What do you do when you discover the importance of sexual compatibility too late?

I had never considered the issue of sexual compatibility before discovering this forum. I just figured that in my long term relationships I was bound to grow bored and uninterested after a time. Now I wonder if it's something more...

I love my husband. He and our son are the greatest things to have ever happened to me. He is my best friend and we are a great team. And to start with, things were fantastic in the bedroom. Now, it's still good, but it's not what I want, and I know he can't give me what I want. I have discovered over the years that I am a bit of a masochist. I have also discovered the things I would like to experience freak the crap out of my husband.

It's gotten to a point where I can't get aroused without fantasising about things that would make a lot of peoples skin crawl. But when the fantasy meets the reality of what my husband is and isn't willing to do it's, well, disappointing.

I'm sure I won't leave this thread up for long. This forums nasty streak is not reserved for new posters and I don't know how long I am prepared to leave myself open to criticism, even though I know there are some long memories in here....

Can't you talk to him about it and tell him to just give it a shot? Even just one shot... and if things doesn't turn out well, then that's your answer. Either he would like it when he experienced it or you won't like it when he does it badly.

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Originally Posted by uap5765 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Can't you talk to him about it and tell him to just give it a shot? Even just one shot... and if things doesn't turn out well, then that's your answer. Either he would like it when he experienced it or you won't like it when he does it badly.

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We've discussed it and I know exactly how far he is willing to go, and it makes him extremely uncomfortable when I am asking him to hurt me; which I understand completely, and that makes me love him more.

I can shift the idea out of my head, but then I find myself very rarely interested in sex. Then a series of things will happen to tweak my interest again. We'll have an active sex life for a while then I'll get bored again. It's a horrible vicious circle that is extremely unfair on my husband.

I suppose you have to decide whether the fact that your sexual needs aren't being met are enough of a reason to find that sexual pleasure elsewhere, either with the agreement of your husband, or leave your husband.

Well, you could say that by him hurting you while doing it shows that he loves you, since you're a masochist and that he's doing a favor for you. It's a weak argument though, because it's kind of a conflict for the "love" that he knows.

I think in reality, all marriages go through that vicious cycle you're talking about. Remember that you're not the only one. It's just how humans are built. I kind of read an article about how humans just can't stay "in love" or "sexually attracted" forever with the same partner. And unfortunately I can't give the link because of forum restrictions (have to get 10 posts), but then you can search: "The Anatomy of a Cheating Brain"

I also read some other studies about these chemicals in the brain, but overall, it's not an excuse for betrayal. My point is, it's NOT you're fault that you're feeling these things. Maybe your husband feels or will feel this cycle too. And although you can't stay "in love" or "sexually attracted" with same partner forever, you can however LOVE that person by caring and sticking with him for good or for bad. There's a difference between being in love and love.

This is just my opinion though. :)

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I suppose you have to decide whether the fact that your sexual needs aren't being met are enough of a reason to find that sexual pleasure elsewhere, either with the agreement of your husband, or leave your husband.

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That's what I have figured, but how the hell do you start that conversation? Darling I love you but due to the fact that you refuse to hurt me I want you to let other people hurt me? Oh and deal with the visual aftermath of me having my fun?

I don't imagine that is a conversation that would work well.... But I know they are my choices. I think I just needed it confirmed.

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Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Darling I love you but due to the fact that you refuse to hurt me I want you to let other people hurt me?

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Well, I guess it's just the same with men hiring prostitutes to satisfy their sexual desires.

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Originally Posted by uap5765 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, you could say that by him hurting you while doing it shows that he loves you, since you're a masochist and that he's doing a favor for you. It's a weak argument though, because it's kind of a conflict for the "love" that he knows.

