asking him if he liked it. So I don't think I was being rude because he never said Adam Sandler was his favorite. Everyone is hard on Adam Sandler these days, I was basically saying what I've heard everyone else say. But anyways, if we do talk again I'll try to keep the conversation going long enough to ask him out, that is if he responds to my texts.

Look if you want a guy to be interested in you have to butter him up a bit. You have to be up beat and positive in your responses. With shy or uncertain guys you have to make the suggestions on when and what is going to happen. You have to puff up their ego a bit too. If you don't want to make that effort or feel you shouldn't have to, then write him off.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Look if you want a guy to be interested in you have to butter him up a bit. You have to be up beat and positive in your responses. With shy or uncertain guys you have to make the suggestions on when and what is going to happen. You have to puff up their ego a bit too. If you don't want to make that effort or feel you shouldn't have to, then write him off.

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Yeah that doesn't sound very promising. I'm too old for that, been there before. If a guy has to be convinced that he should like me, there is probably a lack of interest. Life is too short for games. I'm the type of person who knows what they want, that's one reason I don't date a lot. So if he's not sure he wants to get to know me then we have a problem because I was sure I wanted to get to know him. I'd rather just go on living and if I meet someone who knows what they want then that's great. In person he seemed very interested and he was shy but not shy enough to ask me to hang out or say things that hinted he was interested. So I'm not sure why he has no interest in talking to me and through text! I'm not even trying to call him. If he can't talk through text, that says a lot.

Thanks for the advice. :)

I don't think you did anything "wrong". He just sounds a bit socially retarded, and to be honest, I think you would have liked him a lot more had he worked up the balls to ask YOU out, rather than the reverse.

Just forget about him, at least until he is ready to man up.

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Originally Posted by greentea11 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah that doesn't sound very promising. I'm too old for that, been there before. If a guy has to be convinced that he should like me, there is probably a lack of interest. Life is too short for games. I'm the type of person who knows what they want, that's one reason I don't date a lot. So if he's not sure he wants to get to know me then we have a problem because I was sure I wanted to get to know him. I'd rather just go on living and if I meet someone who knows what they want then that's great. In person he seemed very interested and he was shy but not shy enough to ask me to hang out or say things that hinted he was interested. So I'm not sure why he has no interest in talking to me and through text! I'm not even trying to call him. If he can't talk through text, that says a lot.

Thanks for the advice. :)

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I don't think it's a matter of can't text, it a matter of not being able to "communicate" properly. That is a red flag.


I don't think you did anything wrong either, just giving you strategy ideas on how to deal with situation like this if you decide to take it further into your own hands, but if you feel this is too much work, then there you have it, you already come to the conclusion that this guy is a dud even before you came here. This guy has been disappointing, then why worry about his issues. Analyzing stuff like this is futile really. For me I go by: If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Drop it and move on....their loss.

Well, things have actually done a 180. I texted him sunday and again he dropped the conversation into the third text. So monday I was frustrated and my sister said to just ask him out and see what happens. So I texted him and he replied two hours later and said he was at an amusement park. I think he was with his family. Well, we talked for about ten minutes and he was really talkative and flirty. The conversation went really well and he wanted to go with me to the movies saturday. He said he would text me when he finds out what time he works saturday. So hopefully he texts me today being that it's friday already. If he texts me tomorrow, that's kinda bad. But now you see what I mean? He's so confusing!

is it just me, or have other girls encountered oddness like this from guys who work in the restaurant business? back when i was single, i was talking to a guy for a few weeks. he happened to be a waitor also and i felt like he was extremely flaky at some points but really flirty/talkative in others. he had to reschedule a date with me twice because of his work schedule. is working in the food business that hectic and crazy? or are these guys just playing games?

Being flirty is part of the job, just like for bartenders etc. Better tips, repeat business, that's what it's all about. It's pretty much an act...performing.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Being flirty is part of the job, just like for bartenders etc. Better tips, repeat business, that's what it's all about. It's pretty much an act...performing.

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I wonder if thats what OP has.

