Very weird Friend zone Situation, What does it mean/what do I do? WARNING LONG STORY
So I'm going to try to explain this as detailed as possible so prepare for the story. Also the Markers by Numbers (1,2,3 etc...) are moments I'm labeling as significant so pay attentionSo I met this girl a year ago and she was sexually attracted to me and I to her, so I decided to talk to her and we got along very well and decided to hang out again.Couple weeks later we engage in "adult things (LOL)" and everything seems to go well.
1. I think I may have opened up a little to hard to her, Saying what I liked about her and all that cheesy stuff while also realizing later on she didn't reciprocate.
2. We had hung out for about a week straight after and didn’t hook up as she would leave early and rather coldly.
3. She generally is cold and doesn't like being paraded around as an object so naturally I just thought she was holding out.
4. She thought I wasn’t giving her enough attention and was getting very annoyed, so she clearly cared.
So the night finally comes when she says "let's go to bed" and I take her into my room, and NOTHING happens. We made out for a few minutes and then she turned her head to pass out.
6. I didn't know at the time but she had gotten out of a very long and bad relationship not long before and was playing the single game pretty hard, so my timing for the next part was very bad. We started hanging out and still nothing was happening, she would come over, act totally disinterested in me and interact with my friends more than me. I was clearly losing/already lost her but was determined to make it work cause I hadn't met a girl like her before. I admitted my feelings to her late one night as she was leaving, and she told me she "liked (me) too much to go out with (me)". I was pissed cause I was clearly friendzoned and told her I didn't want to see her again and to stop wasting my time.
7. Apparently she was deeply hurt by this as she told me later, but remember the "I like you too much" part as it comes into play later. So eventually we start hanging out again after she repeatedly tried to contact me. I ignored it at first but we honestly did get along very well so I didn't mind as much, and I was over the fact that I wasn't going to have sex with her again. So we started hanging out as "friends" about a month ago after 7 months of not seeing each-other. Obnoxiously enough we hit it off again and she kept telling me how much she "missed me" and all the things about me blah blah blah. Last night she calls me at 3 in the morning to hang out, somehow I was awake and I told her to come by. She immediately starts complaining about how this guy she was with wouldn't **** her so she left and came to my place. When I inquired more she told me some pretty interesting things about her sex life.
8. She will not **** guys she's incredibly attracted to and has been going for more feminine type men who are emotional.
9. She cites it as they are "easy to forget about" because they have nothing significant to offer and are annoying to her.
10. She is still very much single but has a few guys she just ***** cause she doesn't care about them.She then starts to open up to me, telling me things she has "never told anyone before" about her life and whatever. She opened up about how she loves to sing but can never do it in front of anyone. I put on one of her favorite songs and she starts sheepishly singing along, I then tell her to stand and be confident and she is still weak. So I held her body close to mine and she closed her eyes and was immediately more confident. The moment was so intense, her breath brushing my neck, her smell, the warmth of her body. As soon as she stops she mentions "I've never sang in front of anyone like that" and we start making out. About 30 seconds pass and she stops me, saying again "just friends" I ask her about it, she begins to tell me that
11. She knows if she is sexually involved with me that she would become "obsessed with me" and "wouldn't be able to stop thinking about me" that I would unintentionally control her life cause she can't get over how "great I am"
12. She had this feeling before when we first hooked up which is why she stopped it immediately because she knew it would grow into something dangerously passionate and that's why we can't be together, she wants to control her life and I'm too dangerous for her. If she had said ANYTHING else I would have just accepted the friendzone but now I'm more confused and interested than ever.
PART 2
After she told me about how she felt towards me I wasn't sure what to say. She just continued talking about her problems with men and sex while I kept quiet. She even went into her being raped and an abortion she went through among other things...After a long pause after she had been gushing for what seemed like forever she had this look of dawning realization about just how much she had told me, her face got kind of concerned/flustered and she asked "well I don't open up like that ever...you got anything you wanna get out"
1. Obviously she wanted to feel even as she had just spilled her guts to me. She really doesn't trust anyone as she doesn't have any close close friends to talk to, I was very surprised while she was talking cause she opened up a side of herself that she hides at all costs. She is very concerned with looking strong, independent and acting "tough" and she had just left herself completely vulnerable...Something I never thought I would see.
I said "I know you want this to be a two way street, but as of now it's a one way".
2. I thought it was a good move because the moment we kissed I knew I wanted her more than anything and I couldn't let this go in that direction.
She was speechless and looked pretty damned shocked because now I knew her like no-one else.
I then started talking about her complex that forbids her from actually being with men she likes (me).
3. I did not address it in a desperate manner, rather I took myself out of the conversation and starting elaborating on the fallacies of her logic.
Important-->I told her how it was pathetic that she was letting something like fear of love and passion control her. That she will never get stronger if she keeps running away from it and that the only way to truly gain control is to not be afraid of it. That she can't run away from it her whole life and that she is only going to hurt herself even more if she doesn't learn how to deal with it. Her lifestyle isn't solving her problems, she is just ignoring it by being with men she doesn't care about rather than actually have a fulfilling relationships. I ended it with
"I know you're not happy, and I know you are not letting yourself be happy...it's very concerning."
I stopped and she could only stare at me before she put her head down, staring at the space between her feet.
The silence was deafening and went on forever...I finally broke it by offering her some party drugs and said "let's just get ****** up"So after the drugs kicked in, we layed together in my bed listening to music. We talked alot that night, about music, life, whatever...the conversation would dip from very light topics to deep stuff.
4. She asked me about regrets and I just started telling her about a girl I used to love who left me without a trace,she wasn't that interested in hearing about it which is possibly a good thing. We cuddled pretty intensely in my bed, I could feel her heart start racing when she got close, she let me put my hands where I wanted...I've cuddled with female friends before but not like this, it felt like we needed truly needed the other. We didn't do anything physical...but I feel like emotionally I brought her to a place she hasn't been before...
Eventually she left after I passed out, but what the hell does this mean? Did I do the right thing? I really want her but I feel so confused about what happened that night.