I think in reality, all marriages go through that vicious cycle you're talking about. Remember that you're not the only one. It's just how humans are built. I kind of read an article about how humans just can't stay "in love" or "sexually attracted" forever with the same partner. And unfortunately I can't give the link because of forum restrictions (have to get 10 posts), but then you can search: "The Anatomy of a Cheating Brain"

I also read some other studies about these chemicals in the brain, but overall, it's not an excuse for betrayal. My point is, it's NOT you're fault that you're feeling these things. Maybe your husband feels or will feel this cycle too. And although you can't stay "in love" or "sexually attracted" with same partner forever, you can however LOVE that person by caring and sticking with him for good or for bad. There's a difference between being in love and love.

This is just my opinion though. :)

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Thank you for this. Knowing that this is a normal(ish) process for people to go through helps.

I do love my husband very much. This is the only problem we have ever had that I'm not sure how to improve. We go through such long dry spells I am surprised he has stuck with me all these years. We get along brilliantly and we make each other laugh. We have fun and enjoy the same taste in music. Our son is wonderful and my husband is a fantastic father. I don't see myself leaving him over this.

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Originally Posted by uap5765 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, I guess it's just the same with men hiring prostitutes to satisfy their sexual desires.

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I've considered saying "you let me do this, you can have a hooker for the night" :p

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Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've considered saying "you let me do this, you can have a hooker for the night" :p

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I'll accept that deal if I were him. Lol. :))

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Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't see myself leaving him over this.

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Then why bother having this conversation? You accept the fact that sexually your relationship is less than perfect. And get on with it.

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Then why bother having this conversation? You accept the fact that sexually your relationship is less than perfect. And get on with it.

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I don't know. I guess I was resisting settling with that idea...

Weren't you seeing a counselor? Have you brought any of this up with him/her?

Frankly, most of those types of sexual deviations stem from past abuses, particularly childhood molestation. Please note that I'm NOT judging, I've got deviations of my own, but I'm fortunate enough to have spouse that shares those deviations.

Knowing he's very reserved about this fetish, do you think you approached it with him in the wrong way?

Rather than tell him you want slapping/whips/strangulation etc, did you try to ease him into it gradually by asking him to spank your ass when doing doggy style, and over time get him comfortable with doing more and more s&m stuff?

My gf is loves being dominated in bed, tied up, spanked, hair pulled, throat grabbed that kind of thing. I'd not really experienced a sub before so it took a bit of getting used to!

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Originally Posted by steviej [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Knowing he's very reserved about this fetish, do you think you approached it with him in the wrong way?

Rather than tell him you want slapping/whips/strangulation etc, did you try to ease him into it gradually by asking him to spank your ass when doing doggy style, and over time get him comfortable with doing more and more s&m stuff?

My gf is loves being dominated in bed, tied up, spanked, hair pulled, throat grabbed that kind of thing. I'd not really experienced a sub before so it took a bit of getting used to!

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Oh he was eased and that thrilled him at first, but he just can't bring himself to do more. He's happy for me to be auto-masochistic, but knows his limits.

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Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Weren't you seeing a counselor? Have you brought any of this up with him/her?

Frankly, most of those types of sexual deviations stem from past abuses, particularly childhood molestation. Please note that I'm NOT judging, I've got deviations of my own, but I'm fortunate enough to have spouse that shares those deviations.

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I'm currently between counsellors but that is something consider.

Not that this is something I think necessarily needs fixing, just need to find a coping strategy.

I just got done dating a woman who wanted to be hurt in bed. She tried to teach me to do that sh!t, but my heart wasn't in it. I began to feel insecure and inadequate, like I wasn't man enough because I didn't like spanking, hitting, choking or calling her bitch. The woman I dated before that just expected me to know that's what she wanted. She told me she wanted to be treated that way, but wasn't patient and didn't want to teach me. I don't understand why so many women are into that nowadays. It is like they are attracted to men who are abusive. That isn't what I call loving, caring, or nurturing. I guess that is one of the purposes of dating, so you can figure this stuff out. I am put off dating now because I don't want to encounter another woman like that. I feel really sad to encounter someone incompatible and then have to start all over again with someone else.

