Bossy Boyfriend (long)

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half now and we're getting to that stage in the relationship where we see each others' true personalities.

He can get very obnoxious sometimes and never knows when to stop things. The only problem I really have is that he doesn't listen to me at all...if I say I don't want to do something, he makes me do it anyway. If I want him to stop doing something, he'll keep going.

Usually it's small or stupid things so I just let it go and go along with it, but sometimes it really bothers me.

For example, earlier today we were at the park. There were other people there but not too many. We were playing around and for some reason he wanted me to lift up my shirt after he found out I wasn't wearing a bra. I said no because we were in public. As always, he didn't listen and did it himself. I was really upset and embarrased. I didn't say anything about it (I'm used to just keeping it inside when he makes me mad), but I think he could see in my face that I was mad about it. He kissed me and we made up, he said he was just playing around, etc. (I even call him 'sourpatch' to my friends because he acts like a sour patch candy...first he's sour, then he's sweet).

The thing is he does stuff like that all the time. He's always telling me where to go, who to hang out with, what to wear, even what to eat. He's just very bossy and insistent. He takes me places in the middle of the night even if I'm tired as hell, insists on sex even if I'm not feeling well, and sometimes does stuff that gets me in trouble...at the end of the year for example, I ended up in a LOT of trouble because I skipped my 4th period literally 64 times because he insisted I skip with him.

I realize a large part of this is my fault too because I *never* get mad with him. I deal with conflict by avoiding it or just letting the other person have their way most of the time but it isn't working out well for me in this case. At the same t

I just think it needs to stop now before it goes too far...I'm literally afraid he'll make me do drugs with him or something (he's very into acid lately...I don't even know where he gets the stuff), since he makes me do everything else. And I'm not judging him for it, but I'd really rather stay drug free myself. Somebody's got to drive him home safely while he's tripped out high on drugs...

I really like him but being out going wherever he wants me to go and doing what he wants me to do really made my grades drop this year. I went literally from a 4.1 GPA to a 3.2 GPA and my parents don't even know what's going on (they don't like him so I make sure they don't really know about him).

How can I get him to listen to me?!

BTW, I'm not breaking up with him. My friend advised that but I can't do it. Honestly, even though he wears me out, I really love him. Otherwise I wouldn't still be with him.

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Originally Posted by Nemos [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

BTW, I'm not breaking up with him. My friend advised that but I can't do it. Honestly, even though he wears me out, I really love him. Otherwise I wouldn't still be with him.

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So let me get this straight? Youve come to this site to ask us how to get your BF to change his behavior? He wont change....so I guess the question is: How else can we help you with?

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Originally Posted by Nemos [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

(he's very into acid lately...I don't even know where he gets the stuff), since he makes me do everything else. And I'm not judging him for it, but I'd really rather stay drug free myself. Somebody's got to drive him home

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Lucky you! Such a catch you have there

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Originally Posted by Nemos [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I really like him but being out going wherever he wants me to go and doing what he wants me to do really made my grades drop this year. I went literally from a 4.1 GPA to a 3.2 GPA and my parents don't even know what's going onsafely while he's tripped out high on drugs..

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FU CK YOU! Get the FU CK off this site and come back when you become a big girl. A little harsh but I hope it drives the point home. You are a weakling....you are becoming an unmotivated loser like your BF. Seriously....grow up and re read the words you wrote and ask yourself if this is a good guy for you

No he will never listen to you and that isn't going to change, also how much older is this guy than you? There is a reason he is going out with you and it isn't because he wants to get married too you.

I know he's not going to change completely, it's just that I'd simply like to establish some basic boundaries and have him take them seriously...such as not indecently exposing me in public. Like...if your girlfriend wanted something VERY badly (in this case just the basic boundaries mentioned before), what would compell you to give it to her?

I know it seems like he's a bad guy because all I wrote about in my question were the problems, but he has good qualities as well. He can be very sweet, he's always taking me places (which is nice depending on what time of day or night it is), and a lot of the things I've done and new people I've met over the past year or so are all thanks to him. He's very protective of me and hasn't ever had any loyalty problems or anything. He's always buying me stuff and that's a plus. He has good boyfriend qualities, too, is my point. It's just the listening that's the issue. Because his plans don't always align with my other responsibilities in life.

And smoothmazz, he isn't any older than I am, we're both the same age.

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Originally Posted by Nemos [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know he's not going to change completely, it's just that I'd simply like to establish some basic boundaries and have him take them seriously...such as not indecently exposing me in public. Like...if your girlfriend wanted something VERY badly (in this case just the basic boundaries mentioned before), what would compell you to give it to her?

I know it seems like he's a bad guy because all I wrote about in my question were the problems, but he has good qualities as well. He can be very sweet, he's always taking me places (which is nice depending on what time of day or night it is), and a lot of the things I've done and new people I've met over the past year or so are all thanks to him. He's very protective of me and hasn't ever had any loyalty problems or anything. He's always buying me stuff and that's a plus. He has good boyfriend qualities, too, is my point. It's just the listening that's the issue. Because his plans don't always align with my other responsibilities in life.

