If one night or morning goes missing without receiving a last thought or first thought upon waking up, is there much of a problem? Is there an obvious issue if it happens more often? What would you think?
If one night or morning goes missing without receiving a last thought or first thought upon waking up, is there much of a problem? Is there an obvious issue if it happens more often? What would you think?
I love it when I get a good morning/night text from my boyfriend. But sometimes he falls asleep before he can send one or is late to work so he'll send one later or guess what? I will send one if he doesn't. It shouldn't be a major deal breaker but it is nice to get or send such texts. Let's the other person know they are on your mind.
I would think that getting a good morning and a good night text to be as annoying as hell. If you wanna say goodnight to me, then call and say goodnight. In the morning, I could do without the call or the text... but that's just me. If you're gonna be all angsty about differences in the amount of contact then just have a talk with her/him and figure out whats good for the two of you.
It's nice; missing means they are probably busy. Instead of reading too much into it, why don't you just tell them how much you enjoy those am/pm texts? Get to the heart of the matter NLB.
If I wasn't married, and was dating, I would say no to both unless goodnight was at the end of a conversation, or good morning followed by some chat. But for a random thing annoying.
personally I love good morning and good night txt, it's very sweet. but try not to say the same thing everyday, it get too ..."for the sake of sending a txt" if you know what I mean.
It's just you and your opinion matters to this thread. Most women that I meet are very bipolar and one day want the world and the other day they just want you to leave them alone. That's annoying to me. Isn't it that it's the thought that counts? Most women now don't appreciate the small things.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I would like too, but wouldn't that make me seem needy?Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
What if we were both busy and the first person to come home and sleep didn't do their part. I mean is it the Guy's job to text good night and good morning?Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't know what you mean.Quote:
Originally Posted by Andi112233 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I agree with this, I sometimes come home late after work and she won't wait up and just fall asleep. I send a text and no reply. So I just say goodnight. I know she wakes up first and no good morning text. Am I not on her mind? I don't want to look like I lack the confidence in the relationship because she won't text back but it makes me think that maybe I don't matter to her anymore when I put most of the effort.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwk [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Personally, I think these kinds of requests are small and keep romance alive in a relationship. Really, you should just tell her it means a lot to you. It's only needy if you whinge about it. Just tell her. If it bothers her, consider that if she can't put the effort in for a short am/pm text, do you think she will put in the effort for other things? Especially when things start to get more routine.
She means that it's not nice to just send "good morning" and "goodnight" without at least trying to make the texts a bit more interesting, otherwise it eventually becomes just another boring chore, rather than a sweet gesture.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nice Lover Boy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't think it's either the guy's or the girl's "job" to send good morning/night texts. Whoever feels like sending one, sends one. It varies a lot from couple to couple.
For example, my last ex-boyfriend would text me before falling asleep and as soon as he woke up (I would do the same, we didn't really notice who sent the text first, it would depend on the day). My current boyfriend texts me before falling asleep, but not as soon as he wakes up: he likes to be "alone" as soon as he wakes up. I respect that and I know that it has absolutely no meaning in terms of how much he cares for me, so I'm not bothered by it.
If it's such a big issue to you, tell your girlfriend that you'd really appreciate it if she sent you good morning/night texts. If you're so afraid of sounding needy, to the point of not wanting to talk to her about your needs, even something as small as this... then you are insecure, and/or your relationship is unstable. You shouldn't be afraid of her leaving you / feeling smothered by you because of something as trivial as this.
Everyone is different my dear, me I wouldn't fret over it. And no it's not the guy's job, nor is it anyone's job. I don't hear from you, I wouldn't take it personally....but that's just me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nice Lover Boy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I suspect you are dating girls in their early to mid 20's am I right? You will lose this argument every time with them. The majority (not all) of those girls are nothing but drama, and that is just what you have to put up with until they finally grow up.