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Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have discovered over the years that I am a bit of a masochist. I have also discovered the things I would like to experience freak the crap out of my husband. It's gotten to a point where I can't get aroused without fantasising about things that would make a lot of peoples skin crawl. But when the fantasy meets the reality of what my husband is and isn't willing to do it's, well, disappointing.

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Well Minx, how did you 'discover' them? In addition, if it's just fantasizing, a lot of the time when fantasy meets reality there's a major disappointment. Thinking about things and having them turn you on is a bit different than having them actually done to you.

That being said, your husband should explore your fantasies/desires with you. You have to realize though that inflicting pain on someone intentionally takes a borderline sociopath personality. You're kind of stepping out on thin ice is what I'm saying, when you have a family.

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Originally Posted by haxan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well Minx, how did you 'discover' them? In addition, if it's just fantasizing, a lot of the time when fantasy meets reality there's a major disappointment. Thinking about things and having them turn you on is a bit different than having them actually done to you.

That being said, your husband should explore your fantasies/desires with you. You have to realize though that inflicting pain on someone intentionally takes a borderline sociopath personality. You're kind of stepping out on thin ice is what I'm saying, when you have a family.

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I've always had a bit of thing for pain, but it was after having my little fella that I really discovered pain in bed can be a really good thing. Yes I do fantasise, though the auto masochism has really bought it home. And I am aware of the disappointment of fantasy meeting reality, I've experienced that before.

I do realise that it takes a warped type of person to want to hurt someone and enjoy it, and I know that the ideal situation to be exploring this would be single and childless. Damn not being able to have my cake and eat it to.

The true sadist tells the masochist, "No."

Your husband is a genius.

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Originally Posted by KingZ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The true sadist tells the masochist, "No."

Your husband is a genius.

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I love it!! :D

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Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Frankly, most of those types of sexual deviations stem from past abuses, particularly childhood molestation.

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Bullshit, this is just the kind of stereotype that kinky folk do not need. Most people into BDSM don't have their sexual preferences rooted in childhood trauma (including myself.) That ****ing 50 shades book just reinforces the idea in the most hideous ways. Gah!

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Originally Posted by haxan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You have to realize though that inflicting pain on someone intentionally takes a borderline sociopath personality. You're kind of stepping out on thin ice is what I'm saying, when you have a family.

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Oh for **** sake! Seriously?! The massive majority of sexual sadists aren't sociopaths, they understand the colossal importance of CONSENT. Liking to whip your sub in the bedroom isn't the same as enjoying inflicting pain on a random unwilling strager. Just as a sexual masochist doesn't enjoy stubbing their toe on a step. Context is all here.

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Originally Posted by TheCafeTerrace [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The massive majority of sexual sadists aren't sociopaths

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I didn't say they are. Playing with the pain/pleasure principle is something quite a lot of couple do I'd imagine and is quite enjoyable.

However, deriving pleasure from specifically inflicting pain and degradation, or being physically beaten and humiliated takes someone whose personality is on or over the edge. Mainstream may be mixing up the sensual sadist and masochist. But there are people in that lifestyle who will beat, brand, scar, torture others under the guise of 'pleasure', when they are truly just violent sociopaths.

I know you like to think you've been there done that. Well, I had been around that lifestyle since you were in diapers, for one reason or another. If you don't think that personality type permeates that lifestyle, dig a little deeper.

Minx just needs to understand exactly what her fantasies are, what her needs are, before she may throw the dice and explore that world. Sensual sadistic games that a lot of people enjoy to play, or if she's a serious masochist who needs to push her limits to satisfy her needs. Huge difference right there.

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Originally Posted by TheCafeTerrace [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Bullshit, this is just the kind of stereotype that kinky folk do not need. Most people into BDSM don't have their sexual preferences rooted in childhood trauma (including myself.) That ****ing 50 shades book just reinforces the idea in the most hideous ways. Gah!

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Not according to mental health experts.

