Should i fight for it?

Hey there!

I've decided to go on to this board for help, since talking to friends haven't provided me with anything useful (they have no clue).

My problem is this girl that i'm falling for. Quick summary: 2 years ago we fell for each other, but didn't start a relationship. We stayed in contact as friends. Now, a week ago on new years eve, we ended up allmost having sex (we both agreed that doing so while drunk was probably stupid). Afterwards i knew that i still had feelings for her, so i met with her yesterday and told her so - and she told me that she also liked me.

Now, my problem is this: in little less than 2 weeks, she is traveling away to south africa for 2 months. Also, when we talked about us, she said adamantly that she didn't want any strings attached while she was gone, and that we should meet up again after she came home and find out if we wanted to give a relationship a chance.

So i am a bit confused. I don't know if i should keep pushing for anything before she leaves so that we could establish something more than just "we like each other". I am afraid that if i don't, my chance will be lost when she travels away (2 months is a long time, and she'll be traveling with other young singles etc. etc.). She's also very busy atm (working 2 jobs from 5 in the morning till 22:30 in the evening on most days) so just "hanging out/seeing each other" casually is kinda difficult for her, plus some other factors that come into play which means that she has really little time on her hands.

So, good people of Love Forum... What should i do? :-)

I like her style. Thats the best answer and solution she can give.
Cause anything can happen in Africa.
And with that solution both of u have the space too go your own way.
So no long distance crap. Fantastic!

But i guess u r not listening!!

Move on !

I guess you're right - it's kind of hard to accept, though.
I feel like we've finally reached a place where we could do something about "us", and it would make me sad to miss that opportunity. She's allways been special to me - i mean, how else could i be friends with her for 2 years and even after that still be able to develop feelings for her?

But perhaps i should let it rest, even though i don't want to...

I think you missed your opportunity when she was drunk. She sounds too busy to have a relationship.

u r a jerk ^

Dem862: So what you're saying is that since i'm apparantly only interested in banging her, my only opportunity was to do it while she was really drunk at new years eve, which i missed? Kind of a sad conclusion, bro.

Also, she's busy because she's earning money for her trip. I respect that, i would've done the same.

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Originally Posted by Fruitss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

u r a jerk ^

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Shut up, Fruitass, nobody cares what you think. When are you getting banned again?

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Originally Posted by asciadez [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dem862: So what you're saying is that since i'm apparantly only interested in banging her, my only opportunity was to do it while she was really drunk at new years eve, which i missed? Kind of a sad conclusion, bro.

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What? You don't want to bang her?

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Originally Posted by dem862 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What? You don't want to bang her?

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I'm not saying that i don't want to, i'm saying that i don't just want to bang her :-)
Nonetheless, i don't see how i'm supposed to take your comment as advice.

2 months isn't that long at all

She's just being honest and she obviously wants to take things slow. Please DO NOT get hung up on this girl because I'm getting the impression you're more into her then she's into you.

With that in mind, date other women and see if she's all that.

I'd almost guarantee she'd be at your doorstep when she gets home if she somehow heard you were dating another girl. :)

DO NOT push for any kind of commitment from her since that will turn her off like a light. Dont be in such a rush

She's not that into you. If she was, she would want you right now. Instead, she is wanting to have fun and be single while in Africa. Why don't you just accept what she told you and just take it slow. You do your thing, date other girls and when she comes back from Africa and you two happen to be single and want to give it a shot... Do so then.

Ok.

I am not one to give advice but I will say what I think.

It seems there is some attraction but I am not sure if it is enough. You def don't want to pressure her and if you come off as too strong you will appear very needy indeed. If that happens you will pour cold water over any possiblity. I think you need see how this pans out. But I would not wait.

I also think you need to get on with something else. I don't mean you should move on, but I am saying you shouldnt see this as a done deal. I think you need to keep yourself very busy and do other things. If something happens it will when she returns - But and this is very hard to do. I would not expect it to.

Also I would try and avoid having feelings of attachment to her. (Sometimes I wish I listen to my own advice) and by that I mean. If someone else comes along you shouldn't get hang up about this one. I am not saying become a player. But I am saying I also get the feeling you are really into this one. yet nothing really has happened yet, and it might not. You are a living, feeling person.... and you can't put your life on hold for what might be.

In summary:

1 do other things. Do them for you. Don't do them to find other romantic options. Just do it. eg: follow your interests.

2 try not to raise your expectations. - (i do this allot and its bad) This will only force you to put all your eggs in one basket and expect dividens in return... and then you are far more likely to trip up and far more likely to take things badly.


Hope this helps.

Thanks to everyone for their replies.

I guess i'm kinda getting the "She's not that into you"-vibe... Like you said, if she really wanted something, she wouldn't let work or anything else stand in between.

I've been keeping some distance (not texting her unless she does, and keeping my answers kind of short and a bit provocative in a fun way), not trying to ask her out or anything.

I was thinking though - since we never had sex on new years eve, whether or not to try and 'get it on' with her before she leaves. I think that i might be able to come by her place for a night this coming weekend if i play my cards right - but would this be a mistake? (And ofcourse i'm not gonna do it in the clingy "please let me come by i love you blahblah"-way.)

In the end i'm really confused - i'm definitely falling for her, but i can't see if this all is just a waste of time on my behalf. I mean, even though i might make her more interested by cooling off/seeing someone else/whatever, would it even make her interested in a relationship? I'm kinda worried i'm just setting myself up for a disappointment, but still i'm just against "forgetting her" since i know for sure where that will lead me - nowhere.

Leave it be till she comes back.

A friend had a similar situation although he was going to brazil for a month and she was staying.

He told her what she told you and now they are engaged.

Keep on pushing and you will push her away for good. Leave it be, keep in touch as friends (important as friends !!!! no feeling stuff) while she is away and see what happens when she comes back.

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Originally Posted by asciadez [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hey there!

Now, my problem is this: in little less than 2 weeks, she is traveling away to south africa for 2 months. Also, when we talked about us, she said adamantly that she didn't want any strings attached while she was gone, and that we should meet up again after she came home and find out if we wanted to give a relationship a chance.

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Hey There!

What's there to be confused about? She told you what she wants. You think she's too stupid to know what she wants, so you want to impose your will on her. If you do, it'll backfire. I suspect your friends are telling you the same thing, but that's not the answer you want, so you came here to get your opinion validated rather than honest advice.

Get a mailing address for where she'll be. Get her email address. Write/email her while she's there, no more than once a day. Stay in contact, when she gets home, see what happens.

Tell her in a dramatic and husky voice, like Han Solo with Princess Leia, "I'll wait for you".

Or not.. Perhaps she's opening up now about her feelings because of Africa, and wants to know there's something to come back to? It'll give you time apart to think about each other which will hopefully make the heart fonder for both of you. I would see her up until she goes, and do what comes naturally. If you're feeling the feeling, it's right.

Thanks again. I'll take your advice - though i'm not happy with the situation, i can see the point you're making. So i won't push it, if it is supposed to happen it will and then i'll just have to wait for it. :-)

HeartIsAching: Actually, their advice went more in the opposite direction - like "Dude, you should totally nail her" and stuff like that. So yeah, probably i was sparse with the details, but still i didn't count on much valuable advice from them, they're... somewhere else... ;-)

Thanks again everyone!