Why are you mostly picking bipolar women? Is it where you're hanging out? Is it that you are as well and there is a common denominator? (not said in malice)Quote:
Originally Posted by Nice Lover Boy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Anyway "Isn't it the thought that counts" The "thought" only counts if the recipient appreciates it and if the one texting is wanting to. If one is sending you a good morning/good night just to keep you quiet, then is it really an honest "thought?"
This situation is something that you can come to some sort of compromise with. A simple... "lets talk about when to and the amount of texting so that we both can be satisfied"... should get the job done. If one or the other are unyielding, well then you either adjust your needs or you leave and find someone more intune with your wants.
Frankly and IMO: Texting a good night or good morning to me is superficial fluff and doesn't mean much. I had always looked forward to the first call of the day which is much more intimate.
Wakeup, see my other post. Some people enjoy a sense of connection and romance. Some are more pragmatic. You sound terribly unromantic and, if that's working for you then great.
But yes, it's all about compatibility, as has already been said multiple times.
@ NLB - do what makes you happy and feels right for you.
This is probably because you see texting in general as a cold and detached type of communication. I for one prefer texting to talking on the phone, I don't think it's not intimate. Just a matter of personal tastes :-).Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes... I read it. Not wanting to be texted, does not make me unromantic in general.
I was answering a quote directed to me.
Ah, I see now. Of course you simply said you prefer a phone call. Same concept, IMO, different medium.
In my case, I get the am/pm text since my gentleman travels quite a lot and he's being respectful of my schedule (unscheduled calls can be difficult for me to take). It's a nice way to stay connected. Yes, it's the thought counts but thoughts are silent and too many relationships have died from "I never knew s/he felt that way".
I dont' think its the same concept in the least.. although, when one can't call (as in your case) then its better then nothing. That's how I see texting ~ better than nothing and no point to it when one can actually do voice-to-voice.
We always have had a set time to call so that it didn't interupt either of our busy days at work.
Anyway... communication to find out what works for all is key, I suppose.
The problem is, is that with these youngins ....you are expected to be a frickin mind reader and know when to and what to text. This generation I tell ya......they NEED to get over it.
Wakeup, there are different styles of communication and it's well known that not everyone responds to them equally. There is scientific evidence for this. Since you love to google, look up Learning Styles. I am very much a visual/written style learner, verbal is a lesser strength of mine. In person is best as I read body language well (visual), but that isn't always possible.
In my own case, both of us are rather accomplished writers. Our texts are rather romantic and thoughtful. We are also leaving a very nice (if digital) record of our courtship. 'Words spoken are like the wind, words written are forever' kind of thing. I have stacks of written letters from my ex and previous beaus.
Spoken calls, for me, are more for business. Short, and to the point. IMO, they are very trite and don't require much thought. Many find communication of emotions by writing a lot of effort. It's nice to find someone who can match that.
So, yes it really depends on the couple. I suspect NLB's communication style is more visual/written. Hopefully his GF is also, but may be in trouble if not.
Yep, I prefer written visual/written communication as well, and so does my bf. We both dislike talking on the phone, we only do it if we're forced to be away from each other for a long-ish amount of time (more than a couple of days) and even then, we prefer to videochat, so that we can actually see each other. Our phone calls (not video-calls) are actually pretty detached and awkward, so we only call each other if we have to communicate something urgently. On the other hand, some of our most intimate conversations have actually taken place via text and chat. Or in person: most of the times, we can understand what we are thinking/feeling just by looking at each other. So yeah, it really depends on the person.
My ex boyfriend was the opposite... he preferred verbal communication and constant physical contact. His texts were always matter-of-fact and unpoetic. We "literally" spoke different languages, it's probably the main reason it didn't work out.
I'd say your love language is Words of affirmation. (just going by ^^^ that).
Absolutely true.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think the problem with phone for me is the lack of physical, contextual feedback. Tone of voice is such a small part of communication. It's frustrating to me to have the verbal input but not the physical, body language to gauge it by.