I agree with whomever said that sexual interest when married is variable over time. You are someone's mother now; the time for you to have explored this side of yourself was BEFORE you made a family. You are married to a good man who loves you and most importantly, is good to your kid. Don't f-ck it all up for an orgasm, and don't make your husband feel insecure because he doesn't want to hurt you. You do not have to share every single thought that pops into your head with him, especially when those thoughts can be destabilizing to your relationship.

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He is my best friend and we are a great team. And to start with, things were fantastic in the bedroom. Now, it's still good, but it's not what I want,

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Are you saying that you have just started to want him do hurt you or is this something you've always wanted him to do but have suppressed it all these years?

I wonder because if it's something new then perhaps your meds and depression have something to do with it? I know that people who are depressed need to have a lot of emotional stimulation in order to feel ~ anything, really. So: When did this fantasy start?

I agree with HIA wherein I think you should bring this up with your therapist and get his/her guidance before you make yourself totally convinced you're sexually bored beyond the point of rekindling and need to feel pain to feel pleasure. You were "good" in bed before without this so that can certainly be recaptured if you have the knowledge to do it.

I'm not sure why people are mentioning that you should think of your son? What has one's children have to do with one's sexual preferences? Surely the two are kept completely private and separate from each other. I doubt you'll be inviting the boy to The Bondage Club. I suspect they don't have a kiddie daycare center there do they? Surely you'll not be screaming out in pain from the nipple clamps while junior is in the next room trying to sleep? Right, Minx?

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with whomever said that sexual interest when married is variable over time. You are someone's mother now; the time for you to have explored this side of yourself was BEFORE you made a family. You are married to a good man who loves you and most importantly, is good to your kid. Don't f-ck it all up for an orgasm, and don't make your husband feel insecure because he doesn't want to hurt you. You do not have to share every single thought that pops into your head with him, especially when those thoughts can be destabilizing to your relationship.

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Yeah. So there. Cunt.

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Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Not according to mental health experts.

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Oh really?

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Brad Sagarin et al (2009):

The implication of two studies at the Northern Illinois University into hormonal changes associated with Sadomasochistic activities including spanking, bondage and flogging, suggest that it could bring consenting couples closer together. The increases in relationship closeness combined with the displays of caring and affection observed as part of the SM activities offer support for the modern view that SM, when performed consensually, has the potential to increase intimacy between participants.

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Cross and Matheson (2006):

Cross and Matheson (2006) found no support for the traditional theories that sadomasochism is an illness.

The researchers found no evidence for the psychopathology/medical-model contention that masochists suffer from any kind of mental disorder and that SM-sadists are antisocial (Krafft-Ebing 1886/1965).

There was no support for the traditional psychoanalytic view of self-harming and guilt-ridden masochists or id-driven and psychopatic SM-sadists (Freud 1900/1906/1953/1954).

Cross and Matheson neither found any evidence for Baumeister’s contention that masochists were more inclined to engage in escapist behaviors such as drug-taking, day-dreaming, or fantasizing than the comparison group (Baumeister 1988, 1989).

Cross and Matheson did however find that SM participants were overall more likely than non-SM respondents to report bisexual/homosexual orientations.

No evidence was found suggesting that sadomasochists espoused anti-feminist, patriarchal values or traditional gender roles to a greater extent that the non-SM-group.

And the sadomasochists were relatively more likely to be in ongoing relationships than the comparison group.

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Connolly et al (2006):

Results from a research project by Dr. Pamela Connolly et al, among a group with bondage and sadomasochistic interests (BDSM) showed that

“no evidence was found to support the notion that clinical disorders - including depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsion - are more prevalent among the sample of individuals with BDSM interests than among members of the general population. Moreover, this sample did not show evidence of widespread PTSD, trauma-related phenomena, personality disturbances, psychological sadism or psychological masochism”, disorders in which the sufferer either derives pleasure out of genuine cruelty (not the play-acting kind) or compulsively seeks out harmful levels of pain. ”Similarly, no prominent themes were found in a series of profile analyses.”

”There were, however, som exceptions to this general pattern, most notably the higher-than-average levels of nonspecific dissociative symptoms and narcissism in this sample. That said, this body of findings suggests that, contrary to longstanding assumptions in the psychoanalytic literature, there is very little support for the view that psychopathology underlies behavior.”