I know what you mean about waiters being flirty, some of them try a little too hard. I hate it when the good looking guys who are waiters get too close for comfort because they assume everyone thinks they are hot. I think with this guy that I'm having the problem with he wasn't trying to get tips, he wanted to hang out with me. My sister said she saw him since all of this has happened and she said he was quiet and wasn't flirty. So I think he was interested but now I don't know. We had a great conversation on the phone monday and he really was flirty and wanted to hang out. He said he would let me know when he was going to work saturday so we would know what time to go see the movie. My sister was all happy for me and said "see all you had to do was ask him." and I said "Yeah, well we'll see if he even texts me later." I had a feeling he would blow me off again and he did. That is just plain rude. I don't know what his problem is really. When we were talking I did find out he is about 5 years younger than me and that bothered me. I thought he was older. I asked him "how old did you think I was?" because he asked me that too and I said I thought he was maybe a couple years younger than me. He could tell it bothered me when I found out he was younger, I kinda muttered "oh no" and he said what's wrong with that? I didn't tell him I wished he was older but I did say "You probably thought I was your age" and he said "Well, it's okay". He really seemed fine with it, more than me actually. Then he wanted to know if I really wanted to hang out as if he forgot I had asked him. So I don't get what happened. He even teased me and said "So you like the younger guys huh?" and I said "I didn't know you were that young". So is he just weird and rude then? How can he go from being someone who remembers me after 6 months and acts all excited to someone who just blows me off all the time and acts like it never happened?

Why do you even bother talking to him anymore? He said he would call you and let you know what time he got off work and he didn't.. he blew you off which is disrespectful and rude. That is enough information about him that tells you that he's not interested. Just because someone flirts with you it doesn't mean they are interested in anything more than the art of flirting. His actions are telling you that he's an arrogant asshole who doesn't have the decency to call and tell you he can't make it. If he forgot to call you it tells you that he's not thinking about you in the least. That too is enough information to do the fade on him.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why do you even bother talking to him anymore? He said he would call you and let you know what time he got off work and he didn't.. he blew you off which is disrespectful and rude. That is enough information about him that tells you that he's not interested. Just because someone flirts with you it doesn't mean they are interested in anything more than the art of flirting. His actions are telling you that he's an arrogant asshole who doesn't have the decency to call and tell you he can't make it. If he forgot to call you it tells you that he's not thinking about you in the least. That too is enough information to do the fade on him.

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Yeah, I agree with you. I wasn't going to talk to him anymore. I didn't even contact him asking him anything about saturday because he said he would contact me. My sister said I should ask him but I think he should do what he says he's going to do. My gut feeling was right all along. I should have listened to it. I told my mom after I gave him my number that I thought it wasn't going to work out, I just didn't see it in my mind. But she told me I was thinking negative thoughts. I knew after he broke my cd case that it wasn't going to work. He didn't properly say sorry. I thought about if I was in his situation and I liked someone and they lent something to me I would have been so careful with it and if something did happen to it I would have felt so bad and said a million sorries. Well now I know. So if he does even contact me later I'm just going to be straight with him and say "Why are you talking to me after you blew me off?" and then I'd probably say "You should move on to someone you are actually interested in enough to be polite to."

If this guy is flaky enough those words will bounce off him and nothing will ever sink in....he has the type of personality where he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. So calling him out on it is a waste of breath.....

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If this guy is flaky enough those words will bounce off him and nothing will ever sink in....he has the type of personality where he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. So calling him out on it is a waste of breath.....

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Yeah I know he'll probably think I'm the one with the problem, but it would feel good to say it LOL

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Originally Posted by greentea11 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I met a guy who works at a restaurant. It was last year and I noticed he acted like he liked me. He smiled a lot and acted shy. Once he was suppose to hand me a drink but he just stood there smiling at me and his friend who worked with him laughed and handed it to me instead. His friend always acts like he knows something too. So I had not been there for about 6 months and a couple months ago I went back. I saw him again and he seemed really happy to see me. He said he remembered me and that I had not been there in awhile. It wasn't like I was a regular who saw him a lot. But he remembered me anyway. So since then we have talked a little here and there whenever I would go there. He always acted happy to see me and said hi to me a lot, even twice in one visit.