Though I will say that my communication medium moves quickly from a single email -> brief assessment call -> face meeting when dealing with a problem. Text is not suitable for anything where opinions start to differ.
You can get this in text or in person, though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You can, apparently. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And the OP can't?Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I see your point. Wife and I exchange sweet (or naughty) lengthy-ish texts pretty often... but how well can you do that with 160 characters? Texting is still secondary to a phone call to me too, though I suspect in my case that it's more of a generational thing. The young 'uns are much more likely to text, and to take texts seriously.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think so too.Quote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Agree.Quote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Actually, the hubby has text from our bedroom to me in the livingroom for me to "come up and see the 'surprise' he has for me" which is always fun but most of our texts are: "call me when you're free to do so" or: "Can you bring home milk?"
Well, I suppose he has started to call me in the early ams (when our schedules best overlap). So perhaps its just a natural progression and I'll have to learn to have phone calls that aren't 'just business'.
Well yeah... most of ours are like that too. Texted her last night that I wasn't buying steak to grill tonight, because we still have one in the freezer.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
where do you see that someone said he couldn't?Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I was just wondering why you bolded the "you": does it mean you think someone on this thread can't? Just curious, I didn't mean to imply anything :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
ROFL! That's awesome.
Because it works for Indie. She said "You can get this in text or written word though" and I basically was saying "YOU" can, yes. If she had said "I" can get this from text or written word, then yes, yes she can.Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I should have used the more formal "one" to indicate its a question of personal preference. I chose not too as its generally considered pretentious.
"One can get this in text or written word though"
I like your response! I agree, it does keep the little romance alive. She likes romance. And I hate it when lately I do think about her first thing in the morning and I know she woke up first but no text. I'm not insecure, I'm just wondering if I did anything wrong?Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I always put effort in the night and morning text. For example, "Todays forecast shows partly cloudly but with 99% chance of good morning". When she would reply, all she would say is, "morning". I let this go by for 2 weeks kept doing what I was doing and still same response. So I stop and gave up on the charismatic morning & night text.Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes, she is in her early 20's.Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She doesn't like to talk on the phone as she said, so texting is the only communication I have with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Maybe I should mention this, but we are not officially bf/gf. When I asked her once, she said she wasn't ready. But I thought things were going great and we both kept the communication going. Since I asked her to be my gf, I stop talking to her since she told me she wasn't ready. Then she came back a week after and looked for me wanting me to continue and try to work it out. So far a month has gone by and we only had slept with eachother once and made out like twice. She is a believer that she is not suppose to sleep with guys until marriage, but we did it anyways. Now things have been falling apart and our communication has declined. I end up hanging out with friends to meet other women to try and move on because all this just makes it seem like after sleeping with me was all that she was looking for. She never initiates convo. We never text about anything anymore, just a few "hows work?" "hows school?". I really like her, we did have good times but everytime I try and bring the good times up, it never goes somewhere.
Totally dysfunctional relationship....it's just gonna keep going around in circles like this until someone falls off the merry-go-round.....time to jump off, she's not that into you.
Then, yes.. listen to Smackie because this girl is clearly not into you... particularily if she won't even let you phone her. It's usually pretty tough to be able to bond with someone through text only and they won't respond and particularily so when there is no other bonding type contact like one-on-one interaction, video chat or by learning to be comfortable on the phone with one another.Quote:
She doesn't like to talk on the phone as she said, so texting is the only communication I have with her.
BTW: Did you try to actully ask to see her during the day/evening instead of just texting good morning/night? If you did ask to see her, did she turn you down?
Frankly, if a person was in the habit of sending me good night and good morning texts, I'd probably miss them all. I turn my phone off early and often don't turn it back on till I've been up for an hour or so.
If someone wanted me to send good morning and good night texts, I'd think they were needy and it would turn me off a bit.