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Richters et al 2005:

A survey using computer-assisted telephone interviews with 20,000 Australian men and women, showed that BDSM may actually make men happier. Men into BDSM scored significantly better on a scale of psychological wellbeing than other men.

BDSM’ers were no more likely to have suffered sexual difficulties, sexual abuse or coercion or anxiety than other Australians.

- This seems to imply that these men are actually happier as a result of their behaviour, though we're not sure why, said Dr. Juliet Richters, of the University of New South Wales. “It might just be that they're more in harmony with themselves because they're into something unusual and are comfortable with that. There's a lot to be said for accepting who you are.”

Researchers said the study helps break down the reigning stereotype that people into bondage and discipline were damaged as children and were therefore “dysfunctional”.

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Martins & Ceccarelli (2003):

A study, presented at the 16th World Congress of Sexology in Cuba 10-14 March, 2003, suggests that non-conventional sexual practices cannot be used as a diagnosed criteria of any kind, which means that the only aspect that distinguishes these individuals from others is their sexual practices.

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An interest in BDSM isn't an illness you should be seeking to cure with therapy. It's not a manifestation of some horrendous childhood trauma any more than being gay is a result of being abandoned by your father at a young age (or whatever other crap people used to believe about homosexuality). It's just one facet of your sexuality, and you can do with it as you will. Share it with your husband or not, but what you won't be able to do is stop yourself having these fantasies - the sooner you accept it as part of who you are the better.

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Originally Posted by haxan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you don't think that personality type permeates that lifestyle, dig a little deeper.

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I'm in the lifestyle, and there is nothing there to suggest that the group of people into WIITWD have any more tendency towards sociopathic behaviours than the rest of the population.

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Originally Posted by TheCafeTerrace [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh really?

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As it's not really a science, you can find conflicting opinions about anything.

I wasn't really suggesting that she's mentally ill, merely that she explore that with her counselor. And yes, I know you're in the lifestyle. If it makes you happy, good.

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Originally Posted by TheCafeTerrace [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm in the lifestyle, and there is nothing there to suggest that the group of people into WIITWD have any more tendency towards sociopathic behaviours than the rest of the population.

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I can appreciate that, and I know there are some good, well balanced people in the lifestyle. But it's also an environment for the borderline sociopath, someone with violent tendencies to fit in. I've been around the outlaw biker gang culture too. There were some cool dudes/chicks that I knew, good people. There were also plenty of violent sociopaths that had a place to fit in.

Don't kid yourself, those type of lifestyles attract way more people that are on the fringe than others. All I can say to a female wanting to explore it is to be sure she knows the difference between a fantasy that you can get off to, and reality. And be VERY CAREFUL who you get to know if you do take that step.

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Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

As it's not really a science, you can find conflicting opinions about anything.

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Psychology is a science, psycho-analysis isn't (which is where we find the root of this stereotype.) Find me a study comparable to the ones I cited which demonstrates that "most of those types of sexual deviations stem from past abuses, particularly childhood molestation" (your words).

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Originally Posted by haxan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I can appreciate that, and I know there are some good, well balanced people in the lifestyle. But it's also an environment for the borderline sociopath, someone with violent tendencies to fit in.

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I've heard the same thing said about the police too.

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All I can say to a female wanting to explore it is to be sure she knows the difference between a fantasy that you can get off to, and reality. And be VERY CAREFUL who you get to know if you do take that step.

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Fair enough.

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Originally Posted by TheCafeTerrace [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Psychology is a science, psycho-analysis isn't (which is where we find the root of this stereotype.) Find me a study comparable to the ones I cited which demonstrates that "most of those types of sexual deviations stem from past abuses, particularly childhood molestation" (your words).

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No, it isn't. You can call it that all you like, but if you can't quantify your results, it's not science, it's art.

Some are better artists than others. Some of them are very good artists, but that doesn't make them scientists.