And smoothmazz, he isn't any older than I am, we're both the same age.

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AGAIN....hes not going to change so how else can we help you?

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Originally Posted by Nemos [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know he's not going to change completely, it's just that I'd simply like to establish some basic boundaries and have him take them seriously...such as not indecently exposing me in public. Like...if your girlfriend wanted something VERY badly (in this case just the basic boundaries mentioned before), what would compell you to give it to her?.

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95% of the women and girls Ive ever known would have dumped this asshole for that (even the f ucked up ones) .....so whats youre problem?

This thread is laughable at this point

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Originally Posted by surfhb [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

95% of the women and girls Ive ever known would have dumped this asshole for that (even the f ucked up ones) .....so whats youre problem?

This thread is laughable at this point

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some girls just stick to the guy no matter how bad they get treated.
'hoping' the guy can treat her better but in actual fact, she is just deceiving herself ..

what nemos need to do is take the first big step.. this very first step to stay away from this guy..
then slowly take the second step to cut off all contact..
take small step at a time..

you deserve a better guy, nemos.

though there is this saying ... girl like bad boy..
unfortunately, you must face the consequences of getting hurt eventually.

sorry to say that.

nemos, ask yourself when you gonna take the first big step to resolve this issue?
sit back and think hard.

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Originally Posted by loveadmin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

some girls just stick to the guy no matter how bad they get treated.
'hoping' the guy can treat her better but in actual fact, she is just deceiving herself ..

what nemos need to do is take the first big step.. this very first step to stay away from this guy..
then slowly take the second step to cut off all contact..
take small step at a time..

you deserve a better guy, nemos.

though there is this saying ... girl like bad boy..
unfortunately, you must face the consequences of getting hurt eventually.

sorry to say that.

nemos, ask yourself when you gonna take the first big step to resolve this issue?
sit back and think hard.

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dont worry....she wont listen because she "one of those girls"

LF will never give up on nemos!

nemos, hope you get enlighten one day..

They can easily get away with that because you let them to. Sometimes it's wise to stand on your ground no matter what.:)

you have taught him that it's ok to treat you like that. Leave him or accept it. Simple.

So basically you guys are saying my only option is to break up? I want to at least see if we can work it out before doing that...maybe as a last resort I'll have to because my grades CANNOT flop next year but of course I'd like for it to not come to that. I guess I'll just see where we are by the end of the summer, hopefully a little better. I'll beg or whatever I have to do to get through to him I guess.
I should've said this earlier but thank all you guys for your advice. You've really given me perspective on it that I haven't had before.

1. He's just very bossy and insistent

2. he wanted me to lift up my shirt after he found out I wasn't wearing a bra

3. He drops acid - "I'm literally afraid he'll make me do drugs with him or something"

4. your grades are failing because of him


These are your words. Are you dense or co-dependent? What are you not seeing here?

I agree with surfhb. You need to leave him.

Reading your post was painful. Every paragraph made me cringe. It's that pathetic.

Everything you said points to your relationship being very unhealthy, possibly abusive. Yet you want to try to salvage it.

1. " We were playing around and for some reason he wanted me to lift up my shirt after he found out I wasn't wearing a bra. I said no because we were in public. As always, he didn't listen and did it himself."

I would've cracked him in the face and would never speak to him again. He's a creep.

2. "He kissed me and we made up, he said he was just playing around, etc. (I even call him 'sourpatch' to my friends because he acts like a sour patch candy...first he's sour, then he's sweet)."

The behavior reminds me of the way abusive people act. they hit their wife/girlfriend and then sweet talk them out of being mad, saying they won't do it again. And then they do it again. I know he didn't hit you but public humiliation isn't much better.

3. "The thing is he does stuff like that all the time. He's always telling me where to go, who to hang out with, what to wear, even what to eat. He's just very bossy and insistent. He takes me places in the middle of the night even if I'm tired as hell, insists on sex even if I'm not feeling well, and sometimes does stuff that gets me in trouble...at the end of the year for example, I ended up in a LOT of trouble because I skipped my 4th period literally 64 times because he insisted I skip with him."

If he's having sex with you even after you tell him you don't want to, trust me he doesn't give a **** about you. It's a shame you basially let him rape you on a regular basis. Same for the way he doesn't care that you're missing classes to please him. He isn't worth it. Nobody is! And he doesn't care how bad he screws up your life.

4. "I realize a large part of this is my fault too because I *never* get mad with him. I deal with conflict by avoiding it or just letting the other person have their way most of the time but it isn't working out well for me in this case."

People who act like that end up being doormats in my experience. unless you like following him around like a dog all the time you need to learn how to put your foot down or leave.

Sorry but you're acting like a tool. You need much better self esteem and self respect.

Nemos, either quit bitching and enjoy his treatment, or leave. If you already know you're not going to leave, then stop wasting our time with your nonsense.

Is this a joke? Are we on punk'd?

that's rude!