He had learned my name from my mom but then the next time I went in he asked me what my name was again and said his name again. I told him I remembered his name and I think he could tell I was kinda sad he forgot my name. Maybe he did or maybe he was nervous or wanted to make sure he had it right. So long story short I end up giving him my number after he said we should hang out. He acted like he really wanted to hang out with me, he even said I should come by on one of his breaks. That was two weeks ago. We've only texted a few times. At first he seemed interested in his texts. He texted me that day and said he was happy I came in that day. But he always has long periods of time between answering me. I know he could be busy and I do that too. But he also just kinda drops the conversation and I don't hear from him anymore. I did not hear from him for over a week after I gave him my number so I texted him and we talked a little and then I kinda suggested seeing a movie and he asked me if I wanted to go see this one movie and I said it looked good. Then he never texted me back. The reason this is so confusing is because the way he acts in person is like he really really likes me and we did not talk enough through text for me to say something to turn him off. So what's his deal? Why does it seem like I am the only one trying to communicate? He doesnt seem like a player at all, he actually seems kinda dorky and shy. So should I just move on? Is he not interested anymore? He said he works a lot but I know that when I really like someone I make an effort. Even just a "Hey, how are you?". The people he works with all act like they know he likes me. I want to say "What did I do?" but I know I didn't do anything wrong. So is he just weird and changed his mind just like that?

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I think your last option there is lay down your cards. But remember to play it right. You dont want to look dumb, right?

The best thing for you to do, if you think that its worth the risk is go ahead and toss the big Q! Of course if he says "oh no you get it all wrong" that would be ouchie..:) but I guess you have no choice. Or just forget about it and move on then.

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Originally Posted by jetta86s [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The best thing for you to do, if you think that its worth the risk is go ahead and toss the big Q! Of course if he says "oh no you get it all wrong" that would be ouchie..:) but I guess you have no choice. Or just forget about it and move on then.

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Well actually we ended up talking through text and he did say I had it all wrong and really does want to get to know me. So then he texted the next day and wanted to hang out but then he forgot to text me again to tell me he couldn't afterall. So I think as one person said, maybe he is "socially retarded". Maybe he is that clueless about stuff like this. So I'll give him a chance, he really does seem like a very nice person.

So you find it not worth the effort to flirt with him, butter him up, be more assertive in making the dates, but you will wait around for him while he keeps repeatedly standing you up.

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Originally Posted by greentea11 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well actually we ended up talking through text and he did say I had it all wrong and really does want to get to know me. So then he texted the next day and wanted to hang out but then he forgot to text me again to tell me he couldn't afterall. So I think as one person said, maybe he is "socially retarded". Maybe he is that clueless about stuff like this. So I'll give him a chance, he really does seem like a very nice person.

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You're very desperate or your are very naive. I've not made up my mind which one just yet.

I'll point out to you that you already "gave him a chance" when you spoke to him again after he stood you up and what did he do with that chance? He blew you off again.

Whether he's just forgetting, socially retarded or an effing player who plays you like a fiddle... the dude is NOT good news.


I'll add that this is likely the longest thread going no where that I've seen in this forum. Same thing, different day.
Give him even more chances at your own emotional peril.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'll add that this is likely the longest thread going no where that I've seen in this forum. Same thing, different day.
Give him even more chances at your own emotional peril.

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Ya I was thinking the same thing. I'm gonna go with desperate.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ya I was thinking the same thing. I'm gonna go with desperate.

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Why don't you both do the world a favor and jump off a bridge holding hands! You both are sick!

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Originally Posted by greentea11 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why don't you both do the world a favor and jump off a bridge holding hands! You both are sick!

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Darl'n it's the same thing over and over. This guy does not have enough interest in you to even care if he disrespects you so, he just keeps doing it and then you come back in and grasp at the odd poster's words who tell you what you want to hear. We're not sick. We're (at least I am) trying to tell you to take back your self-respect from this boys hands and never contact him again. If a guy is into you, he won't blow you off. He particualrilly won't blow you off a second time and he'd never forget that he was to meet up with you. Never!

Ignore him if he ever contacts you again. He must be laughing at your persistence at this point.

I suggest you read that tripe of a book "He's Just Not That Into You." Which I think is a lot of bull, mostly but in this instance the whole book applies.

Good luck, set your sights on someone else and forget about this one. Even if he is simply socially inept, would you want to go out/be with a guy who forgets you due to his ineptness? Really, think about that.