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Originally Posted by TheCafeTerrace [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've heard the same thing said about the police too.

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lol, that's a great, mindless analogy, about what I'd expect from a 21 yr old. What's the filtering process for the local BDSM munch in everyone's area? How about none. You don't KNOW who the fuc* you're talking to, or sitting next to, or "getting to know". You're on your own. Lots of deviants that want to hurt people lurking around, but you know that already.

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Originally Posted by haxan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Don't kid yourself, those type of lifestyles attract way more people that are on the fringe than others

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This is what I wrote. If you want to try to dance around that, then you're just reinforcing the fact that you're young and naive.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Are you saying that you have just started to want him do hurt you or is this something you've always wanted him to do but have suppressed it all these years?

I wonder because if it's something new then perhaps your meds and depression have something to do with it? I know that people who are depressed need to have a lot of emotional stimulation in order to feel ~ anything, really. So: When did this fantasy start?

I agree with HIA wherein I think you should bring this up with your therapist and get his/her guidance before you make yourself totally convinced you're sexually bored beyond the point of rekindling and need to feel pain to feel pleasure. You were "good" in bed before without this so that can certainly be recaptured if you have the knowledge to do it.

I'm not sure why people are mentioning that you should think of your son? What has one's children have to do with one's sexual preferences? Surely the two are kept completely private and separate from each other. I doubt you'll be inviting the boy to The Bondage Club. I suspect they don't have a kiddie daycare center there do they? Surely you'll not be screaming out in pain from the nipple clamps while junior is in the next room trying to sleep? Right, Minx?

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It's more of a case of early on he was experimental and then found his limit very early on. I have been curious for a long time and once I realised that hubby had reached his limits and got freaked out by where I wanted to go, I very much tried to suppress it. It's been rearing it's evil head periodically over and over since.

I think the reason people are telling me to think of my son is the fact that the lifestyle does have a tendency to draw an unsavory crowd, as much as Cafe protests otherwise. It's one thing that has scared me away in the past. This has all been bought up again by discovering that a long term friend is now living the lifestyle (he was picking up a medical table and I asked why). I couldn't help but wonder if I had found a guide and I feel horrible about that. I've actually have had to start avoiding said friend. (I'm sure this is changing peoples opinion of this thread)

There is no way that I would expose my son to any of my interests, and to be honest, forcing myself to be quiet is a quite enjoyable torment.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with whomever said that sexual interest when married is variable over time. You are someone's mother now; the time for you to have explored this side of yourself was BEFORE you made a family. You are married to a good man who loves you and most importantly, is good to your kid. Don't f-ck it all up for an orgasm, and don't make your husband feel insecure because he doesn't want to hurt you. You do not have to share every single thought that pops into your head with him, especially when those thoughts can be destabilizing to your relationship.

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I agree, except for the time for exploring bit. People enter the lifestyle at all ages, just like people finally admit they are trans gender. For some people they can admit it to themselves straight away, others try to suppress it, as I have done.

It's a very good thing he isnt the sadistic type. Perhaps u should seek some help with your sexual fantasy. These types of fantasy do tend to stem from some sort of childhood trauma associated with sex and abuse. A person with total self worth would not be okay being degraded like a tramp during love making

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Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No, it isn't. You can call it that all you like, but if you can't quantify your results, it's not science, it's art.

Some are better artists than others. Some of them are very good artists, but that doesn't make them scientists.

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psy·chol·o·gy/sīˈkäləjē/
Noun:
1. The scientific study of the human mind and its functions, esp. those affecting behavior in a given context.

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The results were quantifiable, and peer reviewed. You still haven't shown me a comparable academic study to back up the assertion that "most of those types of sexual deviations stem from past abuses, particularly childhood molestation" despite the fact you claimed one would be easy to find.

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Originally Posted by haxan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

lol, that's a great, mindless analogy, about what I'd expect from a 21 yr old.

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A patronising ad hominem attack instead of a considered response to my point, about what I'd expect from a moron.